ThatDudeXO Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Here is a part of my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/314287-losing-my-first-love-soulmate-needed Here is a little more information about us. I will be posting as log of how I'm coping and the things I want to say to my ex. My girlfriend of almost 3 years dumped, saying she couldn't have a boyfriend while doing her studies, I made it worse by bothering and pleading her. When we broke up she hurt me, so while I was drunk I insulted her really badly. It's a defence mechanism that I'm working to get rid of, I hurt her really badly and I did it again when she gave me the cold shoulder after telling me she wanted me back. When I did that she sent me a long long email telling me we can't speak again, but we did the week after and had a great time. She said she want to be friends but because of her studies she's not ready for more. Even though we got along great and had an amazing time, the week went on and she started to ignore my texts, calls and messages. So I then decided that is it, I won't make the effort any more. I have to learn to live without her if we were to ever try again. -- I didn't cheat, lie or hurt you when we were together but know I was a terrible boyfriend towards the end, I rarely made the effort to see you or take you out. I genuinely thought leaving you alone to study and not distracting you would make me a great boyfriend but you never mentioned that I was lacking in those 3 months of studies. I'm ready to be a much better boyfriend even though you say you are independent and don't need a boyfriend any more. Thing is, I don't need you and you don't need me but just hearing your voice and seeing you made me so much happier, I didn't even realise. I miss everything about you. I have been working so hard to improve myself but I still feel a little bit empty without hearing your voice everyday. I miss the caring and loving part of you which has seemed to disappear. I hope that part of you hasn't gone for ever, you used to be such a nice and caring person now all you do is talk to friends who you neglected and neglected you. You're friends don't care about you they way I do, they barely gave you any attention and care more about their own happiness than yours. I know for a fact I'm a better friend than those people, I just hate that you don't realise that. All I want is for you to be successful, happy and stress-free. I have no bad intentions, I have no idea why you refuse to talk to me. You know I never intentionally hurt you, those nasty things I said were just a series of awful events. It was the only time I ever hurt you since the beginning of our relationship. I really hope you still love me. It's been 9 days since I spoke to you, I hope you haven't forgotten about me. I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else and I can't handle the thought of me being with anyone else. I really believe that this relationship is meant to be, I hope that when the stress of your exams clear you will realise your mistakes. I love you.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Another day has gone by and I get this idea that you have totally moved on from me but the thing is...I'm proud of the hard working woman you have become. I'm going crazy here. I'm deep in love with someone who doesn't want to be with me or doesn't feel the need to have me in their lives anymore. I wait every day for you to contact me but it never happens, you're so focused in your career and work, I hope this all works out well. I love the woman you have become, I wish you still loved me the way you used to. I can't hate you at all. Day 9 of NC finished and I really want to talk to you. I'm generally happy and things are looking up for me but my heart hurts so much when I think that I might not have lost you for ever. I don't want to wait, I don't want to not speak to you...I just want your love again.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) Another day went okay. Still can't stop think about you and it kills me to see you doing so well movIng on. I know it's easier for you to keep busy but I didn't know I ever deserved this. It's day 10 of NC and I really wanna speak to you. I've been crying atleast once a day since I started NC, I want it to stop now. I can't see anythIng wrong with us as a couple. You maybe stressed but I know I never screwed up. I feel like this is so unfair. I just wanna stop crying Edited February 20, 2012 by ThatDudeXO
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