Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 You really need to abandon your mental connection between "super model" and "oral sex." 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 My boyfriend, and a few guys I have encountered, have the attitude of" - they never liked performing oral sex, unless they were in love in a long term relationship - or, if they happened to score a super model type, with a nice vagina. Some men really do not like oral!@ UNTIL, as a one of thing, they encounter a model, a girl that was so beatiful, that they could not help themselves. Two friends I had had this experience; did not care much for oral at all, never liked it, unless it was with a girlfriend, long term, or with a one off, model chick they hooked up with. My boyfriend is like my two friends. He has given oral to only me and his ex, who he loved. He says if a girl was drop dead gorgeous and made him insanely horny with her body and looks, he would give oral.. but he has hooked up with plenty of ATTRACTIVE girls, and not done it, ever. Some guys really are driven so much by physical beauty, that they hate oral, but like it on the super models. I have accepted I am not a super model, but I am really happy because my boyfriend loves me and loves giving oral; because I am ME not a super model. My point, was that if single, he would go down on very few women, only those he was very attracted to.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 So how are they supposed to know if the girl has a "nice vagina" unless they are pretty much up close and personal? Does the scenario go like this: WOW, lucky me! I've encountered a super model. I think I will give her oral. (make out, 1st base, 2nd base, clothes come off, he's headed south, he is face to face - or, face to pussy with her "vagina", and suddenly) Oh, no. I don't think her "vagina" is "nice." I can see something besides a straight slit between her legs. Yuck. So he then retreats from the area?? AWKWARD!
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Leigh, you really overestimate the scope of physical beauty. It's compelling, for sure, but if the sexual give and take and energy between two people is not working, a woman's physical beauty is not worth that much while they are trying to do the deed.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 LOL - yes, I am aware my boyfriend has unrealistic, and ridiculous standards. While he loves my private area, I do sense that he still has his " ideal" of perfection. He would not go down there to begin with. He doesn't do that with girls. His " ex" asked him to, and other times he did it for her enjoyment, not his own. With random hook ups, he never has gone down to check pussys out.... just second base, attention to their breasts, then sex or head jobs from them, etc... everything BUT oral. In the rare occasion that we DO snag a " model" who is drop dead magnificent looking, he would still not go down on her; because I have told him NOT to do these things, while he is with me. We are young, so when we do break up, I am sure that I have taught him to love oral, and therefore he will definstely do it to either; super hot hook ups, OR, the next girl he loves. I have definately got him to like oral. AFTER me, he will do it more often, although I cannot see him doing it often, to all girls he hooks up with at all. WHILE stillw ith ME, on the other hand, he definately WILL NOT do it. to any women, besides me.
Kamille Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Here is my understanding of heterosexual men's esthetic appreciation of vagina: "Oh my god, she's naked! I'm going to score!!!! Joy!!!" Yes. In my experience, that's pretty much as nuanced as men's esthetic appreciation of "vagina" gets.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Yes, a lot of my men ARE like that:) It was normally my preference to find a guy like that:) My boyfriend had a bad, immature attitude towards a females privates.... Sure, he could touch them and f*ck them.. but to go DOWN on one, unless it was perfect? Just being close to one, some guys are fussy, a lot in fact are. They only want to get up close and personal with a vagina that is very neat and appears nice to looka t. I call it " finicky". I understand both types of men: I think giving a women pleasure, is hot... hence, their vaginas would all be hot.. On the other hand, I can see how they are also not that physically appealing to get up close and personal to. You have to see it from all mens POV: see how it can be arousing, to be up close and personal.... while also seeing WHY it may not be very appealing to other guys.
Kamille Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Listen, I understand that oral isn't for everybody. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of putting their mouth on other people's genitals. I don't think that has anything to do with the look of genitals. It's about the skittish's persons notion of hygiene. The reason your boyfriend likes going down on you is because he likes you, all of you. You, all of you, turn him on. It has nothing to do with the esthetics down there.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 YES, Kamille - that is exactly what he said, when I asked him. I basically said " look Andrew..... I know you do not find genitals to be attractive and something to really dive your face into... and I know you prefer neat looking genitals and u have your fixed idea as to what u enjoy more.. but, u love mine, because u love ME, right? because it is MINE. " He responded with yes, he loves mine, and he is sorry about his past immature outlook on genitals, including my own.... He said he is honestly past it now and loves mine. I think he dos love it because it is mine. I do not think he would ever go down on many chicks in general, in 3 somes, or in an open relationship if we decide to go more casual. I think he honestly needs some sort of feelings , or, an intense sexual chemistry and a good attraction for a girl, to do it. I DO know, that he would not fancy going down on a girl with a vagina that he is not parcial too. He is not one of those guys that loves em all, remember?
Kamille Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 So do you agree that no vagina is "prettier" than others? That it's more a matter of general attraction, and not specific to what your genital look like?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I believe general attraction is a large component of it all, a man does have to have a certain level of attraction to the person as a whole, a good connection, sexually, and otherwise.... In MOST cases, most men who like a girl sufficiently and have a good sexual feeling about them, will love all vaginas, haha! Because they genuinely like the girl, as a whole package, they will also be drawn to her vagina, as a means to please a girl they wish to please. Although, I believe your statement is not ALWAYS 100% accurate: some men, if a girl has a really, particularly bad vagina, will be finicky, and cut themselves off from them, rather than letting true feelings progress. I guess if a guy feel in passionate, deap, strong love with a women, he would accept their vagina, even if they have an aversion to some types; although, most men in this day and age see their girls vagina, before developing strong feelings of attachment. It is an easy and logical statement you put forward, but I think some guys really are averse to commencing a relationship and GETTING the strong feelings for a girl, if they have a vagina that is off putting to them. That said, most girls are fairly normal down there, with no huge hanging bits or things that a MINORITY of guys do not find appealing. MOST MEN LIKE THEM ALL NO MATTER WHAT. WIth MY boyfriend: if he met a girl, she was hot, he had a great attraction, they would fool around before getting serious., The type of culture of men around where I come from. NOt the first date necessarily, but within a few dates.... before a very deap connection is likely to form. My boyfriend would proceed, unless the vagina had very long lips, or the inner lips hanging down very far; that is just how it is for some men. a very small minory of men, do not like inner lips that hang down very far, or really long flabby outer lips. I do nto want to put vaginas down, and members of love shack feel that I am bashing vaginas that are like the ones I descibe as the type that SOME, very FEW, guys dislike. I am simply saying, that YES: MOST men will love a girls body, ALL of it, as part of loving her, entirely. There are only a small % of men, who will not take it further in general, if the vagina is too out of what they find to be acceptable to them.
Motor35 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 this is awful! i have so much to say, but mostly everyone else covered everything. i am so confused. Leigh says her boyfriend won't go down on her, then he does. She can't orgasm, then she can. Leigh also said (somewhere) that she is her BF's first GF. then she has also said there are only two women he has given oral to...Leigh and his ex. wth?! loads of contradictions. xxoo nailed it with multiple posts. it is HORRIBLE to treat a partner (even for only one night) like a cum dumpster. AWFUL and VILE. 1
erika2610 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I have never seen somebody talk about vaginas and focus on them so much in my life.
Kamille Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 That said, most girls are fairly normal down there, with no huge hanging bits or things that a MINORITY of guys do not find appealing. MOST MEN LIKE THEM ALL NO MATTER WHAT. Two things Leigh: Do you believe that your genitals are so out of the norm that men might reject you because of their appearance? If so, I ask you to challenge that belief and accept that your genitals are perfect as they are. Would you agree that the minority of men who would reject a woman based on what their genitals look like are the ones who have issues? Let me put it this way: man meets woman. Finds her attractive. Gets to know her. Things evolve and they end up naked together. What does it say about the guy if he suddenly loses all attraction for her once he sees her genitals?
Emilia Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Things evolve and they end up naked together. What does it say about the guy if he suddenly loses all attraction for her once he sees her genitals? I lost attraction for a guy for the same reason. I don't see why that's a different issue from losing attraction for a million other reasons.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Two things Leigh: Do you believe that your genitals are so out of the norm that men might reject you because of their appearance? If so, I ask you to challenge that belief and accept that your genitals are perfect as they are. FYI, Leigh has already had cosmetic surgery on her "vagina."
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Leigh, I have said something like this to you before, and you lashed out with a lot of anger. I hope you can take it differently this time. I am FiNE with talking frankly about sex and bodies. I do it all the time. BUT, I would like to challenge you to take a serious break from talking (and if possible, thinking) about vaginas, "super model" beauty, and oral sex. I think you have been in this relationship for about a year, right? There has to be a lot going on with you and with your relationship that could use some talking about and attention. It seems like when things get uncomfortable, you retreat to your "go-to" places, which include minute focus on physical traits. Talk about something else completely. What is your day to day life like? What do you do during the hours Andrew is at work? How is your relationship with your parents? Have they helped you with any of your issues, besides providing you with a place to live and food? Do you feel like you have any support in your life besides Andrew?
snug.bunny Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I am wanting to know the experiences of other men and women, regarding swinging/open relationships. How many of you here, have had a relationship, where you deaply loved one another, but alloud each other to have some fun on the side occasionally. No thanks... I am o fthe opinion, that: there are many people out there who are suitable for you... u could meet them just as easily through hanging out with them. True, but that doesn't mean you have to sleep with each and every one of them... In general, u should both protect the integrity of the relationship; if u even start hanging out with a girl or guy who u know u could be a good match with, stop hanging out. Integrity, to me, is monogamy. Not sleeping with mutiple people simutaneously while you're in love/love your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Obviously, your views are much different, and there are tons of people out there who have the same views such as yourself, so best to stick with those types of people. Of course, u should make sure u can trust your partner, and MAKE SURE they are on the same page as you, regarding protecting your relaitonship...ENSURE they are interested in uilding a future with u, and will try to cut exposure with people, who they feel they could grow to like. Again, difference in views, morals, beliefs. Your view of trust in terms of your beliefs includes having open relationships/swinging, those who aren't into the "swinger lifestyle", don't. My boyfriend would rather 3 somes, because he said he prefers me to be involved. However, I have no aversion to him getting just sex every so often, with new girls. As long as it is purely sex, and he is not ion contact witht hem besides the sex;also, minimal kissing and foreplay. If that works for you both, great. I love my boyfriend, and we are both fun loving people. We are very adventerous, like trying new things, and are open to pretty much everything. One thing we are very open minded about, is our sex life and relationship. We are both seeing a semi open relationship. It is one sides, which I am OKAY with, for now. Again, if you are both happy with it, great! We have been together for a year, and I decided that I would prefer him to have one night stands on the side, every so often. This is something I came up with, because I feel happier and more confortable knowing that the urge to have sex with hot women, can be met in his case. OK... I do not like the idea of my boyfriend, or any guy that is suitable for me, to only have me to do sexual thigns with, for years to come. I just do not feel it is necessary, that ALL guys should have to ignore their urges for other women. I'm sure you will find others who agree and are happy with that view. I have absolutely no doubt he loves me too. I just do not get.. upset, when I think of him having sex with other women on the side, every so often..? It fascinates me, how some ( most) girls care deaply, at the prospect of their mate, having sex with another girl. Where as me, I love and care for my partners an AWFUL lot. I just do not feel that sense of betrayment or heartbreak, if they f*ck otther people. It facinates me, how some women/men, aren't phased emotionally by their loved ones having sex with another person. I find it rather amazing, that seeing your boyfriend have sex with another woman right in front of you, doesn't upset you or hurt you in the least... Of course - with me, I only feel comfortable if he has one night stands. No ongoing basis... he has me for that, he has THEM just purely for sex. He just does not seam to have a problem adhereing to MY terms. Interesting. My boyfriend says he feels like the luckiest man alive, having me to be close to and have meaninful sex with, and still get to live out his fantasies occasionally. He sais he feels so unbelievably blessed, that he found a girl who thinks like me, that he is MORe than happy to abide by my rules. Well that is good Leigh, I'm glad you've found someone who appears to be your other half and a perfect match. But then, this... My rules are: I am totally apathetic to his sexual encounters, AS LONG AS - it is a one night stand. He is NOT facebook friends or friends on any level with them. He hangs out with them, once ever so often, as a ONE NIGHT thing. - it is ONLY sex; no foreplay, succking boobs, anything. Only fingereing to get hem warmed up, and MINIMAL kissing. I would rather none, but that is nto really possible. He hates giving oral to any girl besides the girls he loves, any way, and said he never gets urges to go down on girls, even if they are super hot. - he cannot even hang out with girls, if he is very attracted to them sexually, AND, they are also girls he thinks are awesome enough to fall for. He sais he is happy to remove himself from the situation, if he finds other sutiable girls for him. - he has to tell me before he does it with girls. Call me before and after, just because it makes me feel close to him, knowing what is going on in his life in general, especially sexual things... - He can only do it, if he is 100% certain I am a great girl for him at this point in his life, and he 100% loves me and wants a future with me, and his love is SO STRONG, that it really WILL BE JUST SEX with the other girls. Are there cliff notes for these?
pteromom Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I think every person has to make the choices that are right for them. But FYI, I have known a lot of couples who tried an open relationship, and NONE of them survived. In every case, either the guy or the girl ended up falling for one of the people he/she slept with. You can make rules til you are blue in the face, but rules will not stop chemistry, and rules will not stop him from being blindsided by an attraction he wasn't expecting. I think if you are looking at this as a non-serious relationship and are just having fun, then do what you want. But if you truly LOVE this guy and want it to work with him, I'd think very carefully before really opening up your relationship. Also - a guy who cuts off a relationship due to the way a vagina looks, unless it is REALLY out there/freaky, is very shallow. I get if it doesn't FEEL good, like if the girl is really loose or something, but the way it LOOKS? Sheesh, turn off the lights or something. Who cares? You should love your body, and if someone else doesn't love it, that's their loss.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 LOL. Chaucer - it is NOT my wish to sit around and tal about bloody genitals all day.. LOL............ What got me thinking about them, is the fact my boyfriend was immature and had a pre - convieved idea, as to what a nice vagina should look like ( or vulva", sorry, is the technical term, sorry!) I discussed it on Love Shack, because I w as deaply unsettled and confused, as to WHY a guy would be so fussy.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 I do not think there is a chance of my boyfriend leaving me, for a girl he meets in a one night stand. He has invested a lot of feelings and love into me. It makes no sense to leave me, when we are very happy together every single day ( albiet the odd day apart), for a girl he has " hot chemistry with". My boyfriend is not like that. He does not throw away things he feels very strongly about, when it will deaply uspet him, for " chemistry". On the other hand, if he got to now a girl well enough to ascertain that they blow his mind and make him HAPPIER then I make him, he would leave. We both have integrity for our relationship. We both KNOW that there are MANY.. MANY MANY MANY other people out there, that would be GREAT matches for both of us. The trick is: we both believe that, if we have invested a lot of emotions and love into each other, and are very HAPPY together, then WHEN we meet people who we KNOW we could " be happy" with, we will cease contact. We both think that, we are very happy together, and while we know their are other people out there for us, WHY would we give another person a CHANCE, when we can happily walk away from those people, who we KNOW is " one of the suitable people" out there for us? On the other hand, if we were not blissfully happy together, and thought it would be better to end our emotional investment, because we were easily more enamoured by others, we would end it. Chemistrty and lust are instant.. People can chose to STOP themselves falling for other people, IF they WANT to protect and KEEP their own relationships.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 The reason I do not think 3 somes will be our down fall, is because we are both very simialr in our wants and needs. Had both been since before we met. Once we are invested in a happy relationship, we both feel the need to walk AWAY from those people in life, who we feel we could fall for and also be happy with.
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 OMG. I cannot believe how messed I was - way more messed than I am now..... You were all right, yuck, I cannot believe I even considered an open relationship. Even worse - a one sided open relationship, where i wanted him to have meaningless sex with others occasionally, when i could not do the same:sick: Sorry I made this thread everyone, it was utterly stupid. I have since told him ( and realised myself) that plenty of men want me and only me. if my partner has difficulty only having the one women for sex for his life, then he is the wrong partner. There are plenty of men who just want to be with me sexually. Why settle for a guy who would rather have others? Needless to say, we have decided against the stupid open relationship idea. Because it is stupid. The reason was because when we met, we were VERY averse to long term, life long monogomy, and I thought it was unnatural for men to have one women for sex their entire lives. The threesomes and hookers we tried when we first got together are not things he wanted to do or even mentioned when we got serious though. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I now see that my partner and I are very messed up, for us to have even considered the idea. Him - his mother died just before we met and he was beside himself and still had great trouble dealing with it. And he had a past with many hookers in it. Me - well, I am messed up for my own reasons. I don't want to be though. I get intensive therapy when I can afford it. It has helped a little. At least I know I am better than what I once thought I deserved in early 2011..... 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I need serious help. For me to have even started that thread. It makes me incredibly sad:(:( :(:(:( My partner nor I are naturally poly - it is not in our nature. I am a great girl to many guys, I have NO problem getting decent guys to like me and want to be with me, so...... I find it hard to deal with the fact I once thought in that way (the way that this thread illistrated that I felt, as little as a year ago!) Occasionally I ask my partner about it, and he assures me he only wants me and does not care about threesomes and hookers. He truly means it, but the fact that he was and probably still is capable of doing it if I urged him to and made him to it, bothers me. Should I just go and find a good regular therapist? OR, should I consult a love and relationship therapist? I had to stop seeing one briefely, because I could not afford it as me mental health care cover ran out. My parents have said they would happily pay for it though, for once every 2 week therapy.
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