experiences with open relationships

[Leigh 87]

I really did not have an issue the time we had a 3 some with that NON hooker - 100%, I felt totally neautral. It was weird seeing gim wanting to do the little foreplay things, however, now that I think about it...

 

 

I am young ( ish!) and also want more fun too! I like 3 somes. I just like to be adventerous, in general, and I guess this transcends into my sex life. AT first, I did not know how to feel about him foreplaying..

 

Now that I have thought about it a great deal.. I want to have 3 somes, because seeing him with other girls turns me on. Public fooling around turns me on, and also, watching him with another girl is a fetish I have.

 

Just two things I have always had fetishes for, regarding the men I have seen.

 

 

I guess I will look at our relationship as THIS:

 

We are not yet serious, but very close. He can have 3 somes with me,w hen I am there, or with hookers alone. I have ZERO emotion or feelings towards this at all.

 

In fact, I enjoy threesomes.

 

I will, however, NOT see us as in a serious relatiionship: I will just see us as two people, having fun and being very close together, but not a relationship that yet has a future.

 

 

I beliieve I am a great person also, and while I will deaply miss him if we end up apart, I believe I am more than good enough to have a very happy life with another person...

 

 

For NOW, I feel very happy spending time with him, with my rules: 3 somes and hookers are fine.

 

 

I just will not longer look at it as a serious type of relationship..

 

 

 

After thinking long and hard, this is what I WANT: I am not stable or complete enough, in terms of my development. I WANT to be close to this guy, but I DO NOT want to think in terms of a long term future yet!@

 

I, myself, want to fool around with 3 somes and have my sexual adventures, before settling down by any means.

 

I would prefer him to have hookers and 3 somes with me, until we get serious. Because having him have 3 somes when I am involvd and hookes is fun to me.

 

Will this change if we get serious? I am unsure. Knowing me, this is what I CAN see myself wanting:

 

- him to be faithful, but I would still, as a joke, because I think it is utterly hilarious and very " me": i WOULD get him hookers on the side. I just think it is a funny and cool thing to do, for a loving couple even.

 

 

 

I am unsure what I will want, I do not kno what is around the corner. No one does. I just know myself well enough, to think that I will still get hm hookers occasionally, because.. I just think it feels like " me". It seams right to me. Not a wrong thing to do?

 

 

 

SO many men are in love, and see hookers behind their wives backs... Better to just let them do it?

 

 

My bofriend, if we get serious, he is very hoenst and open.. he would definately tell me if he wanted other girls, beyond hookers, before cheating or acting on it.

 

 

For now I want 3 somes and fun. I do not want to settle down in the bedroom, personally. However, I will not go letting him have girls without me. Hookers and 3 somes are what is exciting and fun to me, anything elss is unfamiliar teritory and I am not comfortable with it.

 

As he says... he is thrilled to be able to experiement before he settles down with me.

[Leigh 87]

UPDATE:

 

I just talke to HIM about all this.

 

He says it would not f eel right going with another girl without me.

 

He also thinks we are both young, and neither of us want to settle down sexually, and only have each other and no other 3 somes or form of fun.

 

We are just too adventerous in the bedroom to settle for the one person, ate age 25, for the rest of our lives.

 

 

We both just want 3 somes and hookers for him occasionally, until we ever do want to settle down, basically.

 

 

he sais he does love me, is 100% certain of that fact, and would love for us to work out, long term; like I say, he says the best plan is to have no plan, but that he would love for us to be together for a long time, if not forever.

 

 

To us, we just never thought that having one person and no 3 somes or sex with others, is appealing. I still have desires to experiment, sexually. As does he.

 

 

That is all this comes down to. We think the usual sex with one person at ate 25, is boring.

[Eve]

OP, what mental health conditon do you have?

 

I am curious about this to see if maybe this is somehow linked to your current choices. Obviously people do not have to be mentally ill to do threesomes.. I am just concerned about how you rationalise things. It all seems a bit errratic and forced to an outsider, you see.

 

It's like you are preoccupied in your mind but basically you are keeping yourself in motion. Sorry, probably did not explain that well.

 

Well OP, do not think that you have any leverage with this man. What you have is someone to experiment sexually with. This is not love and I would put good money on it not lasting.

 

Don't get pregnant.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Leigh 87]

Eve, I 100% disagree.

 

We do have love. It is possible for two people to love one another, but enjoy more sexually ineresting things, such as 3 somes.

 

We love each other, and have had 3 somes.

 

We love each other as much as u love your monogomus partner, who has no desire and is averse to 3 somes.

 

 

I have wanted to have 3 somes since I was younger, because I find women beautiful, but do not have feelings towards them. One fetish I have always had, is the desire to WATCH women get off.

 

 

I want 3 somes, not because of the guy I am with.

 

 

I guess some people, like yourself, do not believe that a man is capable of wanting 3 somes, and loving their partner.

 

 

 

By the way - he does not want to embar on an open relationship, after discussing this matter with him.

 

he said he likes my open attitude, and enjoyed the 3 soms, but does not need other women, beyond emotionles hookers if he is away from me for months on end.

 

 

to me, this arrangement is right. Just because it is not ideal for you, it DOES NOT mean we do not love one another.

 

Actually - u have some nerve, being so close minded, as to haveing the auudacity to TELL US how we feel!!!

 

Actually, only he and I know if we feel love.

 

I find peoples close mindedness rather sad and boring. At least I am open, to seeing how people who want to remain with one peson their whole lives, from their early 20s, is appealing.

 

 

From a young age, I have had two stable parents, married for my whole life. Despite my solid up bringing in this regard, I have always thought that it was crazy to be with a person in your early to mid 20's, and want to ONLY HAVE THEM in the bedroom FOR YOUR WHOLE LIVES/

 

I cannot stress enough how boring and unappealing this notion is to me. However, I know it is what works for a lot of people. Good for u.

 

I do not have the nerve to say that there is ONLY ONE WAY to feel lOVE for someone.

[Sugarkane]

But would he be ok if you slept with other guys?

[Leigh 87]

As for what I want? I want a loving relationship, where we both want to spend most of our time together.

 

 

I want to build a long lasting relationship with my boyfriend, it would be lovely, and we can both see it working out. I also would like to have 3 somes. So would he. SOme guys don't, which is fine. They are not for me.

 

At 25, I am not ready to not live out my sexual desires. Luckily, my boyfriend still craves that varity too.

 

I also feel it is perfectly healthy for him to get hookers, when he is away from me for extended periods.

 

 

I have stated what I want, and what has made me happy so far.

 

Strange u cannot comprehend that this is what makes me the most happy.

 

There was no strange event, or tragic thing that has happened to me, that has shaped my preferences. I had a lovely, fulfilling childhood, with two loving parents who gave nothing but perfect examples to me.

 

 

I made this post, as I was thinking that one day, we might try an open relationship. Neither of us want one at this stage. We both want 3 somes, and do not want to go it alone, unless he is away from me for months and uses hookers.

 

 

We just both think this way, and we happen to have met anotehr person, who has the exact same view.

 

 

We both do not want to go it alone, for now. We feel that we want to build a closer relationship, and we both think having other people, outside of our current situation, will hinder our closeness.

 

 

What annoys me, is both of us see that being with the one person from a young age WORKS for a LOT of people; we do not disagree or doubt that is what works best for YOU.

 

Where as, so many people think their monogomy, in the TRADITIONAL sence, is THE ONLY WAY in which to start and maintain a loving, " propper" relationship?

 

 

 

Long term, maybe we will both want to stop 3 somes when we are older. Who. Knows.

[Leigh 87]

But would he be ok if you slept with other guys?

 

 

 

 

 

NO, he would not. Worse still, he does not understand that it is his insecureity and jealously that makes him hate the idea of me with other men; he is convinced that his love for makes him not able to handle it.

 

 

He told me it would hurt him far to much, to even talk to me again. After talking with a friend, who is in a loving open relationship, that is sucessfull this far, I have come to the conclusion, that it is his own insecurity that allows him to feel this way.

 

 

Needles to say, we are in no way ready to conemplate any arrangment, bessides the 3 somes we currently enjoy, and the hookers I will allow him to have, should he ever be away from me for more than a few months.

 

 

 

 

 

I would not be okay with him doing it, and neither would he. He has said he has ben presented with the oppitunity, and turned it down, based on a loyalty he feels to me. He said it was not worth losing what we have over.

 

Most importantly, he has not felt the desire great enough, to make him seriously want to act on his impulses towatds hot women.

 

 

At one stage, i did tell him to play around with other women. He never did, not for the year prior to this. NOw, on the other hand, I have decided I do not want him to, and he said he is more than happy to abide my my wishes.

 

 

After all. He is still over the moon I enjoy 3 somes. to him, it is more than enough,and to me, it is more than enough. I do not need other guys on my own, so long as he satisfies me in bed.

[Leigh 87]

EVE - by the way, I only had an eating disorder, and mild autism ( as in, the very very lowest end of the spectrum, ro the point of people in my life not suspecting anything off)

 

However, I am socially adept enough to get friensd and have a normal life, thank goodness.

 

The eating disorder was not severe,. but it did make my have zero self esteem. However, I love my body now, and love the whole package I have to offer him, and so I do not feel threatened that I am not enough or anything along these lines.

[silvermercy]

I only read the first post so far and I want to scream in frustration! Why are you doing this to yourself? Why!?

 

I'm in the medical profession so your post set red alarm lights for me. It just did not look like an emotionally healthy person writing this. (I haven't read your other threads yet so I'm only basing my conclusions using the first post). Did something happen in your childhood/teens that created such a low self esteem? It... MUST have! I'm 99.9% certain it did. Something must have messed you up. Have you also looked at some psychological conditions to see if you can see any familiar symptoms (i.e. "blunted effect", "affective flattening" or "lack of empathy" or "lack of caring" about various situations). These symptoms (or their lack of anyway) are usually associated with conditions like Aspergers or some forms of autism, so have you talked to someone about recognizing them? They are not always obvious (as they can appear in mild forms, too), but you should not be taken advantage of because of them. I'm now just sitting here wondering what kind of childhood or teen years you had to reach this stage and point of view...

 

In summary, I don't find this open relationship to be within the range of normality of other open relationships in general. I'm so sorry and good luck.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[Leigh 87]

I do not agree that something terrible has to happen, in order for two people to prefer to have 3 somes, and not want to settle down, sexually, at age 25, with the same person, for their entire lives.

 

 

I simply am not done experimenting sexually yet. We have discussed other people, and neither of us want to mess around with others, alone.

 

.... what is abnormal about our arrangment? We both agree with the situation 110%, and have no need to stray from it.

 

We are both 100% honest with each other, with what we want, and what we are prepared to do.

 

I have let him try to see if he wants to have sex with others, and he is turned it down when I gave him the option, for most of our relationship..

 

I now realise I am not comfortable with it, and he could not care less. If he did, he would not love me, if he did not value having me happy above his OWN selfish desires.

 

 

I honestly think it is absolutely ludacris, that u feel that the fact I do not want to only have the same person for years and years, is because I am screwed up.

 

I think it is normal to not want to settle down at 25, in terms of sex. Not every one wants only one person their entire lives.

 

In our case, neither of us are comfortable, with other people alone, therefore we do not do it. Simple.

 

 

I do not see what the big deal is, besides narrow minded people who are closed of to newer ways of going about things.

 

I thought I was bi when younger, because I thought girls were sexy and they turned me on. In retrospect, I do not have feelings towards girls., but I am turned on by watching them get off. I am no bi in any way, and just like having fun with the right girls.

 

 

I guess my fetish for watching girls get off, is what makes me want and enjoy 3 somes. Furthermore, he takes care of me in 3 somes ( goes down on me makes it all about me), and so he makes me feel loved and would not do anything if I told him to stop.

[Leigh 87]

WHat I find sad, is people like you, who find that the only way for two people to be in love and happy, is to get together in their 20's, and remain the only people they sexually encounter, for their entire lives.

 

 

It frustrates me to no end, actually, that not every one is open minded enough to realize there are other ways.

 

 

And I value myself just fine, thanks. I am becoming more and more the person I want to be, and like myself even in my early stages of adult development.

 

 

I do not think u have to have low self esteem to want 3 somes. i 100% feel enough for my boyfriend. I just happen to prefer him to enjoy other women with me.

 

There are so many different body types and types of women, all beautiful, I hoenstly think it is such a shame for my bofriend to never get to experience these other types of women.

 

 

I have thought this way long before anything terrible happened to me.

[silvermercy]

-People who want only monogamous relationships are not usually narrow minded. It has historically worked the best for people, society - and their children - for a reason.

-People who have threesomes are not necessarily "open-minded".

-Age 25 is actually OLD enough.

-I will also add myself to the people who think that your boyfriend does not TRULY love you. As others correctly said, there's a switch that's turned off in men TRULY in love when it comes to other women. The "love" your boyfriend shows to you would not go well with other women. It would feel like a love substitute to them. If at all.

- Your boyfriend sounds like he doesn't want you with other men for selfish reasons. Not because of his love.

-You are only trying to justify and defend your choices. If you were TRULY happy you wouldn't be posting in a message board about this. You would be beyond that.

-Our low self esteem opinion did not come from any threesomes ideas. But from your posts in general. (High self esteem people CAN have threesomes actually. Nobody said they couldn't).

-I took a look at your other posts in the meantime. I was right on my assumption about something happening to you that had you messed up.

Especially if you really "feel" that your boyfriend needs to experience other women. In "normal" open relationships, this would be about what YOU could also take from this open relationship. Not what mostly your boyfriend could. I don't see this in your situation. It's mostly about keeping your boyfriend happy. In my experience, this thinking process you have is totally messed up even for open relationships. I don't think you understand that. And everyone here is trying to tell you that.

 

I'm sorry if this frustrates you but that's my honest opinion about your situation. You don't have to like it.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[Leigh 87]

I do it for both of us. You have misunderstood my intend and feelings regarding the matter.

 

First of all, I posted here, to hear about other peoples stories. ALso, I wanted to see if it was really for me. Thanks to talking to various people, in my real life as well, I have realized neither of us are ready, and would be both be hurt at the other person doing things alone, with other people. Neither of us want to ruin what we have, and do not see it as a hurdle. We are happy with 3 somes.

SO far, 3 somes have being somethng that I really enjoyed. For my sake, as much as his.

 

ANother point u have misunderstood is that, I DO NOT think being open minded only means in the bedroom; plenty of very open minded people, are monogomas; plenty of close minded people, can have desires for 3 somes.

 

 

I DO NOT want to settle for the same person in bed, at age of 25. I am not ready to never experience any other person sexually.

STOP trying to tell me ALL people in their 20's, are ready to comit to the same body, the SAME person, with sex.

It is old enough for some, but not for others.

 

I can see it as very desirable to some, to settle in their 20's, however, it is not what I have ever wanted. I took longer to grow up and mature into an adult, and now that I am starting to live like an adult ( go out,party, get a job, start thining about my future and what I need to do in order to achieve mny goals) I still want to live out my sexual d esires.

 

 

I did not have any sexual partners for many years, from age 19 - 24. I still would like to experiment, with my fantasies, of watching other girls in bed.

 

 

 

I still think it is absurd that u cannot just listen to how I FEEl, and accept that I actually KNOW what I am feeling?

 

WHy tell me there is something wrong with people who do not want to settle for the same sexual partner, in their 20's?

it seams like a totally normal way to be, but who says u cannot be in a loving relationship whilst still experimenting? So long as two parties agree and are comfortable with the arrangent, I do not see what could possibly be wrong.

[Leigh 87]

my boyfriend does truly love me. WHO are YOU to tell MY boyfriend, what HE thinks?!?!?!

 

 

Seriously.. u have no IDEA what my boyfriend feels. Only he does. And I also DISAGREE, that a swicch turns off in men, once they are in love!!!

 

 

SOME MEN STILL feel horny, when they see hot women, EVEN WHEN in love....

[silvermercy]

All I'm going to say, as you refuse to take any advice that is opposite to what you think/feel is "good luck". You're trying to justify the unjustifiable or twist it to justify what you're saying (i.e. "SOME MEN STILL feel horny, when they see hot women, EVEN WHEN in love...."). As I said, good luck. You'll NEED it.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[xxoo]

Leigh, I have no problem with non-monogamy, if that is your cuppa tea.

 

But those rules are disturbing.

 

What kind of man enjoys treating a woman like a hole?

 

What kind of woman agrees to sex under those conditions, other than hookers?

 

It's like you are encouraging him to use women. Are you getting off on him treating these women poorly?

[Leigh 87]

I think you are seriousl;y ignorant when it comes to the fact that it is entirely normal and possible, for a man to be in love, and still enjoy other women, on the terms of his girlfriend/partner...

 

 

My boyfriend would probablt tell u all to go jump, and that u have no idea of his feelings for me. He definately has been clear, that he does not need other girls if I was that way inclined; the fact when I met him, that I had a simialr out loook on sex, just made us closer, that we found like minded people.

 

 

I am the one who brought my view to the table first. He, being a typical guy first seeing a girl, loved the idea. However, as he got to love me, he never mentioned it, until I did. He said he was happy to never do anything should I ask him not to.

[Leigh 87]

All I'm going to say, as you refuse to take any advice that is opposite to what you think/feel is "good luck". You're trying to justify the unjustifiable or twist it to justify what you're saying (i.e. "SOME MEN STILL feel horny, when they see hot women, EVEN WHEN in love...."). As I said, good luck. You'll NEED it.

 

 

 

 

I do not need luck. You are the one who cannot see the truth: that there are men who can be in love, real love, and still get horny when a hot girl in a bikini walks past.

 

Your view is utterly wrong, in my opinion.

[Leigh 87]

The rules are " 3 somes, anything goes, but I would not want him to go down on girls.

 

Luckily for me, he hates going down on girls, apart from girls he loves. He lovs doing it to me, as he has feelings for me. He has never liked it before he met me and his ex.

 

 

I meant to say, regarding treating women like " a vagina"... is that, if I were to ever let him go alone, which we both mutually decided tonight WOULD NOT work.. I would not want him to really engage in a lotof foreplay.

 

This is why it will never work, him and myself going to people alone. Foreplay is an integral part of sex. however, in a 3 some setting I do not think I would mind it. If I do, he would stop.

 

The hookers, we decided, were a good first step. We did not want to start off with a non hooker, because anything goes then. He wanted to make sure I was comfortable with 3 somes, before he got another girl, where foreplay would take place.

 

I am not comfortable with the forplay aspect, espwecially since he said he would include me in everything.

[SmileFace]

Forget about your boyfriend but do you love yourself? I really don't see why you are trying to get validation on something you and your boyfriend have agreed is ok. If you were so ok with it, you wouldn't be seeking validation. You aren't even here asking for pointers on open relationship but just telling everyone why your perception of an open relationship is correct and getting mad when people's views differs from your own.

[John Bigboote]

Leigh,

 

There are lots of people who feel the way you do about nonmonogamy, but you're unlikely to find any of them, or any support for a nonmonogamous relationship here. As you've discovered, you'll generally be told that you hate yourself, that you're a doormat, that he doesn't love you, and that you're damaged. This is the mainstream perception of swinging. If you wish to continue, you'll have to get used to it.

 

But there are, in fact, plenty of healthy long-term swinging relationships in the universe. Most of them tend to be extremely discreet, because people don't like to be informed of what their feelings are for each other, or told that they're sick or not loving each other the right way.

 

For instance, the long-term nonmonogamous 2% of the population puts the lie to any claim that true love must always obliterate one's desire for other people. That's a pretty dangerous thought even for a strict monogamist: what happens when you DO find yourself attracted to someone other than your partner, which you will always do at some point because you're human? Will you convince yourself that you're no longer in love? That would be a serious error.

 

At any rate, I read as much of your posts as I could in the time available to me this morning, and these are my comments:

- Laying down boundaries is an excellent idea and you seem to know yourself well enough to know where you want to put them. They are pretty restrictive, though, and I would say that if you're not planning to remove restrictions on things like touching boobs, that you are probably not ready for this. A rule like "no boobs" might be OK as a stopgap measure, to allow you to gauge your own level of comfort with the arrangement, but it's not a rule that is healthy or going to last. No one can have sex and not touch the boobies. Sex is more than PIV. If you can't handle him having the whole package, including all the touching that makes sex so enjoyable, then this is not something you really want for him.

- Nonetheless, it appears that communication is occurring, and this is of utmost importance. The "open" in "open relationship" doesn't refer to who you sleep with, but rather the completely open and unobstructed lines of communication between the two of you. You need to be able and willing to communicate your needs/desires/feelings/discomfort and listen openly to those of your partner.

- "If he loved you he wouldn't want sex with other people" is fantasy bull**** better left in Disneyland, whether you're monogamous or not. We're talking about real life human beings here, with all their faults and foibles.

- Using hookers in this situation is not unusual... but it is risky. They provide what you're looking for, which is a zipless ****, but also (unless these are high-paid girls who should be happy to show you their report card or this is the legal sex trade in Nevada or Amsterdam we're talking about) carry a significant risk of HIV and other STIs. Use with ample protection and caution, and consider a sex-positive community such as AAF or swingers parties instead, where there is a culture of health responsibility.

- If you have been sexually abused in the past and not gotten a good sex-positive therapist to help you explore the ramifications of that, I would wait on any extracurricular play. You want to make sure you're playing for the right reasons, and that you are not further damaging yourself or reopening old woulds.

- Half-open relationships are not uncommon, but they are unhealthy if the half-openness is because of jealousy. It doesn't appear that way on your side, but...

- Most importantly: Your boyfriend's stated unwillingness to allow you the same privileges is a red flag, regardless of whether you want those privileges or not. That is not the signal of a healthy nonmonogamous relationship. That's the signal of someone not handling his jealousy appropriately, which is a skill required of, frankly, everyone, monogamous or not.

[Leigh 87]

Lastly, I do not mean i want him to treat girls badly: it is just that neither of us want him to hug and cuddle and get close.

 

He just wants to have a 3 some, be NICE to the girl, but not go and put his arm around them and hug them. It is about him touching their body, yes, but not acts of emotion. It is for his dick to get off on, not for him to feel close.

 

he says he is veery close with me, and has no need to engage in acts of closeness, beyond pure sexual things.

[silvermercy]

I do not need luck. You are the one who cannot see the truth: that there are men who can be in love, real love, and still get horny when a hot girl in a bikini walks past.

 

Your view is utterly wrong, in my opinion.

Well, I feel the same about yours. Just like most posters here. And I'm sure all millions (or billions?) of monogamous people. lol Again, you refused to see my point: I NEVER said men who can be in real love cannot get horny when a hot girl passes by. Of course they CAN!! It's natural! If that was the case, porn would not even exist now, would it? But the difference with men in real love is that they do NOT act on it. And they would usually feel offended or suspicious if their girl suggested threesomes and the like.

Basically, long story short, the problem everyone is trying to point out is the "rules" you have established, as xxoo correctly said. Not a problem with non-monogamy itself.

Edited February 20, 2012 by silvermercy

[Els]

Leigh, I have no problem with non-monogamy, if that is your cuppa tea.

 

But those rules are disturbing.

 

What kind of man enjoys treating a woman like a hole?

 

What kind of woman agrees to sex under those conditions, other than hookers?

 

It's like you are encouraging him to use women. Are you getting off on him treating these women poorly?

 

Precisely. Even if the dude's Brad Pitt, he'd have serious trouble getting any sort of sex with those rules. I really don't see the point of all this, to be honest. Either he IS going to flaunt the rules secretly, or he'd never get any.

 

Leigh, if this is what genuinely makes you happy, by all means! But from reading your posts, I don't get the idea that this turns you on or is a fetish for you at ALL. It's all about how men are always horny, how men in love can still want to have sex with other women, etc. Not about 'oh I get horny when I think of my bf with other girls' or 'I like open relationships where we can both have multiple partners'. Given all that, I have a tough time believing that all this is 'for you'. But... whatever floats your boat, I guess, even if it IS catering to a completely unnecessary 'need of men'.

[Leigh 87]

FINALLY, a REAL response, with ADVICE on how to go about it!!!!!!!

 

 

First of all, we have agreed that we do not want other people, besides together in a 3 some.

 

Even when I begged him to try other women for a year, he said he did not feel right doing it without me.

 

And yes, it is a red flag that he thinks he love sme too much to see me with other men. For his own character development, he needs to RECOGNISE his TRUE motives and feelings!

 

Needless to say, we have both agreed that it is best for us to only stick to 3 somes, as this meets both our needs.

 

 

The hooker thing was a way for us both to get into 3 somes: it is a frist for us both.. although I did go down on a friend when she was with her boyfriend. That was just for sh*ts and giggles though. I did not really enjoy that at all...

 

 

The 3 some I had without my boyfriend, I did not enjoy, and only did it to try it out.... I have to have my boyfriend present to enjoty them, it turns out.

 

I have also been strongly hit on and approached by 2 other women, who came on to me strongly, but who I did nto feel comfortable mucking around with... I just felt that I needed my boyfriend to be present, and I could not be sexual with a girl alone, unless she was the right girl

 

 

I realise my rules are fairly strict, which is why we had the hookers; just to ease our way into 3 somes, without the foreplay at first. It turns out, I am now comforrtable with him to engage in foreplay in the next 3 some.

 

However, as I said, he does not like going down on girls in general, besides me, because he loves me. FIngering and touching boobs is no longer an issue to me.

 

Besides, he said he would rather me touch the girl at the same time as he did - he would rather it be a group thing, not a one on one thing. Besides the end part, where I say he can f8ck her.

 

 

I have a fetish, for when he f*cks other women in front of me. It turns me on to no end, seeing him f*ck another girl. I am not sure why, but I am not worried. I tis just vastly different from most fetishes and women.

 

Lastly, I do love myself. I just have not developed as much as would have liked to have, for this point in my life... this is due to social isolation for the first half of my 20's.

 

While I like the basis of who I am, I need to develope mopre confidnce and self esteem. I am self aware and know what I have to do.