Tailspin Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Well I hope you take the same approach with regards to male "late bloomers". Why? Boys have higher drives of sex. You guys are all horny horn dogs you have no excuse to be an older virgin. Girls take time to get warmed up. It's simple biology. Men are hunters and girls like to be pursued. Get used to it.
kaylan Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I don't agree, as there is pressure on girls to be sexual, and alot of them pretend, so as not to be ostracized. Sure society is changing, so possibly more girls have some sort of actual labido then they would in the past. But I don't think the pressure caused by societies expectations can be undervalued. You underestimate young womens sexual desire. No girl I have been with just pretends based on societal pressure. I guess maybe this is my generation. Im only 25 and girls have been pretty dang forward with me since I was 14 in my innocent days. I imagine if I grew up a generation ago, that thered be less women embracing their libidos. But as I said, plenty of women in their late teens and 20s have sex drives. In the past the pressure was to be chaste and nonsexual, so girls who developed a good labido early were repressed and ostracized, nowadays the opposite is true. You guys are essentially saying late bloomers are no good. Girls aren't stupid, so many play the role, and many end up resenting men/sex, which they wouldn't if they had waited until they were truely ready.Thats in the past. Times have changed Thank God. I couldnt imagine growing up in more conservative times where most women were taught not to masturbate or desire sex. Or a time where the female orgasm and g spot where treated as some long lost mythical relics lol. Ive pressured no girls into doing anything with me. They all were pretty willing...so I wouldnt know a girl out there who resents me for anything we did together. Though Im sure this does happen with some women. Late bloomers arent no good, they just arent for me. Id be a bad choice for one at this time in my life. Id rather her find the right guy for her, then fumble around with a dork like me. And maybe I should have used the age of 8 instead of 5 in my example, as many 8yr old boys are starting to feel very sexual at that age, but i am sure there are some who aren't.You cannot equate prepubescent sexuality to the sexuality of those who are sexually mature. The sexual drives are far different.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 This is true, in the very few times I confessed my virginity IRL, I was met with slight disbelief. It did not help me to do so. I have considered not disclosing it, but lying is never a good idea. I'm still at a juxtaposition as to how I am going to successfully date a woman knowing I will have to disclose my lack of experience at some point. Well, instead of feeling shame and giving them that vibe, smile. Think of it this way; They probably can't believe that someone so fine and awesome would have never had their clothes ripped off. That'd only help you, rather than giving off a weird vibe because of what you perceive their reaction to be based on because of a natural inclination towards negativity.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 IMO, anybody who is a virgin at 25+ has something wrong with them, unless they took some vow or something, waiting till marriage etc. I'm not saying this just to be mean or talk down to somebody, it's just the way it is. It actually might be more appropriate to say that anybody who hasn't been in a relaitonshp by the time they were 25 has issues. Mainly because anybody can get a hooker and some can get one night stands or similar. Of course, I'm also including myself in that statement. So any girl who hasn't had a BF, by the time she is 25 sends out major red flags. 1
Titania22 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Ive pressured no girls into doing anything with me. I never said you pressured girls, I said societal pressure. The pressure they feel from looking at the world around them, with all the sexual messages, and feeling that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't feeling it. So they fake it. It isn't about being passive and making a half hearted attempt at faking. It's about completely taking on that role, so of course if that is what some girl is doing you aren't going to know. She will be doing her best to trick herself as well as everyone else. It is in part the reason why sex is seen as a chore by many of those women in marriage. Because instead of letting their sexuality develop naturally in it's own time, they did what they thought society and partners expected of them. Now the only way we can see if it is the same for your generation is waiting 10-20yrs, and see if some of the women say the same things as my gen and the women in the 10 years older then I am do now. (Basically the women I have met, say things like "i hate sex", "I can't stand sex", "I never want to have sex ever again." When in theory I feel they should be at the point in their lives where they enjoy sex more then ever.
kaylan Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I never said you pressured girls, I said societal pressure. The pressure they feel from looking at the world around them, with all the sexual messages, and feeling that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't feeling it. So they fake it. It isn't about being passive and making a half hearted attempt at faking. It's about completely taking on that role, so of course if that is what some girl is doing you aren't going to know. She will be doing her best to trick herself as well as everyone else. It is in part the reason why sex is seen as a chore by many of those women in marriage. Because instead of letting their sexuality develop naturally in it's own time, they did what they thought society and partners expected of them. I get what youre saying, and I agree thats happened with some women, but I dont feel its happened so much with women my age. Sure some gals may be like this, but I think itd be more common for earlier generations. And from what Ive read, usually the women who see sex as a chore, arent sexually attracted to their husbands any longer. If they found him sexy Im sure thatd change. Now the only way we can see if it is the same for your generation is waiting 10-20yrs, and see if some of the women say the same things as my gen and the women in the 10 years older then I am do now. (Basically the women I have met, say things like "i hate sex", "I can't stand sex", "I never want to have sex ever again." When in theory I feel they should be at the point in their lives where they enjoy sex more then ever. Get out! Those women say that? How old are these women? Girls Ive hung out with or dated happen to love sex and fooling around. Wow...me is very surprised. I feel bad for those gals youve talked to though.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 IMO, anybody who is a virgin at 25+ has something wrong with them, unless they took some vow or something, waiting till marriage etc. I'm not saying this just to be mean or talk down to somebody, it's just the way it is. It actually might be more appropriate to say that anybody who hasn't been in a relaitonshp by the time they were 25 has issues. Mainly because anybody can get a hooker and some can get one night stands or similar. Of course, I'm also including myself in that statement. This is cool and all, but the virgins who ARE getting female attention don't subscribe to your theories. I wonder why they've got no problems where you seem to be having trouble. I'd take someone who's terrible at sex over someone who thinks paying for a cheap hooker makes them more of a man/woman. What kind of f*cked up logic is that? How is being a degenerate better than not giving it up or doing something you don't feel you're ready for because society puts pressure on you? 1
binny Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 IMO, anybody who is a virgin at 25+ has something wrong with them, unless they took some vow or something, waiting till marriage etc. I'm not saying this just to be mean or talk down to somebody, it's just the way it is. It actually might be more appropriate to say that anybody who hasn't been in a relaitonshp by the time they were 25 has issues. Mainly because anybody can get a hooker and some can get one night stands or similar. Of course, I'm also including myself in that statement. So any girl who hasn't had a BF, by the time she is 25 sends out major red flags. I couldn't disagree with you more. I would be disgusted by anyone who paid for sex. I also have very little respect for people who have one night stands. Perhaps that's what makes me weird 1
Titania22 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Get out! Those women say that? How old are these women? Girls Ive hung out with or dated happen to love sex and fooling around. Wow...me is very surprised. I feel bad for those gals youve talked to though. Yes, I have heard women between the ages of 36 and 45 say that, most had been married but not all. It's not like huge numbers of women have said that, but enough for me to see a trend. They were all women who had lots of sex in their early 20's. Because of the generation gap I would assume the ones that had been married married young, but I can't say for sure. And also I have no idea of the quality of sex they were having, so that is a possible factor too. All in all I think it is good that society is becoming less repressed sexually, but I do feel concerned about it if it is making some girls rush into something they are not ready for. And I agree mental maturity is a huge part of being ready for sex. But I would rather women not have sex until they reach that point where they are mentally and well as physically ready. I think they will burn brighter and hotter for not having pushed themselves too early. (On a different but slightly related aside, I had a male friend who didn't realise he was gay until after he was 30. He had alot of fun making up for lost time. I don't think any of the gay men he met, would have said he was repressed, or deficient despite missing that first 10yrs of practise. Enthusiasm can make up for alot.)
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 This is cool and all, but the virgins who ARE getting female attention don't subscribe to your theories. I wonder why they've got no problems where you seem to be having trouble. Uh, do you have an idea how ridiculous that sounds? My guess is that if somebody didn't have trouble/problems with women, they wouldn't be a virgin. If you know what I mean... Unless they wanted to stay a virgin or whatever. I'd take someone who's terrible at sex over someone who thinks paying for a cheap hooker makes them more of a man/woman. What kind of f*cked up logic is that? How is being a degenerate better than not giving it up or doing something you don't feel you're ready for because society puts pressure on you? I got no idea what you're even talking about. How does that relate to anything I said?
ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Uh, do you have an idea how ridiculous that sounds? My guess is that if somebody didn't have trouble/problems with women, they wouldn't be a virgin. If you know what I mean... Unless they wanted to stay a virgin or whatever. I got no idea what you're even talking about. How does that relate to anything I said? Dude, this **** is overrated. Does it really control your life to the extent that your evaluation of others revolves around their virginity? I understand that you've never gotten any action, but if you went to a hooker, you'd probably care less and take back what you're saying, because it's nothing. Sex with someone with whom you have a strong mutual mental/physical connection? Much harder to get, but THAT is truly rewarding. I'd rather wait it out and have an intense sex life with someone special who I KNOW is as clean as I am than sporadically screw random sluts and hope I don't get aids just so people see me a certain way. Screw all of those people, honestly. They're tools and they don't affect my life in any tangible way that I can actually feel, mentally or physically. You think that if a guy lost his virginity before the age of 25, no matter the circumstance, it proves his overall mental well-being? It just sounds so absurdly loopy, especially considering the option that you'd suggested of paying for some dirty cheap skank to ride you. Sure, 2 minutes of her grinding her filthy carpet on your schnitzel will solve ALL of your social awkward tendencies with women of class! Even if they were "classy" prostitutes, it's still not all that suave. Even at 25, it isn't too late to change. A guy just needs to grow some balls and take charge of his life, realize why he's not getting what he wants, and realize what he needs to do. And then it's DO.. or DIE. I doubt anyone's really that unattractive. If you are, get off of this forum and just find something else to do with your life rather than spewing nonsense about people that you don't know.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Re-posting: It actually might be more appropriate to say that anybody who hasn't been in a relationship by the time they were 25 has issues.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Re-posting: It actually might be more appropriate to say that anybody who hasn't been in a relationship by the time they were 25 has issues. Yup. Agree with this.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) How does that relate to anything I said? You said that someone who hasn't had sex at the age of 25 HAS to have some sort of mental problem. I'd say that it isn't true, and if their only "baggage" is a lack of sexual prowess, I'd sooner give that girl a shot over the one who claimed she paid for a male prostitute. Who sounds like more of a weirdo? If the girl is totally normal in every other way but she reveals that she's a virgin, you wouldn't give her a chance? Which one sounds less neurotically concerned about what other people think, and moreso about how SHE feels and what SHE wants? Not everyone matures and is ready to do some of these things at the same pace. Edited February 21, 2012 by ScreamingTrees
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You said that someone who hasn't had sex at the age of 25 HAS to have some sort of mental problem. I'd say that it isn't true, and if their only "baggage" is a lack of sexual prowess, I'd sooner give that girl a shot over the one who claimed she paid for a male prostitute. Who sounds like more of a weirdo? If the girl is totally normal in every other way but she reveals that she's a virgin, you wouldn't give her a chance? Which one sounds less neurotically concerned about what other people think, and moreso about how SHE feels and what SHE wants? Not everyone matures and is ready to do some of these things at the same pace. LOL, male prostitute! What the heck are you talking about? For a woman getting sex is easy. Getting into a relationship may be harder, but definitely not as difficult as it is for a man. A girl who managed to hit 25 without either has to have something wrong with her. There is just no other way to explain it, unless her daddy locked her inside her whole life. But did I say I wouldn't give an older virgin girl a chance? Not at all. But I'd definitely wonder what's wrong with her.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Whatever. I guess I'd just personally rather give someone the benefit of the doubt than assume anything about someone I don't really know. I don't think it's all that difficult for any of us male posters in this thread to get laid. I don't think relationships are easy for anyone. A quick lay is the easy way out, at least in my mind. I guess I'm just some freak of nature, destined to die out. 1
Anela Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) never mind. Edited February 21, 2012 by Anela
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'm sorry Anela, that sounds horrible. But it's exactly what I'm talking about. Of course, I'm not saying that somebody in your situation isn't acceptable. BTW, I always feel like crap and I can't remember how long it's been since I've been able to go a day without shedding a tear.
binny Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 For a woman getting sex is easy. Getting into a relationship may be harder, but definitely not as difficult as it is for a man. A girl who managed to hit 25 without either has to have something wrong with her. There is just no other way to explain it, unless her daddy locked her inside her whole life. Have you ever considered that some people have standards? Just because guys offered me sex in the past doesn't mean that I won't turn them down. By your logic there must be something wrong with me because I won't jump into bed with just anyone.. Maybe there is something wrong with me but I don't see how me having standards is a bad thing.. Perhaps they are too high, but that is another issue all together. 1
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Have you ever considered that some people have standards? Just because guys offered me sex in the past doesn't mean that I won't turn them down. By your logic there must be something wrong with me because I won't jump into bed with just anyone.. Maybe there is something wrong with me but I don't see how me having standards is a bad thing.. Perhaps they are too high, but that is another issue all together. That was my guess. And yes, a woman having too high standards is an issue. You're a 26 year old virgin because no man is good enough for you, yeah that's a red flag.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 It is NOT easier for a woman to have a relationship than it is for a man, in general. I accept that is is probably easier for almost any woman to have a relationship than it would be for YOU, Somedude. But you don't represent any societal norm. And plenty of people without "mental issues" have not had a serious relationship by the age of 25. Many are just late bloomers. And 25 is the new 13. 1
binny Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 That was my guess. And yes, a woman having too high standards is an issue. You're a 26 year old virgin because no man is good enough for you, yeah that's a red flag. I never said that no man was good enough for me just that my standards are high. Most guys who show any interest in me are players. Probably something to do with the fact that I'm a challenge in their eyes or something. I have absolutely no interest in dating a player. I know that I'll be the one who gets hurt after he gets what he wants. So yes, in that respect I am fussy. And unfortunately for me, there aren't many guys out there who aren't players. All the guys who I would consider dating, are either taken or don't show any interest in me. I hope and pray that there is that special someone out there for me and that one day I will find him. 1
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I never said that no man was good enough for me just that my standards are high. Most guys who show any interest in me are players. Probably something to do with the fact that I'm a challenge in their eyes or something. I have absolutely no interest in dating a player. I know that I'll be the one who gets hurt after he gets what he wants. So yes, in that respect I am fussy. And unfortunately for me, there aren't many guys out there who aren't players. All the guys who I would consider dating, are either taken or don't show any interest in me. I hope and pray that there is that special someone out there for me and that one day I will find him. No binny, I really doubt that most men out there are players. I'm sure you've gotten interest from a lot of guys in your life. And you turned them all down for one reason or another.
binny Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 No binny, I really doubt that most men out there are players. I'm sure you've gotten interest from a lot of guys in your life. And you turned them all down for one reason or another. Quit twisting my words! I said most men who show any interest in me! There really aren't many men who show interest in me.. but out of the few that do, most are players. And for the record not many guys have ever shown an interest in me.. Despite what you might think, from my experience, it isn't any easier for a girl to find a relationship than it is for a guy.
triponsynth Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I was a virgin until I was 25 and didn't get into a relationship until 26. I was pretty awkward looking during all of my teenage years, and didn't start getting hit on until I was about 21, which was when I finally started to grow into my looks. Not all girls are lucky when it comes to dating, especially if they are perceived as unattractive. I have never dated a guy that thought the virginity thing was a red flag, though it was acknowledged as unusual. Some even found it admirable which is funny to me because I wasn't a virgin for noble reasons. I just didn't have the confidence to outwardly flirt with guys because I wasn't used to being considered good looking. The guy I eventually did lose my virginity to was actually hoping that I would get attached and even bragging to his friends about it and was very disappointed when I didn't. My current boyfriend was on the same late bloomer timeline that I was, with me being just a little more experienced. It is the first relationship for both of us, which works because we don't have to deal with possible judgement or preconceived notions from people with normal experience. So maybe it is better for late bloomers to stick together. 1
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