experiences with open relationships

[xxoo]

It is for his dick to get off on, not for him to feel close.

 

Gross

 

As a woman, you are ok with your man treating women like that? A means for his d*** to get off?

 

Whose idea is this? Yours or his?

 

Sex is more than PIV. If you can't handle him having the whole package, including all the touching that makes sex so enjoyable, then this is not something you really want for him..

 

Exactly.

[Wink Tobasco]

I'll say this about the people over 35 that I run with, it's likely very different for youngers. In the few open relationships that I'm privy to:

The GF having sex with other guys turns the BF on, but he doesn't consider his GF to be his last GF.

 

When it's the BF having sex with other women it may turn the GF on too, but she often is more focused on the gift she is giving her BF. And she is usually worried about things getting carried away.

 

When both are stepping out, it can work out LTR.

[Leigh 87]

Not all men need more than one sexual partner from their 20's fro the rest of their lives.

 

I have just always prefered the idea of having 3 somes: the guy can love you, but still experience other women occasionally. I haver never wanted the guy I end up with, to never experience other women ever again. I am just dead against that notion. Far before I met my boyfriend.

 

 

3 somes are something I just really get off over: the aspect of watching him with some one else, is a vetter version of video taping US: it is a fetish I have had since I was young.. I got off thinking about watching couples go at it.

 

Porn has never interested me, as I have always has a thing over real life couples, and watching them.. because it IS REAL haha.

 

 

i sitll believe that a guy can have 3 somes, and still truly love the women they are with...

[xxoo]

I have a fetish, for when he f*cks other women in front of me. It turns me on to no end, seeing him f*ck another girl. I am not sure why, but I am not worried. I tis just vastly different from most fetishes and women..

 

Ok, now that is some honesty.

 

It isn't about all men, or all women, or monogamy. You have a fetish. Good enough. Find some likeminded folks and carry on.

 

Just don't expect the rest of us to want to join you!

[Ninjainpajamas]

I wasn't able to get through all of those posts but I have pretty good level of experience and knowledge of how men work, at least In my opinion.

 

Men love differently than women. And I believe even If a man truly loves a woman he can still be sexually with another woman, however If he truly loves a woman then his desire to do so drops down quite a bit, he won't seek it if he's truly happy in his relationship. He also wouldn't want to jeopardize the relationship he currently has, but it also takes maturity and for a man to be ready in order to make this monogamous.

 

A lot of men aren't ready to be monogamous. It doesn't mean they don't really love you or have strong feelings for you...are they truly in love with you? I'm not sure I'd go that far, they probably love you a lot but they're still seeing If anything is better out there in the meantime. So I do think when a man is sleeping with other women then he's definitely keeping his options open....it is a way of saying you're not good enough, regardless of what you want to believe, that's just opinion....I'm really flustered how women with all the knowledge and crap they see in the world they think that man are completely honest and truthful, of course their man always is.

 

Even IF you want to go as far as believing something like that, I'd hope you realize that your man isn't exactly mature and wise enough to even make the best decisions for himself and he's probably still figuring it out...so you can take it as him having good intentions, but don't be naive enough to believe something you know doesn't sound right...don't use words as a basis for facts in an argument, use evidence...but then again as a woman I would imagine it's hard for you to see that once you have your mind made up and trying to make yourself believe in something...but we both know it's flawed and you'll have to admit that one day to yourself when things come crashing down.

 

Bottom line is this isn't going to work out in the end. Hookers is one thing...and I mean hookers really? I look down on his for that in this situation just for that....is he even capable of getting women or did he just get lucky with you? anyway, just because men can have sex without emotions a lot of the time, eventually he's going to run into someone that's going to strike a few cords inside of him...and that's when it's going to unravel and become a lot more complicated.

[Els]

Well, if it's a fetish and it turns you on, then by all means. Know that it tends to bring ruin into relationships more often than not though, and go into it with that risk in mind. If you're fine with that, all's good.

[Leigh 87]

Gross

 

As a woman, you are ok with your man treating women like that? A means for his d*** to get off?

 

Whose idea is this? Yours or his?

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

 

 

 

LOL... u HONESTLY think guys cannot separate emotions and sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

What is " gross" about a guy wanting to have sex with a girl, but not hug or get attached and show much feelings?

 

 

DO u not comprehend, that my boyfriend has ME to be close to, and has said many times, every day almost, of how he loves having ME to hug, and COULD NOT even fathom hugging and being " close" with another women?

 

 

He is normal for liking hot girls. It makes him horny, and the fact I like 3 somes means he can get the hot girls some of the time. However, he wants the sexual side, WITHOUT hugging and being close to the girl.

 

That is not to say that, because he is not after hugging, that he will be a total douche towards them. We will talk, be nice, smile, be pleasant to each other. he just does not want to hug them, besides putting his arm around us both at the same time type of scenario.

 

WHy is it disgusting, to comprehend that many guys like sex, without hugging and emotions? Just the same way that many guys DO NEED cuddles with sex.

[silvermercy]

Well, if it's a fetish and it turns you on, then by all means. Know that it tends to bring ruin into relationships more often than not though, and go into it with that risk in mind. If you're fine with that, all's good.

I agree. I would add masochistic fetish. But oh well.. lol

[SmileFace]

I don't have any problem with an open relationship. I don't even have a problem with the boundaries or you not being with another guy. However I don't understand why you are pushing this. I understand swinger relationships but hookers? I don't get it all. I am still stick on the "hot women" reference, I probably would have been more ok if you referred to them as just holes. I think this is a whole front tied in with your self worth truthfully.

[Leigh 87]

Ninja - your right, we decided last time we spoke, that we do not want to be with other people, besides the 3 somes.

 

 

He said that it would be with girls he has nto previously met, apart frm the nigth we either pick the girl up, or I introduce him to a suitable girl I know of.

 

 

We have gone over it many times; we agree it will not work out or be the best thing for us, if he goes off with other girls, and I go with other men.

 

 

3 somes, however, feed into my need to watch him with other girls. From the first time I masturbated, it has been over thinking about my b/f's, in action with other girls. I have no idea why. It just does it for me.

 

I also just like watching girls get pleasure. The real deal is what turns me on, rather than fake, over the top porn.

 

 

lastly - the reason he enjoys 3 somes IS NOT BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

He has made it very clear that emotionally and physically he only wants me and feels very thrilled to have a girl with my body type, looks, and pesonality.

 

I can 100% guarantee, the 3 some thing is not because I am not enogh for him, and he is keeping his options open. If he were to need to go off alone with women, THEN I would think exactly this.

 

I do not see how 3 somes will result in him getting connected to the girl, if he never talks to them again: which is a integral rule to our 3 some arrangement

 

 

He has promised that as soon as he feels any sense of connection of feelings, he will tell me, and stay clear from the girl and make sure to never encounter them.

 

 

I have quizzed him about his integrety regarding our relationship, and he says he is focused on making us work. He does not want someone better to comer along he sais the best version of myself is his dream girl and si just fine...

 

 

I have just repeated his words, so as to not confuse things.

[xxoo]

WHy is it disgusting, to comprehend that many guys like sex, without hugging and emotions? Just the same way that many guys DO NEED cuddles with sex.

 

It isn't about emotions. It is about treating the person you are f***** like an object. A means to get your d*** off.

 

That's fine for hookers, and individuals who share your fetish (seek to be treated as a means to get your d*** off). But most women would not want to engage in sex under those conditions. They want to at least share a connection in the moment.

[silvermercy]

Last comment maybe, as I forgot to add this. I noticed this in a lot of posts. The words "he said", "he made clear", "he mentioned". Repeatedly.

OP seems to place a LOT of weight on the WORDS of her boyfriend. ONLY. So what if he says he really really loves you, that nobody compares to you, that you are the stars and the moon and all the galaxies in the whole universe combined? That he could travel to ends of the earth like Odysseus to find you, that you're the only woman for him etc etc etc (OK. you get my point). So, where are the ACTIONS? I mean apart from hugs, kisses and the obvious sex. Any man can do that obviously. In love or not.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[Leigh 87]

After the first 3 some, I was left uncertain as to what foreplay and boundaries I was comfortable with.

 

We agreed a hooker was a good way to start, as u are not alloud, in AUS, where WE went, to do anything besides f*ck them. They can give blow jobs and etc, but it is the foreplay of my boyfriend touching other girls, that I had an issue with.

 

 

After 2 hookers, I got certain enough, that I would be ready and have no problem with him being with a non hooker; this means, he has to touch the girl before f*cking them. Which is fine: he said he would include me in it, and not just go off with the girl. He said he feels closer and happier if I am participating at all times.

 

 

 

I thought I would be fine with the hookers, and it turns out, I was. Made us much closer, having this sort of fun together, for whatever reasons. I have the same hunch about sligthly more touching with the non hooker 3 some, and I have a feeling I will be okay.

 

He said he I do not like him doing foreplay, that he would be happy for me to just do it with them, and to then f*ck them. He said whatever works for me, is still a whole lot of fun to him.

 

 

 

 

In terms of ou rpersonalities; we are both immature in a lot of ways, messy people, want to stay young and travel and not settle down with kids any time soon ( but would like to eventually)

 

Just in case our personalities give any clue, as to how desire for 3 somes. OH: we are both extreme hedonist. We like do derive pleasure a smuch as possible, and do not like the idea of studying at this point, without money so that we can have fun whilst studying

 

 

We are looking to accumulate shorter certificates, to get work, so we can save and travel a little, before studying. We do not like the idea of studying with no money to have relief and party on the weekends afetr working our butts of studying: we need some pleasure as a reward, that does not take 3 years to get ( like the degree itself takes)

 

 

We have similar views in terms of love and settling down: we would both love it if we settled down with one another, however, we know at aour age, anything can be around the corner. Although we do want to be together for as long as possible.

 

 

[Leigh 87]

SIlver - the way he acts on a daily basis, the feeling he shows towards me every day, shows me he loves me.

 

 

the fact he likes my fetish for 3 somes, but would never act in a way that would ris our relationship.

 

 

U honesty have no clue abuot my boyfriend or how he thinks.. just your close mindes view point, that if a guy loves a girl., he will not enjoy 3 somes.

 

By the way: my boyfriend does not NEED 3 somes: it is a thing I am giving him. He said he is happy to go without, if I wanted it.

[silvermercy]

SIlver - the way he acts on a daily basis, the feeling he shows towards me every day, shows me he loves me.

 

 

the fact he likes my fetish for 3 somes, but would never act in a way that would ris our relationship.

 

 

U honesty have no clue abuot my boyfriend or how he thinks.. just your close mindes view point, that if a guy loves a girl., he will not enjoy 3 somes.

 

By the way: my boyfriend does not NEED 3 somes: it is a thing I am giving him. He said he is happy to go without, if I wanted it.

Calling my point of view, or anyone else's with the same opinion (MOST I suppose), as close minded is a NO NO.

We are only basing your opinions on what you have presented so far. It's enough to form an opinion I think.

I think your relationship (or any future ones) will always be in risk with this mindset. Again, based on what you have described here.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Ninja - your right, we decided last time we spoke, that we do not want to be with other people, besides the 3 somes.

 

 

He said that it would be with girls he has nto previously met, apart frm the nigth we either pick the girl up, or I introduce him to a suitable girl I know of.

 

 

We have gone over it many times; we agree it will not work out or be the best thing for us, if he goes off with other girls, and I go with other men.

 

 

3 somes, however, feed into my need to watch him with other girls. From the first time I masturbated, it has been over thinking about my b/f's, in action with other girls. I have no idea why. It just does it for me.

 

I also just like watching girls get pleasure. The real deal is what turns me on, rather than fake, over the top porn.

 

 

lastly - the reason he enjoys 3 somes IS NOT BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

He has made it very clear that emotionally and physically he only wants me and feels very thrilled to have a girl with my body type, looks, and pesonality.

 

I can 100% guarantee, the 3 some thing is not because I am not enogh for him, and he is keeping his options open. If he were to need to go off alone with women, THEN I would think exactly this.

 

I do not see how 3 somes will result in him getting connected to the girl, if he never talks to them again: which is a integral rule to our 3 some arrangement

 

 

He has promised that as soon as he feels any sense of connection of feelings, he will tell me, and stay clear from the girl and make sure to never encounter them.

 

 

I have quizzed him about his integrety regarding our relationship, and he says he is focused on making us work. He does not want someone better to comer along he sais the best version of myself is his dream girl and si just fine...

 

 

I have just repeated his words, so as to not confuse things.

 

Leigh, I've been a man for a loooooong time, and I'm a very experienced guy and know what I'm talking about...I really don't go out on a limb much with anything unless I really know what I'm talking about.

 

I'm a man myself and I've known tons of other guys and know exactly what is said when they're not trying to say all the right words and paint a pretty picture or obedient one for their gf. I know beyond the bull**** in other words.

 

Now If you want to hang on every word, hey...that's your thing...as a man I would never trust another man myself completely, even If I knew he wasn't trying to to lie to me...I just know better, I work with them, done business with them...I know men can say one thing in one moment then do another in the next, It's just the way it works. Promises and words are cheap, I'm not sure what you don't get about that.

 

Women like to believe that they can completely trust their partner and everything they say is golden...I know for women how important trust is. But come talk to me in about 1-2 years, and I guarantee you'll be singing a different tune, you don't have to believe a word I am saying because I know from experience what the likely outcome will be.

 

With threesomes, at least you are there, keep it at that..(he's lucky enough to get that)...once he starts going outside the relationship looking for action (If he can get it...which honestly he doesn't sound like the kind of guy that can) then you're going to get into trouble pretty quickly.

 

My honest assessment is he isn't ready yet to be with you, he's probably telling you how in the future it'll be out of his system and he'll be able to settle down with you and be monogamous (every mans famous last words)...when you're both ready for that (supposedly which I think will be mainly him)...I think you'll be able to deal with this for a while until he becomes bolder. And eventually I think he's going to move on from this relationship once he gets his fill out of it, he's not going to want to start over with you in the end..but with someone new, a place where he can kinda put this wild time in his life in the past and settle down into something more practical, with a more predictable and secure relationship...because oddly eventually he's not going to trust you...this kind of behavior in a relationship is like a time bomb waiting to go off.

 

Well anyway, you can believe what you want to at this point..

 

But like the black guy on Reading Rainbow said...you don't have to take my word for it!

 

::sings::

Butterflies in the skyyy, I can go moutains hiiigh....so take a look, it's in a book!...a reading raaaainbooooow!

[Leigh 87]

I just think my boyfriend loves me, and wants to be with me.

 

No two ways about it. I cannot really understand your analysis. U would have to know my boyfriend to really know his intent. He seams pretty genuine.

 

deap down, I do not trust most men myself. Another thing your wrong about - my boyfriend is very good looking. NOt brad pitt, but he has no issue getting attractive girls.

[Leigh 87]

What is your point?

 

WHy is it hard to believe, that my boyfriend really loves me, wants to be with me, and simply enjoys 3 somes?

 

 

Perhaps he is actually into me? Maybe he loves me and wants to be with me? Why is that so hard to believe? I di not get your train of thought.

 

People here tend to be excessively negative. where as, I am apositive person, and do not think all men are wankers; just most of them. Some actually tell the truth, and do not hude their intent from the ones they love.

[silvermercy]

I just think my boyfriend loves me, and wants to be with me.

 

No two ways about it. I cannot really understand your analysis. U would have to know my boyfriend to really know his intent. He seams pretty genuine.

 

deap down, I do not trust most men myself. Another thing your wrong about - my boyfriend is very good looking. NOt brad pitt, but he has no issue getting attractive girls.

One good thing with presenting simple facts to strangers (and not feelings and how you view each other in private) is that you will get opinions based on those presented facts. This way you'll get as accurate opinions as you possibly can. (Without the curtain of feelings involved). It's not being negative, it's being realistic. So, you may have yourself convinced, but not outsiders. And outsiders can usually view situations objectively.

 

(Well, that you don't trust men is obvious already from your choice of man you picked as your boyfriend. It is not surprising.)

 

Good-looking is subjective of course, but I thought you have only tried hookers so far? How does he keep getting these attractive girls to sleep with him now?

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[Leigh 87]

can u please kindly f*ck off from my thread, mercy:)?

 

 

I am with a guy who loves me; u are unable to grasp or believe that there is any waym, shape or form, that my boyfriend loves me...

 

 

So please, you opinions are nothing to me. Your wasting yout time trying to convince me that I want to be monogomus, not have 3 somes, and that I dhouls dump my b./f, because he does not love me.

 

LOL is all I can say, to the above statement ( that u actually believe it, and knwo it to be a fact)

[Ninjainpajamas]

What is your point?

 

WHy is it hard to believe, that my boyfriend really loves me, wants to be with me, and simply enjoys 3 somes?

 

 

Perhaps he is actually into me? Maybe he loves me and wants to be with me? Why is that so hard to believe? I di not get your train of thought.

 

People here tend to be excessively negative. where as, I am apositive person, and do not think all men are wankers; just most of them. Some actually tell the truth, and do not hude their intent from the ones they love.

 

I don't need to know him Leigh, I've known a billion guys just like him. You think he's different and some diamond in the rough? you think that makes him NOT a man or something?

 

Look in the end you're going to do what you want, talk to every other woman out there and they'll tell you that you don't know their man and they know how he feels and believe what he says...don't you think it's a little strange that many women think that way? then oops, surprise, surprise, he does something he said he'd never do or lied about something.

 

I don't need to know every little detail to understand the routine and pattern that many men rinse and repeat...this is not rocket science and I don't need to know where he went to highschool or what he ate for lunch, and what's his favorite color. From everything you said and honestly more-so your posture, and the way you are speaking of this man and how you defend him and what you're saying is what tells us the most.

 

In fact what you're saying is not everything, your posture (just your general stance and position you are coming off as), the things he is saying and what you guys are doing is not some brand new never attempted thing that two people have never done.

 

You think it's complex because you feel like what he feels and how you feel is something that only you two understand, and you feel that what he is saying and what you have somehow changes the fibers of the universe. It doesn't work that way though, try as you might to make exceptions out of the unacceptable (because we're all human and can understand and relate to some degree), In the end you cannot...the results will be the same.

 

When something is right it's right, and when it's wrong it's wrong...and you can't possibly say this is a "right" even though you want to melt this into some grey area where things are going to end differently because you are the two most unique people on the planet and know exactly how each other feels and have this "special" connection...you really don't think EVERYONE feels that way when it comes to THEIR relationship?

 

Good luck!

[Kamille]

 

No two ways about it.

 

Pun intended?

 

deap down, I do not trust most men myself.

 

Leigh, you're right. You know the situation best and, ultimately, you're the one who's in charge of looking out for your well-being. Please know that what I - and I think most of us - have expressed are valid concern. If anything, it should tell you that there are a bunch of strangers out there who truly wish you well.

 

I pulled out the quote about you finding it hard to trust most men because I always get the feeling, when reading your post about "vaginas" and how much men "love hot women" that deep down, your focus on hotness (yours and that of other women's) is your way to try to manage your mistrusts of men.

 

Like here, with the threesome. You mistrust men and male sexuality, so your way of dealing with that is to open your relationship. That way, your guy can have an unbridled sexuality and you get to feel like you have some control over it (because it's your choice).

 

Fair enough. The reason I'm concerned is because I see contradictions between you wanting to be each other's only love in the long term and your belief that the only way to get there is to open the relationship now.

 

I also have to say, now, that after reading your last post about partying and its enemy (studying), I am concerned about what you mean when you say "partying". Hopefully, no drugs are involved. If you are a hedonist, you should know, in the long run drugs destroy your feel good neurons, thereby diminishing the body's capacity to feel good on its own. Drugs are actually the hedonist's frenemy.

[ascendotum]

Good-looking is subjective of course, but I thought you have only tried hookers so far? How does he keep getting these attractive girls to sleep with him now?

 

Brothels offer services for couples, for situations where they want to experience a threesome, with another woman (or maybe more). For some couples there is less complications...the woman is not a friend or some random bar girl. The hooker is a sex professional, limited chance of emotional entanglements + regular std checks + she should be experienced at threesomes and not get all sqwirmy over what to do and realise she is there for the couple and not becuase she has feelings for one of them, so she should ensure both are getting off, even if one just watches. It has nothing to do with what the guy looks like. Most couples who have ventured into 3somes that I know of, usually went with a friend or with random hookup.

 

When I first read this thread I thought Leigh was giving permission to her bf to have sex with whoever he chose (which is what I consider an open relationship), but it seems like it boils down to her + her bf doing 3somes.

[silvermercy]

can u please kindly f*ck off from my thread, mercy:)?

 

 

I am with a guy who loves me; u are unable to grasp or believe that there is any waym, shape or form, that my boyfriend loves me...

 

 

So please, you opinions are nothing to me. Your wasting yout time trying to convince me that I want to be monogomus, not have 3 somes, and that I dhouls dump my b./f, because he does not love me.

 

LOL is all I can say, to the above statement ( that u actually believe it, and knwo it to be a fact)

LOLZ This is a PUBLIC forum, I am free to post anywhere I like without anyone telling me not to (especially when someone uses the F word on me) and you asked for opinions. Sorry you don't like the truth in them. That's not my fault. Next time, in your initial post, just ask for only those you agree with. (Warning: There won't be many this way).

 

Oh you have misunderstood me: I do NOT care if you destroy your life in the future any more than you already have! Sorry for giving the wrong impression.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[kaylan]

Im sorry, but your boyfriend is a selfish jerk whos using you imo.

 

You can share him with other women, but he cant share you with other men?

 

One day you will meet a guy who will treat you the way a woman should be treated. He will show you what it is like to feel like you are the only woman in the world.

 

When that day comes you will look back at all this and wonder why the hell you did some much to appease your selfish EX boyfriend. An ex boyfriend who had a double standard when it came to important things in your relationship.

 

You may think he loves you...but I have seen using behavior like his many a time. He simply loves what you allow him to do. A guy like him will pull the wool over your eyes in order to keep steady sex with a chick, and also get more sex from these random chicks.