Is my girlfriend attracted to me? Why doesn't she want me?

[93TheHitStick]

When me and my girlfriend first started going out we used to be all over each other. Like everytime we had a moment alone we would be fooling around.

 

Now its two months later. We have tried to have sex three times. Each time she told me it hurt and made me stop. But the last time we went for over ten minutes before she couldn't take it anymore. But that was at least 2 weeks ago.

 

And in those two weeks we have had almost no sexual contact. I invite her over ot my house but she never wants to come over. And she'll only come if she thinks i'm getting mad. She'll also promise me that we will fool around. But when she gets here she won't be into it at all.

 

She tells me that she is scared. I would understand if she was still a virgin. Or even if she didn't want to have actual intercourse. But its like she doesn't want to do anything at all. When we kiss she barely pecks me.

 

But other than that we are fine. She tells me she loves me. She got me all kinds of stuff for valentines day. She spent all her money taking me to dinner and a movie tonight. Shes always calling/texting me. And she always wants me to come over to her house.

 

She spends all her free time with me so i know she isn't with anyone else. And she is a cheerleader and has a LOT of guys from our school trying to go out with her. So its not like i'm her only option. Although i am probably her best looking option lol.

 

And i asked her point blank if i turned her on. And she said i did all the time. But she just didn't feel ready. But wtf? When we were going out for like a week she was more then ready to jump all over me.

 

So whats going on here? And what should i do? This is honestly driving me crazy. But i don't wanna pressure her.

 

 

IF it matters she was a virgin when we met. And she has only done more then kiss with one other guy. WE are both 17.

[Buttercup84]

What do you mean she was a virgin when you met ? you took her virginity ?

 

She is still so young and it can still hurt when you haven't had much sex and are so inexperienced .

 

Do you do things for her ? when you are in bed , kiss her , stroke her body and just be very gentle . It takes a while for women to warm up .

 

Play with her a little , kiss her neck and say nice things to her . Have a talk to her and ask her what she likes , have a bath or shower together , brush her hair for her and give her a massage .

 

I hope you are wearing condoms , but sometimes they can hurt , especially if she is not wet . Use plenty of lube too .

[Ninjainpajamas]

Unlike men who make the decision before they do it, women do things backwards and start to think about it AFTER they did it.

 

They go into everything backwards, and typically when they are young they don't do a whole lot of thinking about the important stuff.

 

So basically she went with it, kinda didn't think much into it and now wants to backpedal, but this very common though. What her reason is though I do not understand, but it sounds like something important and you should be trying to figure out why she is feeling scared instead of just trying to stick it in every time you get with her.

 

Women (especially young ones) tend to go along with a lot of things to please the guy, so that she feels desirable and wanted, makes you happy.

 

I'm sure she cares about you but now you have to watch out for her emotions because now those are starting to develop. Since she's a virgin don't expect her to just want to hump like bunnies, she's not a man and it needs to be deeper and more emotional than that, it's not just a sexual thing to her...even though I know you're probably telling yourself it isn't for you either, you care about this girl but you need to understand women are impacted by experiences and emotions about 3 times more as a man I would gauge.

 

So don't take things so lightly and don't get stuck in this past where you're going to be fooling around for free anymore, you're going to have to work towards that and earn her trust and make her feel secure in what you have.

 

So If you're just screwing around with this girl then just ditch her now before you cause anymore real damage, but If you see something potentially serious with her then put in the effort and man up to the challenges and be patient. I know this might all seem backwards, but women do weird **** all the time...sometimes they just get caught up in a moment then after it hits them and they think about...now they want to pretend like everything didn't happen and has to be different from that point on, it's just the way a lot work.

 

Be a good partner, put her feelings and needs before yours unless you don't really want to be with her. Once she's happy and satisfied with her needs being met then she'll want the same for you, that's how it works with women..don't forget it!

[JazzyFox]

Ninja has it right.

 

At first she let her physical wants and desires override her brain and emotions. She wanted you, wanted to touch you and be touched by you. Nothing else mattered.

 

And then came sex. Aside from the pain and struggle to self-lubricate because she probably didnt understand what was going on with her body and why it hurt ... Aside from the embarassment and disappointment of asking you to stop midway ... Aside from all that ... She felt ashamed. Embarassed. Weak.

 

You struck an emotional chord that she did not recognize or know how to deal with. It reshaped her feelings. She probably doesn't quite know how she feels, and is using the other parts of your relationship to try and get back that "loving feeling".

 

Time, patience, understanding, and ask her how she feels about your sexual tryst. She will eventually come around. But she might not want to have sex with you again for a long while. She doesn't want your relationship to be defined by sex, so you probably need to stop feeling her up everytime you see her.

 

She might even avoid kissing or petting because she doesnt want to lead you on, knowing full well that she is uncomfortable having sex with you for now.

 

Best thing to do is have a talk with her, tell her you love her and want to take it slow. Tell her that you want to build the other parts of your relationship, and that you should put sex on the backburner for 6 months. Tellher that you care for her, and that you dont want her to have confused emotions. Assuming you hold up your end of the bargain and act like a man, then you will give her the confidence to drop her barrier and learn to love you again.

[thatone]

Ninja has it right.

 

At first she let her physical wants and desires override her brain and emotions. She wanted you, wanted to touch you and be touched by you. Nothing else mattered.

 

And then came sex. Aside from the pain and struggle to self-lubricate because she probably didnt understand what was going on with her body and why it hurt ... Aside from the embarassment and disappointment of asking you to stop midway ... Aside from all that ... She felt ashamed. Embarassed. Weak.

 

You struck an emotional chord that she did not recognize or know how to deal with. It reshaped her feelings. She probably doesn't quite know how she feels, and is using the other parts of your relationship to try and get back that "loving feeling".

 

Time, patience, understanding, and ask her how she feels about your sexual tryst. She will eventually come around. But she might not want to have sex with you again for a long while. She doesn't want your relationship to be defined by sex, so you probably need to stop feeling her up everytime you see her.

 

She might even avoid kissing or petting because she doesnt want to lead you on, knowing full well that she is uncomfortable having sex with you for now.

 

Best thing to do is have a talk with her, tell her you love her and want to take it slow. Tell her that you want to build the other parts of your relationship, and that you should put sex on the backburner for 6 months. Tellher that you care for her, and that you dont want her to have confused emotions. Assuming you hold up your end of the bargain and act like a man, then you will give her the confidence to drop her barrier and learn to love you again.

 

and here's your next lesson ^. anything another woman tells you can be safely disregarded because they'll tell you what they would want, not what your gf wants. do NOT stop having sex for 6 months. you need to learn how, and you don't learn how by doing it less or not at all.

 

i agree that the sex itself is probably bad. it's going to be bad when you're a teenager and neither of you know what you're doing. take just_a_poster's advice. learn. give her oral, lots of foreplay, give her an orgasm before you even think about penetrating her. experiment with different positions, tell her to talk to you and tell you what works and what doesn't. when she's enjoying sex as much as you are you won't have any trouble getting her naked, she'll be just as eager as you are.

Edited February 19, 2012 by thatone

[Mme. Chaucer]

She really likes you, and all the making out and "fooling around" at the beginning made her hot. But the actual sexual intercourse was not pleasant for her, probably. As someone else said - banging away for 10 minutes … no.

 

Lots of women don't even have orgasms from intercourse at all.

 

You do need to talk about it, and if she is willing to explore the sexual side of your relationship then both of you are going to have to experiment and learn.

 

And, PLEASE be 100% safe with protection.

[93TheHitStick]

LOL...kids.

 

Alright 93, I'm going to give you a little knowledge that most kids your age wouldn't even begin to know. Banging away at someone for 10 minutes is NOT the magic answer to pleasing a woman. I'm willing to bet my right arm that sex is all about YOU - she probably gets minimal foreplay before you jump on top of her and start pumping away like a dog in heat. Oh, be still my beating heart (not). I'm also willing to bet sex is over when YOU climax, leaving her unsatisfied each and every time. Yeah, good times, good times.

 

Boy howdy, no wonder your girlfriend is less than excited about jumping in the sack with you. And here's a clue - if she says it "hurts," it's because you haven't done anything to properly PREPARE her for intercourse because she's not turned on enough (clearly) and is just enduring the battering. I think Buttercup misses the point, here. If you have to USE plenty of lube, then you're doing it WRONG. You should have gotten your girlfriend to the stage where you don't NEED lube.

 

Get a clue - start reading up on female sexual response and LEARN how to please a woman from start to finish. Just banging away on someone is NOT the way to do it. Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you shouldn't learn how to do things RIGHT. If you're old enough to be having sex, then you're old enough to understand that it's NOT all about you and YOUR pleasure. Educate yourself and get a jump on the other clueless kids around you.

 

Secondly, your girlfriend may also be scared to death of getting pregnant. There are tons of young girls having babies all over the place, and she sounds like one of the smart ones. I'm going to have to assume that since you know very little about pleasing a woman, you probably don't know much about birth control, either. Do your homework on THAT as well.

 

Stop badgering her for sex. There's nothing less appealing than a horny teenage boy.

 

She really likes you, and all the making out and "fooling around" at the beginning made her hot. But the actual sexual intercourse was not pleasant for her, probably. As someone else said - banging away for 10 minutes … no.

 

Lots of women don't even have orgasms from intercourse at all.

 

You do need to talk about it, and if she is willing to explore the sexual side of your relationship then both of you are going to have to experiment and learn.

 

And, PLEASE be 100% safe with protection.

 

I like how you guys assume that because of my age i don't know what i am doing. This is 2012. Kids grow up faster and PEople have internet. And i am positive that most guys my age know exactly what they are doing.

 

I realize i have to warm her up. And i never try to just jump into sex with her. Or hump her brains out. I make sure she is plenty "ready to go" and that she is lubricated down there. I don't need tips on how to have sex. I already know how to do that.

[93TheHitStick]

Unlike men who make the decision before they do it, women do things backwards and start to think about it AFTER they did it.

 

They go into everything backwards, and typically when they are young they don't do a whole lot of thinking about the important stuff.

 

So basically she went with it, kinda didn't think much into it and now wants to backpedal, but this very common though. What her reason is though I do not understand, but it sounds like something important and you should be trying to figure out why she is feeling scared instead of just trying to stick it in every time you get with her.

 

Women (especially young ones) tend to go along with a lot of things to please the guy, so that she feels desirable and wanted, makes you happy.

 

I'm sure she cares about you but now you have to watch out for her emotions because now those are starting to develop. Since she's a virgin don't expect her to just want to hump like bunnies, she's not a man and it needs to be deeper and more emotional than that, it's not just a sexual thing to her...even though I know you're probably telling yourself it isn't for you either, you care about this girl but you need to understand women are impacted by experiences and emotions about 3 times more as a man I would gauge.

 

So don't take things so lightly and don't get stuck in this past where you're going to be fooling around for free anymore, you're going to have to work towards that and earn her trust and make her feel secure in what you have.

 

So If you're just screwing around with this girl then just ditch her now before you cause anymore real damage, but If you see something potentially serious with her then put in the effort and man up to the challenges and be patient. I know this might all seem backwards, but women do weird **** all the time...sometimes they just get caught up in a moment then after it hits them and they think about...now they want to pretend like everything didn't happen and has to be different from that point on, it's just the way a lot work.

 

Be a good partner, put her feelings and needs before yours unless you don't really want to be with her. Once she's happy and satisfied with her needs being met then she'll want the same for you, that's how it works with women..don't forget it!

I do put her feelings and needs before mine. I do so much stuff that i do NOT want to do just to make her happy. And i go out of my way to be sweet to her. But i don't know what else i should do.

 

I mean we have both told each other stuff we have never told other people. She is pretty much by best friend. And whenever we are together we are usually having a great time. We argue here and there. But we always work it out before we split ways. She know i'm not just with her for sex. So what else can i do?

Ninja has it right.

 

At first she let her physical wants and desires override her brain and emotions. She wanted you, wanted to touch you and be touched by you. Nothing else mattered.

 

And then came sex. Aside from the pain and struggle to self-lubricate because she probably didnt understand what was going on with her body and why it hurt ... Aside from the embarassment and disappointment of asking you to stop midway ... Aside from all that ... She felt ashamed. Embarassed. Weak.

 

You struck an emotional chord that she did not recognize or know how to deal with. It reshaped her feelings. She probably doesn't quite know how she feels, and is using the other parts of your relationship to try and get back that "loving feeling".

 

Time, patience, understanding, and ask her how she feels about your sexual tryst. She will eventually come around. But she might not want to have sex with you again for a long while. She doesn't want your relationship to be defined by sex, so you probably need to stop feeling her up everytime you see her.

 

She might even avoid kissing or petting because she doesnt want to lead you on, knowing full well that she is uncomfortable having sex with you for now.

 

Best thing to do is have a talk with her, tell her you love her and want to take it slow. Tell her that you want to build the other parts of your relationship, and that you should put sex on the backburner for 6 months. Tellher that you care for her, and that you dont want her to have confused emotions. Assuming you hold up your end of the bargain and act like a man, then you will give her the confidence to drop her barrier and learn to love you again.

[verhrzn]

I like how you guys assume that because of my age i don't know what i am doing. This is 2012. Kids grow up faster and PEople have internet. And i am positive that most guys my age know exactly what they are doing.

 

I realize i have to warm her up. And i never try to just jump into sex with her. Or hump her brains out. I make sure she is plenty "ready to go" and that she is lubricated down there. I don't need tips on how to have sex. I already know how to do that.

 

If it hurts her, then apparently not.

 

Learning sex from the Internet is one of the worst places. And here's a small tip: just because a woman is lubricated does not mean she is turned on. Women's genitals and their brains don't always connect, so she may be "ready" downstairs but isn't feeling it up in her brain. The reverse is also true... she could be wildly attracted to you, but bone dry down south.

 

Thinking that a woman being attracted to you equals Niagara Falls already demonstrates that maybe kids your age don't know everything, because the Internet is like the Mirror Playground of actual sex.

 

Here's a tip... do sensual things for her that DON'T lead to sex. Give her a back massage. Cuddle her. Make her feel physically connected without the pressure of "fooling around."

 

My guess is she's avoiding all kinds of physical intimacy because she knows it'll eventually lead to sex, which "hurts" her and makes her uncomfortable (and for other, complex psychologically reasons.) It's like if you had trouble getting it up in bed, and a girl was sitting there staring going "What is wrong with you? Don't you feel attracted to me?"

 

Pressure, of any kind, is anti-erotic. You need to show her that you two can connect with physical touch without it necessarily leading somewhere. And when she's comfortable you need to make it ALL about her. Sensual massage, touch, foreplay. Take vaginal intercourse OFF the table for a while, and see if that doesn't push her libido right back up.

[93TheHitStick]

If it hurts her, then apparently not.

 

Learning sex from the Internet is one of the worst places. And here's a small tip: just because a woman is lubricated does not mean she is turned on. Women's genitals and their brains don't always connect, so she may be "ready" downstairs but isn't feeling it up in her brain. The reverse is also true... she could be wildly attracted to you, but bone dry down south.

 

Thinking that a woman being attracted to you equals Niagara Falls already demonstrates that maybe kids your age don't know everything, because the Internet is like the Mirror Playground of actual sex.

 

Here's a tip... do sensual things for her that DON'T lead to sex. Give her a back massage. Cuddle her. Make her feel physically connected without the pressure of "fooling around."

 

My guess is she's avoiding all kinds of physical intimacy because she knows it'll eventually lead to sex, which "hurts" her and makes her uncomfortable (and for other, complex psychologically reasons.) It's like if you had trouble getting it up in bed, and a girl was sitting there staring going "What is wrong with you? Don't you feel attracted to me?"

 

Pressure, of any kind, is anti-erotic. You need to show her that you two can connect with physical touch without it necessarily leading somewhere. And when she's comfortable you need to make it ALL about her. Sensual massage, touch, foreplay. Take vaginal intercourse OFF the table for a while, and see if that doesn't push her libido right back up.

Did i say i learned everything i know from the internet? No.

 

And i like how first you guys criticize me because i must not be getting her wet. And then you say "oh it doesn't mean anything if she is wet"

 

She is turned on. Period. End of story. I know she is turned on because i can tell when she has an orgasm. And i can tell when she is getting into it. So you guys can stop saying that she just isn't horny. Because she is.

 

And as far as her not getting hurt if she is lubricated that is bs. She is plenty lubricated. I my penis has a 6 inch girth so that might be a problem for her. And i think the reason she actually told me to stop is because i was testing the waters and i think i hit her cervix. The reason she doesn't want to have sex has NOTHING to do with my sexual skills. Everytime we have been in bed together she has totally lost it.

 

And i do touch her in other ways that aren't sexual when i can. We are always on each other with no pressure of sex.

Edited February 19, 2012 by 93TheHitStick

[philt]

have you tried telling her you can do other things instead of full sex to start with and then you can work from there .

my ex had probs she would worry and then it would hurt her , i started off by going down on her to get her really relaxed and wet and after a few times then i would finger her and after a few times of that i sliped into her and she was ok with it .

 

i hope thats not to forward

[FrustratedStandards]

She has lost interest in you. She isn't attracted to you anymore.

 

The behavior you are describing is exactly what I did when I wasn't attracted to a love interest anymore.

 

The gifts and I love you's are out of guilt.

[mickleb]

It's never nice to feel patronised but you're doing yourself no favours here, 93.

 

Most of us have been 17 and remember how great we thought we were in the sack, or our partners did. The fact that you are asking 'Is my GF attracted to me' does not correlate with your claim that she is turned on/horny/losing it in bed with you. I doubt you can always tell if she comes but I'm not going to argue with you about it!

 

You'll notice there's a whole section here for sex advice and one doesn't have to be 17 to ask a question there. Everyone could use a little sex education - you can never stop learning with that stuff, as everyone's different and we all develop with our experiences. So, stop being so defensive, as it's beginning to appear like your least attractive trait.

 

You may have a point about your girth, as she was a virgin, although it shouldn't be a big deal - without meaning to sound rude, your size isn't particularly unusual. I suspect she'd be up for other stuff if that was the problem, also. It's because she's barely giving you a peck on the cheek that it's difficult to believe you are quite as awesome in the sack as you say you are.

 

I think the points that most people have agreed with on here are about you simply respecting how she feels, if you care about her. The more you can do this, the more loved and safe you can make her feel, the more you'll chip away at the guard she's putting up. In the meantime, you can make the most of the internet.

 

Sex is a big deal when you're 17. She's become nervy as hell, and so have you. Give it time, kindness and an open mind, and you'll both learn a lot of good things.

 

Good luck.

[93TheHitStick]

It's never nice to feel patronised but you're doing yourself no favours here, 93.

 

Most of us have been 17 and remember how great we thought we were in the sack, or our partners did. The fact that you are asking 'Is my GF attracted to me' does not correlate with your claim that she is turned on/horny/losing it in bed with you. I doubt you can always tell if she comes but I'm not going to argue with you about it!

 

You'll notice there's a whole section here for sex advice and one doesn't have to be 17 to ask a question there. Everyone could use a little sex education - you can never stop learning with that stuff, as everyone's different and we all develop with our experiences. So, stop being so defensive, as it's beginning to appear like your least attractive trait.

 

You may have a point about your girth, as she was a virgin, although it shouldn't be a big deal - without meaning to sound rude, your size isn't particularly unusual. I suspect she'd be up for other stuff if that was the problem, also. It's because she's barely giving you a peck on the cheek that it's difficult to believe you are quite as awesome in the sack as you say you are.

 

I think the points that most people have agreed with on here are about you simply respecting how she feels, if you care about her. The more you can do this, the more loved and safe you can make her feel, the more you'll chip away at the guard she's putting up. In the meantime, you can make the most of the internet.

 

Sex is a big deal when you're 17. She's become nervy as hell, and so have you. Give it time, kindness and an open mind, and you'll both learn a lot of good things.

 

Good luck.

I was over exaggerating when i say she barely gives me a peck. She does kiss me. But it doesn't lead where i want it.

 

She does "lose it" in bed with me. And i can tell when she has an orgasm because she always has the same reaction and squeezes her eyes really tight.

 

My fear is that she is no longer attracted to me. Because although she still always wants to hangout with me. We never get past the light kissing stage.

 

I am going to be defensive because this thread is not about my own sexual skills. And it is offensive when people assume that i am just trying to shove it in her or something.

 

I said it once and i'll say it again. The reason she doesn't want to have sex with me is NOT because she feels unsatisfied. I am positive that this is not the reason. So you guys can stop talking about it. I have had enough experience that i can tell when a girl is satisfied and when she is not.

 

And let me add that on most days when we do fool around she will act like a little kid for the rest of the day. Laughing hysterically at all my jokes. And blurting out how much she loves me. So i can tell that she is genuinely happy.

[mickleb]

i can tell when she has an orgasm because she always has the same reaction and squeezes her eyes really tight.

 

I'm sorry, honey, but when I read this I proper LOLed!

 

But it doesn't lead where i want it.

 

I guess what we've been saying is, 'Yep, we get that but tough tits.' You need to figure out where she wants things to be leading and it's looking like she wants more loving than sexing. You can always, sensitively, bring the subject up with her, too, you know. Say you love the times you've been intimate together and that you look forward to when that happens again but that you'll take her lead on it. Ask her to show you clearly when she's ready because you don't want to make a mistake. But ask her to tell you how she's feeling, and why, too.

 

If you don't think you value the relationship enough to wait until she feels comfortable again, then end it. You have a choice - put her feelings first, or your own. But you've had some good advice here from a lot of people (most of whom, I believe, are implying that the first option will get you closer to happiness than the latter.)

Edited February 19, 2012 by mickleb

[Ninjainpajamas]

You have to communicate with her more about what is bothering her, that's the only way you're going to know for sure.

 

From your description it either sounds painful or uncomfortable for her, I'm 31 years old and I'm not sure If squeezing of the eyes has ever been a call sign for an orgasm just for the record, I know you're just trying to explain yourself and your confident, but that doesn't sound right just so you know.

 

The point is though the focus should be what she is going through or feeling, you need to really be direct with her and ask her what's going on or bothering her, you can't be in a relationship and not be able to talk about things with your partner.

 

She might want to reset the whole relationship and work your way to being intimate, maybe she is scared, maybe she doesn't like sex or intercourse for some reason, maybe she isn't ready.

 

Sit her down one day and ask her how she's feeling and figure out what's going on and really LISTEN to her.