Ranchero44 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 To me, attractiveness is more than about physical attributes (keeping well groomed, dressing nicely, having big muscles, etc.) there is also a psychological vibe somewhat playful, somewhat sexual that makes men (and women) attractive to the opposite sex. All you have to do is take a long, hard look around at couples everywhere to observe that LOOKS DON'T REALLY MATTER THAT MUCH. Seriously, how often have you seen a couple where one partner is significantly more attractive than the other? It happens all the time!!! And, I might add, many such couples are deeply in love. At the end of the day, it is NOT how you look. Granted, physical attractiveness might get you more dates/initial opportunities--INITIAL opportunities--but no one really commits to and loves another person for the long haul because of how they look. How foolish would that be? I realize we live in a beauty-obsessed culture. I acknowledge that it is very hard to be less than beautiful in said culture. However, what inspires love is authenticity, ultimately. Someone who is real to the core. Nobody ever has to be anything more than what they are--but! We should try to be the best authentic selves we can be. If you have experienced a lot of rejection, please, please, please take heart! Don't give up! I truly believe there is a lid for every pot! This youth-and-beauty crazed culture cannot kill the timeless truth that true beauty comes from a joyful, passionate approach to life. People who exude joy and passion are irresistible, no matter what they look like. People who have honesty and integrity are irresistible, no matter what they look like. Change your thoughts and you can change your world! This is my experience. What have you got to lose by loving yourself and thinking well of yourself? Let's say that even after you change your attitude, you still don't have a date. So what?!? You have joy! You have a better outlook on life! You have become a friend to yourself. And no person in the world is going to be the "right one" until you have become a friend to yourself. That's just my two cents.
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Did you grow up with your father in the home? I actually was raised by my step-father for a while, but been mostly raised by my mother alone. Have had a now strong relationship with real dad since about 11. Could be something in that you know......
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 You two should just date and get it over with. How far away is the midwest from SoCal?? About 2,000 miles. For you Brits that's 3,218.688 kilometers
FitChick Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 The weather is better in SoCal this time of year so she should visit you. Who knows? You might actually have a good time together.
phineas Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Some women are all over me wanting to go home with me THAT night when I meet them & some look at me with disdain. I gave up trying to figure out how I could be more attractive. I just work on myself to get in the best shape I can, keep clean & have hobbies or things to do & learned to stop wasting my time on women who don't show me their into me as much as I am into them. seems to work in person. Online not so much.
carhill Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Why don't you think you can become more attractive?? I've always believed anything is possible but, at this stage of life, choose to focus on more pressing and meaningful issues in life than getting some woman's clitoris hard from my fabulous presence in her space. This perspective comes from two places: 1. Mortality. Now that both my parents are dead and my friends are starting to get ill and die off, I see life's end in the future clearly. This impels me to re-prioritize what I see as important. Being attractive to women isn't really that important in the current mix. 2. Experience. My personal experience is, and in no way reflective of any general trend or 'norm', that women have brought very little positive energy to my life and I'm not going to pour any more of the valuable life energy I have left down that dry hole. That's it.
ja123 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 OP, regarding your original post, I don't think it is at all delusional. I think that one's best shot to finding happiness is to develop and invest in one's self. It is the only thing anyone has control over in one's life. The added benefit is that, in the process, you do become more attractive to other people: whether it's in the dating world, or professional realm, or whatever. ... that women have brought very little positive energy to my life and I'm not going to pour any more of the valuable life energy I have left down that dry hole. carhill, you are often so positive (and realistic, too!) and you are a wise person, I am stunned that you haven't attracted kind, wise and intelligent women to you. Perhaps you haven't in the past, but now with all the work and reflection you've clearly done, I say that your chances to find someone worthy of you in the future are very high, if you make the effort. As hard as the reality of aging and dying are, remain engaged and active in spite of it. Ultimately, we're all headed to the same place ... but so long as there's breath in our bodies, then we're still alive. I just lost a friend last year, it was a tough blow - and yes, I'm changed because of it. I took the time to mourn, but at the same time it has oddly given me a new lease on life. I find reading stories about people much older than myself, but who are still active and engaged in life to be really inspiring. An example is Marv Levy: he was 80 when he became GM of the Buffalo Bills. Isn't that wonderful? There are many other stories like that, too!
carhill Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Example: I could spend a year getting into shape, socializing beyond my usual scope and actively looking for a woman to date and mate with. I could, instead, spend that year learning how to fly and pursuing adventures that I put on hold to do the 'woman' thing in the past. I'm choosing, perhaps not specifically, the latter. Right now, I'm meeting women all the time. They're trying to sell me houses. I enjoy their company and admire the skills they bring to the table but feel nothing for them, not even a wisp of that 'attractive' thing the OP is talking about. They're people, good and decent people, but nothing more. I simply have other things on my plate. Will that change? Why knows? I don't worry about 'what ifs' anymore, instead accepting today and relishing it. Tomorrow will get here way to soon, as will the end of life. For now, such thoughts are the 'P' word, for myself anyway. Accept the past, live in the present and leave the future to the future..
zengirl Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Example: I could spend a year getting into shape, socializing beyond my usual scope and actively looking for a woman to date and mate with. I could, instead, spend that year learning how to fly and pursuing adventures that I put on hold to do the 'woman' thing in the past. I'm choosing, perhaps not specifically, the latter. I think that's a whole different cuppa tea, honestly. It's not defeatist thinking that you 'couldn't' do something but rather understanding that we don't have unlimited time on this Earth to do EVERYTHING so you have to pick and choose. IMO, there's nothing wrong with prioritizing other things above a relationship and accepting that it might interfere with your success rate, and it's not a good comparison to those who continually express self-defeating views of how it "can't" happen. It's very healthy and natural to prioritize and unhealthy to pretend that when we go after one thing we are not choosing to sacrifice other things---we are, as you point out. Every moment we spend on one thing, we're taking away from other things, so it's best to get your priorities for the greatest happiness straight!
AD1980 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 One way to become more attractive is hang out with no so good looking people to make yourself look better lol Last night at a lounge i was hitting on a female friends friend first time i hit on a women in a long time thought it was going well the she started to ask me if my good loooking friend was single lol that hurt Now i know why i dont hit on women
ja123 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Accept the past, live in the present and leave the future to the future.. I like that way of looking at it. As an aside ... Have you ever read Viktor Frankl's,"Man's Search for Meaning?" * * * Becoming attractive to others, in my mind, starts with becoming attractive to oneself first. For sure that includes making the time to go after one's life goals. It's that kind of engagement to life and personal growth helps not only with personal happiness and contentment, but also with self-confidence. Then great, if someone comes along it's an added bonus, but not the end all and be all. Thinking about things in this way have helped me to stay chill.
carhill Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Have you ever read Viktor Frankl's,"Man's Search for Meaning?" No, but I will this Wednesday. Psychology, along with history of the era he relates in the book has long been an interest of mine. Thank you.
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