ThatDudeXO Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 My ex was slowly changing into someone else during the final few months of my 3 year relationship with my ex, I never realised this until we broke up after a nasty argument. She used to be crazy in love with me. Most of her actions were out of love. She used to love watching those romantic films and used to love doing all kinds of crazy things with me. She used to be the girly girl type who just loved the idea of love. She used to be so caring, used to say all those nice things and when I did romantic things for her, she would love it so much. She used to be emotionally dependent on me, as I am to her right now. Ever since she started studying for lawyer qualifications (An intense course) - she's turned into a much more professional woman, which I admire. She doesn't go out to party as much, she doesn't pay attention to romance. She is stressed and works really hard. She does all sorts of extra curricular activities for her career so it's evident she's become the career first independent kind of lady. It seems to me that her motivation for her career has replaced the need for my love. Since we broke up she said she didn't want a bf to focus on studies, I wasn't fine with that at first but I am now. Now we don't even talk any more...she talks to all kinds of girls and guys, makes friends here and there. Always socially active on facebook, even if it's just fun or study-related. I have since blocked her on FB. I have gone NC for 9 days now and she feels the need to talk to all other people who won't even matter to her in the future but she won't even pick up the phone to speak to me or even text me. I'm devastated because I think about her all the time but it seems like she has moved on and couldn't care less about our relationship... She is clearly not the one I fell in love with but she has become a person that I am so proud of...so I still want to be her boyfriend. I want to be there to support her and have fun with her in her time off. Does anyone have any suggestions so maybe I could start a new and improved relationship with her? She still loves me but I want her to feel love towards me again. I really want to move on but the emotional attachment I have to her is incredible. I can't seem to stop thinking or crying about her. She is in the middle of exams and finishes them next week. I was thinking about breaking NC then to maybe take her out or something...good idea?
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 I don't think there is much you can do. It takes two willing partners in a relationship. Have you been keeping your end of the relationship? Have you been working on yourself? Are you career oriented and financially secure? Now that she is redirecting her life, it's possible that she could want more from a partner. Someone also on the same level. 1
immitable Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Now that she is redirecting her life, it's possible that she could want more from a partner. Someone also on the same level. Calibabe, is sounding harsh as usual. I think you invested yourself too much in her goals, which in turn made you self esteem level drop. You should focus on yourself, Who says you can't achieve great things in your life as well. As for her, let her be she let you go, I know you are very attached to her at the time but with time you are going to realise that she was using you this whole time. 1
lubna Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 you should work on ur career......be strong n practical....i guess ur gf lyks practical n strong professional ppl so u shd b lyk tht if u really wants her in ur lyf.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Thank you for the responses everyone. I think you invested yourself too much in her goals, which in turn made you self esteem level drop. You should focus on yourself, Who says you can't achieve great things in your life as well. As for her, let her be she let you go, I know you are very attached to her at the time but with time you are going to realise that she was using you this whole time. I am indeed working hard to make my self a better person, atleast in her eyes. I've been working on my career and reaching my goals. She said she just doesn't want a boyfriend right now because of her studies. So maybe I'm thinking it's just a temporary phase? She finishes her exams next week and has more in the end of May. What did you mean by she was using me this whole time? I had no idea that could be an issue.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 I don't think there is much you can do. It takes two willing partners in a relationship. Have you been keeping your end of the relationship? Have you been working on yourself? Are you career oriented and financially secure? Now that she is redirecting her life, it's possible that she could want more from a partner. Someone also on the same level. We were both students for 3 years when we were together. Her parents paid for her post-grad course, mine couldn't so I've been trying to get a job but struggling. I'm close to getting one soon though. I'm trying to keep up with her but she has had a lot of advantages compared to me. Can a person completely change or is it just the stress getting to her?
Emilia Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Can a person completely change or is it just the stress getting to her? Yes. Especially in their 20s. I used to make excuses for my ex because he was (still is) going through difficult changes in his life but in reality he has almost gone backwards in terms of maturity. Some people don't have what it takes when it comes to dealing with adversity and their lack of character shows through eventually. 1
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Yes. Especially in their 20s. I used to make excuses for my ex because he was (still is) going through difficult changes in his life but in reality he has almost gone backwards in terms of maturity. Some people don't have what it takes when it comes to dealing with adversity and their lack of character shows through eventually. Would you suggest if I made sure my career was well on track and showed I really have matured, would you think I would have a chance in the future once she's finished with her exams?
Emilia Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Would you suggest if I made sure my career was well on track and showed I really have matured, would you think I would have a chance in the future once she's finished with her exams? I think you should do those things for yourself if you want. I think she is moving on but if she changes her mind, she will find you. In the meantime you should do what you want to do with your life, not wait around for her. She might never come back. It would be good if you contamplated moving on
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 My last comment may not have been what you wanted to hear Immitable or may be thought of as "harsh", but it's real. I am a woman and I see it all the time. Women leaving men because they feel like they can do better. IT HAPPENS! Sorry that I am not sugar coating things as you may want cause your living in la la fluffy marshmallow land Immitable. This is real and this is something to think about. (OP, wasn't necessarily saying this is what happened, just something to think about)
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 That Dude XO, It's possible that she could be focused on her studies, that is totally normal for someone working on success. And I do think that you should do your thing and be the best you can be. You can never go wrong there. I think with more time you will be able to get more insight as to where the relationship will go, time always helps give more perspective. My intention wasn't to your feelings if that's the way it came off. I am trying to be real with you and help you think about why and how this has come about. What I am saying is real as many women go through this.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 That Dude XO, It's possible that she could be focused on her studies, that is totally normal for someone working on success. And I do think that you should do your thing and be the best you can be. You can never go wrong there. I think with more time you will be able to get more insight as to where the relationship will go, time always helps give more perspective. My intention wasn't to your feelings if that's the way it came off. I am trying to be real with you and help you think about why and how this has come about. What I am saying is real as many women go through this. Thank you so much for your insight. Don't worry about my feelings, I really appreciate your insight and your opinion as woman. It has helped me put things into perspective. I really do believe she can't do better than me, my friends and some of hers used to tell me I could do a lot better than her but I refused to listen purely because of how loving she was towards me. I know I can do better than her in the way she's acting right now but I'm hoping she's being heartless towards me because of all the stress. I just can't believe how she can change so much that she can go living her life without speaking to me. I do see that she's moved on or atleast shifted her focus 100% on her studies but I really do believe this shouldn't be the end of our relationship because I know for a fact I could have been a much better boyfriend, she should have let me know I wasn't doing good enough, I had no idea I was lacking. I spend most part of the day convincing myself I should give up and move on but I always end up breaking down crying because I really miss her. I can't help these emotions, I dream of her all night and wake up miserable. I either want to stop thinking and crying over her or have her back. I can't seem to have it either way and I don't see any improvement over the past 10 days of NC.
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Thank you so much for your insight. Don't worry about my feelings, I really appreciate your insight and your opinion as woman. It has helped me put things into perspective. I really do believe she can't do better than me, my friends and some of hers used to tell me I could do a lot better than her but I refused to listen purely because of how loving she was towards me. I know I can do better than her in the way she's acting right now but I'm hoping she's being heartless towards me because of all the stress. I just can't believe how she can change so much that she can go living her life without speaking to me. I do see that she's moved on or atleast shifted her focus 100% on her studies but I really do believe this shouldn't be the end of our relationship because I know for a fact I could have been a much better boyfriend, she should have let me know I wasn't doing good enough, I had no idea I was lacking. I spend most part of the day convincing myself I should give up and move on but I always end up breaking down crying because I really miss her. I can't help these emotions, I dream of her all night and wake up miserable. I either want to stop thinking and crying over her or have her back. I can't seem to have it either way and I don't see any improvement over the past 10 days of NC. It's a strange thing isn't it. When someone we know and love changes on us. I don't know how they do it. Going from being one way just one week and another the next. People change and we end up driving ourselves crazy trying to figure them out. It really, really sucks now since it is still fresh, but after a few months I PROMISE you will feel better. You are already doing the right things now, continue that one day at a time and switch your focus back to being 100% on you. 1
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 It's a strange thing isn't it. When someone we know and love changes on us. I don't know how they do it. Going from being one way just one week and another the next. People change and we end up driving ourselves crazy trying to figure them out. It really, really sucks now since it is still fresh, but after a few months I PROMISE you will feel better. You are already doing the right things now, continue that one day at a time and switch your focus back to being 100% on you. Thank you ever so much for the wise words. I'm starting to accept it a little bit but I'm really struggling. I'm accepting that contacting her will do nothing and that I will have to cry my eyes out each day to get a positive feeling. I just love her too much to convince myself to forget about her and if I do, the feeling comes back days later.
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