abc Posted June 4, 2004 Posted June 4, 2004 I have been with this guy for 2 years. When we first started dating everything was great. We partied together and still did our own thing. I became pregnant. I could not party anymore and became upset with him. I would stay up worrying about him. Being pregnant and only getting 4 hours of sleep was not good for me. I had to take pills to help me sleep. There were times I went without eating because I was so upset. Once he was at the bar and every time I called his cell phone it would pick up. I could hear him in the background picking up on girls. He said he was trying to hook up his friend. Other times I would bust him and his friends doing drugs. I told him I did not want to have that around me and my kids. I think he would do this just so I’d get mad and leave. Before I had my son he stopped doing drugs. It helped, but then he started drinking more. After I had my son, my boyfriend started going to AA and quit drinking for 4 weeks. I moved in with him because I cannot financially support 3 kids by myself. We fight a lot. It has a lot to do with drinking. I started drinking again too. I think I should start going to AA. I have no other place to go, but it’s hard to let him disrespect me all the time. Doesn’t come home til late, doesn’t tell me where he’s at, comes home wasted. Everyone tells me to act like he’s my roommate. Since he lost his license I have to pick up his daughter for him. Lately I haven’t because why should I do him a favor if he can’t respect me. I am somewhat jealous of his relationship with his daughter. He spoils her. He will talk to her for hours, but only say one word to his other son who is the same age as his daughter. He calls her honey just like he calls me. I never know who he is talking to. He always thought his kids were perfect, but I have been confronting him with their lies. His children keep saying bad things about my children (she broke my statue on purpose, she hit her with a stick when they were all swinging sticks) He also had a hard time getting over her mom. When I was dating him she would ask him to go out with her. There were times when she came over for a while and he wouldn’t answer his phone. When I came over she called and asked if I was mad. I know she was trying to smooze him. Right now their relationship is poor. She wants more money from him and is trying to take his daughter away because of his drinking.
Butterfly_Queen Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 I think you need to get out of that situation. He obviuosly has no respect for you or the kids. Don't continue to put yourself in that situation or your children. It's not a healthy environment at all. He needs to stop the partying and grow up and face his responsibilties. Do you have any friends or family members you can stay with til you get your feet on the ground? Don't keep saying you have no where to go. There has to be some kind of way to get out of that. If you don't wont to do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Best of luck to you.
sportsloving Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 He isn't showing much respect for you or your children, and he won't as long as things keep going the way they are. My first ex husband was into drugs and drinking. When I went into labor with our second daughter, he stayed with me at the hospital. After she was born and I was put in a room, he said he was going to get some coffee and come back. He didn't show back up at all, in fact, when I was to be released, he was nowhere around and I had to call his brother to pick us up (they won't let you leave or drive without someone there. He then came home that night and said that he was out with some friends (celebrating the birth of his daughter of course) and that he had no way of getting home. Yeah right. He choose the drugs and alcohol over his family. He is now 33 and lives either with his mom or the girl of the month. He has four children, with another on the way. The only children that have to same mom are mine. He is never going to grow up and he is never going to take responsibility. That is the way some folks are. Get out of the situation. You can do anything you can think or dream. There are a lot of agencies who will help you set up a home for your children, there are plenty of options. Call your local SRS and ask them what you should do. Never lose sight that your children are and always will be the most important thing in your life. You aren't doing anyone any favors by sticking around and letting him treat you as he does ... it won't change (unless he realizes there is a problem). Best of luck to you and your children, I wish you the best.
Butterfly_Queen Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Sportsloving, he left to go get coffee after the baby was born and didn't come back? WTF? I'm so sorry that happened to you, how terrible! I'm glad you're no longer with him, no one needs that crap! I'm glad you got out of that situation for yourself and kids. You're right he will probably never change. I believe people can, however they have to want too. Take care.
Author abc Posted June 8, 2004 Author Posted June 8, 2004 I have done the parent thing. They have raised 6 kids and need their space. I make too much money to get any assistance and don't make enough to pay daycare. I don't want to inconvenience any of my friends. If the kid's dads would help out and pay I could live on my own. That is a whole other issue.
sportsloving Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 There are other options besides just SRS. I merely mentioned them because they know of all the local community assistance places. They can help you find a home, help pay the rent or deposit, and other things. You can also get help with food supplies. The way the kids' dad can help out is if you go to SRS and start asking for child support. They will garnish his paychecks and then he doesn't get to choose to pay or not pay (unless he is like my ex, then he will quit each job whenever they get a support order). Have you talked to SRS about the lower income day cares? They will also help with child care if even if you don't qualify for anything else. Medical is another thing that the state will help with or direct you to a person who can. You can do anything you put your mind to. But you have to be willing to do it. Best wishes for you, I hope it all works out.
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