kaylan Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 OP, you are entitled to tell, the same way hes entitled not to date you based on that. Ive been around enough to know that girls who are secretive about their past are bad news. Id trust someone more who can be open and honest with me. TYPO. This should say: OP, you are entitled to NOT tell, the same way hes entitled not to date you based on that.
ScienceGal Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) That's a great question to ask them in the moment. Try it next time Myself, I've never asked it that way. I ask 'have you been married?' or 'what do feel has been your most meaningful romantic relationship?' or similar. I asked in the moment once, just before our clothes were going to come off for the first time. He answered and said "what about you?" I answered and he said "ok", then I said "ok", and then we continued on... I'm pretty sure it was just nerves. We laughed about it afterwards. I don't take personal offense to being asked. Perhaps because I haven't been with many people and also because I wouldn't be deterred from dating someone that I think has a "high number". I care more about what their wants are now and with me. I don't want to be with someone who's only interested in casual sex (I want a relationship). Edited February 19, 2012 by ScienceGal
carhill Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 For clarity, I was answering the OP's question about 'why' men ask such questions and asserted that the best way to ascertain the 'why' is to ask the man directly, 'why do you want to know?'. Clear communication is healthy, IMO.
Author darkmoon Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 it's being able to handle his freind who dislikes me but am learning to be vague here because too few men = no good in bed and too many = slut i do think it is the now that counts, not some way-back-when from a past chapter, rape trials have been most unfair because of a past raked up
mickleb Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Have you started a thread specifically about how to handle a BF's rude friend?
Author darkmoon Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Have you started a thread specifically about how to handle a BF's rude friend? yes, though have a hard time admitting it to myself, wishing things were different
Krios Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 why do men ask this? what do they want to know for? i think it's bad to go over the past myself I have never asked a guy, not been concerned, but i have a feeling that if i agree to go out with a guy i know his friend will expect me to tell him. feel got at with no answer to give that will be ok It's the slut check. - If the number is too high, then that's a red flag and possibly a deal breaker. - If you say: "That's none of your business", then that's a red flag and possibly a deal breaker. - If you lie. Then that's a red flag and possibly a deal breaker. What's important is who you are now and not necessarily you who you've been, however, men do generally use patterns of the past as indicators for the future. It's been discussed many times on LS. Many women dread the question, because guys DO take it into consideration. And don't give me the "that's not a laid back attitude!" kind of excuse. It has nothing to do with being laid back or not, it has to do with imagining a possible future together. A man needs to be able to see himself spending the rest of his life with a woman. My advice is to just be honest about it and that IF you no longer follow that pattern, then explain that that behavior was something of the past. It'll probably sit like a needle in his mind, but if you both have a healthy relationship where there's no cheating involved, then he'll eventually become more trusting of you.
mickleb Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Okay -just wanted to check you're getting all the advice you need!
KathyM Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 it's being able to handle his freind who dislikes me but am learning to be vague here because too few men = no good in bed and too many = slut i do think it is the now that counts, not some way-back-when from a past chapter, rape trials have been most unfair because of a past raked up Too few does not equate to being no good in bed. That person might have had a long-time lover and learned quite a bit during that time. Multiple partners does not equate to good in bed. All it means is that you are permiscuous, and not discerning at all in whom you give yourself to. If the guy you're dating asks this question, he's trying to find out either (a) how much risk you are for transmitting an STD; and/or (b) what kind of person you are, what your values are, and that kind of thing. He's not trying to find out how good you are in bed. I'm sure he could find that out easily enough. Just be honest without worrying how it's going to sound to the guy. Without giving an actual number, give a vague idea, such as if you've had quite a few in your youth, say "I've had some partners in the past". That would be a fair thing to say. Don't lie and make it sound like you've had few to none if that's not the truth. If this guy would require that amount from you, then you are not a match anyway, since you would not be what he is looking for. There are plenty of men who would accept the answer of "I've had some partners in the past" without dumping you for it. And don't tell the friend anything. It's not his business. Next time the friend asks, tell him if so and so (the guy you're dating) wants to know, he should ask me directly. 1
joystickd Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Just be completely honest. Imagine if the situation was reversed you would want someone to be completely honest with you. It would be horrible if you were vague and by chance someone from your past has a conversation with this person. I knew a woman once it happened to and the guy she was with was horrified that she withheld info.
Author darkmoon Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Too few does not equate to being no good in bed. That person might have had a long-time lover and learned quite a bit during that time. Multiple partners does not equate to good in bed. All it means is that you are permiscuous, and not discerning at all in whom you give yourself to. If the guy you're dating asks this question, he's trying to find out either (a) how much risk you are for transmitting an STD; and/or (b) what kind of person you are, what your values are, and that kind of thing. He's not trying to find out how good you are in bed. I'm sure he could find that out easily enough. Just be honest without worrying how it's going to sound to the guy. Without giving an actual number, give a vague idea, such as if you've had quite a few in your youth, say "I've had some partners in the past". That would be a fair thing to say. Don't lie and make it sound like you've had few to none if that's not the truth. If this guy would require that amount from you, then you are not a match anyway, since you would not be what he is looking for. There are plenty of men who would accept the answer of "I've had some partners in the past" without dumping you for it. And don't tell the friend anything. It's not his business. Next time the friend asks, tell him if so and so (the guy you're dating) wants to know, he should ask me directly. the ultimate answer THANK YOU Kathy
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