Dependability

[phineas]

So, I was told tonight that she wants to be with me "without the complexities of a relationship" and that if I have to be dating someone right now then that means she's not important enough to me or I don't like her enough. She thinks we moved too fast and just wants to get to know me better.

 

So, it seems to me she wants all the benefits of a relationship (attention, physical, emotional, etc) without having to call it that and then it gives her an excuse for any selfish behavior. I think it's all BS.

 

Nice mind-fµck.

 

John Holmes style. LOL!

 

I thought she said she was going away?

See OP, she can't follow through on plans & can't follow through No contact.

 

I dated someone who said something similar. Carhill called her nebulous girl.

 

I called her train-wreck & told her to F-off after falling off the earth one to many times then showing up at my door late at night doing the "i'm hot, I can do what I want & men aren't supposed to hold me accountable" act.

 

Trust me, there are lots of women just like her except not as flaky or selfish out there. I promise.

[EspressoTorte]

How can you move too fast if you never saw one another?

 

Now she's basically asking to be FWB.

[SciGuy]

How can you move too fast if you never saw one another?

 

Now she's basically asking to be FWB.

 

Yes, I guess essentially that's what she's saying. Although, I'm honestly not completely against that, but I do what more from her in the future.

 

She thinks keeping our expectations of each other low during this busy time is best for us.

 

I think what happened is that I pushed for a relationship earlier than what she's used to and it scared her away. `

[phineas]

Yes, I guess essentially that's what she's saying. Although, I'm honestly not completely against that, but I do what more from her in the future.

 

She thinks keeping our expectations of each other low during this busy time is best for us.

 

I think what happened is that I pushed for a relationship earlier than what she's used to and it scared her away. `

 

Then you tell her if you are going to do a FWB you need to count on those benefits a certain amount of times per week.

 

In my situation she only showed up at my door when she was half in the bag, unannounced & after she had ignored any recent txt's or calls.

 

screw that noise.

[veggirl]

So, I was told tonight that she wants to be with me "without the complexities of a relationship" and that if I have to be dating someone right now then that means she's not important enough to me or I don't like her enough. She thinks we moved too fast and just wants to get to know me better.

 

So, it seems to me she wants all the benefits of a relationship (attention, physical, emotional, etc) without having to call it that and then it gives her an excuse for any selfish behavior. I think it's all BS.

 

Oh please. You're right that it is BS. She wants YOU to be there for HER without her having to be there for YOU because "it's not a relationship".

 

Also NICE, turning it around on you, with the "you must not like me" shiz.

 

So did you tell her no?

[maybealone]

So, I was told tonight that she wants to be with me "without the complexities of a relationship" and that if I have to be dating someone right now then that means she's not important enough to me or I don't like her enough. She thinks we moved too fast and just wants to get to know me better.

 

So, it seems to me she wants all the benefits of a relationship (attention, physical, emotional, etc) without having to call it that and then it gives her an excuse for any selfish behavior. I think it's all BS.

 

Wow, she gets to cancel dates and then gets to tell you that she isn't important enough to you.

 

Although, keep in mind that she currently has that selfish behavior with her friends, too. It's possible that she's just, you know, selfish.

[SciGuy]

Wow, she gets to cancel dates and then gets to tell you that she isn't important enough to you.

 

Although, keep in mind that she currently has that selfish behavior with her friends, too. It's possible that she's just, you know, selfish.

 

In her defense, she HAD told me that she needs to be selfish right now and she really can't be in a relationship. I shouldn't have pushed so hard for the relationship in the first place. Yet, I'm not sure that I've ever reverted back to a friend with a girl that I've been dating. Oh, what to do, what to do?

[EyeAlone]

In her defense, she HAD told me that she needs to be selfish right now and she really can't be in a relationship. I shouldn't have pushed so hard for the relationship in the first place. Yet, I'm not sure that I've ever reverted back to a friend with a girl that I've been dating. Oh, what to do, what to do?

Seriously? Stop defending her.

 

Here's what you do:

Be selfish in the sense that you start looking out for yourself rather than kowtowing to a girl who is not into you. If she was truly into you, pushing too hard for a relationship wouldn't have ever needed to happen...because she would have wanted to be with you in the first place!

[SciGuy]

Seriously? Stop defending her.

 

Here's what you do:

Be selfish in the sense that you start looking out for yourself rather than kowtowing to a girl who is not into you. If she was truly into you, pushing too hard for a relationship wouldn't have ever needed to happen...because she would have wanted to be with you in the first place!

 

Okay, I agree. Yet, she's honest about not having TIME for a relationship.

I appreciate everyone's responses. I'm just going to hold out and see what happens.

Edited February 22, 2012 by SciGuy

[phineas]

Okay, I agree. Yet, she's honest about not having TIME for a relationship.

I appreciate everyone's responses. I'm just going to hold out and see what happens.

 

BS.

She has the time if she wants to make it.

 

when I was working 40hrs a week & renovating my home I still found time to date once a week.

 

Telling you she is busy "for now" is her just dangling the carrot to keep you around.

 

NOBODY IS THAT BUSY. PERIOD.

[Emilia]

Okay, I agree. Yet, she's honest about not having TIME for a relationship.

I appreciate everyone's responses. I'm just going to hold out and see what happens.

 

Personally I wouldn't give the time of the day to a flake - it is what she is. I think holding out is a mistake because she won't change. I think you should find a good quality girl who isn't full of c***

[maybealone]

In her defense, she HAD told me that she needs to be selfish right now and she really can't be in a relationship. I shouldn't have pushed so hard for the relationship in the first place. Yet, I'm not sure that I've ever reverted back to a friend with a girl that I've been dating. Oh, what to do, what to do?

 

No, she doesn't HAVE to be selfish. You can put your academics and career before everything else and still be a considerate person. You can decline invitations and dates instead of backing out at the last minute. You can take a half hour out of your day to pop in on a friend's birthday party or to have coffee with a guy you like, and probably end up being able to focus more on your work the rest of the night because of the break.

 

Unless she is so busy that she has no time to shower or eat, she has time to make some effort for her friends and a man she likes. And she should, because success isn't nearly as enjoyable when you have no one, not even friends, to share it with.

[SciGuy]

No, she doesn't HAVE to be selfish. You can put your academics and career before everything else and still be a considerate person. You can decline invitations and dates instead of backing out at the last minute. You can take a half hour out of your day to pop in on a friend's birthday party or to have coffee with a guy you like, and probably end up being able to focus more on your work the rest of the night because of the break.

 

Unless she is so busy that she has no time to shower or eat, she has time to make some effort for her friends and a man she likes. And she should, because success isn't nearly as enjoyable when you have no one, not even friends, to share it with.

 

Okay, just to clear this up. She DOES take time out of her day to do things with me (i.e. coffee, eat, etc). Yet, she does not PLAN. When she planned something in the past she tended to back out. We've tried to compromise on the planning aspect but she doesn't feel like she's in a position to do that. Like most of you, I see her lack of compromise as a sign that she just really isn't into me enough.

[SciGuy]

Update:

 

So, about 4 weeks ago, I told her that I needed some space to try to figure things out. Well, she broke contact in less than two days while she was with a mutual friend and stopped to talk with me. She acted like everything was fine and I just went with it. Probably a big mistake.

 

So, in that same week everything seemed to be fine, physically and emotionally. But over the last several weeks she had become cold/distant with my advances. We got into another couple arguments about it. It pretty much ended with us agreeing to take some time apart and that I need to find someone that can make me happy. Yet, now she continues to send me cutesy text msgs and implies hanging out. Last night was the start of a one week break (school) for both of us and she made no attempts to see me. She hung out with one of her guy friends instead. She told me not to worry about it and that she will be around all week.

 

I don't know why, but this is killing me. Does this girl just keep me around for an ego boost? (I'm giving her attention emotionally, yet she has denied anything physical for a few weeks now). Since we see each other every day in class, is this her way of dampening things to not make it awkward between us? I decided after this final "rejection" that I need to go full-fledged no contact.

[EspressoTorte]

Update:

 

So, about 4 weeks ago, I told her that I needed some space to try to figure things out. Well, she broke contact in less than two days while she was with a mutual friend and stopped to talk with me. She acted like everything was fine and I just went with it. Probably a big mistake.

 

So, in that same week everything seemed to be fine, physically and emotionally. But over the last several weeks she had become cold/distant with my advances. We got into another couple arguments about it. It pretty much ended with us agreeing to take some time apart and that I need to find someone that can make me happy. Yet, now she continues to send me cutesy text msgs and implies hanging out. Last night was the start of a one week break (school) for both of us and she made no attempts to see me. She hung out with one of her guy friends instead. She told me not to worry about it and that she will be around all week.

 

I don't know why, but this is killing me. Does this girl just keep me around for an ego boost? (I'm giving her attention emotionally, yet she has denied anything physical for a few weeks now). Since we see each other every day in class, is this her way of dampening things to not make it awkward between us? I decided after this final "rejection" that I need to go full-fledged no contact.

 

If she's doing it to be less awkward, I'm thinking that's another sign of her emotional immaturity. She hasn't respected your wishes for needing space.

[veggirl]

Um yes she is obviously just wanting the ego boost /attention / back up plan.

 

If she was interested at ALL she would have wanted to see you, not some other guy to start her break off! You really need to break it off with this girl. Arguements over this? Did you even see each other during the time you were arguing? This sounds like a lot of work, for nothing.

[FitChick]

She didn't like you dumping her so perhaps she wants to get in your good graces, become a little closer and then dump you. She wins! That or she doesn't want you bad mouthing her around campus.

[SciGuy]

That or she doesn't want you bad mouthing her around campus.

 

Definitely this. She told me a couple weeks ago that she would be PISSED if we didn't work out and she later found out I was hooking up with someone else in class. So I definitely think she is more worried about what people think.

 

On Saturday, the day after our break started, and the day after she failed to see me, she sent me a text msg stating "I wish you were lying in bed with me right now". She was out of town visiting her parents. Does anyone understand this girl? I mean she obviously had the opportunity to see me the day prior and never mentioned me or a bed. After getting another cutesy tease text like this, I said that's it. I waited about 6 hours to respond and just sort of said "hey, what's up". I then immediately started no contact w/ no explanation as to why. I know, sounds like a game, but I felt I had no other choice. If I complained about her teasing and lack of follow through again I'd just sound like a broken record. I'm actually tired of hearing MYSELF talk about it. The problem is that I'm still not sure she gets it. She probably has no idea why I quit contacting her.

 

So it had been 3 days of no contact from either side and I'm actually a little surprised that she never tried contacting me. The only thing I can think of is that she was upset by my vague response to her little flirty, cutesy text which she has no intentions in following up on. I won't even begin to tell you the sexting she has done with no follow through.

 

But tonight, I caved and sent her a text asking her if she was still awake. (no response but it was sort of late) Now I regret it. But, a part of me just wants to lay it all on the line and tell her that this isn't working and confront her on all her BS. Yet, I feel like I just sound like a broken record and what's the point. Should I just be upfront and can her? Do I not owe her any further explanation and just continue the no contact? I wish I didn't like this chick so much but she's getting away with murder here and this has got to stop.

[carhill]

Does anyone understand this girl?

 

I think the LS word is 'unstable'.

 

Loved a few of those in my lifetime. Man, what a prison.

[phineas]

I think the LS word is 'unstable'.

 

Loved a few of those in my lifetime. Man, what a prison.

 

I refer to them as train wrecks myself.

I've known a few also.

 

They talk like their fragile delicate flowers but in reality their more like male players when it comes to playing with someone's emotions & sex.

 

I think OP's girl is like that.

 

She's on break, has all the time in the world to be with OP but chooses to be with another guy & tells him.

 

Total mind-screw.

[Arkaeology]

OP, you'll be amazed by how a woman who is attracted to you and interested in you will move mountains to be with you. Erase this one. Move on.

 

^^^^^^This! I have someone driving 80 miles to see me when she realized that I was driving 60 miles to see her in most of our dates.

[SciGuy]

She called back this morning. Apparently, she's been laying in bed sick all weekend. She sounded horrible. But still, she didn't even call the past three days so that says something right there.

 

Kept the conversation light. I'm tired of arguing with this girl. Didn't bring up a thing about this weekend or Friday.

 

After hanging up, I decided that I need to move on. If she contacts me to hang out then fine, but I'm not holding my breath. And, even if she does, I think I need to just say I'm busy. (I really, really hate games but I'm tired of always being the one making time for her). At this point, I'm not even sure I should text her back this week to see if she is feeling better.

 

I have another girl all over me for a date this week, so I think I'm going to follow up on that.

[veggirl]

She called back this morning. Apparently, she's been laying in bed sick all weekend. She sounded horrible. But still, she didn't even call the past three days so that says something right there.

 

Kept the conversation light. I'm tired of arguing with this girl. Didn't bring up a thing about this weekend or Friday.

 

After hanging up, I decided that I need to move on. If she contacts me to hang out then fine, but I'm not holding my breath. And, even if she does, I think I need to just say I'm busy. (I really, really hate games but I'm tired of always being the one making time for her). At this point, I'm not even sure I should text her back this week to see if she is feeling better.

 

I have another girl all over me for a date this week, so I think I'm going to follow up on that.

 

Geez. You sure are a sucker for this girl, for some reason.

 

I wouldn't text to see how she is. I thought you decided to give up on this ? I wouldn't even respond if she decides she wants to hang out, she has already had a million chances to do so but is either too busy or was with another guy. I mean come on. Think about it this way, you are obv interested in her, do you treat her like that? No. You try to make dates, etc, like a normal interested person does. She doesn't do any of that.

[SciGuy]

Geez. You sure are a sucker for this girl, for some reason.

 

I wouldn't text to see how she is. I thought you decided to give up on this ? I wouldn't even respond if she decides she wants to hang out, she has already had a million chances to do so but is either too busy or was with another guy. I mean come on. Think about it this way, you are obv interested in her, do you treat her like that? No. You try to make dates, etc, like a normal interested person does. She doesn't do any of that.

 

I AM a sucker for this girl. Maybe it's the challenge or trying to obtain something I know I can't have. That's why I come on here, so I can be talked out of doing something stupid.

Edited March 13, 2012 by SciGuy

[SciGuy]

So, I was out today and bumped into her at a coffee shop. Imagine that! Felt like I saw a ghost.

 

She initiated a hug (no side hug like she had been giving me) and we chatted for about 5 min.

 

She said that one of her friends invited her to a museum this afternoon and she asked if I wanted to join. I know this girl is more comfortable in groups, but come on! This is getting annoying. She said that she wasn't sure and would let me know later. (of course) Is this her way of showing me interest or friend-zoning me?

 

Think I just need to tell her I have other plans.