guzzlin_gas Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I'm in a very frustrating situation & would like some advice. I met this girl back in August. We hit it off & began seeing each other. Well, on the day of our first date I got a call from Uncle Sam that I was ordered to active duty for Officer Training in two months. I was up front with her about it & we continued seeing each other. Her statements at the time were basically that we couldn't be serious right then because I was leaving, but that she was going to wait for me. We wrote back & forth while I was in training. When I got back from training I had to relocate to a different city to find work. I have been trying to see her as often as possible, which only turns out to be about once a month. About 3 weeks ago I started getting this weird vibe from her. Last night I went to see her & had a "define the relationship" talk. The outcome was that she was not ready for a serious relationship, needed to work on some personal things before she could be in a serious relationship (which I don't necessarily disagree with), and didn't necessarily like me "romantically" anymore. She didn't suggest that we stop seeing each other though, basically just that I shouldn't wait around on her because she didn't know what would happen in the future. The other thing is that I am going to law school this August, probably in another state so it will become really difficult in about 6 months. I don't really believe her that she doesn't like me "romantically" anymore, since the relationship has always been more about that & she doesn't want me out of her life. So do y'all think there is a chance if I don't put too much pressure? I am thinking about not talking to her for a couple weeks just to see how much she really values the relationship. I know she is going through a really tough period right now (fighting with family, getting kicked out of where she is living, underemployed) so I really feel like if I am supportive & give her space I still have a shot. I really care about her so I don't want to lose her. Sorry it's so long & kudos to you who made it all the way through =).
ja123 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Your post isn't too long, but it would be an easier read if you broke it down into paragraphs. It sounds to me that you both have too much going on in your lives right now. I like the fact that she was very upfront about this with you. I'd say to back off, give her her space .... Find someone else in your area whom you can date, or join a meetup dot com group or something so you can meet girls outside of the dating context and just have fun. You need to conserve some energy, too, for all that you've got going on.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I think there's a chance. But what do you mean by "chance"? Do you mean there's a chance that she will be faithful to you and patiently wait for you? If that's what you mean then I say that's unlikely. If by chance you mean she'll sleep around with other guys but will eventually come crawling back to you because you're the nice guy with the best social prospects, then that's the chance you'll most likely find. You can tell alot about what a woman will do by understanding her life. She's underemployed, fighting with family, kicked out of her place, and who knows what other bad stuff. A woman in that situation feels emotionally needy. If you're not able to provide her with some kind of shelter emotionally, physically, and financially, then she'll go to someone who can in some ways. She'll go with some bum who is able to smooth talk her. When he drops her she'll crawl back to you. I agree with ja123. You should look for someone close in your area and has a lot more going for her in life. But many posters here never listen to good advice. So it's probable you'll still wanna go with her. If that's the case then don't give her space. Ask her to move in with you.
thatone Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I'm in a very frustrating situation & would like some advice. I met this girl back in August. We hit it off & began seeing each other. Well, on the day of our first date I got a call from Uncle Sam that I was ordered to active duty for Officer Training in two months. I was up front with her about it & we continued seeing each other. Her statements at the time were basically that we couldn't be serious right then because I was leaving, but that she was going to wait for me. We wrote back & forth while I was in training. When I got back from training I had to relocate to a different city to find work. I have been trying to see her as often as possible, which only turns out to be about once a month. About 3 weeks ago I started getting this weird vibe from her. Last night I went to see her & had a "define the relationship" talk. The outcome was that she was not ready for a serious relationship, needed to work on some personal things before she could be in a serious relationship (which I don't necessarily disagree with), and didn't necessarily like me "romantically" anymore. She didn't suggest that we stop seeing each other though, basically just that I shouldn't wait around on her because she didn't know what would happen in the future. The other thing is that I am going to law school this August, probably in another state so it will become really difficult in about 6 months. I don't really believe her that she doesn't like me "romantically" anymore, since the relationship has always been more about that & she doesn't want me out of her life. So do y'all think there is a chance if I don't put too much pressure? I am thinking about not talking to her for a couple weeks just to see how much she really values the relationship. I know she is going through a really tough period right now (fighting with family, getting kicked out of where she is living, underemployed) so I really feel like if I am supportive & give her space I still have a shot. I really care about her so I don't want to lose her. Sorry it's so long & kudos to you who made it all the way through =). would you be as 'supportive' if you knew she solved her personal/money issues by sleeping with some other guy while you were gone? because there's about a 95% likelihood that is exactly what happened. so here's the thing you've learned. if you are not having sex with this woman and she is not telling you how amazing and perfect you are because you're giving her orgasms on a regular basis, then you have zero investment in her because she has zero investment in you. at this point she is just fishing to see if you'll pay her rent and bills while you're gone and she's screwing someone else.
Author guzzlin_gas Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks for the input. Thankfully I know that she won't be sleeping with anyone since she is the saving it for marriage/very spiritual type, maybe dating but not screwing. I also don't think she is looking for a man to pay her way. If that is what she wanted she could have got all she needs from me since I still own a house that is just sitting vacant about 2 blocks from where she lives now. I know I made her sound like a trainwreck, which at this snapshot in time her life kinda is, but I think that part of the reason that I like her so much is that she seems to be trying to fix her life in the right way & doesn't blame others for her misfortunes. What does her still wanting to hang out have to say about her mindset? She didn't say it in passing either, it was like "when I come to visit my sister in your city I'll call you & we can hang out". I feel like she is just really overwhelmed right now & given some time to sort things out she'll be back. Maybe I'm totally off base in my wishful interpretations? Any further comments would be appreciated.
thatone Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 so you would consider it a common thing for "very spiritual" people who "don't have sex until marriage" to be fighting constantly with their family and kicked out of places they live in? i don't. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 so you would consider it a common thing for "very spiritual" people who "don't have sex until marriage" to be fighting constantly with their family and kicked out of places they live in? i don't. The OP sounds like a mormon.
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