johan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 That sounds like a whole lot of psychological nonsense. When a woman rejects me, she is rejecting me, she's saying that I'm not good enough for her. It has nothing to do with whether I reject myself or not when the girl does! It is psychological. And it sort of is nonsense. But it's also true and it's exactly what you do. You mope around here talking about how you're not good enough for women. You wouldn't do that if you didn't believe it. Do any of these women who have supposedly rejected you actually know who they are rejecting? Do they know anything whatsoever about you? How you spend your time? What kind of sense of humor you have? How smart you are? What you think of politics? Whether you like to SCUBA dive? How you treat kittens? How you feel about your dad? What you studied in school? Whether you're a morning person? No. They know nothing. So it isn't you they are rejecting as not good enough. It's just a superficial judgment they have made based on very little information. Confidence comes from understanding that. And knowing that you're definitely a good guy who many of them would be proud to know, if not date. You have no confidence, because you don't think you're a good guy. It really has nothing to do with them. You reject yourself. Maybe part of your problem is that you choose to be a shallow thinker and don't bother to consider how your mind is really working. It's easier just to openly blame the world in a feeble attempt to get people to give you attention and to feel sorry for you. As if those things would solve any of your problems.
veggirl Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Of course there is no mention of how to actually get confidence when you've been constantly rejected. When were you last rejected? Just because I don't have a six pack or 20 inch biceps doesn't mean I don't work out... I saw your pics too, your body is totally fine. IDK my ex was 5'8...I'm 5'8...he was pudgy, I'm slim, he was starting to lose hair at 22...I never would've approached him, but when he approached me I was intrigued. He seemed nice and funny, so I went out with him. Now he gets rejected LOADS, but he still tries.
somedude81 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 It is psychological. And it sort of is nonsense. But it's also true and it's exactly what you do. You mope around here talking about how you're not good enough for women. You wouldn't do that if you didn't believe it. Do any of these women who have supposedly rejected you actually know who they are rejecting? Do they know anything whatsoever about you? How you spend your time? What kind of sense of humor you have? How smart you are? What you think of politics? Whether you like to SCUBA dive? How you treat kittens? How you feel about your dad? What you studied in school? Whether you're a morning person? No. They know nothing. So it isn't you they are rejecting as not good enough. It's just a superficial judgment they have made based on very little information. Confidence comes from understanding that. And knowing that you're definitely a good guy who many of them would be proud to know, if not date. You have no confidence, because you don't think you're a good guy. It really has nothing to do with them. You reject yourself. What you are saying almost makes sense. But then my answer is that I failed to present myself in an attractive way so a woman would go out with me based on the superficial judgment while many men don't have that problem. Also, many of the things you listed just aren't important in the dating game. BTW, the last girl that rejected me, knew me for almost two years. I think she had a pretty good idea of who I was and knew what she rejected. I do think I'm a good guy and that's part of the reason that I struggle with my dating issues. I believe that I shouldn't be having these problems but I do. And I can't find a reason why so I look to easy factors to blame, my height being one. When were you last rejected? I had an absolutely crushing rejection in November from somebody I had very strong feelings for and I'm still reeling from that. Before that I was rejected by four girls I somewhat liked in April - May. I saw your pics too, your body is totally fine. Thanks IDK my ex was 5'8...I'm 5'8...he was pudgy, I'm slim, he was starting to lose hair at 22...I never would've approached him, but when he approached me I was intrigued. He seemed nice and funny, so I went out with him. Now he gets rejected LOADS, but he still tries. I got a full head of hair and will most likely never lose it But I also eat live pigs so I don't know how you'll do with that. Him being nice and funny was enough for you to go out with him? Granted 5'8 isn't exactly short so he didn't have that negative mark. But now he's struggling, that sucks.
PlumPrincess Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I'm so sorry my muscles are not defined enough for you. Shall I send you some nudes once I get fitter? No sweetie, that won't work. He charmed me with his intellect, that bastard.
johan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 What you are saying almost makes sense. But then my answer is that I failed to present myself in an attractive way so a woman would go out with me based on the superficial judgment while many men don't have that problem. Also, many of the things you listed just aren't important in the dating game. Almost makes sense? You should make it your mantra. You should print it and carry it in your wallet to read every time you start feeling down on yourself. What I described is the source of all your problems and also the solution. And when it comes to knowing what's important in the dating game, we should have a competition: women can rate my point that a woman needs to know who you really are against your "I'm too short" and we'll see who knows what's important.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 That sounds like a whole lot of psychological nonsense. When a woman rejects me, she is rejecting me, she's saying that I'm not good enough for her. It has nothing to do with whether I reject myself or not when the girl does! Man, you and Verz are two peas in a pod, aren't you? You're just one big wall. Dude, I'm about 5'8, maybe a weak 5'9 at best WITH shoes, and although I'm not nearly as short as some guys claim to be (I can remember guys claiming 5'1, probably not you though, so feel lucky. THAT is short, but even then, who cares?) I wouldn't let it bother me regardless. I sincerely don't believe that I'm short, especially if I'm noticeably taller than the girls rejecting me. (Not that I've necessarily been rejected, but if/when I was.. Most of the girls that COULD reject me are like half a foot shorter than me or shorter, I could probably see the top of their heads..) They can feel whatever way they'd like s'long as they don't try to project their subjective beliefs onto me when they give me the "you're a nice guy and all, but..) shpeal, because I won't have it and I'll waste no time in letting them know that being short doesn't mean I'm going to take their **** or act any differently than if the top of my head was an extra 2 or 3 inches off of the ground. Get this sad **** out of your head, it'll do nothing but sabotage you. If they're polite and don't try to insult you for something that is inherently neither bad or good and only THEIR preference, then there's no problem with that. I'd wager that your average mentally developed, mature women would be this way, there's no reason NOT to be other than to go out of your way to make someone feel bad for something that is ultimately irrelevant, like breast size. 1
Sith Apprentice Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Short men lie about their height on online dating sites out of sheer necessity. Bottom line, if you're 5'6 or shorter you won't get any responses from women online. I know a jacked asian personal trainer who's only 5'5 tall, but puts thats he's 5'8 on his profile. When he put his real height he never got any responses. He wears shoes with 3 inch lifts when he goes on dates and then uses the women for sex. This guy has nailed around 40 women from match.com.
ThaWholigan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Short men lie about their height on online dating sites out of sheer necessity. Bottom line, if you're 5'6 or shorter you won't get any responses from women online. I know a jacked asian personal trainer who's only 5'5 tall, but puts thats he's 5'8 on his profile. When he put his real height he never got any responses. He wears shoes with 3 inch lifts when he goes on dates and then uses the women for sex. This guy has nailed around 40 women from match.com. This is actually true. When I got my brother into POF, he had a worst time than I was having, so he took it off. He does OK when it comes to Facebook, he's met a lot of girls through there. But yeah, height gets you ignored online, best bet is real life for short guys.
counterman Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 One of the most confident guys I know and gets laid regularly is 5'5. He projects confidence and I-don't-give-a-****-of-what-people-think better than anyone else. It takes a lot of failures to get to that mind-set, because right not, a lot of people do take rejection real personally to the point where they let it dictate their life. A lot of short guys straight blame their height for their lack of suggest with women and you know what? Most of them haven't even approached that many or even tried It's just an excuse to stop trying and to not face rejection. Did it ever occur to some of them that it's their lack of 'game'? Point is, there's so many things you can improve on, so SO many things, but yet, most choose to focus on something they can't change, no matter how much money they have and no matter what they do. It's baffling. That confidence takes many years to develop and it's an ever-going process but one of the first major steps to quit making your height the reason that things aren't going well dating-wise. I know tall guys who haven't had much luck with women. But at least they have no where to hide and try to blame it on their height.
Els Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Im not a fan of these condescending "tip" articles as if short men are inferior and have to overcompensate Im not jumping over hoops to prove myself just because women are obsessed with height You have a point, but honestly, this article is not any better or worse, than, say, 'tips for curvy women' or 'tips for pear-shaped women'. It isn't terribly bad to learn to dress according to your body shape and have confidence. Granted, the former is something women do far more often than men, but I think some men could benefit from it as well. It's pretty much true, for instance, that if you're short and want to appear taller, you don't wear baggy clothing with big prints because it'll make you look even shorter. On the other hand, vertical lines are your friend. That applies to both men AND women.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Rejected again. This time it was a girl that I've known for several months that I kinda liked. How the hell am I supposed to not feel bad?
ScreamingTrees Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Rejected again. This time it was a girl that I've known for several months that I kinda liked. How the hell am I supposed to not feel bad? Don't wait for several months of tension to build before asking out the next one? Don't put your eggs in one basket unless you're ABSOLUTELY SURE that the basket has no holes in it. And don't spend several months of egg hoarding before checking..
Cracker Jack Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 How exactly did the rejection take place?
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 She's a coworker and we were both closing. I suggested we get a drink after our shift and she looked at me kind funny. "Where at?" Alex's bar, it's pretty close to here" Oh I know that place, or maybe that's because I have a friend named Alex." Then she just walks away. We don't talk about it for the last hour of the shift. Basically pretending that it never happened. When the shift is over, me and another guy are going off in one direction while she takes off in another. "Bye (her name)" Bye guys (the other guy didn't say anything) So my first rejection of the year. can't say I'm looking forward to getting more.
ThaWholigan Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 She's a coworker and we were both closing. I suggested we get a drink after our shift and she looked at me kind funny. "Where at?" Alex's bar, it's pretty close to here" Oh I know that place, or maybe that's because I have a friend named Alex." Then she just walks away. We don't talk about it for the last hour of the shift. Basically pretending that it never happened. When the shift is over, me and another guy are going off in one direction while she takes off in another. "Bye (her name)" Bye guys (the other guy didn't say anything) So my first rejection of the year. can't say I'm looking forward to getting more. OK, I don't know whether it lacked conviction or not but don't let that one stop you. Next time, don't let it wait several months. I let it wait 3 years before I did anything toward the girl I liked. The let down lasted almost as long. Better off asking off the bat. And always do it in a playful, subtle way. I tried this, almost as though it doesn't matter whether she comes or not, you're simply inviting her somewhere. Don't put so much emotion into it. Proceed forward.....
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I have zero interest in most women I meet. It takes me a while to feel anything. Asking out somebody off the bat is pointless.
ThaWholigan Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I have zero interest in most women I meet. It takes me a while to feel anything. Asking out somebody off the bat is pointless. Well then I'm sorry but unless you're adept at playing the long game, it's possible that you may always have this problem. And the long game never works, unless you're able to sustain a level of attraction over a LONG time. Can be done, but to find the right girl........will take while. You're better off asking out girls off the bat, feeling or not. Take the plunge.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 SomeDude how is it everytime a short guy thread comes up, you automatically assume it's about you, and then you threadjack it for self- pity? If you have low confidence I suggest you work on yourself and head on over to the Improvement forum. Everyone's been giving you advice, especially Johan, and I rarely see that ex- green robot give out earnest advice, so that says something. Back on topic, yes, I agree with the article and I do think it's imperative that when guys have their heights working against them, they should work on other things to improve themselves and up their values. Just as girls need to stay slim and thin, guys needs to stay fit and physically strong to attract a female. I've dated guys of various heights, from 5'5 to 6'2. Compared to my BFF, my standards for height isn't as strict as my standards for a guy to look like he has the capabilities to protect me ( I love my bicep and shoulder guys!). Still no matter how well you do to attract someone in the beginning stages of dating, it still boils down to chemistry and personality. I notice no matter how much I may find someone attractive, I do not get along with guys who clash with me in terms of personality.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 If it wasn't obvious already, I hate getting rejected. I also expect rejection. In my mind, if I'm going to get rejected, then I'll only bother taking that risk with women I'd actually care if they said yes.
Cracker Jack Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Well, that sucks. I'd rather be outright rejected than ignored. But you have to keep rolling with the punches. Things like this take practice. Rejection sucks but it's apart of life. You don't have to ask women out right off the bat all the time, either.
ThaWholigan Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 If it wasn't obvious already, I hate getting rejected. I also expect rejection. In my mind, if I'm going to get rejected, then I'll only bother taking that risk with women I'd actually care if they said yes. You know you will always be a lost cause if you continue to think this way?? It's simply irrational. I used to hate getting rejected too. I still have my anxieties about being humiliated. But you know what? Now that I have been rejected a few times, it doesn't hurt so much. I'm almost indifferent. Learn to love being rejected. I played a game once when I was out. I had my entire 50 pounds split to 5 tenners, and then give them to my friend. And for every girl I spoke to and possibly got rejected by (whether on purpose or not), I would get a tenner back. So 5 girls in just a night. Guess what? I got my money back Give yourself an incentive to get rejected.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Cool that you can turn rejection into something you don't care about. I just can't see it that way. No matter how little I like the girl, I see rejection as an attack upon me and it's something that confirms the beliefs I hold about myself. What I want most of all is to be liked by women. A rejection is the opposite of that.
ThaWholigan Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Well that's deeply tragic IMO. You should be trying to change the beliefs you hold about yourself. I have nothing more to say. I will go to sleep now, it's 5am.
Cracker Jack Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 In a perfect world, we'd ALL love to be able to attract someone from the opposite sex without much hassle. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. People get rejected everyday in different circumstances and continue on. Women are going to reject you. It's just the way it is. You have to overcome it. You were ignored today, but you could be received with open arms tomorrow. There are still times when I'll see a woman I'd like to approach, and instead of doing it, I make excuses--then when she leaves, I feel a huge sigh of relief because I didn't have to put myself out there, but then I feel like crap later. That's a pain far worse than rejection. At the end of the day, if you really want it enough, you'll deal with the obstacles along the way.
Author FitChick Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 I see rejection as an attack upon me and it's something that confirms the beliefs I hold about myself. So eliminate those beliefs using the Lefkoe Method and your problem is solved. Unless, of course, you enjoy wallowing in self-pity like your female counterpart at LoveShack (who shall remain nameless since she's an attention whore). Maybe you two could get a group discount.
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