whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Please go talk to your family Dr and ask them to refer you to someone asap. LS is a great place for help but in your situation you'd really be better off also talking to professional to get unbiased and objective advice. He said that it is my decision,but that if I choose to keep it I need to understand that although he would like to be involved it's not possible due to the circumstances and he can't make me any promises and that I shouldn't have any expectations. He said he would try to be there but I need to understand that he probably won't be able to most of the time. He said that he is sad that things are the way they are and that there's nothing he would love more than to have kids with me because he loves me but unfortunately it is not possible and an abortion is the best solution for all parties involved (his W and kids included). He told me that it would be very foolish and selfish of me to want to keep this baby because we both know that I am not ready for parenthood because of my condition and that having a child is a full time job and he believes I can't do it at least not now and under these circumstances. He said he only wants whats best for me and for the time being terminating the pregnancy is the smart thing to do. You decide what is best for you, no pressure from exMM, or from anybody on here. This is YOUR life and you know yourself best. In conclusion,he added that he can not and will not force me to do what he thinks is the "right" thing but that I should think about it thoroughly.When I explained to him that I would feel very guilty about terminating the pregnancy he told me that I will eventually get over it and even offered to be there to talk about it whenever I felt the need to. What he said does make sense,I'm sad that it has to be this way but I guess he's right who am I kidding here I can't do this. I guess I will be scheduling an abortion sometimes this week. Although finding out about this pregnancy was absolutely terrifying,it was kinda nice to know that I have a life growing inside me..*sigh* He may be 'understanding' of all this and making it seem like he truly cares, it sounds like it's empty words on some level..And he is going to put himself first in all this, his words already scream it so don't base your decision on anything he's said. Before you 100 percent decide, PLEASE talk to your family Dr and get counselling set up, to help you through this, whatever your decision is. Stay strong and just know everything is going to be okay.
TinaniT Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I am not saying you should or you should not have your baby, and how this should go. I AM saying, what your former MM said was the biggest load of blatantly manipulative, self serving malarkey I have ever heard. As somebody previously involved with someone who loved to manipulate until I thought it had been my very own idea and unsure why I felt so bad about it, I had to call that out. You do what is right for you. You should talk to some people close to you in your life, whether you are worried what they will think or not. If you do want an abortion, and are sure of it, do what you need to do for you... HOWEVER, do not let yourself be influenced by what he said. He is not capable of being there, fine, he is still obliged to pay child support. I don't know his details but this is not necessarily an insignificant amount and might take an edge off your financial worries. Having a child does not have to ruin your life. It can even be in some ways better to not have the father in your life if he won't be a good father; he can send the check however he pleases. Again, make the decision you feel you can live with and be happy with long term. Don't forget adoption if you cannot raise the child. A lot of infertile, loving people out there and their loneliness and desire is heartbreaking if you talk to them. And don't care what I say, or what anyone here says, and definitely don't care what your MM says because he's just trying to make sure everything turns up Roses for him - he only was so calm because he thinks his main (and more pervasive from what he said) message of Abortion will go down a little easier with the sugar coating of "I just care about you." 2
skylarblue Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 skylar, if I remember correctly, the mm you had an affair with really had nothing to do with your abortions, he basically dropped you at the clinic and left you to deal with all of it. You are right. As far as support during the doctor’s visit the first time, MM pretty much offered none. He did only give me money and drop me off/pick me up. He was very casual and insensitive, and only seemed concerned with me going through with the procedure, him not being seen there with me, and figuring out how to pick up me and his son after school on time. Nevertheless, MM was supportive when I told him and in talking about what I wanted do and leaving the decision up to me, and if I had the baby that he would take responsibility.
skylarblue Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Skylar, if you felt any guilt about your decision, I think you should explain to Kareena how you dealt with it, and how you moved on with your life. This looked like a point she couldnt think past. In my case, MM said all the right things (mostly), but expanded on his true feelings after that fact. Basically, he said that he didn’t want to be a new daddy at the age of 55 and was hoping I’d have an abortion, but he wasn’t going to pressure me or ask me to, and although he had all intentions to be there if I had the baby, he didn’t know how he was going to pull it all off. He said he felt bad that I had to go through it, but was glad that I did and reminded me of my admitted irresponsibilty (I think he did that more for his benefit than mine). Kareena, if you’d like to know my experience, if I felt like I could have had my baby I would have with or without MM’s help or support. I really didn’t take him at his word to be there, and felt he’d probably do little more than everyday financial support (milk, diapers, etc). However, I was not in a place where I could. Financially, I had nothing. Emotionally, I would have had nothing, no support at all. Physically, my lifestyle was far from conditions for carrying a child and I was worried about harm I could have already caused while I was pregnant. I honestly thought I’d miscarry before full-term because my life would’ve been in such shambles. So, I made a decision that I felt was best for me. Do I feel guilty or do I regret it? In the general sense, no, but I don’t know if I’ll really ever be able to answer those questions with conviction. When I think about the normalcy of my life right now versus the disaster it would have been, then yes I made the right decision, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about the fairytale or what ifs or tearing up briefly when I see certain things on tv that trigger me. I might always have the occasional moments of seeing the figure of a little boy/girl with curly brown hair, but never being able to make out any of the features. I don't know. However, I am fine with my decision because it was MY decision. It is what I thought was best, and I am happy with my life. Everyone can have their opinions or experiences to share (and please take them for what they’re worth), but only you can live your life. Only you can decide what is best for you. Talking to a professional is helpful, but even then make sure it all boils down to what you think is best. No one can predict the future, but regardless of what happens if you do what you, from your heart, mind, and soul think is the right, I think you’ll find it easier to have peace of mind. Good luck to you.
jaloka Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 kareena it's one day at a time. in the beginning i was determined to do it by myself, not make it on my own. i would crash and burn and end up exhausted adn my child would suffer. i have learned over the years to built a strong support system, mostly friends as my family is about 6 years away. i can't move because of custody. so i have , a couple girlfriends i can always ask to help out with my child so i can get a break or get a cup of coffee. etc. also when i get overwhelmed i remove myself from the situation, tell my child that mom needs a time out. there are other types of therapies, conginitive, etc that have worked wonders to help me stay stable. i wish you much luck with your situation, sounds like MM isn't supportive, which is not all that surprising. just remember to stay true to yourself and what your needs and wants are.. hugs I really admire you for this,personally I'm finding it very hard to cope with BPD it has taken over my life..do you have any advice regarding coping? I only ask because your post implies that you are doing so well and I would love to reach to where you are. I take my meds,I go to counselling,I've been clean for almost 2 years now(I suffered from cocaine addiction) but I am still struggling and I feel that maybe some advice from a normal person who knows what its like would really help. 1
noelle303 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 If the OP was having an affair with a married man and having unprotected sex in the bargain, she is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. I've known several woman, one in her forties, who got pregnant and panicked. Two aborted, felt bad for a while and then went on with their lives, one with career and another eventually finding and marrying a wonderful man. They didn't regret their decision and felt it gave them a new lease on life. The woman who kept the baby after being pressured by her church has had a miserable life. Low paying jobs, on and off welfare, loser boyfriends. Those same church goers who told her not to have the abortion shunned her after the birth. Good Christians. The point of your comment being? Anyway, I think mapping out certain scenarios in which someone you know has lead a fabulous life after having an abortion and another lead a miserable life of hell because she kept it, is pointless. For every story you have that ''supports'' your argument there is another story with exactly the opposite situations. Kareena is an individual, how other people live their lives and the decisions they make has nothing to do with her. She will make a decision that is best for her at the moment. I hope everything goes well, if you make an appointment take a support person with you because it is an emotionally exhausting experience. 1
blueroses10 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 It makes me sad and angry to read this post. ExMM sounds just like my exMM sounded. The words are almost verbatim. At first they start with "it's best for my wife and my kids, there's no way that it would be fair to a child to be born under these circumstances, etc." It was wrong to have an affair with you while married. It was wrong to his wife and his kids but I bet that didn't stop him from seeing you as much as he could because it was a benefit to him. I wasn't in your exact situation but pretty close. There were issues that I had and still have that made me scared out of my mind to have my child but I knew that I couldn't abort. I'm so happy that I didn't. My baby is the light of my life and brings so much joy into my life. You said you work 50+ hours each week which means that you are able bodied and minded to keep a pretty decent job. Don't allow your illness to keep you from having something that could be the most amazing thing you can have in this world. I've seen women with BPD and other illnesses talk about their pregnancies and the different problems they face so you aren't alone. I can't promise that it will happen this way but pregnancy has a way of make your hormones and chemical imbalances more stable. Get a doctor or make sure your doctor understands your condition and discuss your options for medications. If something isn't right for the pregnancy, they can switch you to something less harmful. Lastly abortion is something that could possibly depress you for the rest of your life especially as you get older. It may not bother you too much at first but if you encounter infertility later on, it can make you question why you were willing to give up a child when you previously. Also when and if you have a child later, you may feel bad that your child had a sibling that it will never know. Life does go on but don't allow exMM to selfishly talk you into aborting this baby. I can assure you that if you called right now and said that you have decided that you are going to keep the baby and raise him/her on your own that exMM will go crazy and turn very nasty. You can do this. Don't discount yourself as a human being because you have a medical problem. Good luck to you whatever you decide. Sorry so long but your story breaks my heart.
Quiet Storm Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I just wanted to let you know that my sister is a Borderline. She has an eight year old that she has lost custody of, due her inability to manage her mental illness. She has had extensive treatment over the years, even inpatient treatment multiple times, at Sheppard Pratt (one the best psych hospitals in the US). Basically, all of the treatment has not helped. She can go for periods of normalcy, but quickly reverts to her old non-coping mechanisms when she is under even minimal stress. She is unable to hold a job, struggles with addiction and an eating disorder and carries tremendous guilt because of what she has put her son through. Her drama has caused deep damage to her son, as he witnessed her jumping from a moving car and threatening suicide on numerous occasions. During her "good" times, she would've forever denied that she could do ever those things, but when she is a BPD rage, all sense and logic disappears. She is very intelligent and seems 100% normal in many situations. She is well spoken, attractive, friendly. However, BPD's learn how they are supposed to act, and carry it off fairly well to an extent. But they always have a breaking point, their emotions eventually take over and they rage. She can't see outside of herself in that moment, and (although she regrets it later), she will say & do anything for shock value, she will be downright mean to loved ones, she will lie straight to your face, she will accuse and threaten, she will cry and manipulate and the next day she will try to gloss it over and minimize her actions, like they were no big deal. She is lucky that her ex husband was willing to seek custody, and her son is now doing well with his father. However, he lives 3000 miles away and she only gets to see her son once a year. BPD is a very serious disorder. Even though it can be managed, I feel that it would be very difficult to be the parent the child needs to thrive. A child needs stability, consistency. They need to know that they are going to have the same, loving and nuturing mother...no matter what day it is or the stress their mother is going through. In a two parent home with a personality disordered parent, the mentally healthy parent often functions as a buffer and shields the child from the damaging effects of witnessing the drama (often like in alcoholic household). In a single parent home, the child will be left to fend for himself. BPDs often lie so readily, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. This can confuse a child and really mess up their sense of reality and right from wrong. Without a healthy parent there to tell them "what Mommy is saying & doing is not normal", they will grow up to believe that chaos and drama are normal. As adults, they will seek out chaos & dramatic relationships, to mimic that. I suggest you visit BPD Central & other websites, and read the message boards of adult children of BPD. Children are a life changing experience. They bring joy, but are also a lot of work. There is no time or place for selfishness. The child is not going to care if mommy is stressed, tired, sick or medicated (some of those meds really zonk you out)....they have needs that must be met, regardless. You need lots of patience, and you must be able to put them first. If MM or his wife question your parenting or your ability to handle the child due to the BPD, they could try to get full custody. Then your baby will be raised by MM and his wife, with the possibility of you only having supervised visits. This scenario would probably hurt you very much, although it may be best for the baby. If you choose to have and raise this baby, I would try to get support from anywhere you can. Family, friends, government programs. You are going to need the help, and the child is going to need that balance from being around mentally healthy people. I love my nephew with all of my heart, but I wonder what his future holds. He misses his mother deeply, and feels abandoned by her. He is lucky that he had a stable father that wanted him...but what if he didn't? Your baby won't have that support from MM. Please consider that. 4
standtall Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Quiet storm, that was great post. What an eye opener..explains some of the families I have met.
Author kareena Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 You said you work 50+ hours each week which means that you are able bodied and minded to keep a pretty decent job. Don't allow your illness to keep you from having something that could be the most amazing thing you can have in this world. I've seen women with BPD and other illnesses talk about their pregnancies and the different problems they face so you aren't alone. I can't promise that it will happen this way but pregnancy has a way of make your hormones and chemical imbalances more stable. Thank you for your reply,but I would like to clarify a certain point I think you misunderstood.It was not I who mentioned working 50+hrs a week it was another poster while replying to one of the posts I made. I personally have had difficulties holding down a job due to my condition and remain unemployed. But I do not have any financial problems and money plays no role what so ever in my decision to whether keep this baby or not. I know I have to decide soon,the clock is ticking! many of the replies I got on here have been very helpful and I would like to thank every single one of you kind people for taking the time to offer good advice. I'm still pretty torn though,I honestly believe that this is the toughest decision I have ever had to make. In my head an abortion seems like the right thing,but in my heart it's a completely different story. Luckily,I have been able to schedule an appointment with a professional and will be meeting with him tomorrow.Hopefully I will be able to figure this whole thing out in the next couple of days.Wish me luck!
Author kareena Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Quiet Storm,I will definitely be taking your post into consideration. And I would like to add that I'm terribly sorry for you'r sister I hope things get better for her
Author kareena Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Could I just ask a question? Why does it seem like abortion and keeping the baby yourself are the only two alternatives? Why is adoption not an option? You say you can't keep it because of the guilt, but you can't put it up for adoption because of the guilt. I just don't understand the disconnect between keeping a baby that you say you aren't prepared to handle, and destroying it because you couldn't bear to let someone else (who probably desperately wants to) have it. If you're going to feel guilty about either option, why is the option that saves the child not even being considered? I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I simply don't understand that disconnect. I feel that having the baby then giving it up for adoption is not an option for me for two major reasons which I will explain in order to answer your question. If I have an abortion I will feel guilty about ending a life,if I have the baby I know I will get too emotionally attached to it and won't be able to give it up for adoption when the time comes so it's not the guilt of giving it up for adoption it's my belief that I won't be able to. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say but do you see the difference? Another reason is that even if I do decide to go down the adoption path and am at peace with it,I know for a fact that my parents would disagree and pressure me into keeping their grandchild rather than giving it to strangers.You might say:why not have them raise the baby if they're so against giving it up for adoption? Well, although I know they probably will suggest that I do not want my baby to have the same childhood I had and although my parents would provide him/her with all the luxuries of life I know for a fact that my baby will be raised by nannies and boarding schools just like I was.
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Quiet Storm,I will definitely be taking your post into consideration. And I would like to add that I'm terribly sorry for you'r sister I hope things get better for her Thanks. She is in her 30s now, and it has been going on since our teens (I caught her cutting & making herself throw up). I do have hope, but after 20 years of this, the numerous suicide attempts have numbed me in a way. I accept that this may end tragically. I hope that my nephew has the coping skills to deal with his feelings of abandonment, of missing his mother, and whatever the future may hold for him. The poor little guy has been through a lot in his short life. I think my sister is a severe case, so I don't mean to imply that all BPD parents are as sick as she is. It's just that this is a disorder that has affected my family to such a degree, that I wanted to share my personal experience. I know you have so many things to consider. How are you coping with this? This is so much to deal with. Are you doing okay?
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 it is so easy to tell someone to have a child; it is another thing for someone to raise a child. some people are just not cut out to be parents, plain and simple. doesn't mean they are bad people; just means they are not meant to be parents or responsible for another human life. Exactly. My sister is not a bad person. Had she not experienced a severe emotional trauma at age 5, she likely would be mentally healthy today. She loves her son very much. It's not about how much she loves him, though. With a child, what really matters is how much you can give them (not materially, but emotionally). My sister just could not give him what he needed in that way. She did not purposely or intentionally withhold or harm him, she was just not capable. She wanted him, she loved him and nurtured him as an infant. They couldn't stop staring at each other... the love was palpable. However, as time went on, the responsibility and day to day parenting duties overwhelmed her and she was unable to cope. For an example of the differences between us (that my mom pointed out). When my husband and I got into a minor argument in the morning, I was miffed, but I pushed those emotions aside and was able to feed the kids, drive to work, work all day without incident, and deal with it when I got home that night in a mature way. When her husband and her got into a minor argument, she screamed and yelled at him in front of their son. As he tried to go to work she was hanging on him screaming that he didn't love her, she grabbed the baby and chased him down the road speeding with the baby (not in his car seat) and made a scene in the parking lot at his work. When he finally calmed her down, she went home only to call him multiple times all day long, often hanging up when he answered, or leaving long, crying messages on his VM. Sometime during the day, she started drinking to calm her nerves and he comes home to a wife passed out on the couch, and the baby crawling up the stairs. Not to say that all BPDs are this out of control, but that was a day in their life.
wettry Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 first, donot worry about that, it will be ok, if you donot want the baby, it is better get the abortion as soon as possible, if the man donot love you, donot accept support the baby, why you keep the baby to bear so much pain. most important is that you are not rich and donot know how to look after baby. i have some experance like you, but i keep the baby, i take me many troubel, i support the baby very differently, work hard and it is hurted on my spirit. the baby will not have father. if the baby come out, he will be hurted ,too. as he will never enjoy father caring . so i suggest you donot keep the baby, just you are in a normal relation and the man love you very much , you can.otherwise donot keep the baby it will hurted you good luck
blueroses10 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Thank you for your reply,but I would like to clarify a certain point I think you misunderstood.It was not I who mentioned working 50+hrs a week it was another poster while replying to one of the posts I made. I personally have had difficulties holding down a job due to my condition and remain unemployed. But I do not have any financial problems and money plays no role what so ever in my decision to whether keep this baby or not. I know I have to decide soon,the clock is ticking! many of the replies I got on here have been very helpful and I would like to thank every single one of you kind people for taking the time to offer good advice. I'm still pretty torn though,I honestly believe that this is the toughest decision I have ever had to make. In my head an abortion seems like the right thing,but in my heart it's a completely different story. Luckily,I have been able to schedule an appointment with a professional and will be meeting with him tomorrow.Hopefully I will be able to figure this whole thing out in the next couple of days.Wish me luck! I apologize for getting the job status confused. I know that this is difficult for you and will send positive thoughts your way. I promise you that I went through some of the same emotions you are going through but knew I just couldn't go through with aborting. Do you have any family nearby or that you could move to be close to? Sorry I don't remember if you said.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 it is so easy to tell someone to have a child; it is another thing for someone to raise a child. some people are just not cut out to be parents, plain and simple. doesn't mean they are bad people; just means they are not meant to be parents or responsible for another human life. QFT Its so easy for people on here to tell you to have the baby, but they are not the ones caring for the child. They arent the ones adopting the abandoned children. They are the ones who tell you they will help you to no end when you decide to have the baby, but when the baby comes and you need a sitter, they are nowhere to be found. And people on a message board are so quick to say abortion isnt the answer, especially when they dont have to take care of that baby. Its sickening.
jlola Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I feel that having the baby then giving it up for adoption is not an option for me for two major reasons which I will explain in order to answer your question. If I have an abortion I will feel guilty about ending a life,if I have the baby I know I will get too emotionally attached to it and won't be able to give it up for adoption when the time comes so it's not the guilt of giving it up for adoption it's my belief that I won't be able to. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say but do you see the difference? Another reason is that even if I do decide to go down the adoption path and am at peace with it,I know for a fact that my parents would disagree and pressure me into keeping their grandchild rather than giving it to strangers.You might say:why not have them raise the baby if they're so against giving it up for adoption? Well, although I know they probably will suggest that I do not want my baby to have the same childhood I had and although my parents would provide him/her with all the luxuries of life I know for a fact that my baby will be raised by nannies and boarding schools just like I was. Sometimes it takes more love to give the child up for adoption than it does to keep them. adoptive parents may be able to give your child more emotionally than you ever can. If you are not sure you can provide the child with an emotionally sound parent to help guide him and give him the gift of maturity,awareness,guidance and a loving and attentive caretaker then you should think hard. These days it is so difficult to adopt, most that do are put through all sorts of screening. You can even have a choice of who you want to adopt. I was raised by a narcissist father and would not wish that on any child. Personality disorders are tough for spouse to deal with. But for children it wrecks havoc on psyche. The developmental years are very important and if the parent isn't mature,empathetic and self aware the child loses a lot.
frozensprouts Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I can't say that adoption is what's right for you, but I can give you some information about it from two perspectives... I was adopted myself ( mind you, it was a long time ago, and things were much different then. adoptions were closed and there wasn't a lot of information shared).My biological mother was very young and knew that she couldn't raise a baby. i was adopted by two great people ( my mom and dad0 who also had an adopted son( my brother). They told me I was adopted because my biological mom loved me very much but wasn't ready to be a mom, and they couldn't have children of their own but wanted a little girl to love, so they adopted me. They have been really good parents, and i have never thought of them as anything else than my real mom and dad. I have had a pretty happy life, minus a few "hiccups" that had nothing to do with me being adopted. I also know it from the other side too. I had a daughter when I was very young. i knew i was in no position at that time to be a mom, so she was placed for adoption with a really nice family and she has had a very good life. She actually found me on facebook a few years ago, and we write back and forth and she has told me about her life and I've told her about mine. She seems like a really happy person, and I am glad about that. giving her up was a horribly difficult thing to do...but, ultimately, it was the right decision. it doesn't mean i didn't love her or want her...i did. but i loved her enough to put her needs first, and that meant giving her to a family who could give her everything I couldn't, plus a whole lot of love too. My mom and dad were supportive of me doing what i thought was best for the baby...as they put it, that's who had to come first and foremost, and nothing else. i also knew that her father would not be in her life nor could he offer any kind of support ( he was abusive and much older than me) whatever decision you make,i know it won't be an easy one, but it will be the best for the baby, and for you too. good luck to you:) 2
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Kristi, I wouldn't disagree with your post if Kareena was an emotionally healthy person. However, she has acknowledged that she has BPD, a serious personality disorder. If you read about BPD, it often involves self harm, suicide attempts and other self destructive behavior. I think it is best for Kareena to minimize her stress, rather than exacerbate it. 1
nofool4u Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Oh come on.........yes you ARE, at the very least acknowledge it. Something wrong with trying to persuade someone against killing a child?
norajane Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Kristi, I wouldn't disagree with your post if Kareena was an emotionally healthy person. However, she has acknowledged that she has BPD, a serious personality disorder. If you read about BPD, it often involves self harm, suicide attempts and other self destructive behavior. I think it is best for Kareena to minimize her stress, rather than exacerbate it. This should not be taken lightly. I hope she is taking the opportunity to speak with her mental health professional - her Doctor - regarding her illness, her medications, and the potential effects. None of us can speak to that, certainly. This decision needs to be made by her with help from her doctors, not us. 2
kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm going to keep this short since I still can't wrap my head around it,it is a bit of a shocker but I really need advice,so I just found out that I'm pregnant and I'm freaking out right now! I have no idea what to do! this is a huge problem and I still don't understand how it happened!! I can't raise a child,I can barely take care of myself!! this is a huge dilemma,I cant keep it well simply because I cant and I cant get rid of it because I will never be able to live with that kind of guilt over my shoulders..so now what?? do I even tell MM?? that is one phone call I am NOT looking forward to make... please help,and no hateful replies I really can't deal with that right now OP, dont ruin your life sticking around in this situation. This guy wont be with you, even if he does help raise the kid. Plus you will only ostracize yourself from good guys in the future. Guys will raise an eyebrow at a chick who has a child out of wedlock from an affair with a married fellow. Youll be a single mom who advocated cheating...thats two strikes against you in some guys eyes. Choose wisely
Emme Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Kareena, I am sorry the support system from MM isn't there. You do have a great deal to think about and it's great that you are going to get professional advice. I hope they help you to figure out what your options are. Best wishes hun.
nofool4u Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 My point to Kristi was.......she should OWN what she said, not backtrack and say, oh but I didn't mean it THAT way, when YES she did. My reading comprehension is good. Whats to "own"? Its like accusing someone of not owning up to being on the Dean's list in school. Why would someone be ashamed to own it? Just like why would someone be ashamed to "own" up to persuading someone to consider an alternative to abortion. Saying that someone should own up to that, when its not a negative, makes no sense. I'm not biting on your comment because that isn't what this thread is about, which is exactly why I made the point I made to Kristi. You don't comment on things that have nothing to do with the thread at hand? I think you do. I think we all do.
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