GoodOnPaper Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Prompted from something in another thread: So, one thing you need to decide, and I don't believe I've seen it said in this thread, is whether you're looking for a husband material or just out for some exciting action with alphas. I've never understood this dichotomy. Personally, I would want the most exciting sex to be with my wife -- without that level of intimacy, I would think 50 or 60 years of household, finance, and children-raising stress would rise to unbearable proportions. However, it seems that women view guys as being able to provide only one of these things -- exciting sex OR a stable LTR. Are we "husband-material" guys really THAT clueless and bumbling in bed? Are we fools for thinking that we can possibly make a woman truly happy in an LTR?
mesmerized Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I want a husband material that has the body of an alpha male. It's probably not that most husband materials are just bad in bed, it's that they are not as attractive as the alpha males.
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Who says that an Alpha can't be husband material ? They certainly can be. Why must it always be one or the other ?.. IRL it isn't so black and white 3
Author GoodOnPaper Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Who says that an Alpha can't be husband material ? They certainly can be. Sure, alphas can have it all anytime they want . . . but can a "husband-material" guy ever have the allure of an alpha -- at least in the eyes of one woman? That's my big question.
ThaWholigan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Prompted from something in another thread: I've never understood this dichotomy. Personally, I would want the most exciting sex to be with my wife -- without that level of intimacy, I would think 50 or 60 years of household, finance, and children-raising stress would rise to unbearable proportions. However, it seems that women view guys as being able to provide only one of these things -- exciting sex OR a stable LTR. Are we "husband-material" guys really THAT clueless and bumbling in bed? Are we fools for thinking that we can possibly make a woman truly happy in an LTR? I would think that it comes back to the old adage that husband material guys are not exciting and don't get as much sex etc. I was called a husband material guy once and it actually hurt me a little because I know exactly what she meant and it wasn't too complimentary . When we are using "husband material" in this context, we are talking about guys who women will marry after they've "had their fun", however offensive that may seem to a lot of people. The irony is that they still may get cheated on or treated like crap. Now, there is no proof that this is true all the time, although it has happened enough times in my observations. It's the equivalent of the Nice Guy, except this guy may actually have women somewhat interested in him. Now, we all know the traits of the Alpha within the context of today's men. They are leaders, active, emotionally stable, strong in physique and character, and confident above all else. Great self-belief, is able to be assertive at all times and display true masculinity and assume dominance naturally instead of forcing it aggressively and picking fights needlessly. Alphas don't do this. I tend not to use the term Alpha although the concept interests me, I prefer to call them by what they are: True men. Now, a lot of men can become this man. But they hold onto certain beliefs about themselves that halt them. Maybe they aren't risk takers and seem boring. Maybe they aren't exciting. But whatever it is, it is certainly fixable and there should be no reason for there to be such a separation of 2 extremes. One must surely be able to put 2 parts of the character together as a whole. It's something I believe. One should be an Alpha AND husband material (if that's what one wants). Then you won't have this problem
ThaWholigan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I want a husband material that has the body of an alpha male. It's probably not that most husband materials are just bad in bed, it's that they are not as attractive as the alpha males. Girls talk. Always talking about they are bad in bed aswell . That can also be remedied though.....
salparadise Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Prompted from something in another thread: I've never understood this dichotomy. Personally, I would want the most exciting sex to be with my wife -- without that level of intimacy, I would think 50 or 60 years of household, finance, and children-raising stress would rise to unbearable proportions. However, it seems that women view guys as being able to provide only one of these things -- exciting sex OR a stable LTR. Are we "husband-material" guys really THAT clueless and bumbling in bed? Are we fools for thinking that we can possibly make a woman truly happy in an LTR? I'm the person you quoted from the other thread, a guy in my 50s. Not alpha and proud to be more complex and less egocentric than the stereotypical alpha type. To answer your question directly, no we're not clueless or bumbling in bed, and I don't even know that being alpha means a guy comes prepackaged with outstanding bedroom skills. But, the biggest and most sensitive erogenous zone is the one between the ears, and if women perceive a guy as the biggest hunk they've ever seen then they're probably going to be creaming all over themselves before anyone even get undressed. I find it particularly wonderful when a woman I care about discovers, and has the maturity, intelligence and awareness to acknowledge, that all of the alphas in hollywood wouldn't make her as happy as one regular guy who truly appreciates her and knows how to make her feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet, in and out of the bedroom. The alpha thing is pure id, and animalistic. I prefer my women more evolved and thankfully there are many, but you're probably not going to find any in their twenties.
sweetjasmine Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I've never understood this dichotomy. Personally, I would want the most exciting sex to be with my wife -- without that level of intimacy, I would think 50 or 60 years of household, finance, and children-raising stress would rise to unbearable proportions. However, it seems that women view guys as being able to provide only one of these things -- exciting sex OR a stable LTR. Are we "husband-material" guys really THAT clueless and bumbling in bed? Are we fools for thinking that we can possibly make a woman truly happy in an LTR? I'm with A_C -- why can't somebody be both "alpha" and husband-material? The two aren't mutually exclusive. I certainly don't view it as a choice between one or the other. The choice is between a stable LTR and an unstable casual relationship that's not necessarily going anywhere. That doesn't say much about the personality types involved - just what they're looking for at that particular point in time. An "alpha" can be involved in either one of those types of relationships. Whether you find "husband-material" guys more attractive or less attractive depends on how attractive you find the idea of settling down.
carhill Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 IMO, it's a compatibility issue. The psychology of women who only have eyes (are subconsciously attracted) for alpha males is incompatible with the psychology of other, non-alpha, males. Are we "husband-material" guys really THAT clueless and bumbling in bed? Are we fools for thinking that we can possibly make a woman truly happy in an LTR? A woman will never know unless she makes love with such a man. She can 'assume' what kind of lover he'll be by relating appearances and behaviors with stereotypes and extrapolating from past relationships. Acting on assumptions is one path. Knowing from actual experience with that man is another path. If you are with or pursuing a woman who is intrinsically attracted to alpha males and you are not one, yeah, I think it's a foolish pursuit. BTDT a few times. Waste of time, energy and life's blood, both yours and hers.
stillafool Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Who says that an Alpha can't be husband material ? They certainly can be. Why must it always be one or the other ?.. IRL it isn't so black and white I absolutely agree. Who says Alpha's don't make good husbands? That's ridiculous!
kaylan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 The whole Alpha vs Husband/Nice Guy stuff is BS thinking that only looks at things in extremes with no variables. People hold a wide variety of traits. Its possible for a guy to be alpha and to be a good husband. Its also possible that he isnt alpha but still a good husband...or not alpha and a crappy husband. Or a little of both, or a lot of both. It depends on the person. People dont always exist as black and white. Shades of Grey people. Plus im freaking sick of this Alpha vs Husband/Nice guy crap. The people who think like that are usually bitter and/or insecure folk that over analyze things a bit too much. 4
carhill Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Here's a quote from an article I just read: "The alpha male in adult society is likely to be confident, attractive, and wealthy. Questions remain as to whether the alpha male can retain mates, since relationships often require ability to compromise, to discuss feelings and to be sensitive. Some alpha males have these characteristics typically thought of as beta, but many of them lack such traits. You can certainly point to prominent alpha males in our society who seem to have poor track records with women, either involving themselves in a succession of failed relationships or marrying one woman after another, with no marriage lasting for very long." I will say, amongst those male colleagues who are generally recognized as leaders in the community, empathy and the ability to proactively compromise are definitely not part of their toolbox. Sure, they can put on appearances when schmoozing people, but anyone who knows them well knows how things really are. I recall getting sucked in as a pawn in their games early on in my business career and learned some important lessons about such people. Thanks but I'll pass.
ThaWholigan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Here's a quote from an article I just read: "The alpha male in adult society is likely to be confident, attractive, and wealthy. Questions remain as to whether the alpha male can retain mates, since relationships often require ability to compromise, to discuss feelings and to be sensitive. Some alpha males have these characteristics typically thought of as beta, but many of them lack such traits. You can certainly point to prominent alpha males in our society who seem to have poor track records with women, either involving themselves in a succession of failed relationships or marrying one woman after another, with no marriage lasting for very long." I will say, amongst those male colleagues who are generally recognized as leaders in the community, empathy and the ability to proactively compromise are definitely not part of their toolbox. Sure, they can put on appearances when schmoozing people, but anyone who knows them well knows how things really are. I recall getting sucked in as a pawn in their games early on in my business career and learned some important lessons about such people. Thanks but I'll pass. I don't think that is the true definition of the "Alpha" personally. I think they are the Betas who try to be Alphas. I don't really like using the Alpha term though, I think there are men who combine all positive traits who are attractive in general. You could call them Alphas.
carhill Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 If that is the case, then I've never met an alpha male in my 52, meaning one who presented all positive traits both publicly and privately. Not being a woman, I can't address the attractive part. I don't experience men from their perspective. One would surmise, though, if all the traits were positive, combined with perceived attractiveness, the alpha male would make the perfect husband. Strong leader, yet tender and empathetic and willing to compromise, sensitive lover and good listener, on and on, with Brad Pitt looks. Nirvana
ThatDudeXO Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I'm not sure if I'm an Alpha but I know I'm husband material and from my most recent relationship, I know I more than satisfied my girlfriend sexually. I do beleive Alphas can be husband material, it isn't so black and white.
phineas Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Here's a quote from an article I just read: "The alpha male in adult society is likely to be confident, attractive, and wealthy. Questions remain as to whether the alpha male can retain mates, since relationships often require ability to compromise, to discuss feelings and to be sensitive. Some alpha males have these characteristics typically thought of as beta, but many of them lack such traits. You can certainly point to prominent alpha males in our society who seem to have poor track records with women, either involving themselves in a succession of failed relationships or marrying one woman after another, with no marriage lasting for very long." I will say, amongst those male colleagues who are generally recognized as leaders in the community, empathy and the ability to proactively compromise are definitely not part of their toolbox. Sure, they can put on appearances when schmoozing people, but anyone who knows them well knows how things really are. I recall getting sucked in as a pawn in their games early on in my business career and learned some important lessons about such people. Thanks but I'll pass. Going by the women I've known since highschool who chased the "bad-boy" types i'd say this is spot on. The guys who got what they wanted from them are my age now & still getting loads of women & cheating on them, using them for sex, ect & those women do nothing but lament on the "nice guys" they friendzoned who moved on & are now married to beautiful women, have a big house, nice cars, kids & a great job. They would say "we used to be friends & hung out but nothing happened". Reality is, these guys treated her with respect & didn't try to slay them the first time they watched a movie together so she lost interest. The guys these women did get with are the types of guys that go for sex on the first date. I don't know why, but I attract these women. I've learned the reason I got friendzoned is because I didn't go for sex the second I got them alone. I didn't have to succeed, I just had to try real hard & I usually got it in on the 2nd date. Over the summer I got real good at recognizing these types of women so even though i'm not an "alpha" I was able to "fake it till I make it" for a few weeks before I did something beta like cooked them dinner & asked how their day was. Then they lost interest & faded away. LOL!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 The whole Alpha vs Husband/Nice Guy stuff is BS thinking that only looks at things in extremes with no variables. True. I'm not sure, because my first exposure to "PUA" culture was here on LoveShack, but I think the concept of "Alpha Male" has been convoluted by that. I believe I know true Alpha people who are not in any way players or egocentric narcissists; they are natural leaders in whatever field they choose. People accept their leadership. They are more dominant than submissive. They often have a quiet power, and are not the cocky dudes usually used as examples of "Alpha Males" in dating conversations. The "Alpha Male" is husband material (as long as we are not using the term to define the cocky conceited player), for the right type of woman. Like any other type, this one needs to find the right kind of complementary match. 1
xxoo Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 My H is strong and confident. He stands up for himself, for me, and for our kids. His sexual desire is intense. That's pretty alpha to me. It's also 100% husband material 2
AD1980 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I never hear these terms discussed in public,online the alpha beta thing seems mto be obsessed over for some reason by both genders. Why do people have to get stupid labels? I dont see womens personalities psychoanalyzed like this
veggirl Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 The term "Alpha" is SO overused, esp on LS. I don't know ANYONE in real life who has described a guy as alpha or beta. The VAST majority of men, I'd think, fall somewhere in between. The weird thing is, a lot of times it's WOMEN on here who are gushing over alpha...so odd. I want a husband material that has the body of an alpha male. It's probably not that most husband materials are just bad in bed, it's that they are not as attractive as the alpha males. But, alpha is supposed to be about personality, isn't it? Not looks. So I don't quite get this. Sure, alphas can have it all anytime they want . . . but can a "husband-material" guy ever have the allure of an alpha -- at least in the eyes of one woman? That's my big question. YES, because as I said, I think MOST guys fall in between. Alpha has no allure to me. A total pushover etc doesn't either but...I agree with the others, why is it one extreme or the other?? Plus im freaking sick of this Alpha vs Husband/Nice guy crap. Totally! Anyway, I'm thinking of my own BF. Is he "alpha" ? Nah. He is successful, he is strong-willed, he tends to be a leader....but he is sweet as pie, he is sensitive....he's a combination of a lot of things. And the sex is amazing and I'm ridiculously attracted to him, so...no I don't see why he'd need to be more "alpha" or "manly" or WHATEVER. Why some feel the need to peg men into one of two categories (alpha/beta, or in this case, alpha/husband material) is beyond me. I like to think most men are more dynamic than just those easy labels.
veggirl Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 My H is strong and confident. He stands up for himself, for me, and for our kids. His sexual desire is intense. That's pretty alpha to me. It's also 100% husband material You do all of that as well, I'd assume. You're alpha too? I don't know what makes someone "alpha"...
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Alpha males are husband material and vice versa. Non-alpha males don't actually get married and become husbands unless they are in a culture that has arranged marriages. There shouldn't be a debate about this.
mesmerized Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 But, alpha is supposed to be about personality, isn't it? Not looks. So I don't quite get this. Lol. Not in my head or most girl's heads. I bet the first thing that comes to most of our minds when thinking "alpha male" is a tall guy with a muscular body. Personally, no matter how alpha a guy's personality is, if he is fat and gross, I would not feel ANY sexual attraction towards him.
xxoo Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I never hear these terms discussed in public,online the alpha beta thing seems mto be obsessed over for some reason by both genders. Why do people have to get stupid labels? I dont see womens personalities psychoanalyzed like this I agree, I could just as easily make a list of reason my H is "beta". For instance, he enjoys buying me clothes People are wonderfully complex! For me, his "stronger" qualities are a turn-on. They contribute to sexual chemistry. But his gentler qualities are equally important, and contribute to our overall intimacy.
veggirl Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Alpha males are husband material and vice versa. Non-alpha males don't actually get married and become husbands unless they are in a culture that has arranged marriages. There shouldn't be a debate about this. Oh please. So, all husbands are alpha? Doesn't the word alpha imply scarcity by definition? THEY CAN'T ALL BE ALPHA.
Recommended Posts