Vandrblt Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I searched around this site and I cant find anything the seems close to what is going on with a friend of mine and me. In a nut shell I got to be friends with a young woman who is 15 years younger than me. We would talk about most anything but it was mostly at her job since she works as a waitress. When she would move on to another place or a second place she would tell me about the job and ask me to come see her there. Her long term relationship was coming to an end she would talk to me about it. If she wasnt going to be in or was trying to leave early she would send me a text and tell me. Now I have known her a couple of years so its not something I just ran into. She knows alot about me and actually asks questions. She did get mad at me on how I was handling a relationship I was trying to get into with someone else. Christmas time was here and since I wasnt seeing anyone I wanted to give her something. She always wears these earrings that look like something her grandmother would wear. I bought her a set with her birthstone in it. Though the boyfriend is on his way out but is trying to stay in he bought her a bunch of things but she tells me that one I am in trouble, which she never elaborated on that, and two she said it was the best present she had gotten for Christmas. So the end is near on the boyfriend she tells me because of a trip they had planed on going on months ago and she would have lost 2 grand if she didnt go. She didnt own an Mp3 player or anything like that so I set her up with a disposable player for the 10 days they are supposed to be away for and load up a bunch of songs. I ask her to pick something up for me and give her money and tell her to keep the change. She gets back, and now barely talks to me. I ask if she had a good time and the answer is no and nothing else. Kind of avoiding me but no, just enough to make me wonder whats going on. Someone else asks her if she had a good time, she starts telling them all sorts of things, Now I dont get it so I take it that its my cue to leave her alone with things. I go to see her at the other place like I normally would and she is practically calling me sir. I finally ask whats going on and did I do something wrong, She says no you are fine, Im just going through a real hard time right now and I dont want to see anyone I dont want to work but I have to, I have alot of things going on right now ,, but no your fine, With that I tell her ok so when you want to see me let me know. Life goes on and I basically stay away. When I do see her she says hello and goodbye but thats it. Fine I figure I can deal with that. Im alittle confused as to why I am shut out when I see her talk to everyone else. I got about my life as normal basically for the next week or so and I go in for dinner and when another waitress brings my food over she tells me that the other one told her she wasnt allowed to bring me the butter I asked for. That was a thing we had going so it made me laugh. Then back to no talking to me. A week and a half later is my birthday and I never told her the date but I said it was coming up when she was still talking to me. She sends me a text message at 10 pm wishing me a happy birthday. I reply back with a thankyou and it was a nice surprise and left it at that. What am I missing here. Is she sorting things out, Did I go to far someplace, not far enough. Im really more confused on the whole not talking thing and yet she will send a mixed message.
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 She is still with her boyfriend and you are on the sidelines. She in some sense is using you (ego feed) even though she likes you, she isn't "into" you the way you are into her. Her boyfriend obviously found out about the gifts, got upset and that is a reason why she's distant and not herself around you anymore. They haven't broken up.. she's made it seem like they're on the way out but I doubt that is actually true.
Author Vandrblt Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 There is more to the story about the boyfriend I know and some details I left out. They were living together and he moved out awhile ago then came back and left again and now she is living back home. Her cousin was talking to me that she is mad at the world lately and was surprised to find out and saw it first hand that she wasnt talking to me
Author Vandrblt Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 I made it a point not to make any contact after she really stopped talking to me. Stayed away about a month. I went in on a day I believed she wasnt going to be there but she was in a booth behind me talking with some friends but I wouldnt turn around to make eye contact. She eventually walked by and said hi to me, so we exchanged pleasantries. I gave a wave , not a big one, as I left and she yelled bye to me. The next day I knew she was working so I went by specifically because I knew she was there. I wanted to see if she was actually talking to me again. We did, alittle distant still but asking questions. As I was leaving I asked if we were cool. She said we always were and that she told me that from the beginning. She was going through a real hard time and just starting to get out of it. Told her that I was staying away because she wasnt talking and that seemed to be the best way to handle it and that if we were talking again then Ill be back around again. She replied thankyou. She is still alittle distant but does talk. The boyfriend is out. She didnt tell me specifically but from what she was telling me about how her brother had to get her tv from the place where the guy was living makes it clear she isnt there. I have some time off and was going to ask if she is up to it to get lunch but not sure if it is too soon to ask that
NXS Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I made it a point not to make any contact after she really stopped talking to me. Stayed away about a month. I went in on a day I believed she wasnt going to be there but she was in a booth behind me talking with some friends but I wouldnt turn around to make eye contact. She eventually walked by and said hi to me, so we exchanged pleasantries. I gave a wave , not a big one, as I left and she yelled bye to me. The next day I knew she was working so I went by specifically because I knew she was there. I wanted to see if she was actually talking to me again. We did, alittle distant still but asking questions. As I was leaving I asked if we were cool. She said we always were and that she told me that from the beginning. She was going through a real hard time and just starting to get out of it. Told her that I was staying away because she wasnt talking and that seemed to be the best way to handle it and that if we were talking again then Ill be back around again. She replied thankyou. She is still alittle distant but does talk. The boyfriend is out. She didnt tell me specifically but from what she was telling me about how her brother had to get her tv from the place where the guy was living makes it clear she isnt there. I have some time off and was going to ask if she is up to it to get lunch but not sure if it is too soon to ask that Forget it, she's not into you and she's not much of a friend either. Don't waste your time on people who shut you out without a proper explanation and don't reciprocate time/presents etc.
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