laterenima Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Hey. I'll say this here and now, but I regretfully concede that I'll provably only use this website once and for this purpose only, but i hope that I generate enough interest in this thread so that others can relate in the greatest way possible. 7 months ago (can't believe it has been so long), my 15 year old ex-girlfriend dumped me. being 19, I can understand most people have their reservations. Rest assured though, I wasn't in it for anything pervertedly sexual. I loved holding her hand, long pointless hugs that she probably got sick of, as well as walking through shopping centres making jokes about anything and everything. Up until I was unexpectedly dumped, things were rather hiccup-free. After I was dumped, however, I... well, I f*cking lost it. Looking back on that, I feel sick to the marrow about how I acted and how psychotic I must've appeared to someone so young. I blew my f*cking stack at her immediately, and in the resultant "friendship" that we had for two months after the breakup, things were always tense. Looking at a dating advice site yesterday about what not to do, I did every single ill-advised thing in the book. 5 months ago, i send her the most seething message I've ever sent to someone. Full of hatred, my addled mind wanted to hurt her as much as it could and to have her feel just a bit of what I'm feeling. I suppose she did, as all of her forgiveness flew out the window in a "This is it, goodbye" manner. For two months, i did nothing but listen to Bon Iver and The Cure in bed all day, with copious amounts of alcohol consumed of a weekend. Constantly wanting to reconcile with her, even if it were just me apologizing for what a douche I became, I eventually did, and... well, I instantly started to feel myself recovering. For two months, I was the funniest, happiest, most creative person I know. I put in thousands of hours into my hobbies, and I only gave her fleeting, albeit reminiscent thoughts. Life was good. 5 days ago, I'm sitting with friends at the mall. Talking and laughing, she is far from my mind. Then, a friend points out to me that she is behind me. I don't even turn around, I just freaking freeze. A mental logjam, and her small face smiling at me after I'd made a terrible joke is there, just... there in my mind again. Since then, every day has been worse. I haven't cried today, as I've been resisting it around my friends. I am, however, at the unhealthiest I've ever felt. I miss her more than ever, and I know about the whole "Give it time thing" along with the "It happened for a reason" thing. Mum and Dad are sending me to a doctor, as they believe I'm not right. I'm not, but... I know I love her and she doesn't love me, which is hard to take. Could this last forever, truly? She was my first, and apparently that cut is the deepest. Right now, the only thing I can find uplifting (yet equally depressing) is that the one page I have of the love letter she wrote to me begins with "Take a break". 'What does "Take a break" mean, laterenima?' What a stupid and superstitious question to ask myself, right? Sh*t. I miss her, and I want to talk to her. I've resisted that urge so far, but I'm getting worse. Help?
Philosoraptor Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 In the end you are kids with no life experience. At that age it's hard to know who you are or what you want out of the world. Move on to better and greater things and stop wasting your life. You will find happiness and peace in this world if you try to find it. Have you dated anyone since the end of this relationship? If not you are likely still attaching her to feelings of love as that is all you know. The last step needed to heal is to truly be able to know you can give your heart away again.
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