I don't want to be intimidating. It hurts my feelings that men don't approach.

February 17, 2012

U have to give off signals.

Smile at them. Make make enough eye contact and smile, so that it is obviousy that, if they WANTED to, they COULD just come over and chat:)

I am only moderately attractive: no stunner. However, if a guy would fancy you, if u DO NOT give off the right signals, they won't.

February 17, 2012

Are you really calling men 'pussies' because they aren't approaching you when you make eye contact with them in a BOOKSTORE and 'look approachable'?

I can think of at least 5 reasons a guy might not be approaching you, off the bat:

1) he's in a relationship. Probably 50% of guys your age would be in one.

2) you're not his type

3) he's distracted by the sort of thing you actually look for in bookstores: books

4) he doesn't feel like a conversation this particular second

5) he wasn't actually looking at you to begin with

Do those really not occur to you? If a total stranger doesn't approach you, you immediately arrive at the conclusion that it's because they're 'intimidated'? Really?

February 17, 2012

Are you really calling men 'pussies' because they aren't approaching you when you make eye contact with them in a BOOKSTORE and 'look approachable'?

I can think of at least 5 reasons a guy might not be approaching you, off the bat:

1) he's in a relationship. Probably 50% of guys your age would be in one.
2) you're not his type
3) he's distracted by the sort of thing you actually look for in bookstores: books
4) he doesn't feel like a conversation this particular second
5) he wasn't actually looking at you to begin with

Do those really not occur to you? If a total stranger doesn't approach you, you immediately arrive at the conclusion that it's because they're 'intimidated'? Really?

+1

Even if I do receive signals from a girl, sometimes I don't approach because I'm not attracted to them. When I'm busy and actually intend on doing something, most the time picking up a girl is not even on my mind.

I use to have a friend who kept asking 'what's wrong with guys?' She had never been approached before. Her way of rectifying that was by throwing herself at a guy at a club, losing her virginity to some random dude, and going up to guys and giving her number without them asking. She has major issues at the moment, and has reached a whole new level of superficiality. So what if guys don't approach you? Doesn't mean you're a loser. As for helping with your situation, there's plenty to go off from the responses already and I think there will be more to work with. You'll be right

February 17, 2012

OP

Look at what Elswyth said. I would add to his list.

6.) Too many times have most men approached a woman in public only to be made to feel like a freak, creep, or pervert for doing so. Not just rejected but rudely rejected.

February 17, 2012

Is it the fact that i'm having such a good time with my girlfriends that men think they would be annoying if they approached?

This would be a factor for me -- but if you are looking for someone with more alpha-male, extrovert qualities, I doubt that this would stop them.

Then there is the whole "hotness" thing. If you are as "hot" as you say you are, then my first impression would be that you're probably looking for the hottest guy in the room and if I don't feel I can measure up to that, I'm not going to put myself through the stress of trying to do so.

Does that make me a "pussy"? Well, our culture seems to say so about guys who don't feel comfortable going after the objectively "hottest" woman in the room. On the other hand, we all need to feel a certain level of comfort with someone in order to make a connection with them. There must be something intangible about your presence that is putting up a barrier to that.

February 17, 2012

Did you dump your boyfriend for being fat already?

February 17, 2012

phineas gave you some great advice. I also think your expectations are a little out of whack. I don't think that the average guy is going to approach a girl in a bookstore and say "hi what book are you looking for?" I mean, really?? There are tons of reasons they may not be approaching you, as Elswyth pointed out. Lots of guys won't approach girls in random public places because they assume most girls don't WANT to be hit on when they are at the grocery store or whatever. It's not necessarily because they are pussies or you are so amazingly intimidating. lol.

February 17, 2012

OP...got pics? And how old are you?

February 17, 2012

"I don't need a man, but it doesn't mean I don't want one or<and> want to enjoy his company"

Better signals and aura. Good luck

February 17, 2012

Just for the kicks:

Everything is great with this new guy, even told him how i'm attacked on this forum..

And he laughed about it. I explained that I have certain standards which seem too high to many people, even "unreasonable" and he laughed and responded with

"They think it's too high because they aren't half of that themselves. A woman such as yourself has every right to want a man [the way I want him]" He said he felt bad that I had to resort to posting on a forum because there aren't enough good men out there.

Anyways, spent Saturday night together. We dressed up, went to one of his colleagues halloween parties, but it was boring so we left and went to see a movie. Afterwards we just grabbed a coffee and chatted for a few hours.

He's not the most attractive, but his behaviors and ways of thinking make him sexier.

Just thought I would update. Although I realize that with my growing reputation as a "golddigger" and "woman who thinks she is entitled" most people will probably accuse me of me of exaggerating or lying that i'm satisfied.

So is life. Oh well.

So is life indeed.

Next time don't get so cocky, you might hit a tree and fall of your high horse

February 17, 2012

This is an interesting thread and a lot of good insight has been given. I would say that there must be some combination of intangibles that makes you seem too high risk for the average guy––or do you not want to be hit on by average guys?

Women in groups are not approachable –– I have waited what seemed like an eternity for a certain woman to leave her group for a trip to the ladies room so I could try and 'bump into her' as she returns. Then when she finally goes she takes half of the group with her! Go alone, go frequently.

Signals are extremely important. From a guy's perspective, what's the point in approaching a woman who seems cold, aloof, perfectionistic, with eyes straight ahead, closed body language, etc. We take that as the 'don't approach' signal. It's masochistic to continue allowing yourself to be rudely shot down in public with all of the eye rolling and hair tossing, so we learn to access probabilities. On the other hand, open body language, brief eye contact and a soft smile are the universal signal for 'I'm open to you approaching for the next few seconds.' And yes, this is a universal and well understood ritual that you should be onboard with. It's always the woman who chooses, she just needs to seem somewhat demure in doing so.

What hasn't been said yet, and I think probably applies, is that women want to be approached only by certain guys... high value prospects. They take it badly when guys too low on the food chain approach. They are generally trying to split the difference between being too intimidating for the less secure guys, the ones who know they aren't A team players, and being attractive and approachable enough that the A team guys with tons of confidence will be entranced and motivated to approach.

Could it be that you simply need to make adjustments such that all guys will see you as more approachable and deal with the fact that there will be a few of the non A team guys heading your way from time to time? Look around, even if it's not directly at the guy, maintain open body language, dress more casually, be a bit more like the imperfect girl next door type. And if you really want to talk to a guy, toss him a signal. Nothing at all wrong with that.

Which bookstore?

Edited February 17, 2012 by salparadise

February 17, 2012

What hasn't been said yet, and I think probably applies, is that women want to be approached only by certain guys... high value prospects. They take it badly when guys too low on the food chain approach. They are generally trying to split the difference between being too intimidating for the less secure guys, the ones who know they aren't A team players, and being attractive and approachable enough that the A team guys with tons of confidence will be entranced and motivated to approach.

I don't think this is far off the truth to be honest. Wonder what anyone else thinks of this??

February 17, 2012

This is an interesting thread and a lot of good insight has been given. I would say that there must be some combination of intangibles that makes you seem too high risk for the average guy––or do you not want to be hit on by average guys?

Women in groups are not approachable –– I have waited what seemed like an eternity for a certain woman to leave her group for a trip to the ladies room so I could try and 'bump into her' as she returns. Then when she finally goes she takes half of the group with her! Go alone, go frequently.

Signals are extremely important. From a guy's perspective, what's the point in approaching a woman who seems cold, aloof, perfectionistic, with eyes straight ahead, closed body language, etc. We take that as the 'don't approach' signal. It's masochistic to continue allowing yourself to be rudely shot down in public with all of the eye rolling and hair tossing, so we learn to access probabilities. On the other hand, open body language, brief eye contact and a soft smile are the universal signal for 'I'm open to you approaching for the next few seconds.' And yes, this is a universal and well understood ritual that you should be onboard with. It's always the woman who chooses, she just needs to seem somewhat demure in doing so.

What hasn't been said yet, and I think probably applies, is that women want to be approached only by certain guys... high value prospects. They take it badly when guys too low on the food chain approach. They are generally trying to split the difference between being too intimidating for the less secure guys, the ones who know they aren't A team players, and being attractive and approachable enough that the A team guys with tons of confidence will be entranced and motivated to approach.

Could it be that you simply need to make adjustments such that all guys will see you as more approachable and deal with the fact that there will be a few of the non A team guys heading your way from time to time? Look around, even if it's not directly at the guy, maintain open body language, dress more casually, be a bit more like the imperfect girl next door type. And if you really want to talk to a guy, toss him a signal. Nothing at all wrong with that.

Which bookstore?

That is true for some of these women if a guy who dosnt meet her standards approaches its the how dare you enter my airspace look and its frankly not worth the ego hit if you're not a very desirable male to just sppraoch random women all the time

February 17, 2012

I don't think this is far off the truth to be honest. Wonder what anyone else thinks of this??

IME, the way this works is that they switch the 'availability' aura off and on, dependent upon their perception of the potentials within their view.

Ever had a lady smile at you, toss her hair, thrust that bosom out and you, thinking 'whoa, I should go say hi to her', realize that she was projecting that right over your shoulder to the guy behind you? Ha, dozens of times.

That's pretty much how it works.

February 17, 2012

IME, the way this works is that they switch the 'availability' aura off and on, dependent upon their perception of the potentials within their view.

Ever had a lady smile at you, toss her hair, thrust that bosom out and you, thinking 'whoa, I should go say hi to her', realize that she was projecting that right over your shoulder to the guy behind you? Ha, dozens of times.

That's pretty much how it works.

Yeah, I tell you what's worse though.

Lady smiles at you, tosses her hair and thrusts bosom etc, and you think "nah, it's the guy behind me", then she walks away and shoots you a look directly in your eye that says "You could have had me :cool:", then you feel like a sucker.

Yeah, that one's much worse.

February 17, 2012

Haven't had that happen yet but I'll give it a try. I've got no dog in the fight anymore so it's one big science experiment now.

February 17, 2012

phineas gave you some great advice. I also think your expectations are a little out of whack. I don't think that the average guy is going to approach a girl in a bookstore and say "hi what book are you looking for?" I mean, really?? There are tons of reasons they may not be approaching you, as Elswyth pointed out. Lots of guys won't approach girls in random public places because they assume most girls don't WANT to be hit on when they are at the grocery store or whatever. It's not necessarily because they are pussies or you are so amazingly intimidating. lol.

This is what I always thought but it seems like it's the only way to get into a relationship if you're not lucky enough to run into another person with mutual attraction.

February 17, 2012

Height is such a petty thing to really care about in general. Maybe you're substituting some other issue with "height"? Something that you're not realizing?

Maybe. Although truthfully I can't think of anything at the moment.

Third, the most beautiful women are usually the least frequently approached.

Men need to realize that the most beautiful women are usually the loneliest. I have stunner girlfriends who don't understand why they are single. I understand the whole fear of rejection thing, but come on. You would change your attitudes if you knew how many beautiful women cried themselves to sleep at night.

Years ago, I had a friend who was very attractive, but she was just under 6' tall. I'm 5'1. When we'd go out, I'd get approached often, but no one ever approached my friend. Oh, she'd get the usual silly remarks about, "do you play women's basketball?" and nonsense along those lines, but we found that most men simply weren't interested in her.

But a funny thing is that she told me she wouldn't be interested in men shorter than her, so we'd always look around to see if there were men 6' tall or taller. I never realized that there AREN'T that many men 6' tall or taller!

Ugh. I get those comments too, and I hate them. "Why do you wear heels if you're already tall?" How about f*ck off and stop being rude.

Reminds me, I was approached by a friendly gal a few weeks back. She was approximately 6'2" I'd say. This is with flat shoes. Having a conversation was a little challenging as I had to crane my neck to talk to her.

Once we sat down, things were fine. It was a lot more comfortable for me anyway.

How tall are you?

I'm 5'10, but a lot of people think i'm taller. Maybe because of the way I carry myself (and I wear heels often as well).

Well, OP either you have your bitch face on & don't realize it or you are giving off an "i'm all that & a bag o' chips so you better have it all if you want to talk to me" vibe.

And trust me, women do this without even knowing it.

One other thing, a single hunter does not attack the herd. He waits for one to stray away from the protection of the group.

If you are out with a group of friends & want a particular man to approach you, tell your friends to get scarce.

Women in large groups from my experience seem to love shooting men down in front of their friends for fun.
Older women don't do this but younger one's do.

I didn't know that! I always thought it was more difficult to approach a woman when she is alone because she gives off this "i'm too good for you" vibe. Thanks for the tip!

And I think you're right. Often times I go out with the "men are pussies let's see who has enough balls to approach me" attitude. I guess that could be it. My attitude towards men being pussies might be very easily detectable by other men, which could be why they don't bother.

Hmmm food for thought.

Are you really calling men 'pussies' because they aren't approaching you when you make eye contact with them in a BOOKSTORE and 'look approachable'?

I can think of at least 5 reasons a guy might not be approaching you, off the bat:

1) he's in a relationship. Probably 50% of guys your age would be in one.
2) you're not his type
3) he's distracted by the sort of thing you actually look for in bookstores: books
4) he doesn't feel like a conversation this particular second
5) he wasn't actually looking at you to begin with

Do those really not occur to you? If a total stranger doesn't approach you, you immediately arrive at the conclusion that it's because they're 'intimidated'? Really?

You're taking this as "I want every single man to approach me". This isn't the case. I don't care about how many men or when or how. The point is, I never get approached. That's the point i'm trying to make.

OP

Look at what Elswyth said. I would add to his list.

6.) Too many times have most men approached a woman in public only to be made to feel like a freak, creep, or pervert for doing so. Not just rejected but rudely rejected.

Well those b*tches are the ones that make it harder for the rest of us.

February 17, 2012

Are you open to any (not anything overly sexual or anything, haha) approach? Is there a certain type you want to approach you?

February 17, 2012

This would be a factor for me -- but if you are looking for someone with more alpha-male, extrovert qualities, I doubt that this would stop them.

Then there is the whole "hotness" thing. If you are as "hot" as you say you are, then my first impression would be that you're probably looking for the hottest guy in the room and if I don't feel I can measure up to that, I'm not going to put myself through the stress of trying to do so.

Does that make me a "pussy"? Well, our culture seems to say so about guys who don't feel comfortable going after the objectively "hottest" woman in the room. On the other hand, we all need to feel a certain level of comfort with someone in order to make a connection with them. There must be something intangible about your presence that is putting up a barrier to that.

You're absolutely right. If I don't see a man that is potentially attractive, I should off the "availability" factor and focus on my girlfriends instead. Wow. That's bad though, because a man can become incredibly attractive after one conversation. Thank you for the insight!

Did you dump your boyfriend for being fat already?

Yeah we broke up. We still talk from time to time. He is a sweety and he deserves someone who will love him and accept him with everything he is. I am not that woman.

OP...got pics? And how old are you?

I do have pictures but I don't think I should send them out just to justify that I think I am decent enough to attract a hot man. I'm 28.

This is an interesting thread and a lot of good insight has been given. I would say that there must be some combination of intangibles that makes you seem too high risk for the average guy––or do you not want to be hit on by average guys?

Women in groups are not approachable –– I have waited what seemed like an eternity for a certain woman to leave her group for a trip to the ladies room so I could try and 'bump into her' as she returns. Then when she finally goes she takes half of the group with her! Go alone, go frequently.

What hasn't been said yet, and I think probably applies, is that women want to be approached only by certain guys... high value prospects. They take it badly when guys too low on the food chain approach. They are generally trying to split the difference between being too intimidating for the less secure guys, the ones who know they aren't A team players, and being attractive and approachable enough that the A team guys with tons of confidence will be entranced and motivated to approach.

Which bookstore?

What do you mean by "average" guys? Do you mean average looking?

You're right in saying we look for "high value prospects". Who doesn't? Everyone wants the best for themselves (by best I mean what is best for them).

And yes I just learnt that when you are alone you have more chances of being approached! I had no idea! Honest. I always thought being in a group showed that you are more social and it's less "one on one" so a man is more inclined to approach.

But I guess it makes sense. A girl is more vulnerable and prone to agreeing without the "backing up" of her pack.

I'll keep this in mind. Thank you!

Yeah, I tell you what's worse though.

Lady smiles at you, tosses her hair and thrusts bosom etc, and you think "nah, it's the guy behind me", then she walks away and shoots you a look directly in your eye that says "You could have had me :cool:", then you feel like a sucker.

Yeah, that one's much worse.

Yes!!! I agree 100% that is far worse!!! I don't understand why men undervalue themselves so much If you don't work for her, then you don't work for her. But better 100 rejections that lead to one great potential relationship you never thought you would have, than no rejections and missing out on that one opportunity that could be worth it.

Even if I am not interested in a man for whatever reason, I will be kind to him just because he took the time to approach, and I appreciate that so much.

Yes, there are women out there who blow men off and are rude. But those are insecure women who measure their value in their ability to be "better than all the men". Trust me, you don't want a woman like that anyways.

February 17, 2012

Are you open to any (not anything overly sexual or anything, haha) approach? Is there a certain type you want to approach you?

Well the type I would hope is the equivalent of myself in a male. Tall, good looking, smart, intellectual and very well-spoken. To me conversation means a lot because I am that type.

Any approach? Well as long as he is being respectful, then yes, any approach. I appreciate a good sense of humour. If a guy can make me laugh, I will almost always give him the time of day.

February 17, 2012

Lady smiles at you, tosses her hair and thrusts bosom etc, and you think "nah, it's the guy behind me", then she walks away and shoots you a look directly in your eye that says "You could have had me :cool:", then you feel like a sucker.

This happens to you often (> twice a year)? You must be seriously winning at life

February 17, 2012

Well the type I would hope is the equivalent of myself in a male. Tall, good looking, smart, intellectual and very well-spoken. To me conversation means a lot because I am that type.

Cool. Let's say the guy had some of those traits but not all, would it still be okay for him to approach you? Or would you outright reject or ignore him?

Any approach? Well as long as he is being respectful, then yes, any approach. I appreciate a good sense of humour. If a guy can make me laugh, I will almost always give him the time of day.

That's nice. Hopefully more men will start approaching you.

February 17, 2012

Cool. Let's say the guy had some of those traits but not all, would it still be okay for him to approach you? Or would you outright reject or ignore him?

Well first of all, I never "outright" reject or ignore any decent person, only assh*les who think its funny to grab your ass or say something sexist.

And it would depend on how much shorter. I can live with an inch shorter. But if i'm 5'10 and he is 5'7 then I would have difficulty going out with him (especially since you can't dress nice without wearing heels).

I don't want to talk down to my man. I want to look up to him. Most of my relationships have been with shorter men. Recently, however, I dated a man of 6'5 and truthfully, it's hard to go back to shorter men.

February 17, 2012

I honestly don't see a problem with your overall way of thinking, then. I guess it's easier because you're telling us how you'd act in those situations, whereas guys in person have to guess when they're thinking about approaching you. I think it's better to take a chance and get rejected than do nothing and wonder if the woman is mean or not.

I think if you just relax and not focus on being approached, you'll end up being approached eventually. I know that sounds lame, but it just seems likely.

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I don't want to be intimidating. It hurts my feelings that men don't approach.

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