DisGai Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Hi all, My ex, whom I've been with for 2 years, broke up with me two weeks ago with seemingly GIG symptoms, and I (unfortunately) begged like a dog for her to not leave me; the last time we've talked was not very... peaceful. I want to send her a letter of thanks and closure to our relationship, and just let her know that I respect her and her decisions and that I'm doing okay. Do I send the letter, or do I not? I am committed to NC. If I should, when? Thanks
NopeNah Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Nope..do not send. If you respect her you'll leave her alone,much the way she's left you. No letters,no texts,absolutely vanish. Just as she has.
Author DisGai Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Nope..do not send. If you respect her you'll leave her alone,much the way she's left you. No letters,no texts,absolutely vanish. Just as she has. She did tell me that she wouldn't talk to me until I could accept that it was over. I certainly did not get over her, but I am slowly trying to accept that it's over and move on to build up my self-respect and confidence again. Still no letter?
Bito Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Nope. shes with someone else and does not care about you anymore. Just move on...
jus d'orange Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Just a thought-- perhaps you could write the letter, but not send it? Just read it aloud and then pack it away or tear it up or whatever. It gives you the benefit of saying what you need to say without involving her. It seems silly but I've found writing unsent letters to be cathartic like that. You could also write down what you'd like to say, and if she ever gets in touch again AND you're at a point where you could respond healthily, you could say them then.
lubna Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 never.....if she dsnt respect ur lv n care when u were wd her then y to let down ur self respect ?
Author DisGai Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 I feel weak and dumb for begging her to not leave me on the night she left me. And I feel like sending the letter will help me feel stronger about myself. Still no? Also, we were in an LDR. Probably won't see her until late June.
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 No, don't send it. I would go with what a poster before me recommended of writing the letter and not sending it.
flitzanu Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 here's the thing. you're going to write it and think it is an amazing letter. you'll think it makes the whole world clearer. then you send it, and you EXPECT HER to see what you've said and just fall in love with you and your words again, and the world will be fine. thing is...that isn't what will happen. she'll read it, and throw it away. or, she won't even read it. she will NEVER respond or react the way you believe she will, and you'll just be worse off.
jus d'orange Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 DisGai, I know exactly how you feel. I likewise lowered my self-respect in begging for the end not to come. I've had dreams where I literally got down on my knees and begged like that (thankfully, I didn't really do that). You've got to remember not to confuse appearing strong for her with appearing strong for yourself. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you right now. Besides, it's important to realize that this desire to demonstrate your newfound strength in front of your ex is, in fact, a sign of continued weakness and dependency. Wake up every day and prove to yourself how you're strong. Maybe someday, when she gets back in touch with you of her own accord, you'll be fully formed into a newer, stronger person. But only then will it be true. If you try to show her now, she will see right through the charade anyway. And then you'll be left again with lowered self-esteem. You've got no one to answer to but yourself. Who do YOU want to be?
Author DisGai Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 DisGai, I know exactly how you feel. I likewise lowered my self-respect in begging for the end not to come. I've had dreams where I literally got down on my knees and begged like that (thankfully, I didn't really do that). You've got to remember not to confuse appearing strong for her with appearing strong for yourself. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you right now. Besides, it's important to realize that this desire to demonstrate your newfound strength in front of your ex is, in fact, a sign of continued weakness and dependency. Wake up every day and prove to yourself how you're strong. Maybe someday, when she gets back in touch with you of her own accord, you'll be fully formed into a newer, stronger person. But only then will it be true. If you try to show her now, she will see right through the charade anyway. And then you'll be left again with lowered self-esteem. You've got no one to answer to but yourself. Who do YOU want to be? You could not have explained my situation any clearer. Thank you.
Follower Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 DisGai, I know exactly how you feel. I likewise lowered my self-respect in begging for the end not to come. I've had dreams where I literally got down on my knees and begged like that (thankfully, I didn't really do that). You've got to remember not to confuse appearing strong for her with appearing strong for yourself. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you right now. Besides, it's important to realize that this desire to demonstrate your newfound strength in front of your ex is, in fact, a sign of continued weakness and dependency. Wake up every day and prove to yourself how you're strong. Maybe someday, when she gets back in touch with you of her own accord, you'll be fully formed into a newer, stronger person. But only then will it be true. If you try to show her now, she will see right through the charade anyway. And then you'll be left again with lowered self-esteem. You've got no one to answer to but yourself. Who do YOU want to be? What a post, mirrors everything im going through aswell.
jus d'orange Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You could not have explained my situation any clearer. Thank you. What a post, mirrors everything im going through aswell. I'm glad I could help. Writing to people who are going through similar things has been enormously helpful to me, in addition to the advice I've gotten on my thread. I'm very glad this place exists.
Rorschach64 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) Seems like exactly what I did to my gigs ex...but I did send her a letter in lines with what you wanted to say. Did I get a response? No. Did I reget sending it? No, I felt it was necessary to send it for self closure. Did I wonder if she read it or not? Hell yes. 8 Months NC for me, minus a request for my address to send my currently unsent laptop but that was 4 months ago. Do what you think is necessary to achieve peace within yourself but do so with caution. Edited February 21, 2012 by Rorschach64
wilsonx Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 nothing wrong with it as long as you expect disappointment. the real question remains, when will you stop seeking disappointment? after how many letters?
Eddie Edirol Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 DisGai, You've got to remember not to confuse appearing strong for her with appearing strong for yourself. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you right now. Besides, it's important to realize that this desire to demonstrate your newfound strength in front of your ex is, in fact, a sign of continued weakness and dependency. Wake up every day and prove to yourself how you're strong. Maybe someday, when she gets back in touch with you of her own accord, you'll be fully formed into a newer, stronger person. But only then will it be true. If you try to show her now, she will see right through the charade anyway. And then you'll be left again with lowered self-esteem. WOW. That is eloquent. DisGai I suggest you write the letter you want to write in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex and then keep re-reading Jus D'Orange post when you feel like you need to contact her. Closure comes from you only. She will not help you with that. You want to tell her youve accepted its over to get her to accept you and talk to you more, but that will only make you more dependent on her. Just give it time, and never send her the letter, she has no interest in it. We've all been through it, we've all begged, and then had to create our own closure, and then move on without hearing from an ex. it sucks, but theres no shortcut to it, and no one else can help you do it.
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