triphopper414 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 About 8 months ago I met a wonderful guy and things did not go as planned because I was not ready to date after a year-long relationship. Since then, things between us have been up and down, and I would like to think that he and I are unhappy about the way we treated each other. We were not mean to each other but just uncertainty and constant rejection from both ends. He played games and we wanted different things. I have not talked to him in almost a month and have not seen him in two months. However, I am feeling guilty. I feel like I am the one who is fully responsible for the way he treated me and I am responsible for my own hurt, pain, and anger and all the tears I cried. Essentially, I am blaming myself for his poor treatment of me and excusing it. How do I over come this? How do I forgive myself? I have forgiven him.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 You need to realize that one person is never and entirely responsible for everything that goes on within a relationship/dating. You are not a god, or a magic genie that can wish everything right. Your fault in it was going into something you knew you weren't ready for and carrying your baggage into another relationship and making someone else deal with it. However that still doesn't make it all your fault, that person still chose to stay and be apart of it. That person still made their own decisions and are just as responsible for what happened and playing the "game" as much as you were. If you sit there and try to punish yourself or let someone else punish you for it, it's going to be wrongfully abused. The past Is not about reliving it and rehashing and punishing the other person because of it, it's about growing, moving forward and learning from it. The past is about self-reflection, not about revenge or vindication against another. You're building this guy up to be something he's not, he still acted the way he did and made the choices he made on his very own. Nobody forced him to do anything, he takes responsibility for that. In fact most people don't men don't realize what you feel or what you're going through so from his perspective he was probably just being himself, sure he was affected by your actions but don't be naive and think everything would have been magical without your issues...trust me it's not that simple and even with all the crap going on at the time he was still being himself...you know why? because IF he was such a wonderful guy he would have said "You know what...I can see that you're not ready so I'm going to walk away so that you can pick the pieces up for yourself first...I don't want to be apart of the drama" Not...oh I'm going to be apart of it and fight you, and do things I wouldn't normally do so that in the end I can say it was all your fault...It doesn't work that way even though I know a lot of people will want to say that "well of course I've been different with some people, and It wasn't my fault for being abused"...and in that case it was both of your faults, because you both participated in that destruction, you don't a get out of jail free card because one person was more "wrong", sorry! All you need to do is work on yourself and not repeat the past, and you can always apologize to this person for how you treated them, but If they wronged you too, you don't owe them nothing...this is life, **** happens, but you've got to keep on moving forward. It'll take time, but you'll have to make the choice to move on and realize that it's pointless and self-loathing to just beat yourself up all day...it doesn't do anyone any good, especially yourself. You do deserve better than that and everyone makes mistakes...trust me I've made mine.
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