beautifulmess Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 So I just turned 23 years old and my ex boyfriend just turned 21 years old. I recently broke-up with him again after 3 years of dating him. This relationship has been a total nightmare but everytime I go back. We first meet in school, he approached me I gave him my number and we texted for like a week. When we first hung out he paid for everything he was so sweet to me. For the first like year all we ever did was kiss we didn't do anything sexual at all. Well we dated for like a year he didn't stay at his place at all he was always at mine. Well there came a point where he was getting to clingy for me and I couldn't breathe we just needed a break from each other. So over the summer we took a break we texted every now and then but never saw each other. I wasn't dating anyone new but was talking to guys. So that fall when we came back to school we started dating again. I had my own place and he moved in with me....and things were different...he never had any money I paid for everything...he paid no rent...no bills...didn't buy anything for the place or me....well one day I was visiting him at his moms home. I asked to use his computer while he went to the store. I was getting online to check my facebook when I saw he left his open....i went to go sign out of it...when I saw his profile said he was in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. They had pictures together....status saying how much they love each other and pictures of them together the day before my birthday. Well I confronted him about it and broke-up with him. He tired for weeks to get me back saying they were over when they weren't. I was so hurt by it that I went home to get away from all of it. Well he called me one day crying asking me to come get him from his ex house cause the guy she was cheating on him with came to her house while he was there and they started fighting. I said no and he found away home....to make a long story short I took him back. Ever since then I didn't trust him and things were never the same. He kept saying he was faithful but every week there was a different girl he was messaging on his social networks, texting....flirting with and even cheating on me with. It got to the point where it was so many girls that I couldn't keep with all them anymore. He claimed they were friends, people he went to highschool with etc.....I eventually found myself searching through his phone and social networks to see who else he was cheating on me with.....I would break-up with him everytime I found someone new. I would ignore him for like a week but he would not stop bothering me until I took him back. I think we have broken-up over 12 times within these 3 years. Then things really started to turn bad....he begun to touch me when we found fight....grab me....push me into things....hit me with things....destory my property....punch holes in walls. He would say things like he would die if I ever left him....he can't function without me...I messed up his life....he would cry and scream until I took him back and said sorry. But recently I found out about another girl he was talking to and I confronted him about it one day when I picked him up. He got so mad and upset that he got caught and that I was breaking up with him that he hit me while I was driving causing me to hit a tree and a fence. We were both fine but my car wasn't....and even after that I took him back....after that he eventually started to slap me and he punched me once as well.... Our friends and family know some details about our relationship but nowhere near the truth. They are kind of use to us breaking up and getting back together until the point that they just don't care anymore..... I forgive him and try to make things work by trusting him....but I really don't...he hardly calls or texts me and when he does he's short with me....we don't spend really anytime together and when we do I pay for everything because he has no job and when he does have money he spends it on weed and partying....he has no car to come see me...and I feel like I am alone when we are together....there are still girls coming from everywhere....he says it's my fault cause I keep talking about the past yet he keeps doing the same stuff over and over..... I know this is not right....but I can't seem to walk away.....I have no friends (his friends were mines)....I really don't have much family to talk to and when I am not with him I'm alone.....I'm afraid to leave him because I am afraid to be alone....I keep thinking it's going to work out...I don't want to give up on him....we are going on 4 years now and I keep hoping he will do right by me. I get upset and even jealous seeing him talk to other girls and be nice to them and not me. I think what about her is so great? Why can't he make it work with me? I'm always crying....upset and alone....I'm always thinking about who's he with...what he's doing and how he's making me look stupid..... I am not an unattractive girl.....I'm in school....I work...I have my own place and car and have many girls try with me, but everytime I try to get away from him he messes it up....but telling them I have a boyfriend or taking my phone and telling them to not call me anymore...it's like I can't get away from him. I am not happy with the person I have become with him. I am weak...sensitive all the time....I don't feel pretty...or confident... I am at the point now that I don't know what to do or where to go from here. How to get myself back and how to get him out of my life.... Any help or advice would be great.... I know this is alot to read and I am grateful to everyone who takes the time out to read my story....
Author beautifulmess Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 wow....I think I really needed to hear that....I'm afraid to step out there alone and on my own but at this point what do I have to lose? I'm more upset with myself for allowing this person to turn me into this person I have become. But I know I have to do something cause I can't continue to go through this....I am looking for a nursing school so I think I will start looking for a school somewhere else....away from him, the drama with my family & friends....I just need to get away from it all....
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