Why do guys get scrutinized for their standards or expectations?

[kaylan]

Ive noticed something.

 

In my other thread about dating a woman who failed to launch, I linked in a thread in my OP about this girl whos dating a guy who failed to launch.

 

No one questioned that OP as much on this as much as I was being questioned in my thread. So then I started thinking. Ive noticed that when it comes to certain modern day expectations of a partner, women have certain expectations of guys, but when dudes here do the same, some women get bent out of shape.

 

If I had switched the genders in my previous threads OP, women would come out the wood work saying theyd never date such a guy. But for some reason, I paint a picture of someone whos not necessarily a dateable girl, and a couple posters decided to skip over reading some things or just ignore the description given on the person.

 

One poster in that thread mentioned how many guys wont go for the whole stay at home mom idea in modern times. Dudes get roasted alive for not being ok with that, but its ok for women to absolutely shun a guy for wanting to spend more time with his kids. We know a guy would have a hell of a hard time dating if he let women know he was willing to give up his career to raise the kids if she wanted to work full time. Lets be real....expectations of mates have changed in the modern day...and a lot of this has to do with constantly shifting gender roles and guys being raised in different times and cultures than others.

 

I dont see why dudes cant have the same standards some chicks hold. And its really nothing way out there. In my previous thread I showed my aversion to dating someone who lived at home, had no ambition, didnt chip in with household expenses, had their parents take care of everything, didnt have any passions or career goals, etc. Basically an adult kid.

 

It wasnt even simply about living at home. Because I live at home myself. However, I have lots of ambition, several life goals, passions like music and education, and I contribute to the household until I am able to move out later this year. Its asinine to me that someone would have to defend wanting to date someone similar to that. All I am saying is Id wanna date a passionate chick who had an idea of where her life was going and valued/desired independence.

 

Hell, some dude just made a thread about not wanting to date older virgin women (in their 20s or older). Dude got grief from a few posters, however if a chick made a thread stating how she was turned off by a guy being an older virgin the response from most female posters and even several guys, are ones of agreement. A simple forum search of older threads will show you this.

 

So tell me, Why do guys get scrutinized for their standards or expectations even though there are plenty of women with the same views?

Edited February 19, 2012 by kaylan
more accurate title

[thatone]

because gender roles aren't really shifting. women like the idea of such a thing when considering the positive aspects of it for them, but for your purposes as a single man, nothing has changed.

 

got money? got a nice house? got a nice car? got a good job? you'll have more women.

 

you can have whatever standards you want. i don't see why you're upset about things women you'll never meet say.

 

hell, even if you want a girl who will let you move in with her and sit around in your drawers on her couch watching TV and eating cheerios while she's at work all day, just go get one! lord knows there are plenty of them exactly like that.

 

you can do whatever you want.

 

just don't bet on your 'role' ever changing all that much, despite what women say about changing roles.

[ThaWholigan]

Good question, should be interesting to see the responses.

 

I too would find it difficult to date someone who didn't want to do anything in particular. My little brother is an ambitious person, he's always talking about his plans and he always goes off doing lots of stuff. He has had trouble with his girlfriend because she always wants to spend time with him when he's doing stuff. She doesn't necessarily seem like she wants anything in particular out of life other than to sit down with him in his room all day, and he gets fed up because he wants to go out and make good on his goals.

 

That maybe down to her neediness more than anything, but I have to say that one's ambitions do have to be compatible with the other person's to an extent.

 

I just think that there are a number of women who want to have the best of both worlds and will vehemently defend the number of advantages they appear to have. Not all, just some.

[Sanman]

Astute observation...it happens around here. I have gotten crucified for such statements. I believe in all things being equal in a relationship. This means splitting dating costs, both of us working, and both of us splitting home responsibilities. My gf thinks the same way. Yet, when I talk about my preferences here, I get called, cheap, likely to be forever single, a loser, etc. All I have done is adopt many of the expectations women have for men and put that towards women. Obviously, the voices here are not the only ones that exist. Otherwise, I might be forever single.

[Fondue]

Women want to "feel like a lady" and be "treated as such," but also want to all the modern benefits of being a woman and having a high status male without sacrificing anything of their own.

 

Simply put, they "want to have their cake... And eat it, too."

[gaius]

In your case you didn't explain yourself very well so people interpreted it in different ways. Then you wouldn't admit you were mistaken in anyway, so most of the thread just devolved into arguing. When it comes to a double standard, women around here get roasted all the time by the virgin crowd for not wanting to ask out guys so it's a two way street.

[kaylan]

In your case you didn't explain yourself very well so people interpreted it in different ways. Then you wouldn't admit you were mistaken in anyway, so most of the thread just devolved into arguing. When it comes to a double standard, women around here get roasted all the time by the virgin crowd for not wanting to ask out guys so it's a two way street.

In my case, in that thread, some people simply failed to read the OP word for word and then jumped to conclusions, or made up scenarios that were different to the scenario given.

 

And I never said women didnt face double standards, so lets not turn this discussion into simply a "women face double standards too" debate. When it comes to people asking folks out, guys def get vilified more if they expect a girl to talk to them. Dudes arent given the same leeway to have such an expectation without being criticized harshly.

 

But hell, if those dudes want chicks to ask them out, then so be it. Ive had chicks ask me to chill. No biggie.

Astute observation...it happens around here. I have gotten crucified for such statements. I believe in all things being equal in a relationship. This means splitting dating costs, both of us working, and both of us splitting home responsibilities. My gf thinks the same way. Yet, when I talk about my preferences here, I get called, cheap, likely to be forever single, a loser, etc. All I have done is adopt many of the expectations women have for men and put that towards women. Obviously, the voices here are not the only ones that exist. Otherwise, I might be forever single.

foreveralone.jpg lol

 

It is what it is. Ive learned not to take the interwebz so seriously. In the real world people dont take issue with much of the stuff we all argue about on here.

 

In my world girls have asked me out, bought me lunch, asked me to dance, had no expectation of me buying them drinks or taking them out all the time, etc. But these forums would have me to think that those gals are rare and that Im a loser for having an evened out relationship with them. When all it really is, is that I meet generous gals who beat me to the punch on some things.

 

I cant take this forum too seriously because according to a lot of what I read here, I should be a virgin since Im only 5'9 (read: under 6 ft), black (read:not white), not making copious amounts of cash, drive my college beater, live at home despite 2 degrees in 4 years, etc, etc, etc. But my world is doing just fine...so all I know is the internet is silly sometimes.

Edited February 19, 2012 by kaylan

[Kamille]

What do nerds do on their days off? Stats! That's right. I compared both threads to see attitudes towards 'failure' to launch, assessing whether a response displayed positive attitudes toward people who failed to launch or negative attitudes.

 

LS attitudes toward failure to launch

In total, both threads combined, 66% of respondents felt a failure to launch was an undesirable trait in a partner. 68% of men saw it that way against 63% of women.

 

Kaylan is right. In Honeyxo's thread, only 5 women responded, but all considered a man's failure to launch a deal breaker. In his thread (which garnered all together more responses), 11 women responded and 5 of them felt failure to launch was a deal breaker.

 

The men's responses showed a tendency to view failure to launch as a negative. In Honey's thread, 9 out of 12 men felt a male partner's failure to launch was a dealbreaker. In Kaylan's 6 out of ten felt a women's failure to launch was a dealbreaker.

 

So, Kaylan, hypothesis confirmed. There is a double standard. A man's failure to launch is judged more harshly by both men and women. A women's failure to launch (or your right to have expectations) while seen as less problematic, is still perceived as a deal-breaker by the majority of posters.

 

So go forth and have your expectations dammit!

[Janesays]

Personally, I like to be with men with high standards. It makes me feel like he sees me more as a person rather than a 'pretty hole.' I also think men with high standards take commitment more seriously because they understand the value of woman who brings more to the table than a pretty face and will be less likely to take the life we build together for granted.

[pie2]

What do nerds do on their days off? Stats! That's right...!

 

That's right! LOL!

 

Very impressive

[Kamille]

That's right! LOL!

 

Very impressive

 

Thanx pie! And that's the edited post, the one where I took out a huge paragraph on methodology.

[kaylan]

^Whatever you say buckeroo.

[kaylan]

If only you were a woman kaylan I'd bend you over and give it to you real good!

:sick::sick:

 

Luckily I have a penis. Thank god.

[Emilia]

 

So tell me, Why do guys get scrutinized for their standards or expectations even though there are plenty of women with the same views?

 

A lot of men don't have very high standards when it comes to dating and just happy to get laid. Nothing to do with being scrutinised.

 

Your self-importance is getting somewhat tiresome.

Edited February 20, 2012 by Emilia

[Els]

Astute observation...it happens around here. I have gotten crucified for such statements. I believe in all things being equal in a relationship. This means splitting dating costs, both of us working, and both of us splitting home responsibilities. My gf thinks the same way. Yet, when I talk about my preferences here, I get called, cheap, likely to be forever single, a loser, etc. All I have done is adopt many of the expectations women have for men and put that towards women. Obviously, the voices here are not the only ones that exist. Otherwise, I might be forever single.

 

I do agree that there is way too much criticism here and too little support, especially for a forum purporting to offer relationship help. Criticism towards guys who don't want to pay. Criticism towards girls who want guys to pay. Criticism towards men who want a half-half split of household duties and income. Criticism towards men who want a SAHM. Criticism towards women who weigh 130 lbs. Criticism towards men who like those women. And on and on and on...

 

I don't understand why so many people cannot possibly understand the concept that anyone is entitled to their own preferences, as long as they're not incessantly complaining about being unable to find someone to satisfy them, and states them politely without demeaning or criticizing people who don't satisfy them.

 

Then you wouldn't admit you were mistaken in anyway

 

In my case, in that thread, some people simply failed to read the OP word for word and then jumped to conclusions, or made up scenarios that were different to the scenario given.

 

Thanks for proving gauis' point, K.

[kaylan]

A lot of men don't have very high standards when it comes to dating and just happy to get laid. Nothing to do with being scrutinised.

 

Your self-importance is getting somewhat tiresome.

Excuse me for not putting a vagina on a pedestal and being slap happy just to get some. Its a shame that when many guys here express the same standards some women have of men, that they get hell for it. Some guys arent desperate to bust a nut, and actually expect more out of a woman.

 

Youd rather a guy have low standards? That means he isnt very selective and that youd be replaceable rather easily.

 

Jeez, some women:laugh:. Why shouldnt I feel self important and see myself as the prize. The guys in this forum who always complain about doing poorly with women are the guys without self importance who are just happy to get laid.

 

That attitude hasnt got them anymore. So keep it moving sister.

 

 

Thanks for proving gauis' point, K.

Whatever you say lady. Last I checked most others in this thread got my point.

 

Meh =/

 

Read this ladies

 

Personally, I like to be with men with high standards. It makes me feel like he sees me more as a person rather than a 'pretty hole.' I also think men with high standards take commitment more seriously because they understand the value of woman who brings more to the table than a pretty face and will be less likely to take the life we build together for granted.

Edited February 20, 2012 by kaylan