Update.. More Contact

[mike588]

Hello all.

 

First of all I hesitated for a day about posting this but felt I must. Some of you know my story (she dumped for her ex)almost 7 months ago.... but I see that there are alot of "newbees" here and for those of you wanting your ex. back this may help you or you can get something out of it.

 

Last month I recieved two emails from her saying she was so sorry about hurting me... that I was so good to her blah blah blah but didn't mention anything about wanting to get back together or that they broke up again.

 

I didn't respond to any of the emails because I have moved on...done my best to put her behind me etc. I'll admit that the 1st email set me back a step but recovered quickly.

 

Well now that 3....4 weeks have passed since her last email I assumed she got the message...to leave me alone.

 

Saturday morning there was a note taped to my front door...yep from her..saying that one of the tropical plants I planted in her yard (hell I landscaped her whole yard) bloomed and it made her feel so good and she though about me and that not a day goes by that she doesn't think of me.

 

Also she feels bad for the way things went and how she treated me badly and how she feels like a big jerk. She went on to say ...my (her) behavior was only the result of her insecurities and speaks volumes about her screwed up personality (these are her words)....that I was so good to her and she recognizes the ways she was not good to me and she remembers and appreciates all that I did for her.

 

Ok enough of that....I'm kinda stunned that this has saddened me...that it has brought back the good memories and of course all the hurt too.. I know what I should continue to do.....ignore it like the rest..maybe it's because it was taped to my door...not an email that has made me feel this way?...I don't like this feeling..I wished she would have" gotten the message" weeks ago and would'nt have done this.

 

For all of you wanting your ex. back maybe you can get something out of this/my story.... I went strict N.C. and alot of you told me one day she'll probably contact me.... yours may too someday. Give it time...move on the best you can...go N.C and live your life.

 

Sorry this is long....I don't know if I'm venting or asking/seeking advise...reasurrance for what I know I should do.

 

Oh....yes I have blocked her from my phone...email etc.

Edited February 19, 2012 by mike588

[Dark Phoenix]

She still doesn't want you back. She feels guilty for the way she treated you in gigs

 

You can do 2 things, tell her It's ok you understand or actually move on and stop posting these threads to boost your ego, its been how many threads now?

Edited February 19, 2012 by Dark Phoenix

[mike588]

She still doesn't want you back. She feels guilty for the way she treated you in gigs

 

You can do 2 things, tell her It's ok you understand or actually move on and stop posting these threads to boost your ego, its been how many threads now?

 

It will be as many threads as I feel.. If you don't like them then don't respond..Didn't know I needed your permission to post.

[PinkCarnations]

Thank you for this thread!

 

I was dumped by a guy who went back to his ex as well, so I know how painful it is. Because of this post, I am more inclined to go NC (although it's so hard because we are forced to see each other sometimes, but I will try to remain distant). Before, I tried to go NC but sometimes got desperate and just wanted to remain in his life somehow. But after I read this, I feel NC will be the only possible way to help my guy realize what he's taken for granted and how happy we were together that maybe he will tape a note to my door one day. I feel better knowing that my misery today will someday lead to a better tomorrow. But by then, I would have moved on and not really want him back as much anymore.

 

Mike, please let us know if you have any updates on your story!

[mike588]

Thank you for this thread!

 

I was dumped by a guy who went back to his ex as well, so I know how painful it is. Because of this post, I am more inclined to go NC (although it's so hard because we are forced to see each other sometimes, but I will try to remain distant). Before, I tried to go NC but sometimes got desperate and just wanted to remain in his life somehow. But after I read this, I feel NC will be the only possible way to help my guy realize what he's taken for granted and how happy we were together that maybe he will tape a note to my door one day. I feel better knowing that my misery today will someday lead to a better tomorrow. But by then, I would have moved on and not really want him back as much anymore.

 

Mike, please let us know if you have any updates on your story!

 

Thanks... just remember that N.C. is not to try to get your ex back. It is so that you can heal and move on...to put distance between you and your ex. however in alot of cases it makes them miss you....to think about you and maybe realize they made a mistake.

 

After my breakup I prayed and hoped I'd hear from her someday...now I just wish she would have left me alone.Be careful what you wish for....you may just get it!

[M2155]

Mike ole buddy, I stick by my initial advice....politely decline. Now you probably would have to email or something and say you understand and no hard feelings but feel its best not to be friends or something along that line. She can't get the message if you didn't give it to her- as you know from reading on this site, when emotions are involved people don't always accept being ignored. (Then you can be like me, I'll probably never hear from my ex outside of happy birthday).

 

It's clear that ignoring her has made her feel worse and magnified the guilt in her mind and I guess you're really the only one who can forgive her (unless like you, she is forced to find her own forgiveness). The issue is, if you want it to stop. If so, you should respond if you feel you can do so if you can handle it emotionally. Otherwise, she may keep up this challenge to get you to respond when you least expect it.

Also, did she actually knock or just leave a note? Escalating contact...the next thing she'll probably be waiting in the driveway when you're headed to work. Haha.

[mike588]

Mike ole buddy, I stick by my initial advice....politely decline. Now you probably would have to email or something and say you understand and no hard feelings but feel its best not to be friends or something along that line. She can't get the message if you didn't give it to her- as you know from reading on this site, when emotions are involved people don't always accept being ignored. (Then you can be like me, I'll probably never hear from my ex outside of happy birthday).

 

It's clear that ignoring her has made her feel worse and magnified the guilt in her mind and I guess you're really the only one who can forgive her (unless like you, she is forced to find her own forgiveness). The issue is, if you want it to stop. If so, you should respond if you feel you can do so if you can handle it emotionally. Otherwise, she may keep up this challenge to get you to respond when you least expect it.

 

Also, did she actually knock or just leave a note? Escalating contact...the next thing she'll probably be waiting in the driveway when you're headed to work. Haha.

 

Hey good to hear from you!! No she didn't knock on the door and have no idea what time she put it there....I just stepped out to get the paper and there it was.

 

This sucks.... you know how bad at one time I soooooo wanted this now I don't! I can say though that it does give me some satisfaction to hear/read her apoligies... her regrets.

 

I'm sitting here wondering what to do... Yes I feel I need to respond to see what the hell she wants or to tell to NEVER contact me again. I'm not trying to read to much into this....it may just be to rid her of her guilt. The last line on the note was....I had to get that off my chest but I wonder where the heck was her b/f on a Friday...party night?

 

Maybe they broke up.... AGAIN..lol

 

It,s been 24 hrs. now and I haven't responded. I do want to know what she wants but afraid that will open the door for more contact from her?

[M2155]

I wouldn't ask what she wants if I were you. If she really wants something, she would/will ask. It sounds like she is just saying she thinks about you (mine did the same) and you don't want to open yourself up to "I think about you too." I'd just say thanks for thinking of me and good luck with everything- in a more eloquant way.

[geegirl]

Hey good to hear from you!! No she didn't knock on the door and have no idea what time she put it there....I just stepped out to get the paper and there it was.

 

This sucks.... you know how bad at one time I soooooo wanted this now I don't! I can say though that it does give me some satisfaction to hear/read her apoligies... her regrets.

 

I'm sitting here wondering what to do... Yes I feel I need to respond to see what the hell she wants or to tell to NEVER contact me again. I'm not trying to read to much into this....it may just be to rid her of her guilt. The last line on the note was....I had to get that off my chest but I wonder where the heck was her b/f on a Friday...party night?

 

Maybe they broke up.... AGAIN..lol

 

It,s been 24 hrs. now and I haven't responded. I do want to know what she wants but afraid that will open the door for more contact from her?

 

She could want her friend back. She may want to alleviate her guilt. She may want to get back together. She may just want you to have a good opinion of her. Does it change the fact that you still need to NC and heal and remove her from your life, emotionally? Only you know.

 

If you're considering finding out what she wants as in if she wants to try again, then remember the times she entered your life and left it. You jokingly state that maybe they broke up again, and that is an internal alarm reminding you of what it could possibly be because you've gone through it enough times to know never to touch it again.

 

Anything other than that, can wait. Your responsibility is to yourself and not to appease her needs. If you fear opening the door will initiate more contact that may harm you, then the smart and right thing to do would be to listen to yourself, know your limits and keep doing what you are doing.

 

Or, you can bite the bullet, ask her for a direct response as to her motives once and for all and if her response doesn't coincide with what you want, then close the door. It will be your responsibility then to keep it shut, definitely and be rid of this game. If you hear something you want to hear, then it will be your decision to make. If you choose to open the door, then open it and go from there. You'll still have the support you need here and one way or another you'll learn from your actions and one way or another, learning by stumbling, you will again move forward.

 

She could do this indefinitely. Where will that leave you?

Edited February 19, 2012 by geegirl

[smokey bear]

I think you feel this way because this time she stuck the note on your door, she was in your personal space and also put effort in to physically hand deliver it herself.

 

Mike you could be an adult, im not implying your not, and talk to her and let her say what she has to say.

 

For example, if you really loved her, would you not let her get what ever is stuck inside of her out to relieve whats tormenting her. You might also let go of some of your bad feelings for her by hearing an apology.

 

The healthiest way is to confront this, not hide from it or ignore it, for both parties involved.

[mike588]

I wouldn't ask what she wants if I were you. If she really wants something, she would/will ask. It sounds like she is just saying she thinks about you (mine did the same) and you don't want to open yourself up to "I think about you too." I'd just say thanks for thinking of me and good luck with everything- in a more eloquant way.

 

As always good advise..Thanx. Yeah I thought that too...if she wanted something she would ask but now my mind is playing tricks on me and I wonder if she is just "fishing"..... to see if I respond...how I respond.

 

Maybe she just doesn't want to come right out and say it...they broke up again because she feels embarrased or ashamed...guilty..that I was right?

 

She was/is one of those gals that has to have someone in her life.

 

Oh God I didn't want to read to much into this but here I go..Damn it!!!!!!

 

I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow and be so consumed with my duties so I don't think about this. I'll wait a few more days then respond like you suggested and see what happens.

 

Thanks again.

[mike588]

Thanks Geegirl..your awesome too. As Smokey said maybe this has affected me because she took the time to write it and deliver it to my house..I'm dissapointed in myself for all the emotions I'm currently feeling....Love and anger...resentment...frustration and more.

 

I really was doing so very..very good..I barely thought of her anymore...no tears no sadness...no wondering what might or could of been now this crap!!

 

I so wanted to be done coming here and making threads...I only wanted to help/respond to others who are hurting here....but here I go again.

 

It's a rainy crappy day here...maybe that doesn't help! I'm so afraid she will want to date again...to meet somewhere to talk and try to kiss me and make promises to me.

[geegirl]

I'm dissapointed in myself for all the emotions I'm currently feeling....Love and anger...resentment...frustration and more.

 

I really was doing so very..very good..I barely thought of her anymore...no tears no sadness...no wondering what might or could of been now this crap!!

 

I so wanted to be done coming here and making threads...I only wanted to help/respond to others who are hurting here....but here I go again.

 

It's a rainy crappy day here...maybe that doesn't help! I'm so afraid she will want to date again...to meet somewhere to talk and try to kiss me and make promises to me.

 

Don't be disappointed in yourself. These are normal emotions to feel when that someone you love creeps back into your life again. What you have been trying to let go is now ignited again by her reappearance.

 

Give yourself a few days to sieve through these emotions and then come back here and tell us how you feel. One step at a time. There is no rush to make decisions. Set yourself a few days or a week and then decide your next step.

 

Don't worry yourself with what she wants. You need to focus on what you want and what you don't want, rationally. So use this time wisely. Think about your past mistakes, what you truly want in your life and what you want your journey to be.

[Dark Phoenix]

 

It's a rainy crappy day here...maybe that doesn't help! I'm so afraid she will want to date again...to meet somewhere to talk and try to kiss me and make promises to me.

 

This is guilt, what did you to make you feel guilty?

 

You cheated on her didnt you, that's why you can't accept friendship from an old friend

Edited February 19, 2012 by Dark Phoenix

[mike588]

This is guilt, what did you to make you feel guilty?

 

You cheated on her didnt you, that's why you can't accept friendship from an old friend

 

I never cheated on her or ANY of my g/fs...never! Don't bother me with your nonsense and false accusations!

 

You think you know it all but you don't .....your only guessing...and guessing WRONG!!

[Dark Phoenix]

I never cheated on her or ANY of my g/fs...never! Don't bother me with your nonsense and false accusations!

 

 

The only way you learn not to cheat is to cheat. I'm sure she's the first person youve cheated on that's why you have the guilt you do now. I'm not guessing you're emotions tell the story

Edited February 19, 2012 by Dark Phoenix

[mike588]

I never cheated on her or ANY of my g/fs...never! Don't bother me with your nonsense and false accusations!

 

 

The only way you learn not to cheat is to cheat. I'm sure she's the first person youve cheated on that's why you have the guilt you do now. I'm not guessing you're emotions tell the story

 

Oh so that's why SHE'S contacting ME...I have NO guilt..she obviously does by her emails..note.

 

Wrong AGAIN!!

[Philosoraptor]

The only way you learn not to cheat is to cheat. I'm sure she's the first person youve cheated on that's why you have the guilt you do now. I'm not guessing you're emotions tell the story

This is absolutely ridiculous. You only learn not to cheat by cheating? Do people not have morals? I think most people who never cheat avoid doing so because they are honest enough with themselves that if they start losing feelings for their partner that they will cut ties. I'll also not be jumping off cliffs nor sticking things in electrical outlets as you seem to quote often. Not because I've done either, but because I have a brain. Anyone with a brain can weigh the consequences of their actions before making a decision and learn from the knowledge they have and by watching the experiences of others.

 

Just because you've done things without thinking doesn't mean that everyone else has to make the same mistakes to learn the same lessons.