trojans10 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hey, So I'm obviously writing this because im confused and lost right now in my life. My GF just left for bootcamp last week and I am sitting here feeling sick. I can't sleep, hard to eat, no energy. Depression at its finest. I completely understand why though. I love my GF... she loves me too. Agreed to write her @ bootcamp.. Before she left she told me: -she doesn't want to lose me, does not want anyone else -says we can build our relationship through communication -cried when I brought up the idea of us breaking up before bootcamp (cried a lot) =left it up to me Ok, well here I am debating WTF to do... My fears: Shell be 10000 mi's away...she could possibly be only 2 hours away for a few years though. shell be surrounded by men all day :eek:and everyday.Shes a real quiet, shy, indpendant, strong girl who I can trust but still? I officially know the feeling of having a loved one leave your life. Ive been looking for the right one for a while now, and here I am. Found it! but its taken away....****ty feelin bros. especially when you don't agree with her in the first place I know some are going to say END it...but how do I or we go with this relationship that will never really be closed? It's such a weird feeling... advice?
Emilia Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I would stick with it for a while and try not to make any decisions just yet. I have experience of this (I think I commented on your posts before) and it might naturally fizzle out - as it happened in my case eventually. It's better than trying to force it in either direction I think. Besides, she can still change her mind at this stage, can't she?
Author trojans10 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 I would stick with it for a while and try not to make any decisions just yet. I have experience of this (I think I commented on your posts before) and it might naturally fizzle out - as it happened in my case eventually. It's better than trying to force it in either direction I think. Besides, she can still change her mind at this stage, can't she? Yes, if she fails Boot Camp or quits.... She won't fail because she is a strong athletic girl. I am just internally hurt real bad because I know that we will now never know where our relationship could have gone since she joined the Military. I WANT this to work out. I love this girl, she told me she loves me, but I feel like I already lost this battle I mean she has 5 years starting last week. Ive never felt so shiiity in my life...
Professor X Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Wish I had some good news for ya, but in my country, at the age of 18, everyone joins the army for a period of 3 years. Sure, some are assigned as desk boys/girls, but the rest are going infantry, artillery, air force, tanks etc etc.. And those who do go there, if they joined the army while in a RS, the end it without (at the very least, without the RS they start with), because, like you said, they are surrounded 24/7 with other people, who they, naturally, become very close with. Also, with all due respect, I'd question how much you know your gf? or the very least, I find it hard to believe she's a shy quiet type - because that type doesn't join the army, it's quite a life changing experience I can tell ya. Other that that, I'd say do as Emilia advised, go with it, don't become the problem, that's the most important thing - If you burden her decision after she finalized it, you will lose her for certain. Remind her everyday how much you are proud of her, when you meet her don't cry or be sad, always be happy around her, etc etc... Don't drive her into guilt that she is hurting you or she'll choose to "end your pain".
kaylan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Why did she join the military? Id like to know why she was willing to sacrifice you for it so I can give you a good response.
Author trojans10 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Why did she join the military? Id like to know why she was willing to sacrifice you for it so I can give you a good response. She joined because; family problems, broke, lost in life (no friends in HS) wants to gain confidence/backbone because she is a shy, quiet, insecure girl. She had a tough life...she broke down about 3-4x infront of me crying because nobody would support her joining the military. Of course people don't want an innocent female joining........I hurts me to know that she is gone, but it pains me sooooo much because she didn't HAVE to join the Marines....she was dealt the wrong cards in life. We met after she had signed her contract because she signed it the day she turned 18. She was in a rush, and lost... and wanted to get things going. I cannot not stress how hurt I am because although I know how strong of a girl she is, the military is not for her and it pains me.
Author trojans10 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Wish I had some good news for ya, but in my country, at the age of 18, everyone joins the army for a period of 3 years. Sure, some are assigned as desk boys/girls, but the rest are going infantry, artillery, air force, tanks etc etc.. And those who do go there, if they joined the army while in a RS, the end it without (at the very least, without the RS they start with), because, like you said, they are surrounded 24/7 with other people, who they, naturally, become very close with. Also, with all due respect, I'd question how much you know your gf? or the very least, I find it hard to believe she's a shy quiet type - because that type doesn't join the army, it's quite a life changing experience I can tell ya. Other that that, I'd say do as Emilia advised, go with it, don't become the problem, that's the most important thing - If you burden her decision after she finalized it, you will lose her for certain. Remind her everyday how much you are proud of her, when you meet her don't cry or be sad, always be happy around her, etc etc... Don't drive her into guilt that she is hurting you or she'll choose to "end your pain". Thats my problem. And thats why it hurts me and makes me sick...she is a shy,insecure,quiet girl. She keeps to herself, just like me. I love her so much, I can't believe im in this position.
kaylan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) She joined because; family problems, broke, lost in life (no friends in HS) wants to gain confidence/backbone because she is a shy, quiet, insecure girl. She had a tough life...she broke down about 3-4x infront of me crying because nobody would support her joining the military. Of course people don't want an innocent female joining........I hurts me to know that she is gone, but it pains me sooooo much because she didn't HAVE to join the Marines....she was dealt the wrong cards in life. We met after she had signed her contract because she signed it the day she turned 18. She was in a rush, and lost... and wanted to get things going. I cannot not stress how hurt I am because although I know how strong of a girl she is, the military is not for her and it pains me. How old is she now? Either way, she joined for the same reason a lot of young people join. They are seeking meaningful direction in their life. They want to be strong and confident. Armed services will do that if you make it through camp. Sure some people join because they are broke and lost in life and thus rush with this decision, but she seems to know what she wants. Back her up on this, and if its possible that she will be close enough to you still during her service, try and work things out. I wouldnt advise moving forward with this though if shes stationed so far away where you guys wont see each other much. Not with as young as you guys seem to be. But youll figure this out. I do understand your girlfriend though. There was a time in my life where I wanted to pay for the chance to go to boot camp just to say I completed such an accomplishment. I wanted to say I couldnt be broken mentally or physically. I wanted to be strong on both fronts. But that was more my "be the best you can be" and "you cant beat me or break me down" attitude. I never felt weak though...I just wanted to feel elite. Either way shes seeking something that will make her feel strong and confident. Support her the best you can. Edited February 18, 2012 by kaylan
Mrlonelyone Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 You have to ask yourself how strong is this relationships really? You see, there exist millitary wives and husbands who will be on two or three year tours of duty. The marriage does not have to end because of that. Is your relationship marriage strong? If the honest answer is yes then formalize that. She is about to commit 3 years or more of her life to the millitary, why not commit to her, really commit, if she really is the one. (If you get her pregnant after she passes boot that'll keep her out of Afganistan. Or whatever other hell hole.) If not then just break it off. Mentally move on, open your eyes to other women, and just let her break up with you. That way you come out looking like the good guy. (If you live in a small town that matters allot). I hope this works out for you other way.
Emilia Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Yes, if she fails Boot Camp or quits.... She won't fail because she is a strong athletic girl. I am just internally hurt real bad because I know that we will now never know where our relationship could have gone since she joined the Military. I WANT this to work out. I love this girl, she told me she loves me, but I feel like I already lost this battle I mean she has 5 years starting last week. Ive never felt so shiiity in my life... You are both very young though, a lot of people go through major changes at your age. She is 18 and you are 21, correct? It is a very transient period in your life, I'm very sorry but she is not a fully formed adult yet. Also, don't make the mistake of thinking there is this big obsticle in the way that you wish it wasn't there. The obsticle is HER, not the military.
Emilia Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Wish I had some good news for ya, but in my country, at the age of 18, everyone joins the army for a period of 3 years. Sure, some are assigned as desk boys/girls, but the rest are going infantry, artillery, air force, tanks etc etc.. And those who do go there, if they joined the army while in a RS, the end it without (at the very least, without the RS they start with), because, like you said, they are surrounded 24/7 with other people, who they, naturally, become very close with. Also, with all due respect, I'd question how much you know your gf? or the very least, I find it hard to believe she's a shy quiet type - because that type doesn't join the army, it's quite a life changing experience I can tell ya. Are you from Israel?
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I cannot not stress how hurt I am because although I know how strong of a girl she is, the military is not for her and it pains me. How can you really know this? It sounds like you barely know her, and have no personal experience with the military yourself (unless you're in it as well, which I gather you're not).
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 It sounds like she joined the military to get away from you trojans. I don't know what your relationship with her was like, but it couldn't have been too great if she prefers 20 mile hikes with a 70 pound pack on her back to having sex with you. Just sayin'. That's a horrible thing to say. What kind of person would say this to someone who is hurting? It's also clearly factually inaccurate, as she signed her contract to enlist BEFORE she even met him.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 O.K. then you were just a temporary diversion. You knew that, she knew that. Best bet is to make a clean break and move on. Send her a "Dear Jane" letter because you are not, and never were, anything but a temporary part of her life. Plenty of service members' fledgling relationships survive BCT and afterward. It sounds like she truly cares about him. If they're both willing to maintain their commitment, why are you trying to hard to dissuade him?
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Then that simply means she was not interested in having a serious relationship with ANYONE. That's quite a leap there! Joining the military as an enlisted or an officer does not mean "I don't want a relationship with anyone." Give me a break. How do you explain all of the folks that get into relationships before and during their service and get married? Give the woman some credit for knowing her mind. Stop assuming she was some indecisive little flower who impulsively signed up and now regrets it because she won't be with her true love. She made a career decision and she's following through with it. Her relationship was just a fling because she obviously knew she was going away before she even met the OP. Career decision? Have you even bothered to read this thread? She joined the military because: She joined because; family problems, broke, lost in life (no friends in HS) wants to gain confidence/backbone because she is a shy, quiet, insecure girl. She had a tough life... This wasn't some decision made by some strong, independent GI Jane, for crying out loud. It rarely is, at that age.
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