who_knew Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) So my GF and I broke up about a month and a half ago. She broke up with me because she said she couldn't have a boyfriend at the time and needed to make friends and focus on school (we were having a long distance relationship). I was devestated. The first 4 weeks were horrible, but having come back to college I've been a bit less depressed, though, I keep thinking she will change her mind. I got overly emotional in the first few weeks, and she said we shouldn't talk for a while, so i didn't talk to her until she texted me a week two weeks ago and i was still not over her. I still have strong feelings for her and this is my first ever relationship and it lasted 6 months. Maybe its because I don't have any perspective, but I really want her back. I sent her a letter on valentines day saying I couldn't just be friends and having said that I wished her good luck and I hoped she could be truly happy. I can't stand being without her and I can never be JUST friends with her, but I do care for her, but it makes me depressed to think of her platonically or talk to her that way. Like i want to be friends with her, but it will only hurt me more, so how do I lose this feeling. I feel like I will be hung up on her forever. I keep thinking this is only a minor setback and if I wait it out until the summer she will be ready again, but I don't know if she's totally done with me and I don't think me being overemotional helped at all near the end. We were so close during our long distance and I got so comfortable and I was so depressed to lose it. I'm starting to feel better, but I keep thinking that everything I do from now is just to get her back and to better myself to get her back. I'm trying to use NC, but I keep wanting to talk to her. I should really not talk to her for a while, but I just wished her good luck last night on a sporting event she had today. I've read a post on here saying that NC is the best way to get over someone because even though it could be purposed as a way to get back with an ex, it also makes you lose touch with them and maybe thats what I need. I just could never imagine myself being in her life again and not being as important as I was before, is that selfish or understandable? I feel so pathetic right now. Edited February 18, 2012 by who_knew
ThatDudeXO Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 We are in the exact same situation. All I can say is keep NC. Don't contact her until she contacts you. I didn't go NC and ruined all chance of us being together or even friends. Give it time, you will feel a lot better. Trust me. There will be other girls, just focus on yourself and try make yourself a better person. I feel terrible just like you but everything gets better with each day of NC.
Thatguyintx Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I just could never imagine myself being in her life again and not being as important as I was before, is that selfish or understandable? It's both. At a time like this, you have to be honest with what YOU need. She is not going to look out for your best interests, you need to. Give it time. Spend the time worrying about you, not her. Your feelings are pretty normal for the emotional trauma you've been through. Quite a fun ride, huh?
Author who_knew Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 You two are so right! It's hard not to think of her though as much as I try not to. I need to be happy again with myself and my own life and maybe that's why this whole relationship wasn't perfect. I was never really satisfied with my college and social life and I depended on her to make that happen.
ThatDudeXO Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 You depended on her. I depended on what I thought was my future-wife. That is our mistake, we took them for granted. We didn't focus on ourselves and we were so codependant. You need to learn to be INDEPENDANT, much like how she is now. She knows what's right for her and you need to respect that. No person should have their happiness or hope pinned on another, learn to be independant and a better person and it will the increase the chances of her coming back as well as attracting a more deserving woman.
Author who_knew Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) No person should have their happiness or hope pinned on another, learn to be independant and a better person and it will the increase the chances of her coming back as well as attracting a more deserving woman. Glad to know there are people in the same position. I hope all goes well for you, man. I never was dependent on anyone before, but I loved being dependent on her because I thought that what was love was. She became dependent on me and I think she was not blind like me to see that we had gotten into an iffy situation. I just hate to think that this might be for the best even if its just for the moment. I'd like to think things could work out, but at this point I'm not sure what I want. She was really important to me and it just sucks that she is not in that part of my life anymore. I never was smooth with the ladies, I go to an engineering school where a lot of people are introverted. I've never been so close to a girl before and I don't really have any close girls as friends and I really miss not having the opposite sex to confide in. I just don't know how to meet girls and talk to have them as friends. I guess that i'm just not confident with my abilities with women and I didn't want to lose her because I don't think I can find someone who will love me like that again. I just feel so awkward around girls and it just felt so natural with her. I want to be that guy who can be friends with both sexes easily and I just don't know how to approach that. I always think that when I talk to a girl it's like talking to a different type of person, I'm not myself and i just become so bland. Edited February 18, 2012 by who_knew
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