here4her Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I'll start by saying I been through a lot of hurt, and really don't want to go through any of it again. I been dating someone for about 8 months, And I can't stop thinking something is wrong. She keeps getting upset, then I feel like I am crazy. She wont commit, due to being scared to be hurt. Yet when I try to walk away she cry's. We've never have shared any intimate moments, We only went out maybe 2-3 times. She works a lot and always says shes to tired to go out, yet seems to make it out every weekend with her friends. No one in her life knows I exist, She says she's not ready for all that. We spent the night before valentines day together, I noticed there was a new toothbrush in her spare bathroom, The polar bear I got her wasn't in her room anymore, and there was a movie ticket on her kitchen counter. She was to tired to spend valentines night together. I did happen to go over just to give her a hug, (she lives in a town house) As I got there there was some guy outside at the dumpster, I got out the car and was walking to her place about 15' behind the guy, he turns The corner I have to turn as I turn the guy is gone he either went into her door, or one of two others. My heart dropped I saw a shadow in the kitchen around where her trash can is, then remembered her trash was full the night before. I text her a couple times she didn't respond maybe 15-20 min later her lights go out. Next day I get a reply that she was asleep. I added her as a friend on facebook a couple days ago, her page is full of quotes of being heart broken, Some dude is trying to make a appointment to get a massage from her if he brings her gummy worms, and gives her one back, Then says hes looking forward to there appointment, and shes better then google. Numerous nights she told me she was at home sleeping she was actually tagged by her friends at her local bar, or they tagged themselves at her house. She says "we are kind of in a relationship", and "she loves me but is scared to put her guard down", but I feel Im just a secret guy in her life that comes over to sleep maybe once a week. I keep breaking it off which hurts me, she cries, tells me I am wrong, I apologize then she says she's more scared cause I tried to walk away. Am I looking to deep, and ruining something that might be? The in between relationship thing is hard, I'm not even sure how to treat it.
26.2 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 It kinda sounds like she's not that into you, but likes having you around to occupy her time and make her feel loved. If she is not wanting you around her friends, that's not a good sign. I'm sorry . It appears that she is not over someone, based on what you say is on her Facebook page. I could be wrong, but it just seems that she wants a warm body when she's feeling lonely. Too tired on Valentine's Day? ugh.. sorry guy Really hope I'm wrong though.
chelsea2011 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) It sounds like she just wants you around when "she" needs you and doesn't see how her actions create your reactions. It doesn't sound like she is taking any responsibility at all for how her treatment of you makes you feel either. Then add another person in the picture that she is "kind of" in a relationship with? It's definitely a set up for disaster. Plus, that's her problem not yours. You have to figure out why you continue to allow this and realize you have a choice. You can continue to torture yourself with a relationship that is not right for you based on how it makes you feel or you can tell her to call you when she sorts herself and not before. Who cares if she cries when she has absolutely no sense of responsibility for what her actions and how they make you feel. If she's confused, that's her problem. My advice is to walk and stay gone because you are only perpetuating the situation by going back and expecting a different result. There will never be a different result as long as she has a safety neat. She will just keep giving you bread crumbs. Believe me, I know how you feel because I was just in a similar situaton. Good luck and I hope you figure it out so you can finally let go and move on. Edited February 19, 2012 by chelsea2011
Professor X Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Sorry man, but I don't think you're looking to deep into things... Anyway, you can either tell her that 8 months is more than enough for her to know what she wants with you (i.e. feel comfortable and reveal you), alternatively, you can try and squeeze the truth out of her: Next time you catch her in a lie, i.e. she gets tagged in a bar when she told you she's to tired to go out / sleeping, just ask her to explain herself, and when you do so, be firm and try to think with your head, not heart, so you can notice if something doesn't add up. Also, the story with the guy... why didn't you just knock her door? :S
Author here4her Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 I couldn't walk to her door I really wasn't prepared for what I might of found out. Adding fuel to the fire, Her best friends are guys (one of which told her he was in love with her recently). She told me she stopped talking to him, but then had a post on her facebook page (which is now gone) that she was spending time with him on her day off.
Professor X Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I couldn't walk to her door I really wasn't prepared for what I might of found out. Adding fuel to the fire, Her best friends are guys (one of which told her he was in love with her recently). She told me she stopped talking to him, but then had a post on her facebook page (which is now gone) that she was spending time with him on her day off. Do you know for certain what she is doing for a living?
Author here4her Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Yes, and it wouldn't explain why someone was over (If someone was)
Author here4her Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 So I checked out the guys facebook (one who wanted to give her a massage) and noticed it wasn't showing up on his page all that showed up was she wrote ASAP, and gummy worms!!! She obviously deleted those replies on her page, he deleted the rest from his page. Im a secret in her life, Shes a secret in his life, how deep does this tunnel go??? A couple days ago I was pretty fustrated, and texted her if she ever needed a massage let me know. She replied immediately asking why I said that. I said I saw you needed one asap and thought I could handle that. She said where? I said on your facebook page. Then silence... Days of silence, I texted her numerous times and received no response. Yesterday I finally just text her and say you know I don't know what I did to deserve being ignored if you could just let me know so I know.. thanks.. She replies and says sorry been really busy. I get home from work and write a long long email. I tell her about EVERYTHING. Valentines day, the posts on her wall, the fact she says shes sleeping when shes not, The new toothbrush in her spare bathroom. She makes no time, and I'm not waiting around anymore. 20min after sending it shes texting me her brother has been staying over, and she didn't feel the need to tell me that. And the guy online is a long time friend. They use to eat gummy worms together while growing up, and he is n a relationship (which is a lie) She texted me atleast 30 times and called me 8 times. (I haven't heard from her in 2 days before this)
Professor X Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 So I checked out the guys facebook (one who wanted to give her a massage) and noticed it wasn't showing up on his page all that showed up was she wrote ASAP, and gummy worms!!! She obviously deleted those replies on her page, he deleted the rest from his page. Im a secret in her life, Shes a secret in his life, how deep does this tunnel go??? A couple days ago I was pretty fustrated, and texted her if she ever needed a massage let me know. She replied immediately asking why I said that. I said I saw you needed one asap and thought I could handle that. She said where? I said on your facebook page. Then silence... Days of silence, I texted her numerous times and received no response. Yesterday I finally just text her and say you know I don't know what I did to deserve being ignored if you could just let me know so I know.. thanks.. She replies and says sorry been really busy. I get home from work and write a long long email. I tell her about EVERYTHING. Valentines day, the posts on her wall, the fact she says shes sleeping when shes not, The new toothbrush in her spare bathroom. She makes no time, and I'm not waiting around anymore. 20min after sending it shes texting me her brother has been staying over, and she didn't feel the need to tell me that. And the guy online is a long time friend. They use to eat gummy worms together while growing up, and he is n a relationship (which is a lie) She texted me atleast 30 times and called me 8 times. (I haven't heard from her in 2 days before this) If you know that guy isn't in a RS, than call out of her lie. Always call out a person when he lies, unless you have some end game goal, where you save it all up for a specific reason. And the brother story... lol... obvious lie is obvious.
youngster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Sounds like you're her safety net of some sort. Kind of like a crutch. Evaluate your interactions with her for the past 8 months, if it's more or less texting or phone calls and less physical, she is using you to fill a certain aspect that this other guy doesn't fill. The whole part about the people in her life not knowing you exist is a HUGE red flag. My ex did this to me for six months. It's easier to sever ties with someone when no one in your circle will be asking about them if you decide to give them the axe. A dirty tactic if you ask me. Cut her loose bro. She sounds like she is the one with issues, you're just getting tangled up in her drama.
Author here4her Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) So the texts keep coming, last night my phone was ringing. Finally I answer and she goes right into how upset she is that I wont answer my phone when she calls, how I didn't tell her upfront what was bothering me, and how she didn't do anything wrong. I say you didn't respond to my text messages for two days. I send that email, and now all the sudden you have time to text and call all through out the day? Her answer was she hasn't talked to anyone, shes worked 16hour days everyday this week and is exhausted. Then she says you can go through my phone anytime you want, and I'll give you my facebook password if you want. Her answer for the non sexual thing is, that she feels more connected with someone just having them there to hold all night while they hold her, sex to her is meaningless compared to the nights we shared. I am the only one who sleeps in her bed, and by assuming she would have anyone else over I am calling her a whore. She is committed to me, and doesn't want to talk to or see anyone else. Her friends know about me, but she isn't ready to tell her family. When asked if she came over my house on valentines day and saw a girl walk into my house what would she think? She said nothing I would think its just a friend coming over, I don't believe in valentines day. I was happy to hear all that, but do wish I didn't pick up. Part of me believes her, part of me feels I am being mind f**k*d Edited February 24, 2012 by here4her adding
Recommended Posts