just-me12 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 To explain it as short a possible, I went on the first date with a guy a week before he left to Africa for six weeks, we went on three dates, Tuesday Saturday and Sunday before he left on the Tuesday. Had been talking for a about three weeks prior but due to me being in my home town for surgery couldn't meet up earlier. Why I am posting here is because I think my question those who have LDR would be more insightful on. We have been emailing while he has been away (he has also sent a postcard which I have received, not to sure about any other ones) he doesn't get much Internet time and when he does it is expensive and unreliable. So most emails are short and sweet and straight to the point of what he has been up to. He sent a few last weekends while he had a bit of Internet connection, including a happy valentine one, another about us going on a picnic to his favorite lookout and an update on his trip. He sends photos to his sister, a mate, his father and me at times. Now he hasn't emailed since last Monday, he had mentioned once he got to mainland (from Zanzibar) he was out in national parks and may not get Internet for a while. Now in the back of my mind I say this to myself, the other half is saying he isn't interested anymore. It is just past week four and I think it would of been the make or break week. Am I just over-reacting or could he have changed his mind. He asked me to wait the six weeks, I haven't stopped my whole life still been doing everything, going out with friends and enjoying it, but I have not chatted to guy’s intention for dating or anything. He is also on the count down in emails till he sees my 'beautiful face' and that. We had a great connection and he was the one to bring it up before he left. So questions, is in this short period of long distance is it possible it is just failure for him to find Internet? Also how do you guys cope till you see them? It is two weeks Monday till he flies in if he is still talking to me.
pettie Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 2 weeks is nothing Get busy with something - reading, sports, family, friends, etc, and time will fly If he is in a National Park, it's understandable he will have very limited access to the internet! Besides, he told you about it and seemed consistent with everything else. Just be patient Good luck! 1
wildgeese Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I say just relax and let the two weeks fly by. Two weeks (heck, even six weeks) is nothing. He informed you that he wouldn't have internet and I'm assuming that he's busy on this trip, whether it be for school, work or even sight-seeing. You're not exactly at the point in the relationship where this type of situation would be cause for alarm. Just wait until he gets back and you both hang out some more before you start worrying yourself over his intentions or where the relationship is going. Let him have this time and comfort yourself with the knowledge that he has contacted you when he could, and all of the messages seem to be very positive and in your favor. It's completely normal to miss him and feel down about that every now and then, and you're doing the right thing by remaining active and busy.
quankanne Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 our whole dating relationship (2-years) was an LDR because I was working in Texas and he in Saudi Arabia. Only got to see him every six months and our communication was limited to me writing a blizzard of letters for every one HE sent roughly the first half of our marriage was spent with me living here and him working elsewhere ... we celebrate 20 years of marriage this summer. So believe me when I say that it's a fantastic opportunity to learn to become independent within a relationship. To strengthen your bonds with others. And that it can be something positive if you approach it with the right mindset. It doesn't mean you miss that person less or care less about them, just that you've figured out how to make the best of the situation. you've made it thus far, so do yourself a favor and don't give in to a freak-out ... in less than two weeks you'll be together again! 1
pettie Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 roughly the first half of our marriage was spent with me living here and him working elsewhere ... we celebrate 20 years of marriage this summer. Wow! Congratulations!! Cases like this one certainly give me hope. Let me guess - Petroleum Industry? I am currently in a similar situation, but it is not as critic as was yours! And what you say is absolutely true. It gives you space to grow as an individual, and also, you learn to appreciate the effort your partner makes in keeping in touch with you, in our hectic schedules. Ah.. I wish I was just 2 weeks away from him too!! 1
Author just-me12 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Thanks guys. I don't think I will stop worrying until he is home and things are just like they were before he left. Although he did ask me 'can you wait the six weeks you might find someone else' I think no contact in a week now makes me doubt it as I never have luck on my side. Is it normal to stress like this?
pettie Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Totally normal... until you learn how to control it. For me, learning to be patient and actually talking to him about how I was getting anxious helped us both in managing our times better, to not make the other feel neglected. Also, understanding that if you don't talk for a couple of days, or even, not during the week but through really short messages - if at all, doesn't mean we are not thinking about the other. But then, that's my case, we are both not needy persons, we are busy with work in general and also, each relationship is really different. Still, sometimes you can't help but to be bothered by little things such as "why didn't he answered my text??" and so on, but my advice on this is to try to focus in the big picture. Is he consistent during the whole week? Is he, in general, reliable? When he is going to be busy, does he tell you beforehand? (in your case, he has!). Just because he didn't answer an email right when he got it, or he didn't pick up a call, doesn't mean he is pulling away. Anyway, from what I understand from your post is that the LD part of your relationship is going to end very soon, once he travels back to you. Most of what I wrote here is how I cope with my, at the moment, relationship with no close end to the LD part (and already past the honeymoon part!!). So, just relax and again, be patient, as you are very lucky to have someone coming back to you in no time! :)
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