HurtinginVA Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 *sigh* Here we go. 3 weeks ago met a *wonderful* new guy. First guy since I seperated from my husband. We hit it off and sparks were flying. Things have been extremly intense between the 2 of us. Seeing each other on an almost daily basis. We've been intimate. I stayed all weekend at his house last weekend(at his invitation), he stayed with me Wed night. Ive met his brother, father....friends...he's met mine. He tells me that he loves being with me(as do I), that I make him so happy, that Im too good to be true etc etc. Well the bomb gets dropped last night. He thinks things are going too fast with all the crap going on in his life (we are both in the midst of divorce right now and we both have a small child). We talked for 2 hours on the phone. I called him this morning. He said he was working in the area. I asked if he was going to stop by. He said he wanted to. He did. He gets here, we start talking. He doesnt want to stop seeing me, still considers me "his girl", he's just scared because of our lifestyle differences that 'down the road' one of us is going to hurt the other. That our lifestyles will clash and that will cause problems. He says hes confused. That when he's with me he has these blinders on that make him forget about all of the crap going on in his life. But he wants to 'chill out'. Slow down. I dont know what I should do here. He's usually called me all throughout the day when he gets bored driving around for work, and ALWAYS calls me shortly after he leaves my house, saying he misses me etc. Well, he left over an hour ago and no call. He always makes weekend plans early on in the week. Left today saying "We'll do something this weekend". WTF? I went from the skillet to the frying pan and now Im hurting all over again. Its starting to make me wonder what I do to run guys off. First my husband, now this guy. Words of wisdom? Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Originally posted by HurtinginVA Its starting to make me wonder what I do to run guys off. First my husband, now this guy. No - don't start thinking like that. Wait till you're like me in your late 30s and have never had a successful relationship, then you can start thinking that way. Seriously, you know what the deal is here. You're both going through divorces. You're both really vulnerable. You've both been badly hurt by a cheating spouse. You both need time to heal. If you're jumping into another relationship, you're just deflecting your pain temporarily. It's better that he's realizing he's not in good shape for a relationship now instead of when you're much much further into it. Hang in there. You've been so strong with what you've been through - you can certainly handle this. Link to post Share on other sites
paradyme Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 For what it's worth here, I don't think he's dogging you or anything, but given that the two of you are emerging from rough relationship situations, there is definitely a ton of emotional hurt and scarring to work through, and what it souns like to me is that those issues could resurface down the road if they are simply overlooked now. He may be serious about wanting to be with you, but often needing to work those issues out so that they don't take what you do have now and preclude what may be down the road is vitally important. It might just be the mature thing to understand that you are both adults going through a complicated situation. The caution in a sense might be a sign of respect that he wants something to grow out of this but that he doesn't want the problems (and the ways that you both deal with them- these may be part of the lifestyle differences) that are going on in both of your lives to disrupt it, and certainly you wouldn't want to be nothing more than a mutual distraction, so it might make sense to come to an understanding on where this is meant to go and what each of your agendas are on the situation. Sit down over coffee in a neutral place and just talk about it. Be honest and sincere. If what comes out of the conversation is not what either of you wants to hear and makes the situation unworkable, better to know now than to have 2 emotionally traumatic experiences each to work through right? I just hope it all works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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