who_knew Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 So, I'll try to keep this short, but it's hard not to to understand what I'm going through. I'll try my best to summarize the end of my relationship and hopefully some of you will have some insight to what I should do. So I was in my first ever relationship with a girl for the past six months from July to January. We were high school friends, but never too close until this summer. We hit it off at a party and took it slow and grew our relationship over the summer at home, when it came to the fall when we both would go back to college we knew we could sustain our relationship. We were lucky enough to only be 20-30miles away from eachother and there were free public busses from both of our areas. It appeared to work for the first semester. We saw eachother every 3-4 weeks going to eachothers schools for the weekends. I was pretty happy and it made school go by much faster. I think she enjoyed it too and we had a lot of fun. However, i did become a little jealous and passive aggressive at times because she goes to a liberal arts school with lots of guys and I'm at an engineering school where the social life is pretty dismal. I got jealous of her social life and really wanted it. I tried not to make it a big deal, but I did become worried that I would lose her. However, throughout the first semester we kept in close contact via texting and Skype and that helped a lot. We got through the first semester fairly well and now it was a month of winter break where we were back home. For the first few weeks we spent a lot close time together, but then this is when it all went down. My girlfriend was always a little flaky and she had a hard time keeping plans because she wanted to try to please everyone and at times I felt like I was fighting to spend time with her near the end of December. She has two very close friends who she loves dearly and I knew if I was going to be in a relationship with her that I would have to let her have her friend time, which was fine with me. I guess when I got into the relationship I started becoming so dependent on her that I didnt mind blowing off my friends because I was just so happy spending it with her. I still did spend time with my home friends, but I wanted to spend a majority of my time with her over break. It was the new years eve and I talked to my GF asking if she had any plans and she said no so I told her to come to a party with me and my friends and she could bring hers. She said yea and seemed excited. Later that night though I texted her if she was coming and she said she was just going to have a 'girls' night with her two best friends, but what she didn't tell me was that her ex boyfriend and good friend was there. My friend who is good friends with her assured me that they were just platonic and great friends so it didn't bother me too much, but it hurt that she didn't tell me and that she fell back on her plans. So I decided to just hang out with my friends and I got a little drunk. Later that night before I fell asleep I texted her telling her I wanted to talk because I was sick of her flakiness. I did get a little over emotional since I was a bit drunk, but I thought I had good reason. The next morning, new years day, we met at her house after I texted her kind of angrily about meeting. She told me that I should have been more understanding of her situation and that she wanted to hang out with her friends because they were like family to her and she didnt feel at home at either of her parents homes (divorced) or at mine (Asian parents...). I wasn't really sure what to say because I hadn't had enough time to thinks through and I led immaturely taking her phone I gave her as a present and giving her back money for the present she gave me. I know it was childish, but I was just so angry at the time I didnt know what to do. Immediately after she changed her relationship status on FB to single. I was somewhat surprised because we really hadn't come to any conclusion. So I let the whole situation sit for a day and I texted her saying that I was sorry, but I did have legitimate concerns about our relationship and that I wanted to fix them. She said it was nice thing to say, but she still needed time. Later that night she called me and drove to my house crying. We talked things over and she said that her friends didn't think I was treating her well with my passive aggressiveness and she was scared to leave me and I told her the same. She then told me that she couldn't do this and then I told her I didn't want her to leave me and we were both crying, but it seemed like her mind was set. Later that night when she went back home she skyped me crying saying she couldn't do this and that she wanted to fix things and at the time I was surprised but relieved and I promised to her to give her her space and she promised to be less flaky. The next morning she came by and we hung out and went on a run and then she said she was going to hang out with her friends and I got a little passive aggressive and told her that I wanted to spend more time with her because I was leaving for AZ the next week and we hadn't actually spent a lot of time with eachother for a week. Then she got mad saying that I should be more understanding and thought that I promised to give her more space. I wanted to, but considering that I was leaving for the rest of break, she could hang out with her friends plenty after I'm away. She said she couldn't do it anymore and broke up with me for the last time. I began to beg for her to stay, but it obviously didn't work. I was so scared to be without her. The next few days I went to her house and tried to explain my thoughts, but her mind was set. She gave me my money back so I gave her her phone back. I just hated how platonic she was towards me. She said that she couldn't have a boyfriend at all at the moment and that she needs space to make friends at college because she was never really happy there. After I left for AZ I started to become very depressed and lonely because I was only with my parents at one of their conferences. I started texting her a lot saying that I needed to still have her company and she seemed to be content with that because she said she wanted to still be friends. But then I really missed her in a non platonic way and I started getting emotional cause my mind was so idle and texted her wishing I could get another chance and asking her why I deserved this and she said that she couldn't change her mind and that we probably shouldn't talk for a while if I'm still like this. So I decided to cut things off for a while and didn't talk to her until I got back from AZ and asked her if she wanted to hangout when I got back. She didn't reply until she said she had to pack for college so I offered to help her, she was hesitant but was willing. I still had strong feelings for her and hoped I could still fix things for the most part I tried to be platonic and happy until she dropped me off at home when I asked her if there was anything left of us and she got a little angry, but I was not done with her. So she left and I didn't text her since because she headed back to college the next day. After coming back to school I was really depressed at first and couldn't stop thinking about her. I had to deactivate my Facebook and never went on Skype because I couldnt handle knowing what she was up to or be in contact unless she wanted to contact me first. I read up on a couple of articles on how to get your ex back and they all said no contact was best. So I didn't contact her at all. She then surprisingly texted me after the first week in February at 2AM in the morning asking "hey what's up?" I was shocked but happy, I waited a day and half to respond and kept it short. We texted back and forth a few but then she said she realized it was too early to really talk and she told me to text her when I was ready. I was so hopeful that she wanted me back and she missed me, but I guess she just wanted to reinitiate contact as friends. I kind of replied angrily that she was right that I wasn't ready to talk and that I still had thoughts about her. I then felt like I needed to call to her to ask her again if there was anything left of us in the time apart. She told me she felt like we has drawn this out far enough, but was willing to talk. I decided not to call her because it would only make things worse. So I left it as is and didn't text her until the next weekend when I was drunk and asked her "hey, how's it going" she didn't reply. Apparently when she texted me she was drunk and a little needy because my friend was visiting her and told me the details. I thought it was appropriate to send a drunk text back. This past week it was valentines day and I was contemplating sending her a letter telling her how I truly feel. I was worried that I would still look needy and desperate, but I decided to go with it. I sent her a package with a letter and a picture she drew of me when she sent me a similar package the previous semester. I drew a pic of her on the back of the one she drew of me and sent her my school socks like she had done for me. In the letter I told her that I still loved and missed her, but I realized this time apart was necessary. I told her that I needed her to know that I could never be just friends with her because I would always have feelings for her. Having said that I told her that I hope she's enjoying her semester and wished her good luck. I didn't want to make it seem desperate and I don't think I did, but that's open to opinion. I haven her for her since, but my friend texted me asked if why I sent her the package because she told him. I explained that I accept that I can't just be friends with her and if she doesnt want to be more than just friends we should go our seperate ways because it I would always get depressed if I could only think of her in a platonic way and there was just so much pain. At this point I don't know what to do. Should I wait till she contacts me or just leave this be and get on with my own life? I keep wanting to fix this. At first I was so dependent on her and didn't think I could live without her, but since the. I've become more independent, but I still want to be with her and fix things. This being my first ever relationship I'm a little out of perspective because I can only think of her and I don't want to be with anyone but her. This is her second long relationship and I was worried that she would just move on much more easily since she knows there are other people out there. I just don't know what to do at this point. Should I call her or text her in a few weeks to see how she's doing of should I give up if it's going to make me sad. I do care for her and I always wonder what she's up to and miss talking to her, but I can't think of us as just friends. I also feel like talking to my friend who is friends with her is a bad idea because he probably tells her everything I say to him and so she in turn finds out my own motive. I just want her so bad and it sucks to think this all could have been avoided, but maybe it was never meant to last, but at least I could say I tried everything I could. I keep believing that any failed relationship if nothing physical or crazy emotional can be fixed because we were in love once, so it was one of us changing that made the other push away from the other. If I could make her realize I'm independent and on my own again maybe things would work...but do I really want them to or should I move on? I can't tell if I'm just lovestruck and miss the relationship, sure there were problems, but don't all relationships come with that?
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