experiences with open relationships

[Leigh 87]

I am wanting to know the experiences of other men and women, regarding swinging/open relationships.

 

How many of you here, have had a relationship, where you deaply loved one another, but alloud each other to have some fun on the side occasionally.

 

 

What were your experiences: rules u both had: pros and cons: and ultimately, did it hinder and was it thw thing that ended your relationship?

 

I am o fthe opinion, that: there are many people out there who are suitable for you... u could meet them just as easily through hanging out with them.

 

In general, u should both protect the integrity of the relationship; if u even start hanging out with a girl or guy who u know u could be a good match with, stop hanging out.

 

There is more than one great person out there for you, and I do not see how sleeping, as a one night stand, with a person, makes u fall for them, if u otherwise DO NOT talk to them?

 

 

Of course, u should make sure u can trustyour partner, and MAKE SURE they are on the same page as you, regarding protecting your relaitonship...ENSURE they are interested in uilding a future with u, and will try to cut exposure with people, who they feel they could grow to like.

 

 

My boyfriend would rather 3 somes, because he said he prefers me to be involved. However, I have no aversion to him getting just sex every so often, with new girls. As long as it is purely sex, and he is not ion contact witht hem besides the sex;also, minimal kissing and foreplay.

 

 

I love my boyfriend, and we are both fun loving people. We are very adventerous, like trying new things, and are open to pretty much everything.

One thing we are very open minded about, is our sex life and relationship. We are both seeing a semi open relationship. It is one sides, which I am OKAY with, for now.

 

 

 

We have been together for a year, and I decided that I would prefer him to have one night stands on the side, every so often. This is something I came up with, because I feel happier and more confortable knowing that the urge to have sex with hot women, can be met in his case.

 

 

I do not like the idea of my boyfriend, or any guy that is suitable for me, to only have me to do sexual thigns with, for years to come. I just do not feel it is necessary, that ALL guys should have to ignore their urges for other women.

 

 

That said: if I wanted him to, he would definately do it for me, and try it. I would not be with a guy who would flat out refuse to only be with me, sexually.

 

 

Many women would feel shattered and be heartbroken, thinking about their guy with another women. Personally, it just .. does not bother me..... I LOVE my boyfriend dearly, he is the closest I have been to any other person in my entire life.

 

I have absolutely no doubt he loves me too. I just do not get.. upset, when I think of him having sex with other women on the side, every so often..?

 

 

It fascinates me, how some ( most) girls care deaply, at the prospect of their mate, having sex with another girl. Where as me, I love and care for my partners an AWFUL lot. I just do not feel that sense of betrayment or heartbreak, if they f*ck otther people.

 

Of course - with me, I only feel comfortable if he has one night stands. No ongoing basis... he has me for that, he has THEM just purely for sex. He just does not seam to have a problem adhereing to MY terms.

 

My boyfriend says he feels like the luckiest man alive, having me to be close to and have meaninful sex with, and still get to live out his fantasies occasionally.

 

He sais he feels so unbelievably blessed, that he found a girl who thinks like me, that he is MORe than happy to abide by my rules.

 

 

My rules are: I am totally apathetic to his sexual encounters, AS LONG AS

 

- it is a one night stand. He is NOT facebook friends or friends on any level with them. He hangs out with them, once ever so often, as a ONE NIGHT thing.

 

- it is ONLY sex; no foreplay, succking boobs, anything. Only fingereing to get hem warmed up, and MINIMAL kissing. I would rather none, but that is nto really possible.

 

He hates giving oral to any girl besides the girls he loves, any way, and said he never gets urges to go down on girls, even if they are super hot.

 

 

- he cannot even hang out with girls, if he is very attracted to them sexually, AND, they are also girls he thinks are awesome enough to fall for. He sais he is happy to remove himself from the situation, if he finds other sutiable girls for him.

 

 

- he has to tell me before he does it with girls. Call me before and after, just because it makes me feel close to him, knowing what is going on in his life in general, especially sexual things...

 

 

- He can only do it, if he is 100% certain I am a great girl for him at this point in his life, and he 100% loves me and wants a future with me, and his love is SO STRONG, that it really WILL BE JUST SEX with the other girls.

 

 

 

 

 

That is my experience so far, and each sexual encounter has made us closer.

 

It has only been wwith hookers so far, though; this worked best fro me, as he was not even alloud to KISS them, much less foreplay. I would RATHER him do it with hookers, becasue it literally is ONLY SEX.

 

 

I was present for the hookers, they let me come in and touched me too. I would rather him do it on his own, to be honest, because t takes the RIGHT girl, for me to feel like doing anything with them. Although there are girls I would love to experiment with:)

 

There were the two hookers, who were great... and yes, no STI's, they used condoms and they have strict STD checks regularly. There was one other girl besides those hookers.

 

The other girl was on my terms. She was over here, and she was a crazy one and it just happened. It was on my terms, but I did feel uncomfortable when he wanted/.tried to suck her nipples and finger her..

 

I stopped him, and from then on, made my feelings on the matter clear. he has no issue with it. He said for the most part, it is 90% sex he missed with girls... The fooling around is not important to him, or something he thinks about when he sees hot girls. He only thinks sex, upon looking at hot girls.

 

 

 

WHat are you experiences? I am really interested in seeing what other people have been through, regarding open and unconverntional relationships.

 

 

 

I do see there is a chance the guy could get CARRIED AWAY: once they start getting sex outside of the relationship, they will feel they can get it whenever they life, rather than it be an OCCSIONALLY treat for them.

 

 

My boyfriend really does say that he would be happy to just do it occasiionally, and would absolutely NOT start getting greedy about it. he knows I would just leave him.

[Star Gazer]

Oh... my...

 

Hookers? Really?

 

And he's not allowed to kiss, makeout, foreplay, lick nipples of these other women or finger them? He's literally just to stick his penis in the vagina?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Those rules will be difficult to enforce.

[SmileFace]

Truthfully I don't think you are actually ok with a open relationships. You just seem really insecure and unsure of yourself. I am not saying some women aren't ok with open relationships. I am personally ok with one but not with a boyfriend. Any way, I think your self esteem and body image is so screwed that the only way you think you can keep your boyfriend around is to give him enough freedom so you can feel secure enough that he won't leave you. You mention things like "hot women" which wasn't even related to your point but only reflected your own self esteem. Idk this is just what I get from you. I don't see why you are discussing open relationships if you are so ok with. I think you really need to work on yourself. I don't think your post is any type of healthy.

[kaylan]

Slippery slope OP. Physical intimacy can easily create emotional intimacy so be careful. And vice versa.

 

EDIT: P.S. - You are crazy if you think those rules will be followed. I assure you most guys love sucking boobs and foreplay.

 

Again, you are sliding down a slippery slope.

[Kamille]

Why are you having sex with hookers and opening your relationship? Do you enjoy it? What do you get out of it?

[kaylan]

Those rules will be difficult to enforce.

He will most likely lie to her and say he followed those rules, when in reality he is enjoying himself to the fullest when hes not with her.

 

Of course hed be smart to lie since that way shed allow him to sleep with other women.

 

O wells. Lucky guy I guess *shrugs*

[Anela]

How would he feel about you being with other men? That would only be fair.

 

I don't see this working out. I only know of two people who have successful open relationships, and they aren't nearly so strict with the rules, as far as I know.

[Els]

He will most likely lie to her and say he followed those rules, when in reality he is enjoying himself to the fullest when hes not with her.

 

Of course hed be smart to lie since that way shed allow him to sleep with other women.

 

O wells. Lucky guy I guess *shrugs*

 

Given the fact that she self-admittedly only gives him drama a couple times a week, I'd beg to differ on the bolded.

[Leigh 87]

Good point - an open relastionship, in which my boyfriend sleeps with other women, will NEVER work, IF I am not 100% confident within myself.

 

 

He is not interested in doing it as yet, we both know this point: we both want him to only consider doing sexual things with other women, once I am very confident.

 

 

I used to be 100% confident within myself, however, I do not have the seld esteem at this point, for him to begin doing other women solo.

 

However, I am going to get my full confidence back. It is imperative for a healthy, happy life, and if I put my mind to something, I can achieve it, I beliewve.

 

I already like the bassis of my personality, I just have to work on myself, enough so I am 100T confident within myself. Once I am, I am 99% certain that I will have no problems with my boyfriend sleeping with other women.

 

 

For the time being, hookers have had no affect on me. In fact, I enjoyed the experience. To me, it felt like i was giving him a cool present.... sex from another women, something he desires and was extra happe to get, since he is in a relationship.

 

 

 

STAR- yes, I am going to have to become more confident, and have a very solid confidence about myself, so I can feel oay with the foreplay aspect.

 

He does not like foreplay much, and prefers girls he has no feelings for, to just please him.

 

 

 

 

 

It is not an " open" relationship, actually: he cannot " see : others. Just f*ck. We both do not want to start such a thing, either, until I am confident enough.

 

 

He does not want to do it, knowing I may not yet feel good enough about myself, and potentially feel bad about myself, as a result of his flings.

 

 

The fact he has no issue waiting to see if I am ready for it, is what matters. I would not bother with him, if he forced in upon me, especially when I was not ready.

 

 

At this stage,m the hookers were a really positive experience. I really enjoyed watching him with them - it was a turn on to see him f*ck abother girl.

Hookers, to me, feel safe, as he cannot kiss or foreplay - and it turns me on ti watch him f*ck another girl, without the issue of foreplay with them.

 

 

Like a lot of men, he is absolutely thrilled he can even get hookers, so he is in no way hurrying me to get ready for him to f*ck with other girls.

 

 

In the past, however, I have had the mind set about me, that when i am happy with myself, I have always felt like a unique enough person, that does not need to worry about other women in this regard, because only I am ME, and that is what my boyfriend loves...

 

Where as sex is sex. The times in my life I have been confident in myself, I just do not have issue with sex and my boyfriends: I believe GUYS, more so then WOMEN, can divide between sex and emotions.

 

 

Again, I am not foolish: I am absolutely going to make sure I am 100% happy within myself, first, and wor intensively on MYSELF, before I consider letting him do it with other girls.

[Kamille]

I've been angry since reading this thread - and I'm shocked because, really, I don't get angry that often. Leigh, I'm open-minded. I know people for whom an open-relationship work. Finding out, however, that you are in an open relationship makes me want to scream. It makes me feel like no one is protecting you, no one is standing up for you, no one is looking out for you, not your boyfriend and not yourself. When is it going to be okay for you to be loved just for who you are?

[Anela]

If sex is just sex, then he could get one of those things someone mentioned yesterday - a sex toy, not a person. if sex is just sex, instead of love and he loves you, I don't see why he would go along with this. I guess I'm stupid, since so many men at least, might think this guy is lucky (I've heard about men being all for an open relationship, until it comes down to their partner finding other men - then they don't want it, so you really have made this ideal for him, and not for you, from what you're saying - I'm not convinced that you will be okay with it in the long run. :/ <3 )

 

The people I know in open relationships, have struggled with things like jealousy - the healthy relationships I'm talking about here - they don't have the same rules, and they not only love the people they're with, but are respectful of each other, they've worked on their self-esteem issues, and spend time together. They are friends and in love, with their partners/spouses and at least two other people. It isn't easy, and I will say that the more they felt the need to defend their relationships - the ones I know of - the more shaky their self-esteem was around the whole thing. It was like they felt they had something to prove, you know?

[Leigh 87]

By the way, I am fairly close to feeling confident enough in myself, to let him try it out. I am giving myself thuis year to work on myself. I have always had the personality, before the eating disorder I had, that I alwayf elt GREAT about who i was, and knew that any guys crazy abiout me would easily divide between sex and EMOTIONS.

 

 

I realize all women are beautiful to men. hot is hot. I know that it would be very boring, even to fussy men, if ALl girls had one body type, i.e, curvy, or if all girls were skinny.

 

 

I know without a doubt, and I am told by my boyfriend daily, that he is very very VERY happy with my body, and more importantly, I am what he wants in a girl.

 

 

Sex is physical, and to be honest, I feel that my boyfriend is capable of dividing between emotions and sex. In fact, in hisWHOLE adult life, he has only strongly liked ONE girl, besides me, and she was a freak of nature ( as in, beautiful, intelligent, funny, crazy, extreme sports junkie, the IDEAL girl for him). Out of his 24 yrs alive, he had no found a women who was beaitiful, and also a girl he wanted to spend his time with, in a relationship.

He does not fall for girls unless they have an absolutely amazing personality. He has hooked up with a lot of beautiful women, and non of them have really drawn him in, for a relationship. It was just physical. He wa snot averse to relationships, either.

 

 

 

 

My self esteem is not there yet, due to my past: not having a full time job or study routine for a great length of time, not having stable friends in my adult life....Although I am heading in the right direction daily, to setting about obtaining these fundamental things. I am meeting friends, socializing, seeking work in the fitness industry and adiditonal jobs, finding hobbies and interests I love...etc.

 

However, my outlook, in my opinion, is healthy: There will always be someone better looking, smarter, etc.. but only I pocessed the unique combination of me own physical and internal characteristics. They happen to be loved by someone, and I do not believe he has a need to leave me, for a girl based on SEX.

 

 

I do not think he will like me less or feel dissapointed by me, or that I have any reason to fret, if he has sex with a better looking girl than me. I honestly like WHO I AM, enough to not get insecure. Although, i would like to varify this, whch I will do through working on myself, and really getting to the stage where I undoubtedly KNOW that I will be 100% secure with him sleeping with other people occasionally.

 

 

I truly believe he is thrilled with ME; my body and personality... 100% of me believes, that it will just be a very fun thrilling experience for him to have sex with an attarctive women.

I do not think it will make me feel any worse about myselfd just because he is sexually intimate with a women that might be more attractive than me.

 

 

AFter all, the beauty is just something that enabnces the sex for him; he does not want to be with a girl, just because she is beautiful. I truly believe, he will be elated at having ME, and look at he sex with gorgeous women as a VERY enjoyabler experience.

 

I have started exactly how I feel. Intelectually, I know I should wait a few months, as we have been rocky, and I want to wait until we have a very solid, healthy, wonderful relationship, where I have worked on myself, to the extent where we cannot forcee ANY issues with him having sex with other people.

 

 

 

 

I am from the school of thought, that if I feel amazing enough, I need to not worry about my guy running off with another girl; furthermore, he I kow he truly loves what he has with me, and views additional gorgeous women as very fun things to play with not and again.

 

 

As I said before: it will only work, he he is invested in protecting the integrity of our relationship IN GENERAL: if he really,s trongly WANTS to have a future with ME, and DOES NOT WANT to risk falling for someone else.

 

Instead, I need to be 100% sure that he really, REALLY STRONGLY wants to build what WE have, and that he IS AGAINST the idea of starting new, just because he finds other people with whome he is suitable for.

 

 

At this stage, he has expressed that he would like us to stay together, however: we need to be together longer, until we both know for sure we are planning on having a future together, and that he 100% wants to cut himself off to friendships or sexual predicaments, in which he can see himself falling for another girl.

[Janesays]

Personally, I think the myth that men separate emotions and sex more than women do is bunk. Usually guys that insist that sex is mealiness aren't really in love.

 

Case in point: my guy was a virgin when we got together. I had some concerns that if he stayed together, he would always wonder what it would be like to sleep with another woman. So, I broached the idea of us really committing to each other until he had a chance to sow some wild oats. He was flat out horrified with this idea. He said that sex was very emotional for him and not something he could fathom with someone else since he was so in love with me. At first I was a little skeptical, until I realized that pushing the idea was legitimately hurting his feelings.

 

I spoke to some of my guy friends about their emotions and sex and every single one of them said that when they were head over heels in love with a woman, they completely list all sexually desire for other women. In essence, they felt it would be pointless because other women just wouldn't measure up to being with their love.

 

Blew me away because I always bought that crap about men not caring about sex. Turns out, a lot of them are as secretly romantic as we are.

[Leigh 87]

why does it make you angry?

 

He loves me and we are best friends, and he is in no way going to do it until I work on inhancing and building my self esteem.

 

He knows I have been trough a lot ( just like a lot of people, who have been thruogh far worse than I have). He said he has no interest in doing this, until we both feel I am ready.

 

We both want to focus on being happy together first. He wants me to feel 100% fantastic about mysef and my life, and my relaitonship with him, first and foremost: well before he sleeps with other girls.

 

 

I basically am deascribint exactly how I feel, I am in no way defending anything? I hate when people assume I am being defensive, as a means to preotect my true feelings regarding the matter.

 

I have ALWAYS wanted for the guy I end up with, to be able to have some sex on the side, very occasionally, say 5 times a year. It is just who I am,a nd what I feel confortable with.

 

 

I just have never wanted any guy I end up with, to have to ONLY sleep with ME HIS WHOLE LIFE. To me, it is just.. NOT what i want for the guys I fall in love with.

 

 

I believe, that a guy can be with a supermodel, with a killer personality, and love her very deaply..... and still enjoy occasionally sex from other gorgeous women.

 

 

I know it is now his lack of love for me, or lack of beauty, or lack of ANYTHING by mhy half - that will make him enjoy sex with hot women. I simply see it as a desire a lot of men have, even when they are in love.

 

 

Of course, we both want me to work on myself, seeing as I have overcome a hard time in my life, with drugs and eating disorders, and a disfunctional relationship with my parents.

[Janesays]

I apologize for all the typos in my last post. I was typing on my phone.

[Leigh 87]

There are many girls out there, who my guy would fall madly in love with. Does this mean that there is only one type of love, the type where a guy loves the women SO much, he cannot even THINK if sex with others?

 

is that the ONLY " real" love? Or, with some men, evem if they are head over heals in love and very emotionall bonded to a women: will some men STILL enjoy casal sex with hot women, if they are truly in love with a women?

 

 

 

This is a question, that is one of the reasons I am waiting a while, before I consider it with my boyfriend. I want to get to the point, where i feel he is truly in love with me, and he will notever really find a women, where he will not ENJOY occasional sex with other gorgeous women.

 

 

I know he " loves" me.... however, I do not want it to be a case, of :he does love me, claims to love me a great deal, and still enjoy sex occasionally with other girls: then later down the track, realizes that when he is MADLY in love, he loses asll desire for other women?

Isn't the primal desire, for a hot women in a bikini, always there, even if a guy is deaply in love?

 

I think there are more than one suitable person for you, and there are differnet levels of love. My boyfriend says that, the IDEA of getting to have sex with other women is exciting and it makes him horny when he sees hot girls in bikinis.

 

He says our sex as very meaningful, where as one night stands and hook ups feel very DIFFERNT, to having sex with a girl he has feelings for. He sais he can differientiate between sex with emotions,a nd one night stands.

 

 

He does not seam frustrated not having other girls, on any level. I just think it is a " thrilling bonus", a new thrill, for him to have one day: I am not sure if it means he does not love me enoughh, and therefore still desires others?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I think the myth that men separate emotions and sex more than women do is bunk. Usually guys that insist that sex is mealiness aren't really in love.

 

Case in point: my guy was a virgin when we got together. I had some concerns that if he stayed together, he would always wonder what it would be like to sleep with another woman. So, I broached the idea of us really committing to each other until he had a chance to sow some wild oats. He was flat out horrified with this idea. He said that sex was very emotional for him and not something he could fathom with someone else since he was so in love with me. At first I was a little skeptical, until I realized that pushing the idea was legitimately hurting his feelings.

 

I spoke to some of my guy friends about their emotions and sex and every single one of them said that when they were head over heels in love with a woman, they completely list all sexually desire for other women. In essence, they felt it would be pointless because other women just wouldn't measure up to being with their love.

 

Blew me away because I always bought that crap about men not caring about sex. Turns out, a lot of them are as secretly romantic as we are.

[Star Gazer]

Does this mean that there is only one type of love, the type where a guy loves the women SO much, he cannot even THINK if sex with others?

 

is that the ONLY " real" love? Or, with some men, evem if they are head over heals in love and very emotionall bonded to a women: will some men STILL enjoy casal sex with hot women, if they are truly in love with a women?

 

There are many types of love (friendship, familial, platonic, romantic, etc.), but a man who's TRULY IN LOVE with a woman will not want to have casual sex with random women.

[Jane2011]

I've been fascinated with open relationships for the past four months or so because I got involved in one at the beginning of November (and it lasted til toward the end of December). I was the third party to it, though, not the original couple. I met a guy who was in an open relationship with his girlfriend, and he met me and wanted to cultivate a relationship with me. They're actually polyamorous, though; they believe in having "equally loving" relationships, not just extra-curricular sex that is just that (sex).

 

I think it's really hard to try to have "equally loving" relationships with two people. There's still jealousy and insecurity, and most of my friends who had input on my crazy situation said "Bull****. There's no way it can be even. He likes one of you more than the other..."

 

Anyway, I got out of it. I perhaps could have tried harder to make it work. Been more calm and reasonable. At least on the surface, he was trying really hard to have two "equally loving" relationships, coddling me and trying to make me stay. But I left. I couldn't deal with their desire (hers, especially) for a communal love situation. I'm a very liberal person in a lot of ways, including sexually and relationship-wise. But I'm not down with communal love. Way too new age hippie for me!

 

I have a friend who is a PhD in Sociology (specializing in family issues, gender, and relationships) and she's a proponent of open relationships of the variety that there is a main couple but they are allowed to have extramarital sex with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. She doesn't believe polyamory (the situation I was in) can work, though.

 

In theory, I'm in agreement with her. If I were going to do any sort of "open relationship," it'd be the type that allows one night stands or even short-lived sexual relationships as long as they are devoid of emotion and significant interpersonal attraction. But I agree with the others that you're still risking a lot there. Sex often gives way to emotions. Sure, there are some people with whom you can have sex and emotions never come about (perhaps because you find the person limited somehow; cute and likeable but not quite someone you fall for). But it can and does just as easily go the other way, i.e. you sorta fall for them.

 

And I agree that even men get more attached than we generally think. Maybe they don't get as emotional about sex, but I believe there is a degree of emotional attachment that goes with it even for them.

 

The people who advocate open relationships usually have the argument that "it's natural to find other people attractive" and "it's nice to able to appreciate the value of various people." That's all true. But I think it's also natural to covet your partner and want them all to yourself. The only way you can have that, and still be a fair person, is to you yourself give up your right to indulge romantically and sexually in the various people you find attractive.

 

When I got into the open relationship I described above, I remember telling the guy at the start, "I can see the merit of open relationships because you can't get everything you need from one person. And most of us like at least a few different 'types'. Why limit yourself to just one person?"

 

And I still think that. But I've realized, after the experience, that I still believe in one person at a time. I doubt I'll ever be okay with open relationships or polyamory. If anything, I'm more of a serial monogamist than I am polyamorous or an open-relationship person. Be with someone for a while, then after it gets boring or exhausts itself, move onto someone else. I mean, I'm not saying I want that. I'm just saying, if I don't the ideal "one person who I'm in love with for my entire life," the relationship model I'd prefer is the serial monogamist thing. Exclusive relationship for as long as it lasts.

Edited February 20, 2012 by Jane2011

[Janesays]

I think men in love and men who are in 'strong like' see sex differently. A man who really likes you a whole lot might care for you and still be able to screw hookers. A man who is in love would just see casual sex as something that would cheapen the physically intimacy that you both share.

[Leigh 87]

I have told my boyfriend, that if he is truly in love, does that mean he will never want sex with a new women?

 

Does being truly in love, necessarily mean that the guy would RATHER never get to experience sex with another girl, for instance, for 10 years he is in love with a girl?

 

 

My boyfriend swears that he IS truly in love with me. He said that sex is just sex, that he would rather not have it unless it is a 3 some, and that he does nto know if he could even DO IT, without me being there.

 

 

He said, because he does get horny when he SEES hot girls, that the IDEA of being alloud to f*c them every so often, does sound very appealing!!!

However, he has said that he does not know if he can go through with it, and would much rather try it with a 3 some first.

 

 

There was a point, months ago, when we were very close, when he went away for the first time. Our first time apart from each other.

He was in a part of AUS, where the most beautiful girls in the world are; the sunshine coast, some of the worlds best beaches.

 

 

When he was out in clubs the few times he went out there, he ended up calling me, and saying that it was not the same going out without me, and that for some reason, he did not like chatting to very good looking girls.

 

He said that chatting to gorgeous women, made him feel like he was cheating on me. That even TALKING to them, felt bad, and just made him miss me. He said he was so sensative to my feelings, that he did not even like to look at rthe attractive girls.

 

 

 

I am not sure what this means. He has no problems going out around attractive women and keeping his hands to himself, thus far. All his mates say he is such a genuine, nice guy. NOt the type to decieve.

[kaylan]

Whos idea was this originally? Who brought this up between you two OP?

[Jane2011]

I think men in love and men who are in 'strong like' see sex differently. A man who really likes you a whole lot might care for you and still be able to screw hookers. A man who is in love would just see casual sex as something that would cheapen the physically intimacy that you both share.

 

I agree...

[Leigh 87]

Yes, my boyfriend said he is worried that it would make us less close.

 

He said that he wants me to love him as much as I can love a person; that he wants us to be everything to each other, and love each other as much as possible.

 

The prospect of me feeling less close to him, is something he does not want to risk for now. It is something to potentially look forward to in the future.

 

 

In the meanwhile, I am happy to let him f*ck hookers, as this does not threaten our bond in any way. He said it just felt like another vagina to him. That he just enjoyed the varity, and was fine without the emotional, chit chact connectiopn u get from more foreplay and one on one time.

 

 

I am going to think much more about it before I put the sex with other women thing into practice. I want to truly feel from him, that he will always appreciate and enjoy varity in women; EVEN IF he is madly in love.

[Leigh 87]

Whos idea was this originally? Who brought this up between you two OP?

 

 

 

It was my idea. Before I met him, I always thought that, since there are many ideal people out there for you, who u could be very happy with, WHY limit yourself to one person?

 

Then I fell in love, and learnt that emotionally, I love and want to build closness with the ONE person. F*Ck getting close and : experiencing" other people.

 

However, I still believe that, if two people are truly in love, why not have sex on the side, in order to get to experience knew people sexually?

 

In theory, it makes perfect sense to me. In theory, in this day and age, it sounds more appealing for men, to get to experience more than one vagina in the 10 - 20 years or more, that they are in love with one women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I just do not understand why it is necessarily ideal, for men to love one women for say, 10 - 20 years, and ONLY GET TO experience sex from ONE person.

 

Only getting to experience ONE WOMEN in all that time, sexually speaking, baffles me, to be honest. I could feel like the hottest, most AMAZING girl ont he planet; still I would prefer my partner to get to experience more than one women in all that time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!