GG3 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Reason for my post...a complicated situation...there was a guy at work that really wanted to go out. He made it pretty obvious and clear. I was seeing someone at the time. I never accepted his invites and things eventually moved on. A manager also commented to him that he spent too much time in my cube. I have told him that I did not initiate that and that certain manager was the one who had the issue and he knows this and is okay with it. I am no longer seeing someone and we have been emailing and being friends. In emails I can't get a read on him as being too interested. He wasn't asking me out like I hoped so I finally asked him to lunch. In person, I was 100% sure he was interested. Very friendly, checking me out, lots of eye contact, smiling and laughing. He kept asking about my weekend plans and I asked about his...we were kind of dancing around it but he never came out and asked me to do something. (He did already have plans most of the weekend though) Two days later I have no patience...I decide to go ahead and ask if he would like to "hang out" again and he's said sure and asked what day would work for me but not really saying what we would do. It's as though he is leaving it open to me? I can't get a read on the guy. He had been very interested before. His emails seem lukewarm. In person he seems extremely interested. It's confusing. Is he wanting me to make the first move because management had asked him to back off of me at work? Did he lose interest and is trying to figure out if I'm trying to be friends or more than friends? Did he feel rejected before so now he wants to see what my interest is before making a move? I feel like it's going to have to come down to my making a move and being rejected or not to figure him out. By the way, I am considered attractive by a lot of men's standards in the office and have a popular personality. I don't think that's the issue but it's possible he lost interest back when he was rejected....
wangster Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 He probably doesnt think you are interested in "that way" after all that time, especially since you blew him off in the past. And asking him out to lunch isnt very much of an indicator your of interest. Ask him to do something outside of work hours preferably on a weekend to show that its not some kind of office friendship thing. You're going to have get the ball rolling for the first date to encourage him.
mtber75 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Well he was kinda of warned not to flirt with you at work (manager telling not to spend too much time in your cub). Best is to talk to him after work? Never a good idea to flirt at work anyways.
mtber75 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Oh another point is that he did probably lost interest...So its a good idea to stoke his interest in you again.
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Did he feel rejected before so now he wants to see what my interest is before making a move? Yup. Ball's in your court now.
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 So we went out one evening and while we talked all evening and had fun, I got no romantic signals from him. So afterwards when I got home, he was texting me and I asked him directly if he was interested in dating. He sort of danced around the topic, but the overall context of his messages was that if that manager had never told him to stop flirting at my desk, things would have been different. And that if I hadn't taken so long to talk him...etc, etc. Basically everything we had been talking about here. He is being cautious. We are friends for now. I told him that I hope he texts me if he would like to hang out again. (Since I initiated our last outing which was an evening outing.) And I said the ball is in his court if he is interested. mtber75...what are some good ways to stoke his interest again? Got any good ideas? There is a younger guy in my office who follows me around like a puppy and is a bit creepy and I certainly do not want to do anything like that!
carhill Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 what are some good ways to stoke his interest again? Sex usually works. Unbutton your blouse a bit.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) I'm going to throw a wrench into this thread. I would not suggest dating someone you work with because if it gets serious and then you break up it will be an uncomfortable work environment. Especially if your the one getting dumped. I speak from experience. My ex-wife and I work at the same company since 2007. We don't necessarily work with each other, but I do see her every once in awhile. Sometimes we we have to email each other for work. She left me after 13 years of being together. We divorced in September of 2011. I also see the guy she is with now, and it sucks. They started to see each other while we were separated. I will also add that it is not good for couples to be together at home, on the ride into work and the home in the evening time. Relationships become stagnant when your always together. I will never date someone that works in the same place I do. That's my advice to you. Edited February 26, 2012 by Soxfaninfl 1
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 I understand and have "been there." We work for a large company and this project is over in mid-April. I will be transferred to another project and another building. At the current time, we have no meetings or interactions with each other either. Completely different work functions. So in this case...with my pickiness and hard to find someone I like...I'm going for it.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I understand and have "been there." We work for a large company and this project is over in mid-April. I will be transferred to another project and another building. At the current time, we have no meetings or interactions with each other either. Completely different work functions. So in this case...with my pickiness and hard to find someone I like...I'm going for it. We didn't work in the same building, but her department got moved into my building on the second floor. I'm on the third floor, and sometimes I will see her walking in or in the lobby. Her lover works on the same floor as I do. We have 1800 employees in my company, and I still manage to see her ever so often. I wish you luck.
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Anyway...anyone want to answer my question?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Anyway...anyone want to answer my question? Why beat around the bush, simply say I would like to go on a date with you. Say I'm interested in dating and want more than your friendship. Straight and to the point. You will then know if he wants a relationship or just friendship. Why continue to try to figuire out what he wants? Be blunt and to the point. Edited February 26, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Sex usually works. Unbutton your blouse a bit. Carhill, getting a bit frisky are we?
ffw Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 OP, no one here can you a definite answer regarding what he's thinking. You have try it yourself. Personally, I won't date someone once they turned me down.
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 OP, no one here can you a definite answer regarding what he's thinking. You have try it yourself. Personally, I won't date someone once they turned me down. If your read above I already did. I'm asking how to regain his interest...if possible.
gaius Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 If your read above I already did. I'm asking how to regain his interest...if possible. Spend too much time in his cube, make it publicly look like you're really into him. Even if you didn't mean it you gave him a reputation of “guy who need's to be told to leave women alone” which is humiliating. I know you said you don't have much time to hang out but if you don't find a way to fix that it might be hard to get him after you again.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 If a woman did do I would really like it, even if I didn't find her attractive.
carhill Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Anyway...anyone want to answer my question? I'm a man, a pretty conservative one at that, and I did answer, as clearly as I could. Ramp up the sex machine to stir his loins. That's not some hideous behavior; it's how men and women relate and mate. Remember what I said in your prior thread about 'timing'. That still applies, IMO.
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Spend too much time in his cube, make it publicly look like you're really into him. Even if you didn't mean it you gave him a reputation of “guy who need's to be told to leave women alone” which is humiliating. I know you said you don't have much time to hang out but if you don't find a way to fix that it might be hard to get him after you again. Hey! I like that idea!
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 I'm a man, a pretty conservative one at that, and I did answer, as clearly as I could. Ramp up the sex machine to stir his loins. That's not some hideous behavior; it's how men and women relate and mate. Remember what I said in your prior thread about 'timing'. That still applies, IMO. Okay. I guess I will be wearing a few shirts with a subtle slit in the front this week...lol. (I'm already stacked.)
ascendotum Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 GG - When he was flirting with you before (prior to mgr telling him to back off from visiting your cube all the time), did he know you had a bf then (I would hav thought it would have come up in conversation)? I wonder if he has thought you have been sinlge all along, and the delay in you now initiating more contact with, him is interpreted along the line of...you thought you could get a better guy than him before, but it hasnt worked out so well for you, and now he's become your backup option.
carhill Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Okay. I guess I will be wearing a few shirts with a subtle slit in the front this week...lol. (I'm already stacked.) Also, it's more than clothes; it's about aura. Compare, same person, same time period (1950's), demure versus alluring.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Okay. I guess I will be wearing a few shirts with a subtle slit in the front this week...lol. (I'm already stacked.) I wouldn't have a problem noticing you lol. I'm a breast man. Hopfully he is too.
Author GG3 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 GG - When he was flirting with you before (prior to mgr telling him to back off from visiting your cube all the time), did he know you had a bf then (I would hav thought it would have come up in conversation)? I wonder if he has thought you have been sinlge all along, and the delay in you now initiating more contact with, him is interpreted along the line of...you thought you could get a better guy than him before, but it hasnt worked out so well for you, and now he's become your backup option. No he didn't know. That I'm aware of. I can see why he would think that if that's the case. My ex and I weren't working out and I had seriously thought about going out with this guy behind my ex's back (only as an initial date or two) to see if we really liked each other and consider breaking up with my ex for this guy. But I didn't because I didn't want to lie to my ex about where I was. Because I suck at lying. Plus if I decided to stick with my ex after going out with this guy just out of not making a real decision...then that would have screwed things up. Anyway...crappy decisions all around.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 GG3, have you talked to this dude yet? I'm getting the feeling you haven't bothered to be proactive like other posters have suggested.
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