Jump to content

Crazy Ex/Crazy Me/Anxiety/Insecurity/GIGS/Avoidence/One great big mess -WHAT?!

tipsyleprachauns

By tipsyleprachauns
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
Posted

Hi Guys,

 

This is kind of a vent, looking for people to tell me I'm not mad.

 

Posted the following a couple days ago, for the backstory on the past couple months...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/313897-my-story-just-looking-some-support

 

All's been going well. 6 days no contact since being called a stalker. No urge to contact. Although plenty of ups and downs. Had a real good day today thrashing some mountain bike trails and then this evening...

 

I met up with a mutual friend of ours who also happens to be my Ex's housemate. At first I was apprehensive, as she's been ignoring me for 3 weeks and then this out of the blue. I put her in an awkward position in the middle of the break up which is why she was ignoring me - fair enough - but was a bit suspicious about her motivations for seeing me tonight. Aaanyway, it was with another friend so I thought I'd go for it...

 

Things took a turn for the worse when she started talking about how the break up looked to her. She said it was 'scary how much I loved G, not normal'. She said if i'd left her alone then there would have been a good chance of getting back together - which doesn't sit with me as she made it next to impossible for me to leave her alone with all the mixed signals and I was a much bigger mess at the time.

 

The real killer came from the fact that she said it wasn't normal that I couldn't just snap out of love. That 2 months on I was still sad. Of course she hasn't heard both sides of the story, hasn't heard some of the things G was saying to me up until 2 weeks ago, the leading me on.

 

She also started talking about G and the new guy she's dating. I know little about it other than they're casually dating and have given each other tonsilitus. They're in the same year at university. Taking it slow. He appears not to be a christian so I shouldn't think it would last. Sex always becomes an issue.

 

Aannyway some of the other things she's said was that G has been seeing the docotrs about her anxiety. Seems up and down. Cries quite a bit for no noticeable reason. Yet also seems happy with life. Has explicitly said she's moving on from me yet also asked our mutual friend not to tell me anything about her and finds it too difficult to talk to me. Said she feels really ugly at the moment (loving the attention from the new guy - rebound?) and that apprently all the while she was away up until 2 weeks ago she felt really lonely - hence the leading me on and using me - but spent a lot of time calling our mutual friend saying she was doing it because otherwise she'd be calling me and want me back.

 

Apparently another reason has come out for us 'not being right together' in that she wants to be young and go out and party and have freedom and independance and nothing tying her down - wheras she's gotten into her head I want to get married and have kids. Can't think where that came from, perhaps her suggesting it to me half a year ago. Althogh I by no means have those plans for at least another 5 years.

 

All In all I'm left feeling crap and trying to make sense of this. Is this GIGs? Is it a rebound? Is she really suffering anxiety? Is she screwed up in the head? Or am I really all to blame in this and dealt with it really badly like a crazy stalker ex who should have just been able to switch the off button on my love overnight.

 

Is she going to wake up and smell the roses one day despite currently thinking I'm crazy, realize I was really good to her, grow up a bit and come crawling back? IS she likely to throw breadcrumbs? Will she simply never speak to me again?

 

And WHY ON EARTH, AFTER HOW SHE'S TREATED ME AND MADE ME LOOK, DO I STILL PINE AFTER HER?!

 

< / Rant>

 

I don't want to be the crazy person. But I can't figure out whether she's really over me and moved on, or just really stressed, insecure, anxious, rebounding and all of a gigs.

 

Any thoughts to help me let go or better myself in the hope of a future many many many months down the line...?

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted

 

Is she going to wake up and smell the roses one day despite currently thinking I'm crazy, realize I was really good to her, grow up a bit and come crawling back?

Possibly! Typically they do after at usually the year mark, some longer though

 

IS she likely to throw breadcrumbs?

Yup

 

Will she simply never speak to me again?

Based on your story, Nope!

 

And WHY ON EARTH, AFTER HOW SHE'S TREATED ME AND MADE ME LOOK, DO I STILL PINE AFTER HER?!

Because you love her and have an attachment to her, perfectly normal in my book. I am at the 8 month mark and still pine. There's nothing wrong with it

Thatguyintx Established Member

Thatguyintx

Posted
Posted

Fully agree with Wilsonx!

  • Author
tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

How does one draw such conclusions when the last things I heard from her were along the lines of 'I want to be friend but we need time and space. I want you to find someone else so we can be friends' coming from the girl who wanted friends straight away. And lastly 'leave me alone. You're acting a bit stalkerish and it's getting annoying' when I asked why it was that she's over me yet can't handle talking to me and pushed for an answer. She says she's over me, moved on, certain we're not right for each other.

 

What do you make of her new fling?

Edited by tipsyleprachauns
wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted
How does one draw such conclusions when the last things I heard from her were along the lines of 'I want to be friend but we need time and space. I want you to find someone else so we can be friends' coming from the girl who wanted friends straight away. And lastly 'leave me alone. You're acting a bit stalkerish and it's getting annoying' when I asked why it was that she's over me yet can't handle talking to me and pushed for an answer. She says she's over me, moved on, certain we're not right for each other.

 

What do you make of her new fling?

 

Experience, outside the box thinking, which you seem to have with your grasp on this.

 

As for her fling, it has no representation on you

  • Author
tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My gut would tell me she'll eventually realise what she had in me.

 

My head tells me I know she's stubborn, currently thinks I'm a bit stalker-ish, handled the break-up not that well, and the new guy may be more her thing right now with partying, going out, being a medic and moving in the same circles hence making things easier for her (her friends will all like him).

 

Gut says move on but it's not necessarily over yet

Head says even if it isn't, she's too stubborn to do anything about it and does seem pretty set in being out of love with me.

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted

I understand and agree!

 

You are on the path to wisdom, you are torn between intuition and logic which is why you are acting and feel crazy. Its ok.

 

Try to initiate NC (easier said then done for types like us). You need the mental space from her to continue on your path.

 

If you have not already watched the Count of Monte Cristo, I suggest watching it. If you have, watch it again from Edmond Dantes perspective and notice the 3 phases of his life. Young Dantes (logical/naive), prisoner Dantes (intuitive/suffering), Count Monte Cristo (wise). You will come out of this, completely new person.

  • Author
tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
  • Author
Posted

This all sounds very deep and philosophical.

 

I initiated no contact last Monday on this note...

 

 

 

 

I want you to know one thing G.

 

I'm not stalking you. I'm not harassing you. I'm not a bad person. I still care about you more than anything.

 

I just wanted answers to why you did what you did, why you did it that way. Over the phone, by text, all of it.

 

I just wanted you to talk to me properly about what the hell just happened, and be entirely 100% truthful and honest.

 

Instead you put me in a position where I now look like the horrid stalker bad guy who's crazy and insane and people hate for it.

 

The reality is I just wanted you to allow me to let go.

 

And I wanted an apology for what you did.

 

 

Bye G

x

 

 

 

I haven't contacted her or heard from her since, and to be honest I have had no real desire to contact her and don't think I ever will. She's screwed me around so much. Granted it was always me chasing and initiating contact this last couple months aside from a few times, but she let me and she said many things to lead me on to thinking there could be hope - as you'll see from my previous post. I'm not one to go down without a fight and although I almost certainly took it a bit far, I'm glad I didn't just give in. That would be harder to go NC on. The couple times, up until she decided it was well and truly off, that I started to pull away, put my foot down, do things on my terms, she tried to grab me back as a friend. She's stopped doing that now - hence my uncertainty as to whether she'll ever speak to me again or come back.

 

She sounds emotionally unstable, and yet she also sounds sure of herself. It's difficult to know what is going on.

 

All I can do Is keep working on me and hope that one day I wake up and don't want her anymore.

[COLOR=#888888][/COLOR]

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted

Good note!

 

Stick around, give advice.

 

You will be ok

  • Author
tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'll be hovering about for a while yet I think. Today has been a good day. A week of no contact and it's the first day I actually feel like I can do this, get through this, and feel normal again. Which is great.

 

I just wish I could get out of this hope that she'll come back months down the line now that I've actually left her life and exited for good. Wish I could get my head round whether this is a rebound or not - even though I know it's not something I should be concerning myself with.

 

Fact is, I want to believe that she'll go out, make the mistakes I made at her age, grow up a bit, settle down a bit, and come back. I don't for once second intend on waiting for that to happen, but I can't talk myself out of hoping it will and I can't figure out which way the signs are pointing.

Pens55 Established Member

Pens55

Posted
Posted

I think that last post confirms you are on the right path. You'll still be hoping for a while, but youre also able to move through that and live life for yourself.

 

If she comes back, cool...if she doesnt, that hope will eventually fade behind all of the new opportunities you have now.

 

Best of luck

  • Author
tipsyleprachauns Established Member

tipsyleprachauns

Posted
  • Author
Posted

In some ways I wish she didn't have anxiety and wasn't getting treatment for it. It would make things more clear cut. This way I'm left wondering - what if it works and she decides she does want me... :s

 

The best times we had over the past few months were when she was taking kalms, no jokes. She knows it too.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...