We broke up and now he's tellling me about his dating adventures

[petal28]

I dated a guy for about three months last year, then we called it off and tried to remain "friends" for a few more months. In November last year, i think he was 'mostly' able to move on but still to this day i have slight feelings for him. I also think he has slight feelings for me as he gets easily hurt/upset when i am unable to meet his demands, requests to meet up, etc. Anyway in the last month or so he started telling me about his dating antics: girls he has had coffees with, girls who are keen on him, etc. I was wondering whether this was insensitive on his part. He has no idea but i feel jealous and hurt hearing all of this but i act like i don't care when he tells me this.

 

Girls, i'm wondering how you would feel in my situation?

 

And to the guys, what would make you want to say these things to a girl who you broke up with last year. Would you say these things at all?

[PlumPrincess]

I guess, he's trying to make you jealous.

 

Tell him that you think he wants you back and is trying to make you jealous. And that if he wants you back (do you want him back?), he has to stop with this sh*t and instead give you good reasons why you should go back with him after he dumped you.

[petal28]

PP, i am sure he doesn't want me back otherwise he definitely would have pursued me by now. But I don't understand why he is telling me all this.

 

Does he see me as a friend and is that comfortable enough to tell me all of this?

 

Or is he trying to make me jealous? Is he trying to work out whether i still like him?

 

He treats me like a friend but there are things that he says/does that imply that he still has feelings for me eg. getting upset that i am unable to meet up with him or making me feel bad on one occasion because i was unable to meet him for one reason or another.

[petal28]

Can anyone else please contribute? I know this is my fault for allowing him to say it to me but is it extremely insenstive on his part? Would/Has anyone else done that despite how much of a friend you have become?

[PegNosePete]

Who cares whether anyone else would do it? The fact is, he is doing it, and it is hurting you. That is all that matters. So NC this guy and move on! When you have lost all feelings then maybe you can be friends. But until then, no.

[Kamille]

In your situation, I would feel extremely uncomfortable. I would also likely tell him something akin to: "I'm glad you're dating, but talking about it with you makes me uncomfortable. Can we keep a moratorium on the topic of our love lives for the time being?" (It should be noted I have a very healthy ego and wouldn't care if he could surmise that I still have feelings for him).

 

Is it insensitive on his part? Not if he doesn't know the comments bother you. Not if both of your focus has been on building a friendship. If it is truly the friendship you value, than the focus should be on making you're sure your both happy and honest with each other - as friends are. That means speaking up for yourself and telling him you're not quite ready to exchange dating details.

[radiodarcy]

I dated a guy for about three months last year, then we called it off and tried to remain "friends" for a few more months. In November last year, i think he was 'mostly' able to move on but still to this day i have slight feelings for him. I also think he has slight feelings for me as he gets easily hurt/upset when i am unable to meet his demands, requests to meet up, etc. Anyway in the last month or so he started telling me about his dating antics: girls he has had coffees with, girls who are keen on him, etc. I was wondering whether this was insensitive on his part. He has no idea but i feel jealous and hurt hearing all of this but i act like i don't care when he tells me this.

 

Girls, i'm wondering how you would feel in my situation?

 

And to the guys, what would make you want to say these things to a girl who you broke up with last year. Would you say these things at all?

 

ugh -- my ex did this to me not long after he dumped me. i don't know what made me think i could handle it.; as i was still very much in love with him - - not to mention he was my first love. knowing him he did it to make me jealous. at any rate, i didn't care what his motives were for saying those things; i put up with it for about two weeks. then i finally forced myself to pull the plug on the friendship and went strict NC for 8 months.

 

it was just what i needed to move on and get over him. he recently contacted me to tell me his current gf is pregnant with his child. i admit it threw me for a loop for a few days. but had i not broken ties with him when i did - - it wouldn't have affected me much much more. now i'm just indifferent.

[CaliBabe]

You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for/love/care about. You should have never agreed to this. You brought this pain onto yourself.

 

Cut your losses now, cut all contact and go NC for your own sake and sanity. Heal yourself.

[PlumPrincess]

Can anyone else please contribute? I know this is my fault for allowing him to say it to me but is it extremely insenstive on his part? Would/Has anyone else done that despite how much of a friend you have become?

Fluorescent gave you very good advice. You probably won't get much better advice from other people.