misslissy Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hi all, I hope it's okay not to give my real name. It's just I'm in urgent need of some advice and really didn't know where else to go. I'm 28, in a relationship of five months and we have been blissfully happy for the first 4 months but lately my partner is changing on me. Every argument we have, he wins, he will yell and treat me like a child...saying things like "Jus f*ck off, get to bed" rather than trying to sort the problem. I end up crying and he shows no emotion at all which scares me, he says I go on and on at times and I push him to be nasty. If he gets really mad he'll throw things across the room or start hitting himself in the head, saying I'm trying to mess with his head or "brainwash" him. I honestly don't know where this is all coming from but I'm fed up with it and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells constantly. The thing is, I never yell, I just prefer to talk and sort things out. He often says I live in my own little world, my reality doesn't make sense and will often make out I'm losing it. (I do have a history of depression) And now today I find my ipod is missing, I have looked high and low, in every nook and cranny but it is nowhere to be found. I asked him if he'd seen it and he got instantly defensive. I have this horrible feeling he is now going to keep my personal property from me as some form of weird punishment-for god knows what. His sons have taken things from me in the past, money, cigarettes, little things really but I really feel I can't take anymore. I'm landed in a right mess now as my daughter and I have moved in here. What should I do? Is he being emotionally abusive? He threatens to kick my daughter and I to the streets if I don't stop giving him "grief"....what is it that I'm doing wrong??? From: ANONYMOUS GIRL. (28)
Onlyjonley Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 You're in an unhealthy, abusive relationship. Leave.
Author misslissy Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Hi there, thanks for the reply. Is it really that cut and dried? I was beginning to think it was me... I'm scared though as I'm not sure where to go-I haven't even moved everything from my old house yet...everything is so up in the air. I just wish I could talk to him about how I'm feeling but I don't think he would listen.
ShannonMI Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hi all, I hope it's okay not to give my real name. It's just I'm in urgent need of some advice and really didn't know where else to go. I'm 28, in a relationship of five months and we have been blissfully happy for the first 4 months but lately my partner is changing on me. Every argument we have, he wins, he will yell and treat me like a child...saying things like "Jus f*ck off, get to bed" rather than trying to sort the problem. I end up crying and he shows no emotion at all which scares me, he says I go on and on at times and I push him to be nasty. If he gets really mad he'll throw things across the room or start hitting himself in the head, saying I'm trying to mess with his head or "brainwash" him. I honestly don't know where this is all coming from but I'm fed up with it and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells constantly. The thing is, I never yell, I just prefer to talk and sort things out. He often says I live in my own little world, my reality doesn't make sense and will often make out I'm losing it. (I do have a history of depression) And now today I find my ipod is missing, I have looked high and low, in every nook and cranny but it is nowhere to be found. I asked him if he'd seen it and he got instantly defensive. I have this horrible feeling he is now going to keep my personal property from me as some form of weird punishment-for god knows what. His sons have taken things from me in the past, money, cigarettes, little things really but I really feel I can't take anymore. I'm landed in a right mess now as my daughter and I have moved in here. What should I do? Is he being emotionally abusive? He threatens to kick my daughter and I to the streets if I don't stop giving him "grief"....what is it that I'm doing wrong??? From: ANONYMOUS GIRL. (28) He sounds mentally ill. Run now before you invest anymore time into this whack job.
ctes300 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 You have a daughter, are in a 5 month relationship, and already moved in together? a little soon don't you think? Abusive and he threatens to kick out you and your daughter. - UNacceptable! She should have a stable home. My advice is 'eject!' now. You don't have much invested in this. You have a kid to be concerned about and his behavior will be an example to her as to what is acceptable in a relationship and will seek jerks like him. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and move asap!
ShannonMI Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hi there, thanks for the reply. Is it really that cut and dried? I was beginning to think it was me... I'm scared though as I'm not sure where to go-I haven't even moved everything from my old house yet...everything is so up in the air. I just wish I could talk to him about how I'm feeling but I don't think he would listen. It's not you, girl. It's him. He's a nut. Hitting himself in the head? Who does that? A mentally unstable person is who does wacky sh*t like that. Are there relatives you could live with while you get things sorted out with your house? I'd leave ASAP. It's only going to get worse. 1
veggirl Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hi there, thanks for the reply. Is it really that cut and dried? I was beginning to think it was me... I'm scared though as I'm not sure where to go-I haven't even moved everything from my old house yet...everything is so up in the air. I just wish I could talk to him about how I'm feeling but I don't think he would listen. Oh my. OP he wants you to think it is you. It's not you. 5 months in and already all this? First of all...not to sound like a b.itch, but you moved your daughter in with a new guy that quickly?! Yikes. You need to leave. ASAP. Throwing things, blaming you, hitting himself?! Psycho! This will NOT get better--only worse. This is a terrible environment for any child and for YOU. Sorry you are going through this, I hope you leave.
ctes300 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I also wanted to mention - his kids are disrespectful thieves which seems like a reflection of their father. He doesn't respect you and neither do his kids. Do you really think talking to this guy will change a thing? 1
Author misslissy Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Thanks for all the replies, I agree I definately have to go. I realise now I shouldn't have rushed in so quickly, I've never done anything like this before and really thought it would be okay. I know I've been an idiot, it's just getting myself out of this mess now that will be a huge problem. I shouldn't have moved so fast, I feel a first prize idiot right now...
Elidy Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Try to remember that the person you knew the first few months usually isn't the real person. It takes awhile for the real personality to emerge. It's not your fault. I've been there, and I know there is a tendency to go back and try to think of everything you may have done wrong to cause him to change and treat you this way. I'm sure you aren't perfect, but you didn't cause this. He just got tired of pretending to be someone he isn't and this is the real him.
Professor X Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Thanks for all the replies, I agree I definately have to go. I realise now I shouldn't have rushed in so quickly, I've never done anything like this before and really thought it would be okay. I know I've been an idiot, it's just getting myself out of this mess now that will be a huge problem. I shouldn't have moved so fast, I feel a first prize idiot right now... Don't feel so bad, everything eventually becomes one big life experience. Now you will be wiser with the next guy And for the record, I also agree that what he is doing is way out of line, I also argued a lot with my ex' - and I mean a lot, but never got to the point of throwing things across the room, or stealing from one another, or even threatening to kick the other out of the house... :| We'd just be pissed at each other for a few hours, have make up sex and all was new and dandy
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 The longer you're with this guy the more he is going to delude the reality and the more crap you're going to have to put up and the worse it will become. I'm sure this guy had a abusive upbringing...personally I grew up in a very abusive household from both of my parents, physically, emotionally, mentally...you name it, so I know what it's like to have almost these "instincts" of reaction or to treat someone like you were treated without even realizing. But the bottom line is it's not acceptable and no sad story from this guys past should manipulate you into staying and dealing with it. He puts you down because he was put down himself, that indeed seems like a mimicking behavior. I think this guy has a lot of issues and that's not respectful to you or your daughter, and hopefully he doesn't start doing it to your daughter as well. His threats to throw you guys on the street however is absolutely pathetic and weak, that's such a piece of crap for him saying that, that alone infuriates me. You seem like someone with not the best self-esteem or confidence, but trust me you're not the problem here...the only problem here with you is that you don't know when someone is treating you poorly and how you shouldn't have stood for it for one second once it started. You probably jumped into this because you wanted to believe everything would be perfect, but you have to be more responsible in the future, it's not just you anymore, it's your daughter and because of that you should try and provide as much stability as possible...therefore it should take a very long time to even consider moving in with someone. Whenever someone acts like this, it's more to do with their own issues than you. That might be surprising from someone who has never experienced that before, but this guy is going to need a lot of self-work to ever be in a stable relationship...he really needs to see a therapist or work on his temper. Don't think you can go in and be a miracle worker and change him because he seems sincere, he's not in control of it, you need to see him as person that has like a drug addiction...it's beyond their ability to stop it just like that. At the end of the day you'll feel emotionally drained and abused and it'll only get worse, so get out while you can...make a plan to do it.
runner Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 if you call the police or emergency services they can connect you with a social worker or counsellor to help you sort out your options. good luck.
johan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Thanks for all the replies, I agree I definately have to go. I realise now I shouldn't have rushed in so quickly, I've never done anything like this before and really thought it would be okay. I know I've been an idiot, it's just getting myself out of this mess now that will be a huge problem. I shouldn't have moved so fast, I feel a first prize idiot right now... You aren't an idiot for being deceived. He just knew how to act at first. Once things got a bit comfortable he showed what he's really made of. It would be foolish to stay with him though. He won't change for the better. It will just get worse.
Author misslissy Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 I want to thankyou all for your honest opinions, it's nice to hear it's not actually me. For the last month or so I really have been believing that I'm the one with the problem, that I bring out the worst in him and that I'm not worth the love anyone gives me. I've never been very big on confidence but I have never felt this bad before-it's all just so confusing-when he's nice he is lovely but he has the ability to change at the flick of a switch! It seems I have to be scared all the time incase I say something that sets him off, we rarely have a serious conversation where he doesn't turn on me. But I really do want to get out-I feel it's best for both myself and my daughter. It's just sad to know you can be fooled when you have those rose tinted glasses on!
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