Zisskeit Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hi Everyone, this is my first post (I originally posted this in a different section, but since it's a breakup or "dump" situation, this section seems more appropriate). I hope someone can help me gain some objectivity. I am pretty confused right now. I will give the basic backstory here. So, back in August or September of 2011, I was feeling lonely and reckless and decided to post a Craigslist ad in the Casual Encounters section. Something along the lines of "Hot Cougar Seeking Boy Toy". I got tons of responses and met a guy I'll call Joe. He was really good looking, long, dark hair and green eyes. A little pudgy, not as well-hung as I'd hoped for, but OK. We texted and talked on the phone and finally met. We drank wine and had (mediocre) sex on the first date. We've hooked up a few times, perhaps 6 or 7 times. Again the sex is not wonderful. And I want to be honest here, I am really not very well cut out for the whole FWB thing, even though it seems to be getting a lot of press right now, as an acceptable lifestyle (for some it is, I guess). I'm too emotional (though I always keep my cool, but inside my feelings are intense) and get attached easily. This began to happen with Joe. Weeks would go by and then I'd get a text (never a phone call) about getting together. It was really just hooking up and he was enjoying the sex a lot more than I was, but I still found myself thinking about him all the time and staring at my phone, hoping to hear from him. Long story short: I realize that I don't want FWB. It is not a healthy choice for someone like me. I need love and trust and consistency. He made it clear from the start that he didn't want a gf or anything beyond what we were doing. I began to feel really low during the times I wasn't hearing from him, and, bottom line, I know in my heart it never would go anywhere beyond FWB, at least that is how it seemed to me. However, I don't think I mentioned that he initially rode a scooter (a Honda Ruckus) when we first met. And recently he got a car, which he drove to my house last time he came over, AND he wore a suit jacket. He looked so cute. I felt like he got a car so we could date, and got dressed up just for me. But those are basic things, right? In any case, realizing that despite these cute things, it is still just hooking up, and I want to heal and one day have a real relationship based on love. So, tonight, I told him I could not see him anymore because I was getting emotionally involved. He seemed pretty unaffected, just saying "Why?" and "...but I really love having sex with you and love your company..." Don't judge me for asking this, but, I did the right thing by ending this unsatisfying arrangement, didn't I? Do you think I jumped the gun? Thanks for responding!
Dark Phoenix Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 No Judgements here. You can't fault yourself for knowing what you wanted and going out and getting it. You learn about what you want by actually going out and trying different things. Kick the FWB to the curb though and start fresh. Those never end well. I have a friend that did the cougar thing with a younger guy and that relationship turned into a romantic one and it is about as Rocky as the glacier that the titanic hit before it sank.
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