Thehusband2 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Briefly... we have kids and since life got busy wife and I have had problems over past 3 years but over past 8 months things are great I feel as I have 180'd and become more of a decision makers/alpha etc... Sex life great which I feel is a big barameter... we even go out everywhere together clubs etc... I have started checking her iphone text back up since august....til now nothing!!! she has a friend that is cheating on her husband and in one conversation i think they were discussing her impending talk with her husband her friend said he is so hard...(i guess he presses her for confession and is intelligent) my wife later responds "i was hard like a rock, i even cried" now I remember a time when I was questioninng her about fidelity (actually about going out with this friend (back when she used to go out often with her) and how i dont feel it is respectful and that i dont trust her firend, her friend's friends and that **** could happen) ... I remember she said she has morals and that is not something she is looking (ie cheating) for and that her friend can do what she wants... and then she even broke into tears (i guessed at that time out of conviction for what she was saying.... and then at the end of that string of texts, either her friend or my wife said 'we all slip' people what do you think and what should i do?? i could whip out the lap top and show her but that would be the end of checkinng texts.... also this is not hard evedence? she could say that she was tough on insistng that she never did anything and that is what she meant....no actual confession of reference to cheating by my wife HELP WITH ADVICE
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 what do u think of her comments thouhg?? and what should i do with them or go about this i asked her if she has ever cheated...she said she hasnt but i will never know if she doesnt want me too or if she doesnt slip?? i want to show her her texts but feel it is too weak of evidence to really get anywhere
Devil Inside Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I don't think this is enough information to say she's cheating on you. Maybe she's just trying to normalize the experience for her friend. She's trying to make her feel like less of a monster...doesn't mean she wants to or has cheated on you. You said things were going well between the two of you...so why are you checking her texts, and why all the suspicion? What else has your radar up?
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 But what else could ' i was tough like a rock, i even creid' mean in the context of a converstation we had about fidelity/hanging out with this friend that is one of the few conversations we have had that she cried so i think this is what she is refering to
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks for ur imput!! Regarding the last post ... They r not talking peniss. I was translating from spanish. The conversation was about an imPending conversationn with her friends spouse. That he is tough (i said hard) and my wife replied "i was tough as a rock, i even cried to him." This an all the prior and subsequent texts were not about penises
JazzyFox Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 You need to start loving and trusting your wife. Reading her phone texts behind her back is deplorable. You had no reason to suspect her, your marriage was fine. So, what were you thinking? And what's with the comments of short leash? Ridiculous.
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 To be honest i dont like looking into her text backups!! I was suspicious in the summer after i learned of her friends affair(s).... I dont need to explain everything but i have some reasons to be suspicious... I have damaged mybrelationship for 3 years by not being caring and only recently began fixing things... So it is entirely possible for something to have happened I want to know about it especially if it is recent Is that deplorable?? I have read enough on these forums to know that cheaters never tell the truth!!!! Even with evidence in front of them My question was never whether i should have looked at those files but what to do now that i have this info that is not at all a smoking gun
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 I dont know what to do... I wanna say what i know or get an explanation but it is weak evidence at best... If i say something and she is cheating she could deny it... Then never send texts on this topic + be offended that i spied Personally... Even if it is nothing, this shocks me... As it sounds like shes laughing at something she has pulled over me what ever that something is... For that reason alone i wanna bring it up This is f'd up i feel so bad right now
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks for all the replies! I just cannot think of a reason or scenario that my wife would say what she did... What info could she have been tough on and even crying???? Only that one involving onfidelity We had talk a while back about separation but it doesnt fit in terms of being tough and crying haha (yes in her text she follows it with haha + lol)....
Bryanp Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Based on the message it sounds quite obvious that your wife had an affair and was implying to your friend not to be totally honest. She said that she was hard as a rock (denying she was unfaithful) and even cried to make it sound convincing. I think she was telling her friend how to lie to her husband since your wife had been successful lying to you and how important it was to be a good actress and even shed some tears. It really sounds to me that you have been played and I think down deep you know this also. Good luck.
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Based on the message it sounds quite obvious that your wife had an affair and was implying to your friend not to be totally honest. She said that she was hard as a rock (denying she was unfaithful) and even cried to make it sound convincing. I think she was telling her friend how to lie to her husband since your wife had been successful lying to you and how important it was to be a good actress and even shed some tears. It really sounds to me that you have been played and I think down deep you know this also. Good luck. I do feel bad ... But given this limited info what should i do??? Keep monitoring or show her the cpu screen????
eamherst14051 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I agree with both TriciaUSF & Bryanp. Do not revel your sources now, way to early. Install a Key Logger, Cell Phone Monitor and VAR's in strategic positions. You need to be as cunning as your wife. Good luck
Kidd Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 It's not nothing. Your gut is telling you something. It never lies. That was not an innocuous text conversation. Try to think of the first time when you had the strange feeling that something was going on. What was it that CAUSED you to want to look at her phone? Are there particular men she knows or works with? People she talks about or talked about? Neighbors? How about your best friend, or the husband of one of her friends? Who is the last man on earth you would think would f*ck your wife? There are things like keyloggers to track her computer use and also programs you can put on her cell phone to keep track of all activity. Search around this forum for some threads for info about that. She is definitely cheating on you or has, or is planning on it, but you still need to gather more proof. Never reveal your sources. Agreed. Never reveal your sources. You have enough to merit investigating further. I planted a GPS in my wife's car and found she had been at a hotel from 10pm to midnight while she was working. Keep watching texts. She may also have another phone she uses to contact another man. But I suspect she has "slipped" in the past and may not be currently involved. Check it out but don't say a damn thing til you're ready to do something about it. And that in itself may take you a good while.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Sheesh, this sounds like something out of Law and Order! (all the advice on detective work like GPS in cars) OP, why were you checking her text messages in the first place? You said you did have suspicion in the past, but if things are "so great" right now then why the phone invasion? Doesn't add up. Her text sounds shaky, but you don't have any proof. You should confront her on it, don't tell her you read her text but say you have some suspicions and she needs to be honest with you. If she continues to lie then you have a big decision to make.
eamherst14051 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 If you confront now you run the risk of her taking it further underground making it nearly impossible to come to an educated decision!! 1
Kidd Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Sheesh, this sounds like something out of Law and Order! (all the advice on detective work like GPS in cars) OP, why were you checking her text messages in the first place? You said you did have suspicion in the past, but if things are "so great" right now then why the phone invasion? Doesn't add up. Her text sounds shaky, but you don't have any proof. You should confront her on it, don't tell her you read her text but say you have some suspicions and she needs to be honest with you. If she continues to lie then you have a big decision to make. I had nothing but a gut instinct before I had used the GPS. Make fun if you like. I have no regrets. A person with nothin to hide will hide nothing. OP, trust your gut.
standtall Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 thehusband2..your evidence is not very strong, but I would start checking like kidd said..gps, check her phone, etc...
Lauriebell82 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I had nothing but a gut instinct before I had used the GPS. Make fun if you like. I have no regrets. A person with nothin to hide will hide nothing. OP, trust your gut. I'm not meaning to make fun, I guess I can't imagine the thought of tracking my husband like that. I guess if I was actually in the situation I wouldn't know WHAT to think though. I guess I just think that if you distrust your spouse that much then why would you want to be married to them?
JazzyFox Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 What you just said is the equivalent of telling the OP that it is pointless to do anything other than divorce his wife based on his existing suspicions, so logically that must mean you feel she is a cheater and that the marriage can't be saved? How did you derive that? Tricia, you have a lot of harsh opinions to share since you so recently joined 24 hours ago. 63 posts in 24 hours? I get that youlove ls, but perhaps you should think about what you are writing. Some people might actually take your silly advice. Could you be another reincarnation of our dear troll?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 What you just said is the equivalent of telling the OP that it is pointless to do anything other than divorce his wife based on his existing suspicions, so logically that must mean you feel she is a cheater and that the marriage can't be saved? How did you derive that? Are you talking about my post? I'm confused why you keep attacking everything I say. You are entitled to your opinion, however it's not fair to the OP to bicker back and forth with the other posters. As for what I said, I don't really feel a need to defend myself. I am entitled to my opinion, as are you.
StrongerThanB4 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) I think your wife may have HAD an affair on you before...How long ago was it when she broke out in the tears and told you she never cheated? I would say it was before this happened but yes something obviously happened before. As for proof..thats all you got..and well...I personally think shes not in that affair anymore...whether it be emotional or physical or even a one night stand sorta deal. If you hold it together and be real stern and show her the proof that you already have..she may break into tears again..and may or may not tell you the truth. Ask her why shes giving her cheating friend all these excuses and what not. Ask her if she read that sort of comment on your laptop..how would she feel. You can ask her a million questions based on that evidence alone. That may be all you get as evidence as far as whats happened to her and another man. Just use that small evidence to your FULLEST extent. Good Luck, this is a tough one. Are you willing to work things out with her if she does in fact come clean? All things to think about. Edited February 20, 2012 by StrongerThanB4
serial muse Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) OK, there are a couple of things here that don't make sense to me. she has a friend that is cheating on her husband and in one conversation i think they were discussing her impending talk with her husband her friend said he is so hard...(i guess he presses her for confession and is intelligent) my wife later responds "i was hard like a rock, i even cried" 1. Your wife was having a text convo with her friend. The friend is cheating on her husband. The friend says she's worried about talking to her husband because he's hard (tough). Your wife says she was hard/tough. Doesn't that sound like she's identifying with the husband - the one who has been cheated on - and not the wife?? What am I missing here? now I remember a time when I was questioninng her about fidelity (actually about going out with this friend (back when she used to go out often with her) and how i dont feel it is respectful and that i dont trust her firend, her friend's friends and that **** could happen) ... I remember she said she has morals and that is not something she is looking (ie cheating) for and that her friend can do what she wants... and then she even broke into tears (i guessed at that time out of conviction for what she was saying.... and then at the end of that string of texts, either her friend or my wife said 'we all slip' 2. What do you mean, "either her friend or my wife said 'we all slip'"?? I don't understand this...why don't you know who said it? Seems pretty important, given that you're putting your marriage at stake here! Here's the thing. I get why you're concerned, but this is pretty slim stuff here, and it doesn't all make sense, the way you've laid it out. Several people have asked you the relevant question - why did you go checking her texts in the first place? Is it really just because she has a friend who's cheating? That's not so uncommon, and seems awfully tenuous to warrant an indictment of your wife. Is that really enough for you to make it reasonable, even imperative, to check your wife's texts? I'm guessing not. I'm guessing that there's a lot more to the story that you aren't telling us. Edited February 20, 2012 by serial muse
Author Thehusband2 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Ok this is driving me crazy thinking what she could have meant! I am canadain but wife is mexican and so is her friend My spanish is good but not perfect! Could any spanish speakers help here: This is some of the conversation.... They were talking about emails: El esta asimilando los emails... Wifes friend: No es tan facil El es muy duro huey Blah blah ... It is hard to determine order of convo One of them says con esos emails esta clavandose mas Blah blah Then my wife says: yo era dura como rocaa y hasta le lloraba al my name Then or before : todos caemos Her friend later replies that dure como una hora con el jefe con reganado y sabes My wife was surprised about the reganada and asked porque te regano ... That was all on that topic! Could i be misinterpreting things duro mihht mean tough to deal with rather than good at keeping a secret??? Early in marriage my wife i found was really tough to deal with and evne tougher during our difficult period... Could that be it? Jefe means boss but could also refer to husband?? Clavandose???? Any ideas??????
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