jaihawkk Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I need help. Bad. My heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. My gf and I have been together almost a year. We both have 2 kids from previous relationships. She has hers pretty much all of the time. I have mine 2 days a week, but I'm very involved--dance class, soccer games, etc. I am with her just about every single night that I do not have my kids. I see her kids just about every day. Hell, I took one out for school supplies 2 weeks ago and pick up another one from work sometimes. But because of living situations, when I have mine, I cannot stay at my place (very long story very short--my divorce was expensive, I live in a house with a roommate, but I don't want my kids there. When I have them, I will stay at my parent's house. I am close to being able to afford my own place, but I'm just not there yet). So, anyway, she thinks (and she's right) that on nights I have my kids I disappear. I guess I do. But I'm generally sitting at my parent's with my 9 year old, watching TV or something, while my 14 year old plays Xbox or plays soccer, etc. Mix her thoughts of her thinking I don't include her (and she has met my kids, they've been to her house, she's been to soccer games, etc) and the fact that for some reason I simply cannot open myself up to her fully and she's pulling away. Here's my dilemma--she's right. I know she is. She is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. The first 6 months we were together almost every single night. But now, as I can't simply "let myself go" I'm scared I'm losing her. My marriage ended when my ex came up to me one night and said "I don't want to be married to you anymore." Now--I am scared of being hurt again. Even though I want to spend the rest of my life with this women, why can't I give in to that? How do you conquer this fear of being hurt? I know in my heart and soul that this is the last woman I ever want to kiss, to fall asleep next to, to wake up with. But how do I knock down the walls around myself? Why can't I give in and really trust myself again in love? This is tearing me apart. She's called me on this and has said that words simply aren't enough anymore... Help...
Ranchero44 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Jaihawkk~ One of the best pieces of advice someone ever gave me is this: What you are so terrified of has ALREADY HAPPENED. Your ex-wife left you. And you survived! And you found love again!! You have already survived what you fear the most. This sort of reminds me of the end of the movie "Always", where Richard Dreyfuss's spirit (he's dead) is talking to his love, Holly Hunter (who is still alive). He tells her that the only pain we take into the next world is the love we held back. It sounds like you have a wonderful gift in this woman. Trust me, it is far, far more painful to withhold your love than to surrender to it. You just have to trust that whatever comes, you will be okay. Which reminds me of another great quote: "In the end, everything's okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Best of luck to you!
Author jaihawkk Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Jaihawkk~ He tells her that the only pain we take into the next world is the love we held back. It sounds like you have a wonderful gift in this woman. I like this. How would I feel if I held back and have to live with that regret the rest of my life?
daphne Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 I like this. How would I feel if I held back and have to live with that regret the rest of my life? You would feel a thousand times worse than if she up and left you like your ex. Not knowing and the what if's are worse than taking the risk and failing. I forced myself to take a few risk that scared me like that. One hurt like hell. But I'm still standing. I get back up, I brush myself off and I move on. I realize that I will survive. Better than survive. I always return to being happy (for the most part) and that one failure or more won't decimate my hopes and dreams for the future. If you want mediocre, don't take a risk and find someone safe who you don't love. But if you want to grab the brass ring and potentially find happiness, ya gotta take some calculated risks. And for the record, that guy that crushed me hasn't been in my heart for a long time and I no longer know what I saw in him. And he's dating a girl that looks like me, only the male version of me.
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