TheDovic Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Hey guys, Long time no speak to a lot of you, and hey to people who don't know me yet. Just need to vent and this place has gotten me through so much. My ex fiancee left me 7 months ago. Before we broke up she was texting a guy in work a lot. She then called to on Monday night to tell me she's seeing him. SHOCK!!! At the time I was devastated, but since then I've been feeling very strange. I no longer feel connected to her, and even though I'm a bit sad I can only remember our relationship for the broken unhappy thing it was, rather than the idealised view I've had in my head over these past months. How have you coped when you found out your ex was dating? I'm not sure if this is normal, but it's better than I thought it would be. Still sad though... or maybe just lonely!
radiodarcy Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Hey guys, Long time no speak to a lot of you, and hey to people who don't know me yet. Just need to vent and this place has gotten me through so much. My ex fiancee left me 7 months ago. Before we broke up she was texting a guy in work a lot. She then called to on Monday night to tell me she's seeing him. SHOCK!!! At the time I was devastated, but since then I've been feeling very strange. I no longer feel connected to her, and even though I'm a bit sad I can only remember our relationship for the broken unhappy thing it was, rather than the idealised view I've had in my head over these past months. How have you coped when you found out your ex was dating? I'm not sure if this is normal, but it's better than I thought it would be. Still sad though... or maybe just lonely! i felt the same way. my ex recently contacted me after 8 months of NC. not only does he now have a gf - - she is pregnant with his child! i have to admit it threw me for a loop for a few days. but now i just feel indifferent. i think being in NC all that time helped. but yes - - once i knew he was was someone - - it made cutting ties that much easier. even if it was still a little sad to have to do it...
PelicanPete Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 It really hurt at first, but I feel it helped me move on far better compared to if she stayed single after our break up. Knowing that she was with someone else only helped fortify the idea that she had nothing left to offer me, and that there was no turning back. I use to picture it as if I were caught in a blizzard. Every footprint I made being instantly swept away from the storm. Can't stop moving, can't retrace past steps, just keep pushing forward or freeze to death. Work towards identifying your unresolved feelings and questions about the relationship, and getting them out of your system. When you have nothing left to hang onto, you'll be forced to let go.
Hafer Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I found my ex was dating only 3 weeks after she broke up with me. At first, I felt very angry and deceived, but right now, with all the stuff Im doing and all the focus I have on myself, plus knowing that she is very emotionally inmature and she did not take any time to improve herself as a person before jumping into a new RL, I practically dont give a S#@&t. I think I care about a 10% out of a 100% 1
mike588 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Hey guys, Long time no speak to a lot of you, and hey to people who don't know me yet. Just need to vent and this place has gotten me through so much. My ex fiancee left me 7 months ago. Before we broke up she was texting a guy in work a lot. She then called to on Monday night to tell me she's seeing him. SHOCK!!! At the time I was devastated, but since then I've been feeling very strange. I no longer feel connected to her, and even though I'm a bit sad I can only remember our relationship for the broken unhappy thing it was, rather than the idealised view I've had in my head over these past months. How have you coped when you found out your ex was dating? I'm not sure if this is normal, but it's better than I thought it would be. Still sad though... or maybe just lonely! Hey Dovic..you remember me I'm sure! I too haven't been hanging around here much either and am almost 7 months myself after b/u. Don't feel "strange" for not feeling connected to your ex. anymore....that you see the R in a different way now...well..so do I..she doesn't mean anything to me anymore...I just don't care and have moved on. She has emailed me several times and I just ignore them.. No contact is the only way to go...Follow Flourescents advise....move on. Edited February 18, 2012 by mike588 1
Sugarkane Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Even if Dovic didn't know, you know that they would start dating at some point.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Hey guys, Long time no speak to a lot of you, and hey to people who don't know me yet. Just need to vent and this place has gotten me through so much. My ex fiancee left me 7 months ago. Before we broke up she was texting a guy in work a lot. She then called to on Monday night to tell me she's seeing him. SHOCK!!! At the time I was devastated, but since then I've been feeling very strange. I no longer feel connected to her, and even though I'm a bit sad I can only remember our relationship for the broken unhappy thing it was, rather than the idealised view I've had in my head over these past months. How have you coped when you found out your ex was dating? I'm not sure if this is normal, but it's better than I thought it would be. Still sad though... or maybe just lonely! Perfectly valid feelings for this TheDovic, I understand being sad and lonely. You are coming along well though and I am proud of you. Keep up the good work!
Author TheDovic Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Cheers guys for everyone who read and/or responded to my post! @ Fluorescent: I like that you're s straight shooter and everything you say is right. I should've cut contact months ago, but it's so hard when the person you loved keeps contacting you, showing up and your house and giving hope. And unlike some people on here, I simply wasn't strong enough to stop her. I wished I was so many times but wishing never gave me that strength. I think you may have missed the point of my post though. I wasn't posting to say I was really sad (maybe it sounded like that though). I was posting to say how despite hearing this news which I thought would CRUSH me, I've went the other way. I wanted to know if it was normal to go from craving someone so much to feeling nothing (well, very little). I mean, even when I think of them together and picture the worst, it doesn't seem to affect me. It's almost as if I no longer see her as a part of me, and I'm happy about that. That's why I asked for other people's experiences. Anyway, really appreciate your reply! @ Radiodarcy: Really helps to know someone else experienced this too. I'm kinda waiting for it to hurt me, but it hasn't yet. I'm no longer attracted to her and can see her for what she is really like, rather than who I wanted her to be. Not that she's a bad person, she's just not perfect like I'd thought! @ Pelican Pete: Pretty much what I said to Radiodarcy applies here. Really like how you put it though... quite poetic lol @ Hafer: That sucks what your ex did to you. Can't imagine how I'd have felt that soon into the breakup, but I'm really glad you're feeling better about it all. Chin up! @ Mike: Hey buddy, you have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that you're not responding to her. I told you she'd eventually start contacting you, and I'm so happy to hear you've been so strong. How are you? Long time no speak! PM me sure @ Sugs: Hey Sugs . It's been too long. I know I'm really useless at responding to PM's, but I've been trying to move on, and unfortunately sometimes speaking about the breakup makes me feel like I'm taking a step backwards. I'll hit u a PM, and I'm SORRY SORRY SORRY for not responding @ Dark Phoenix: Thanks for the kind words buddy, really appreciate them and hope all is well for you at the moment!
Philosoraptor Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 She is the type that will likely never heal, and I knew this; but it still hurt that anytime we were apart in the past she would jump right to dating... even when I was still paying her living expenses as she was staying in the house. It's natural as I know my instant reaction was one of shame and beating myself up as I felt like I was somehow not good enough. Not long after the relationship ended I decided to just work on myself and I've been doing great since. I wish her nothing but the best and no longer have those self esteem issues that can plague us after a relationship ends.
Ajax Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) I first found of for sure that my ex was dating again a few months after she broke up with me. Now she had told me that she couldn't be in a relationship with anybody and that she needed to figure herself out, but I'd had a sneaking suspicion that she had someone else in mind. When a mutual friend told me she was with someone new, I wasn't surprised, but it did hurt and I felt somewhat inadequate. I later discovered that she had in fact started dating him less than two weeks after breaking things off with me (or sooner for all I know). Again, finding this out didn't surprise me at this point. And it didn't hurt so much as confirm my suspicions. After we'd been broken up for a little over a year, I saw them together at a wedding. It was awkward for me, and I'm sure for her, and we didn't speak and she never even looked me in the face. I don't know if it was out of guilt or what, but she would not look at me even when five feet apart walking past each other. Edited February 21, 2012 by Ajax
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