Guys: Do you like it when a woman asks you out?

[FrustratedStandards]

Was asked out twice. I said no both times.

 

Why?

 

I don't, its nice to have the shoe on the other foot for once

 

This is true, but I think women taken rejection worse than men do. Women are so insecure, emotional, hormonal or what may you, and they take everything way more to heart than they should. If a guy asks a girl out and she says no, it's not that big of a deal. He knows he can ask another girl out.

 

When a man rejects a woman, immediately its a blow to her confidence. "But I don't understand, do I look bad? Am I too ugly? Am I too short? What's wrong with me? Why did he say no? etc etc etc etc"

 

Any man who has had a girlfriend knows this is how most women think. Men don't think this way, so rejection isn't as harsh. At least, I don't think so.

[FrustratedStandards]

I don't exactly have a problem with women asking me out but I prefer that she drop a clear hint that she wants me to do it.

 

A lot of women drop hints but men are too stupid to pick up on them (sorry). I mean, if a smile and a "hi" isn't enough, what more do you want? For her to write it on her face?

 

In my current situation this is how I feel. If he is interested, I smile or say hi. Then nothing comes of it.

[ThaWholigan]

Why?

 

I wasn't attracted to either of them unfortunately.

 

This is true, but I think women taken rejection worse than men do. Women are so insecure, emotional, hormonal or what may you, and they take everything way more to heart than they should. If a guy asks a girl out and she says no, it's not that big of a deal. He knows he can ask another girl out.

 

When a man rejects a woman, immediately its a blow to her confidence. "But I don't understand, do I look bad? Am I too ugly? Am I too short? What's wrong with me? Why did he say no? etc etc etc etc"

Any man who has had a girlfriend knows this is how most women think. Men don't think this way, so rejection isn't as harsh. At least, I don't think so.

 

There seems to be a large influx of men who think exactly the same way. This is not a gender issue, I think it might just be generational (to an extent).

[Fondue]

Why?

 

 

 

This is true, but I think women taken rejection worse than men do. Women are so insecure, emotional, hormonal or what may you, and they take everything way more to heart than they should. If a guy asks a girl out and she says no, it's not that big of a deal. He knows he can ask another girl out.

 

When a man rejects a woman, immediately its a blow to her confidence. "But I don't understand, do I look bad? Am I too ugly? Am I too short? What's wrong with me? Why did he say no? etc etc etc etc"

 

Any man who has had a girlfriend knows this is how most women think. Men don't think this way, so rejection isn't as harsh. At least, I don't think so.

 

You're lying to yourself if you don't think men feel rejection.

 

Men go through the same exact things you pointed out, "Am I too ugly/short/etc.?"

 

Confidence and self-esteem apply to both genders. Just cause you got a pair of balls and a twig hanging between your legs does not make you anymore immune to those types of feelings.

 

This is exactly why men might not be approaching you. If you give off a stuck-up, "I'm too good for you" attitude, men will avoid you. Because chances are, if he isn't up your standard, you will shoot him down, bruise his already fragile ego, and contribute to his ****ty self-esteem. Repeat this several times, and you have a broken man.

[verhrzn]

I wasn't attracted to either of them unfortunately.

 

There seems to be a large influx of men who think exactly the same way. This is not a gender issue, I think it might just be generational (to an extent).

 

But if a woman is rejecting a man, it's very rarely about his appearance alone, or at least it's usually something EXTREMELY picky about his appearance. A girl could reject a guy for literally hundreds of reasons.... so a guy really shouldn't get too bent out of shape about the rejection, because it may have nothing to do with him, or may be too specific to even bother changing.

 

But if a guy rejects a girl, it's because she's unattractive. Period. It IS about her, and it's usually something big, since guys aren't nit-picky like (some/most) women are. Heck, he might even be rejecting her FOR approaching him, seeing it as too masculine or desperate, so the very act of having courage makes the girl less attractive.

 

That's the difference between the rejections.... for girls getting rejected, it's infinitely more personal.

[ptp]

A lot of women drop hints but men are too stupid to pick up on them (sorry). I mean, if a smile and a "hi" isn't enough, what more do you want? For her to write it on her face?

 

In my current situation this is how I feel. If he is interested, I smile or say hi. Then nothing comes of it.

 

Have you ever tried having a less condescending attitude?

 

A lot of women are completely opposite of you so what is a guy supposed to do?

 

Women get upset when a guy misinterprets a smile and a "hi" as a sign of interest when in actuality they were just being polite.

 

So forgive me for not interpreting ambiguous gestures of common courtesy as signs that a woman is interested.

[fortyninethousand322]

But if a guy rejects a girl, it's because she's unattractive. Period. It IS about her, and it's usually something big, since guys aren't nit-picky like (some/most) women are. Heck, he might even be rejecting her FOR approaching him, seeing it as too masculine or desperate, so the very act of having courage makes the girl less attractive.

 

That's the difference between the rejections.... for girls getting rejected, it's infinitely more personal.

 

Look, I don't know how most men are but of the women that I have "rejected" in my life, none of them were rejected because they were unattractive.

 

One girl I rejected because she was into drugs and smoked (cigarettes) which wasn't my thing. Another was just too annoying (always being negative, complaining, etc.) and the last one was too young (17, while I was 21). I feel like I made mistakes not pursuing anything with any of them, but I guess I had to be true to myself.

[Fondue]

But if a woman is rejecting a man, it's very rarely about his appearance alone, or at least it's usually something EXTREMELY picky about his appearance. A girl could reject a guy for literally hundreds of reasons.... so a guy really shouldn't get too bent out of shape about the rejection, because it may have nothing to do with him, or may be too specific to even bother changing.

 

But if a guy rejects a girl, it's because she's unattractive. Period. It IS about her, and it's usually something big, since guys aren't nit-picky like (some/most) women are. Heck, he might even be rejecting her FOR approaching him, seeing it as too masculine or desperate, so the very act of having courage makes the girl less attractive.

 

That's the difference between the rejections.... for girls getting rejected, it's infinitely more personal.

 

You have convinced yourself that the only thing men look for in a woman is her waist/boob/ass size and how cute her face is. Nothing else matters right?

 

All your posts are the same, despite what other men have kept telling you. That you're absolutely wrong on the subject. We have a broad ****ing view of what attractive is, and what is acceptable for us to stick our dick into.

 

I firmly believe you underestimate how much attention you receive or unrepresented it here. I am POSITIVE you get attention, you just refuse to acknowledge it. The only criteria you have is if a high-quality individual is interested in you. That yes, I can see how your numbers int hat department on on the lower end.

 

But the amount of guys that are actually interested, regardless of their quality range, I am sure you have plenty of feeding you attention.

[ptp]

But if a woman is rejecting a man, it's very rarely about his appearance alone, or at least it's usually something EXTREMELY picky about his appearance. A girl could reject a guy for literally hundreds of reasons.... so a guy really shouldn't get too bent out of shape about the rejection, because it may have nothing to do with him, or may be too specific to even bother changing.

 

But if a guy rejects a girl, it's because she's unattractive. Period. It IS about her, and it's usually something big, since guys aren't nit-picky like (some/most) women are. Heck, he might even be rejecting her FOR approaching him, seeing it as too masculine or desperate, so the very act of having courage makes the girl less attractive.

 

That's the difference between the rejections.... for girls getting rejected, it's infinitely more personal.

 

Where do you come up with this stuff? This completely not true.

 

Are we not human? If you prick us do we not bleed?

[verhrzn]

You have convinced yourself that the only thing men look for in a woman is her waist/boob/ass size and how cute her face is. Nothing else matters right?

 

All your posts are the same, despite what other men have kept telling you. That you're absolutely wrong on the subject. We have a broad ****ing view of what attractive is, and what is acceptable for us to stick our dick into.

 

I firmly believe you underestimate how much attention you receive or unrepresented it here. I am POSITIVE you get attention, you just refuse to acknowledge it. The only criteria you have is if a high-quality individual is interested in you. That yes, I can see how your numbers int hat department on on the lower end.

 

But the amount of guys that are actually interested, regardless of their quality range, I am sure you have plenty of feeding you attention.

 

No, I have NO guys interested, regardless of quality. That's your own issues being projected onto me... that women are only interested in "tall, handsome, status" guys.

 

I DON'T think physical attractiveness is the only criteria men use to determine who to date, but it is the FIRST one. I believe we're talking about a situation where a girl approaches a guy in a bar, or makes the first move, are we not?

 

What I am saying, straight out, is that men shouldn't take women's rejection personally, or very seriously. Girls judge guys based on strange criteria that have more to do with the girl's own internal network of thoughts, than they do with the guy standing right in front of them.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but guys DON'T work this way, yes? It's either "I'm attracted to her" or "I'm not." Not a lot of analysis or reason goes into it, but it's not usually for a "silly" reason like it may be for women.

 

And in that sort of situation, it IS physical attractiveness that matters. Now, if we're discussing a situation where the girl and guy have been hanging out routinely, or have gotten to know each other, then yeah, it's possible there's something else. Of course, that then negates all the threads from guys complaining about how there is no Friend Zone for girls... that if a guy likes a girl's personality, enough to be a friend, then the ONLY reason he wouldn't date her is because she's not attractive enough. So, which Guy Side exactly am I supposed to believe?

 

Where do you come up with this stuff? This completely not true.

 

Are we not human? If you prick us do we not bleed?

 

Oh for the love of.... I'm saying stop taking girls' rejections personally. It rarely has anything to do with you. You can be the sweetest, hottest guy in the room (objectively) and a girl still may reject you. Sure, the rejection hurts, but realize it has way more to do with what's going on in the girl's head than it does with you, as a person.

[turt]

I DON'T think physical attractiveness is the only criteria men use to determine who to date, but it is the FIRST one. I believe we're talking about a situation where a girl approaches a guy in a bar, or makes the first move, are we not?

 

Why would anyone try to date someone they aren't attracted towards? How would you have a relationship?

 

Does every guy you see become potential dating material (if you knew nothing about them)?

[Fondue]

I have to ask you, Verhrzn, what are these crazy little things that set women off and force her to reject a guy?

 

You're telling us, "it's okay, don't take it personally, women are just weird like that."

 

I call bull****.

 

You're trying to defend women and make men look like the bad guy for enjoying attractiveness only to strengthen your "point."

[Cracker Jack]

Neither gender should take rejection too seriously, especially when it comes to something as subjective as attraction. But claiming women usually reject a man based on a strange criteria instead of lack of physical attraction is ridiculous. Seriously.

[verhrzn]

I have to ask you, Verhrzn, what are these crazy little things that set women off and force her to reject a guy?

 

You're telling us, "it's okay, don't take it personally, women are just weird like that."

 

I call bull****.

 

You're trying to defend women and make men look like the bad guy for enjoying attractiveness only to strengthen your "point."

 

Wait a second... by saying women are weird and sometimes have bizarre expectations, then I'm somehow making men the bad guy??

 

Here are several "pop culture" examples so you know I'm not just making these up:

 

-In Sex and the City, Carrie talked about how she would never date a man who wore wing tips, but she'd be okay with a guy who brought her carnations, something her friend Charlotte said was "tacky and awful." I think lots of women could relate to their conversation, because we all have friends who have strangely specific things they insist a guy do.

 

-In the self-help book "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You," a female friend of the author knocks out every single guy in the coffee shop: one guy for wearing polyester, one guy for having scruffy unwashed hair, and two bros for giving each other high fives and acting juvenile in public.

 

What do these demonstrate? That women decide on the attractiveness of a guy by very strange details. There was nothing objectively wrong with the guy's polyester suit, the girl was just the type who found that fabric "tacky."

 

In other words, women are picky, and they are picky about things guys would never think of. Thus, rejection has less to do with the guy being bad, and more to do with the girl's strange list of requirements.

 

The GOOD news is, women aren't picky about the same things, so one woman will reject the guy for his polyester suit, and the other will see his tie and think," Hmm what a well put together guy!"

 

Now, if you can present examples of situations where guys micro-analyze such picky details about girls, and that the pickiness changes from guy to guy, I'm all ears. Because my experience is guys have a "range" of attractiveness (again, from first sight/meeting, NOT after the girl's personality comes into play) that overlaps with most other guys.

 

For example, most guys want a girl with long hair, who is physically in good shape, and is "confident." (A concept I think is bull, but fine, let's go with it.) So, yeah, one guy likes blonde, and the other likes brunette, but no body is paying attention to the overweight girl with the page boy haircut in the corner.

[ptp]

Oh for the love of.... I'm saying stop taking girls' rejections personally. It rarely has anything to do with you. You can be the sweetest, hottest guy in the room (objectively) and a girl still may reject you. Sure, the rejection hurts, but realize it has way more to do with what's going on in the girl's head than it does with you, as a person.

 

Wait a second, now you are telling guys how to take rejection?

 

So in your view of the world, a guy who has been rejected just received a love tap, while a woman who has been rejected got an uppercut?

 

How do you not see the hypocrisy in minimizing others feelings while expressing your own?

[Cracker Jack]

For example, most guys want a girl with long hair, who is physically in good shape, and is "confident." (A concept I think is bull, but fine, let's go with it.) So, yeah, one guy likes blonde, and the other likes brunette, but no body is paying attention to the overweight girl with the page boy haircut in the corner.

 

Which woman is paying attention to the overweight guy with the glasses sitting in the corner?

[Fondue]

 

Now, if you can present examples of situations where guys micro-analyze such picky details about girls, and that the pickiness changes from guy to guy, I'm all ears. Because my experience is guys have a "range" of attractiveness (again, from first sight/meeting, NOT after the girl's personality comes into play) that overlaps with most other guys.

 

There are quite a few things that guys will pick up on that may not attract him to a girl, and they have nothing to do with her body.

 

Just a few from ME alone.

 

A) She's wearing Uggs. I automatically reject any woman who wears them. Sound similar to your polyester thing?

 

B) Tattoos. More than one or two "small" ones, you're off my list.

 

C) She asks me to buy her a drink. Despite having a good job and making great money, I refuse to spoil an entitled woman.

 

See? Men have this crap, too. You can't just say women are like this.

 

Attraction is attraction. It goes for both genders. We reject each the for many reasons. This doesn't mean that men should just deal with it and women have the right to be upset. We all either just have to deal, or we all have the right to be upset.

 

I, for one, don't give a **** about rejection, and I expect women not to either. If you're trying to convince us that it's okay for a girl to be upset, you're not winning me over. Your arguments are not doing it for me.

[verhrzn]

Wait a second, now you are telling guys how to take rejection?

 

So in your view of the world, a guy who has been rejected just received a love tap, while a woman who has been rejected got an uppercut?

 

How do you not see the hypocrisy in minimizing others feelings while expressing your own?

 

I'm saying stop equating the two. They are not the same situations, they don't mean the same things. You could easily use my argument to bring down an entitled woman... the one who says "Oh guys reject me because I'm so beautiful/intimidating." She's the one who SHOULD be realizing that male rejection usually means there's something off with her.

 

So if I'm telling guys they shouldn't take it too personally if they're rejected (aka, it's okay to feel bad about it, but stop making it all about you), then I'm also telling women they should take it a little more seriously when they are rejected. Yet somehow I'm beating up on the poor men??

 

There are quite a few things that guys will pick up on that may not attract him to a girl, and they have nothing to do with her body.

 

Just a few from ME alone.

 

A) She's wearing Uggs. I automatically reject any woman who wears them. Sound similar to your polyester thing?

 

B) Tattoos. More than one or two "small" ones, you're off my list.

 

C) She asks me to buy her a drink. Despite having a good job and making great money, I refuse to spoil an entitled woman.

 

See? Men have this crap, too. You can't just say women are like this.

 

Attraction is attraction. It goes for both genders. We reject each the for many reasons. This doesn't mean that men should just deal with it and women have the right to be upset. We all either just have to deal, or we all have the right to be upset.

 

I, for one, don't give a **** about rejection, and I expect women not to either. If you're trying to convince us that it's okay for a girl to be upset, you're not winning me over. Your arguments are not doing it for me.

 

Except your list of criteria could probably be photo-copied to MOST guys. Most guys don't like Uggs on girls, don't want to buy entitled women drinks, and want a "clean cut" looking girl. Whereas the criteria changes dramatically from woman to woman; some don't care if a guy is wearing skinny jeans, some girls think that's automatic "no," and some girls think it's a turn-on. I have yet to meet a guy who thinks buying entitled girls a drink is hot, or that Uggs are sexy. (Tattoos could be the only point in your favor.)

[FrustratedStandards]

Have you ever tried having a less condescending attitude?

 

A lot of women are completely opposite of you so what is a guy supposed to do?

 

Women get upset when a guy misinterprets a smile and a "hi" as a sign of interest when in actuality they were just being polite.

 

So forgive me for not interpreting ambiguous gestures of common courtesy as signs that a woman is interested.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that I am like this for a reason? I was never this bitter or frustrated. This all accumulated in recent years and that is why I have the attitude that I have.

 

Anyone with bad or unsatisfying experiences will develop a resentment. How many times do you hear about a man being an assh*le just because he was hurt or lied or cheated on?

[PlumPrincess]

a) Most guys are confirming my assumption that it's useless to ask guys out, because if they were interested in you, they would have already done that.

b) I used to believe that guys are less choosy than women, so that if a guy rejects a date with a woman, it's really bad.

[fortyninethousand322]

a) Most guys are confirming my assumption that it's useless to ask guys out, because if they were interested in you, they would have already done that.

b) I used to believe that guys are less choosy than women, so that if a guy rejects a date with a woman, it's really bad.

 

The only reason I'd reject a date with a woman who asked me out is if I thought she was just asking me out as a joke. Like she wanted to ask me out see if I said yes and then like make fun of me or stand me out the day of the date.

 

I'd just be suspicious of a woman who was interested in me is all.

[PlumPrincess]

The only reason I'd reject a date with a woman who asked me out is if I thought she was just asking me out as a joke. Like she wanted to ask me out see if I said yes and then like make fun of me or stand me out the day of the date.

 

I'd just be suspicious of a woman who was interested in me is all.

Honestly, I feel like that, too, and I think it's a very, very unhealthy mindset.

[ptp]

Has it ever occurred to you that I am like this for a reason? I was never this bitter or frustrated. This all accumulated in recent years and that is why I have the attitude that I have.

 

Anyone with bad or unsatisfying experiences will develop a resentment. How many times do you hear about a man being an assh*le just because he was hurt or lied or cheated on?

 

Not only did it occur to me, I predicted that was most likely the reason you are condescending.

 

It really isn't a defense though.

 

Nobody approves a guy who treats women badly, even if he has been hurt before.

You are saying just because I have been hurt in the past I now have the right to be condescending towards women?

 

That isn't a mature response.

[imraan47]

yes..love it when they ask me out. i will always say yes.

[GG3]

Reason for my post...a complicated situation...there was a guy at work that really wanted to go out. He made it pretty obvious and clear. I was seeing someone at the time. I never accepted his invites and things eventually moved on. A manager also commented to him that he spent too much time in my cube. I have told him that I did not initiate that and that certain manager was the one who had the issue and he knows this and is okay with it.

 

I am no longer seeing someone and we have been emailing and being friends. In emails I can't get a read on him as being too interested. He wasn't asking me out like I hoped so I finally asked him to lunch. In person, I was 100% sure he was interested. Very friendly, checking me out, lots of eye contact, smiling and laughing. He kept asking about my weekend plans and I asked about his...we were kind of dancing around it but he never came out and asked me to do something. (He did already have plans most of the weekend though)

 

Two days later I have no patience...I decide to go ahead and ask if he would like to "hang out" again and he's said sure and asked what day would work for me but not really saying what we would do. It's as though he is leaving it open to me?

 

I can't get a read on the guy. He had been very interested before. His emails seem lukewarm. In person he seems extremely interested. It's confusing.

 

Is he wanting me to make the first move because management had asked him to back off of me at work?

 

Did he lose interest and is trying to figure out if I'm trying to be friends or more than friends?

 

Did he feel rejected before so now he wants to see what my interest is before making a move?

 

I feel like it's going to have to come down to my making a move and being rejected or not to figure him out.

 

By the way, I am considered attractive by a lot of men's standards in the office and have a popular personality. I don't think that's the issue but it's possible he lost interest back when he was rejected....