I don't want to be intimidating. It hurts my feelings that men don't approach.

February 17, 2012

I am a tall, very decent looking woman who loves to dress for the occasion and carry herself with confidence.

However, I very rarely get approached. Before people suggest I am "doing something wrong", i'll note that the few serious relationships I have had have been meaningful and good.

But it hurts my feelings when I spend half the night trying to look good, and I get so excited to spend a night out with my girlfriends, and even though I still have fun I haven't met anyone new.

I don't need a man, but it doesn't mean I don't want one or want to enjoy his company.

This isn't a "why don't I have a boyfriend" kind of issue but more of a "why can't they just say hi and talk to me" kind of issue. I really do enjoy their company. I enjoy it in a way that my girlfriends can't provide.

That is why I am beginning to think I am intimidating. Some of my guy friends have told me that, but when I asked them "why" they simply said "i dunno it's just the way you are".

Is it the confidence? Is it the height? Is it the fact that i'm having such a good time with my girlfriends that men think they would be annoying if they approached? What is it?

February 17, 2012

It could be a range of reasons. I'll give you a guy's perspective. One, they could be intimidated when you're with your girlfriends; I'm sure some guys have been told that a girl's night out is just that. No one likes to be cock blocked. Two, it maybe your height, somemen don't like approaching girls taller than them. Three, and this is most likely it, some guys are just afraid of approaching women in general. Don't take in too personally... I'm sure you're a gorgeous girl. Where are you going out with your girlfriends? Bars and clubs? I would suggest a more proactive approach, like through interests and hobbies. Though, I will say a girl is far more qualified to suggest something more proactive, especially at a club/bar. Personally, I love a girl who dresses up for occasions and if I were there, I would make sure you knew I appreciated your effort

February 17, 2012

lol thanks

February 17, 2012

In what places do you expect men to just say hi and talk to you?

February 17, 2012

In what places do you expect men to just say hi and talk to you?

Im always at the book store, that's a start. It's not like there is pressure. It's a nice, subtle environment where people go without expectations. I don't see the harm in saying hi and asking "what book are you looking for?"

February 17, 2012

Im always at the book store, that's a start. It's not like there is pressure. It's a nice, subtle environment where people go without expectations. I don't see the harm in saying hi and asking "what book are you looking for?"

Unless he's an employee, I really don't see most guys doing that.

If you want to get approached at a location like that, you should be broadcasting some major signals or else guys will just glance and keep doing their own thing.

February 17, 2012

Unless he's an employee, I really don't see most guys doing that.

If you want to get approached at a location like that, you should be broadcasting some major signals or else guys will just glance and keep doing their own thing.

Okay so what do you suggest?

February 17, 2012

You got to find some ways to get guys to notice you and understand that you want them to talk to you.

If you're brave you can approach the guys. Asking for help is great as most guys won't be able to resist. Once your talking, laugh and flirt and they should get the idea.

February 17, 2012

You got to find some ways to get guys to notice you and understand that you want them to talk to you.

If you're brave you can approach the guys. Asking for help is great as most guys won't be able to resist. Once your talking, laugh and flirt and they should get the idea.

I get what you're saying but I shouldn't have to be the damsel in distress just get a guy to talk to me. He should have enough balls to at least make the first move. It shouldn't be a woman's job to give a guy the idea that he should ask her out if he doesn't initially want to.

Most men would never pass up the opportunity, which is why its best when a man approaches because you know he actually wants to, and doesn't simply agree because he doesn't want to be rude or because it means a possibility for sex.

February 17, 2012

"Women you want me give me a sign". Duran Duran said it best in hungry like the wolf. We dont need a neon sign but if you're out with the girls and a guy you think is cute looks at you give him a nice smile with eye contact and that's it. That should be enough for a man with average or higher confidence to take a hint that you're open to be approached. Also when I go out I see plenty of women walking into bars like they are models and like they own the place with a "yeah I'm fine" look and they seldom get approached. I'm not telling you not to strut your stuff, be proud to be tall and perty but if it's like a runway walk it does give an I'm better vibe IMO. Google flirting body language too, there are countless tips on giving signs without looking obvious. One of them is

(not flirty but helps) don't EVER cross your arms. The bottom line is you have to figure what works for you to give if an "I'm not a stuck up b" vibe (not saying you are).Good luck and cheer up!

February 17, 2012

"Women you want me give me a sign". Duran Duran said it best in hungry like the wolf. We dont need a neon sign but if you're out with the girls and a guy you think is cute looks at you give him a nice smile with eye contact and that's it.

Seriously? You guys thinks I haven't tried this stuff?!

I'm all smiles and laughs all the time! I'm not dumb, obviously you need to be approachable. And I am!

Okay you know what. I've come to a conclusion. Men are pussies. lol

February 17, 2012

Now that was for the bar/club scene. If you want to get approached in public, like another poster said,it's rare. I've asked a few customers out at work and am 3-4 so I know women are up to it. Two things though only 1 of the 4 gave a sign and I'd consider those semi-cold approaches because they were customers and I obviously had to talk to them and that helped to break the ice.

February 17, 2012

Two things though only 1 of the 4 gave a sign and I'd consider those semi-cold approaches because they were customers and I obviously had to talk to them and that helped to break the ice.

Exactly! Talking breaks the ice, so I don't see why more men don't do it!

February 17, 2012

Okay you know what. I've come to a conclusion. Men are pussies. lol

No. We're human.

I don't know what you're looking for.

Most men would never pass up the opportunity

Do you seriously expect men to approach every woman they find attractive no matter the situation?

February 17, 2012

Lol If you have tried that than the ones you smiled at are pussies! I'm going to say it's your height then that is intimidating them. Most men won't bother approaching a wome close to the same height or taller bc of the stigma that women like tall men. On match I've seen woman who are 5'3" with a minimum height requirement of 5'11". How tall are you?

February 17, 2012

Seriously? You guys thinks I haven't tried this stuff?!

I'm all smiles and laughs all the time! I'm not dumb, obviously you need to be approachable. And I am!

Okay you know what. I've come to a conclusion. Men are pussies. lol

Sounds fishy. I'd be all over that **** if it was me you were smiling at, but that's just me. And how tall are we talking here? I'm not particularly tall, probably an inch or two below average with some time to grow, but it never stopped me and if it has, I don't really care. An inch or two off of the ground don't mean jack ****.

February 17, 2012

Ok so if you have done the eye contact smile like you say who breaks eye contact first? If you do that's good because it sends a subconscious signl of submission to the man if you break eye contact DOWN. If you break up it's a blow off. If the man breaks first he's weak lol. Sounds crazy but google it with the body language like I said.

February 17, 2012

Also, the main reason a man doesn't cold approach often is because there are too many factors. Is she single? I'm a stranger I don't want to look like a creep. Am I her type? What I have learned this last year is that I'm a man (not that part lol) and part of being a man is puting yourself out there! So That's Why I have become more agressive and less afraid of rejection. I'm not going to let rejection stop me from meeting someone! The girl I struck out on at work said she was seeing someone but had an ear to ear smile on her face and she even said thanks for the comliment. I know for a fact women like to be hit on if ukundo it the right way.

February 17, 2012

I'd totally approach you.

It is easy for a guy to be intimidated, tho. You gotta consider the whole psychological aspect rejection brings for certain men. I'm not saying it's a good excuse, but they probably just think you'll reject them.

February 17, 2012

No. We're human.

I don't know what you're looking for.

Do you seriously expect men to approach every woman they find attractive no matter the situation?

If I can approach hot men, then why the heck can't they approach hot women? It's not that hard. The only reason I don't do it is because they either assume im desperate or im too aggressive. I've tried a few times but nothing came of it.

Lol If you have tried that than the ones you smiled at are pussies! I'm going to say it's your height then that is intimidating them. Most men won't bother approaching a wome close to the same height or taller bc of the stigma that women like tall men. On match I've seen woman who are 5'3" with a minimum height requirement of 5'11". How tall are you?

I'm 5'10.

Edited February 17, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

February 17, 2012

If you're laughing, smiling and making solid eye contact, I don't see why they wouldn't approach you. But it's like what SD81 asked, do you expect men to approach girls they find attractive no matter what the situation? In reality, no matter how hot the girl is, a lot of men won't approach. That's just the way it is. You might find a few bold enough to. The thing is, as a man, we can control who we approach and who we don't. If we want dates, we just need to try more and approach more girls. Simple. But from what I hear from most girls, they wait, even though they don't have to. A few of my girl friends have waited literally years and not a single guy has approached them -- they started blaming the guys, which is simply unproductive. You can't control what someone else does but you can control what you do.

As for if a guy really wants to, he would approach first. Not really. Some guys want it so bad but instead of facing the fear of rejection, they turn to porn. So, you might actually be doing them a favour if you strike up something first In all seriousness, just keep having fun with your girlfriends and whenever you see a guy that's cute, solid eye contact, even a slight wave, smile, etc. If you're daring enough, go say hi - that should really do it.

You're 5'10. I'm shorter than you and I would approach you.

Edited February 17, 2012 by counterman

February 17, 2012

If you're laughing, smiling and making solid eye contact, I don't see why they wouldn't approach you. But it's like what SD81 asked, do you expect men to approach girls they find attractive no matter what the situation? In reality, no matter how hot the girl is, a lot of men won't approach. That's just the way it is. You might find a few bold enough to. The thing is, as a man, we can control who we approach and who we don't. If we want dates, we just need to try more and approach more girls. Simple. But from what I hear from most girls, they wait, even though they don't have to. A few of my girl friends have waited literally years and not a single guy has approached them -- they started blaming the guys, which is simply unproductive. You can't control what someone else does but you can control what you do.

As for if a guy really wants to, he would approach first. Not really. Some guys want it so bad but instead of facing the fear of rejection, they turn to porn. So, you might actually be doing them a favour if you strike up something first In all seriousness, just keep having fun with your girlfriends and whenever you see a guy that's cute, solid eye contact, even a slight wave, smile, etc. If you're daring enough, go say hi - that should really do it.

This all makes sense, but I wouldn't feel like the lady if I had to approach him. It's a turn off if a man can't approach me. I am the lady and I want to feel like one.

February 17, 2012

This all makes sense, but I wouldn't feel like the lady if I had to approach him. It's a turn off if a man can't approach me. I am the lady and I want to feel like one.

I feel that's fair. Don't get me wrong, I encourage guys to approach and really put themselves out there -- developing that I-don't-give-a-**** mindset is important not only for approaching women and at some stage, we all have to get over it if we truly want to get somewhere with girls. And a guy with enough confidence would approach a girl, that's a fact. I know that many of my tall girl friends don't get approached much or if not at all... which I think is crazy because I find tall women sexy. I'm sorry I can't offer much more, hopefully a girl who has been in a similar situation can suggest something.

February 17, 2012

Well, if you're not sitting in a bar looking like a bump on a log, there's no reason why a guy shouldn't talk to you if he's genuinely checking you out and has balls of any kind.

Here're two total extremes: Being aggressive, AKA manly.. and looking like a cold bitch who's out just to have fun with her friends and doesn't seem friendly. If you're smiling and really letting the guy know you're into him with your eyes, as you say you are, who knows what the problem is.

Height is such a petty thing to really care about in general. Maybe you're substituting some other issue with "height"? Something that you're not realizing?

February 17, 2012

Well, OP either you have your bitch face on & don't realize it or you are giving off an "i'm all that & a bag o' chips so you better have it all if you want to talk to me" vibe.

And trust me, women do this without even knowing it.

i'm 5'8" and have had 5'10" women approach me in bars to talk so I'm not afraid of taller women.

However taller women seem to be afraid of shorter men. LOL!

One other thing, a single hunter does not attack the herd. He waits for one to stray away from the protection of the group.

If you are out with a group of friends & want a particular man to approach you, tell your friends to get scarce.

Women in large groups from my experience seem to love shooting men down in front of their friends for fun.

Older women don't do this but younger one's do.

Also, if I see you shoot down another man who approaches with disdain it will turn me off because it shows me you think you are better than that guy & I don't care to deal with a woman like that.

Basically, there is something about you or your attitude that is turning men off.

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I don't want to be intimidating. It hurts my feelings that men don't approach.

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