ThatDudeXO Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I've broken up with my first love, the same person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with ---> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/314287-losing-my-first-love-soulmate-needed I've always been over protective and jealous but I had 100% trust my ex when I was with her, now that I am not with her, I need to learn how NOT to be jealous of her when she goes out with her friends, adds and talks to guys on facebook and maybe even being with other men. I no longer have the urge to contact her since nothing good comes out of it, she said there is a chance we could try when she finishes her studies. I just need to learn right now how to not care about what she gets up to. When ever I see pictures of her out or talking to all these different guys, it eats me up inside. She doesn't do one-night stands at all but I still love her so much and it hurts to see her moving on . So my question is; How do I stop caring or stop feeling jealous of what my ex gets up to? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 The first thing is to stop paying attention! Stop checking facebook! Block her on facebook! You can't be jealous if you don't constantly track her activities from afar. Next, get on with your own life. Don't sit around staring at facebook - get out there and do things. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Look forward instead of backward at the past. It will take some time, but you can do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Thank you guys. It's been day 7 of NC and it hasn't gotten much better. I blocked her off facebook initially but decided to unblock her so if she actually wanted to make the effort again, she could add me. Deep down inside I still want her back, I don't want to ruin that chance. Link to post Share on other sites
blotter Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It will pass. You're still too close to the break up and looking at the relationship through rose colored glasses. You can't just look back at the good stuff. If things were really that great between the two of you, you would still be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Thank you for the responses again. Right now I have accepted that she may not be the one, that this feeling my pass. That I might find some much better and more suited to me. I remember the good times as much as the bad times and to be honest, there weren't many bad times recently. I just wasn't there for her enough, I gave her a lot of space which I thought she needed to focus on her studies. From my end it was perfect, I just had no idea I wasn't doing enough until an argument ruined it all. I know I can be the perfect boyfriend if she let me know I wasn't being good enough. I just don't think I can ever hate her. How can I convince myself that it's over? That it wasn't all that great? That I can do better? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I blocked her off facebook initially but decided to unblock her so if she actually wanted to make the effort again, she could add me. Deep down inside I still want her back, I don't want to ruin that chance. If she really ever wanted to get back together, she doesn't need facebook to do it. She knows where you live and how to reach you. All you are doing by stalking her on facebook is making yourself miserable. Stop beating your head against the wall - it feels great when you stop!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Dude, The fortunate things is, you're going through the worst of it all right now and the pain will lessen in time. The unfortunate thing is, it hurts like hell in the mean time. The best thing i can tell you is don't think about it. It will literally drive you in sane if you allow yourself to think about who she could be with right now. The reality is, dwelling on it will not change anything if she is or isn't. So Date when you're ready, lean on loveshack for a while, go out with friends, take some new hobbies, and block her from fb immediately. The last thing you need to see is her having the time of her life or possibly hugged up with another guy. You're better off not knowing right now whle you're healing. It will take time but i promise it gets better. fetish Edited February 18, 2012 by fetish1980 Link to post Share on other sites
ls32ssibm Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Facebook is the kiss of death, trust me. For me, it completely killed the cat. Stalked my ex after a few months of playing it straight, BIG mistake. I knew she had a new guy, but you are never ready to see the profile pic of your ex sitting on a new guy's lap. My only saving grace is that the new guy looks like a COMPLETE goon, and is obviously just a rebound. "Something for her pride" as the song by Cyrkle goes. Anyway, it takes time. My breakup during a shatstorm in Turd Town since I was going through a bajillion other things at the same time. It sucks, but unless you plan on taking the easy way out all you can do is deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatDudeXO Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 U are 'romanticizing'. Just many the many phases of recovery from a broken heart. There are no answers that will help u right now. U just have to suffer through this..Try to absorb what we are telling you.. There is a HIGH chance she will never want u back. If she does change her mind a blocked facebook/mobile phone won't stop her. She will move mountains to contact you. The reality is she won't so if she is moving on with her life, how will obsessing over her, help you? Your reasons not to block her is just an excuse to try keep her close. She doesn't want u close. Let her free and live her life. U go live yours. That is your best chance of getting her back.. When ever I feel down I look at the posts here to make my feel better. Anyway.. I'm at the stage of the breakup where contact has screwed up any chance of getting back together and I have accepted that it's done for good. There is no way back. But my heart still feels love for this girl, I have tried to hate her but no. I know our relationship wasn't great in the time being but it was because it lacked effort due to her studies. When we did see each other lots it was an amazing relationship. I just wanted the chance to fix things. Even though I have accepted that it is over and she won't come back, I still love her like crazy, therefore I will always feel crazy amounts of jealousy towards what ever she's doing. We have many mutual friends on facebook and I just saw a picture of her out having fun and started crying...I miss her so much. You mentioned that there are many phases, what are they? Is there a way to be emotionally prepared for these phases? Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juliebean2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 It can be tough to get over someone, especially a first love. I still have feelings for mine after over 20 years (though I didn't know it until a few years ago long story). It's natural to get jealous if you are not over here. Hopefully in time you will find someone new, or if it turns out she is more open to discussing why the relationship ended maybe it can be repaired. You never know. You might have to try talking to her rationally, or just give her space if she needs it. I believe this... If you love someone set that person free, if that person comes back to you, that person is yours. If not, then it was never meant to be. The only other question is... How long does one wait? Three months? Three years? Thirty years? That's hard to say...for now... In the mean time I suggest to you to do what I've always done. I might miss a person but I know I need to get on with my life and not passively sit around waiting. The main reason why is if that person never comes back, I deserve to be happy too. Of course...if you date others... She might notice you don't really need her as much as she thought you did. However, I don't suggest purposely trying to make her jealous because you could hurt another nice woman. Still, you never know. A woman always wants what they can't have-just like some men. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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