verhrzn Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 bingo Regardless of everything else... I restate that if a woman wants to understand her guy and have a close relatioinshiop...be his personal slut and take five minutes a day to jerk or suck him off. It gets rid of so much tension and misplaced emotion. After that you can resume whatever other image or persona you want to be. Good wife, independent woman, nuclear physicist or whatever. Just take care of 'that need' and it's the foundation to build everything else upon. My girlfriend likes to cuddle up in bed and watch a movie. She knows, however, that I'll get the urge, start wiggling around and touching her everywhere. So, she'll do me quick before the movie starts and then I can settle down and actually watch it with her. She has men figured out. How do you explain guys who don't have a high sex drive then? (Like he doesn't want to have sex every day, only once a week or less.) Or rejects a girl's advances? Does it mean the guy isn't really attracted to her? How do satisfied a man like that then?
Author Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 bingo Regardless of everything else... I restate that if a woman wants to understand her guy and have a close relatioinshiop...be his personal slut and take five minutes a day to jerk or suck him off. It gets rid of so much tension and misplaced emotion. After that you can resume whatever other image or persona you want to be. Good wife, independent woman, nuclear physicist or whatever. Just take care of 'that need' and it's the foundation to build everything else upon. My girlfriend likes to cuddle up in bed and watch a movie. She knows, however, that I'll get the urge, start wiggling around and touching her everywhere. So, she'll do me quick before the movie starts and then I can settle down and actually watch it with her. She has men figured out. I see. So your woman is just a place for you to blow yourself off from and that's what makes you happy in life. Everything else is insignificant?
xxoo Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Yukon, how long have you been together? While his examples seem one sided here, I do understand what he is saying regarding the "smoothing" power of daily sex for men in a relationship. Without regular sex to reconnect, and get those good "love hormones" flowing, the little annoyances begin to add up, and irritations seem much larger than they need to be. There's more "keeping score"...who does what for who, and how often. With regular sex, connection, and lots of "love hormones" flowing, all that other stuff is no big deal. There is more give, less take, and no keeping score. Many men feel loved most powerfully through sex. Give them that, and they'll give love back--generously. Deny them that, and they pull back accordingly.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You make it sound like your sex life is just about your needs getting taken care of in the most expeditious way possible. It doesn't sound like fun to me. I see. So your woman is just a place for you to blow yourself off from and that's what makes you happy in life. Everything else is insignificant? Jezz, you girls took that in the worst way possible. How do you explain guys who don't have a high sex drive then? (Like he doesn't want to have sex every day, only once a week or less.) Or rejects a girl's advances? Does it mean the guy isn't really attracted to her? How do satisfied a man like that then? Why bother? Unless you have a low sex-drive yourself. I can't see the appeal in being with a man who has a drive that low.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Why bother? Unless you have a low sex-drive yourself. I can't see the appeal in being with a man who has a drive that low. Well, Somedude, there are all types of compromises in long term relationships that work. This might be one that some individuals are okay with making.
TheBigQuestion Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 How do you explain guys who don't have a high sex drive then? (Like he doesn't want to have sex every day, only once a week or less.) Or rejects a girl's advances? Does it mean the guy isn't really attracted to her? How do satisfied a man like that then? I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in having sex once a week or less. I've never met anyone who compromised in this department who didn't start to severely resent their partner. I'm willing to bet that most people who are alright with having sex 3 times a month in a relationship (or get annoyed at having more), even those with a low sex drive, probably aren't all that physically attracted to their partner in the first place.
verhrzn Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Find out what the likes and make an effort to satisfy that need. Bake a pie or whatever (not kidding). On a different note. There's lots of reasons for a low sex drive but sometimes a guy can find 'performing' a chore. Just unzip his pants, pull him out and do it. My own experience is that sex is self fulfilling. The more you have, the more you want. It's largely about letting go and being vulnerable to eachother. Break barriers down and sex improves. This is why sex is often hot when we first meet. Little pretention...no hurt feelings...no small stuff creating tension.,etc. Sex loosens a guy up and improves closeness which leads to more sex...the cycle continues. So if a guy doesn't want to have sex more than 1-3 times a week, even if she initiates, a girl should assume he's not attracted to her and leave?
only_quotes_jerks Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in having sex once a week or less. I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in watching a movie twice a week or more. It's a special skill I have, being able to judge a person's universal worth, based on my own arbitrary evaluation of their preferences. It looks like you have that skill too! 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Huh? I said a few minutes a day. If your partner is important to you then why wouldn't you take a couple minutes and make him happy? This isn't 'a chore' for my girlfrriend'. Half the time she makes a game of it and can't stop giggling. This doesn't distract from any other positives of a relationship. We have a very healthy sex life. I'm very attentive to her other needs in life. Unlike some here, I don't find it a negative to take care of the needs of one partner. It's what she and I do for eachother. We love, want and need eachother. Read the OP. The issue is that YOU don't want to know the answer. Guys are telling you. Open your ears and eyes. Foremost Guys want 'to come'. Take care of that need and your relationship will be better. Don't accept that and a relationship can be taken over by the 'small stuff'. I have no problem with what you said, as long as you have enough sex energy to have really wonderful sexual relations that include her pleasure. Lots of people, men included, are in favor of building up some level of sexual tension in the interests of having mind blowing sexual adventures with one's partner. A daily quick hand or blowjob would alleviate this. The way you describe it does actually make it sound like a chore - maybe a pleasant one, but a chore nonetheless. Get your need to "come" out of the way so you can watch a movie together. But, I certainly don't know you and I am not taking exception to what you enjoy, or the fact that your girlfriend does that for you. I just hope that the daily hand / blowjob is not the whole, or main picture of your sex life, or if it is, that it's fine with her too.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Well, Somedude, there are all types of compromises in long term relationships that work. This might be one that some individuals are okay with making. I've always heard that sex drive incompatibility was one of the main deal breakers in relationships.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I've always heard that sex drive incompatibility was one of the main deal breakers in relationships. I'm quite sure that is true, but there are also millions of unions full of steamy sex that are atrocious in other respects. Everybody is responsible for the compromises they choose to make. I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in having sex once a week or less. Why can't all the people who want to have sex once a week or less partner up amongst themselves? You think they should all be "punished" for having a low sex drive by being forever alone?
Author Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in watching a movie twice a week or more. It's a special skill I have, being able to judge a person's universal worth, based on my own arbitrary evaluation of their preferences. It looks like you have that skill too! Lol. I have to say that I loved this response.
Stellar Wench Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 What??? how am I equating "simple" with "stupid"??? There is nothing in that post that infers men are stupid at all. I also think it's interesting that you call it, "women's convoluted needs". Why is a woman's needs automatically "convoluted"?Let me put it in simpler terms for you. It's not that men are too simple. It's that women are too needy.
TheBigQuestion Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I don't think anyone, male or female, is a worthy long-term partner if they're interested in watching a movie twice a week or more. It's a special skill I have, being able to judge a person's universal worth, based on my own arbitrary evaluation of their preferences. It looks like you have that skill too! Yep, because how often one watches movies is really going to affect the fundamental dynamics of 99% of the population's romantic relationships. This is quite the weak strawman you've constructed. If you don't have a way to respond to the substance of my post, why respond at all?
only_quotes_jerks Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 If you don't have a way to respond to the substance of my post, why respond at all? No worries, I'll just make a note: words written by TheBigQuestion may not have any substance, according to author. Thanks for offering up a correction!
El Brujo Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I sometimes hear both men and women say, "men are simple". But this just hasn't been my own experience. Even this board is a good example of how much more multi-demensional men can be. But I am curious how other people see it. Some people find a lack of intelligence extremely sexy.
TheBigQuestion Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Let me put it in simpler terms for you. It's not that men are too simple. It's that women are too needy. I don't think women in general are more needy than men. Both genders are relatively "simple" to please in the relationship context, although there are of course a few unpleasant/psychotic outliers in both genders. But generally speaking, if you have common passions, if your sex lives are good, if you demonstrate that you're not one to run from the relationship during times of stress, and if you make an effort to be pleasant and understanding, most people will be satisfied. Even women who make laundry lists typically throw said lists out if she finds a guy that hits a small combination of the right items on that list. With that said, and ignoring the borderline trolling of my posts by someone who has added nothing to the conversation, I'll stand by what I said earlier. I don't know very many people regardless of their gender who would be happy having sex with their significant others twice or three times a month unless there was some distance or a physical ailment getting in the way. Yes, I would consider a woman who lived with me who only would feel like having sex with me less than a handful of times a month to be a crappy partner, or she had some weird sexual hangup, or I would simply assume she wasn't all that attracted to me. And if after expending a reasonable amount of effort in trying to resolve whatever was causing said lack of sex we would find no solution, I would have the strength to walk away from the relationship. And honestly, a lack of frequent sex can tell you a lot about the relationship. If one partner makes a habit of turning down sex in a relationship, it's been my experience that that partner tends to be the less attentive and more ungrateful one. I have a few friends who are in their mid 20s who have had girlfriends for a few years who express consistent disappointment at the dearth of sex they have in their relationships (I personally would not put up with that, and if they had any balls, they'd have at least tried to seriously address the problem by now). It doesn't surprise me one bit that compared to their girlfriends, they are also the ones more willing to go out of their way to be nurturing and supportive. I'm willing to bet that the results are very similar if the genders are reversed.
andwilson90 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I sometimes hear both men and women say, "men are simple". But this just hasn't been my own experience. Even this board is a good example of how much more multi-demensional men can be. But I am curious how other people see it. Men, do you consider yourself simple? If so, why? If not, why? Women, do you consider men simple? If so, why? If not, why? I don't consider men simple. I think when we over generalize men like that we give a lot of room for misunderstanding about what men need or who they are. I do think men can be simplier then women sometimes. But I don' think that equates to men being "simple" all around. What do you guys think? I also think so, that men are simpler than women but are not equal with the word simple. Then some time show off, especially in front of other girls (girl friends of their boy friends)
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