Eternal Sunshine Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I have been thinking about this. Intimacy to me means that a partner is truly there for me in the times of need. It means being there when I am ill, sad, frustrated and look and feel like ****. Just being there, listening and asking if there is anything he can do to help. It's not about saying the right words. It's about making me feel warm, safe, relaxed and protected. It's about knowing that no matter what life brings, I have someone firmly in my corner. That's what was missing from my previous R, more than anything.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Yep. If I'm intimate with someone, they're likely one of the few whom I feel myself comfortable enough with to be alone with them at the end of the day, talking to each other about our day and whatnot. Ideally my partner in crime. I know that no matter what happens, we both care enough for each other to always be there for each other if possible.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Being truly honest about who you are, showing even the embarrassing parts -- especially those -- and being accepted and loved. Likewise, accepting and loving your counterpart when you see all their flaws mixed in with the divine. 4
Els Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Lovely reply, Ruby. I couldn't have said it better.
Kamille Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I distinguish being intimacy and trust. Trust is feeling like that person is in my corner, is accepting the person as they are and knowing in my gut that they wish me well. Intimacy is a feeling - it's presence in the moment. It's laughter, it's comfort, it's sexy. Of course, intimacy is linked to trust. Intimacy is often an effect of trust. But I distinguish the two because I think sometimes I try to force intimacy (or delude myself into thinking that because I feel intimate, it must mean trust is there). Trust takes time. Intimacy is more easily spontaneous. 1
zengirl Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Interesting thoughts. I would agree with Kamille in distinguishing that "in my corner" trust feeling as different than intimacy. Intimacy, to me, is closeness. It is knowing the person and being known to an intimate degree, which includes, as Ruby said, all the embarrassing and scary and dark and twisty parts, which includes truly seeing me as the whole of what I am. Intimacy is built, and it takes time to develop, though the length varies. Intimacy has different types (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual) for me and different expressions, but at every level it is a deep 'knowing' and combining and sharing and connecting. I don't think there's any set definition, and I definitely think you need intimacy (that deep knowledge and sharing) to REALLY know someone is there and in your corner (because without intimacy, even if they are in your corner, they might not really know you enough for you to believe they will stay there) but I don't know if I relate that "in my corner" feeling, also a requirement, with intimacy, personally. I don't think I do. I would consider that more along the lines of "trust," similarly to what Kamille described. I also think intimacy IS something that ebbs and flows in the moment, as Kamille mentions. There are times you feel closer to someone, even someone you're close to, and times you don't. A lot of intimacy ebbs with my mood, or his mood, though some of it always remains, but the trust is static and always there and strong.
maybealone Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 To me, intimacy is being in bed with someone, together in the dark, and knowing that you can tell him anything and touch him anywhere and that he can do the same and that nothing you can say or do will change the love you feel for each other. It's knowing you will keep each other's secrets and not judge each other, and knowing that there is no where else in the world you would rather be and there is no one else in the world that could make you feel as safe and comfortable.
carhill Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 -Support and challenge -Accepting and loving the whole -Sharing the totality of life -Confidence in having each other's backs -Valuing the vulnerabilities along with the strengths -Accepting and respecting each other's boundaries I know what it's like because I experience such dynamics with the very small subset of men I call true friends. Perhaps someday before I die I'll experience it with a woman, mutually, meaning mutual intimacy, from the soul, balls to bones.
kaylan Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 For me, Intimacy = One hard pole + One warm hole #imsuperserious #nahImreallyJoking lolz
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I agree with everything said here. It's being able to show your vulnerability, your weaknesses, and your shortcomings and still feel loved, supported, and cared for.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Oh yeah, TRUST. Trust with sharing that you won't betray or be betrayed by use of one's deepest diclosures as weapons or wedges or even jibes.
silvermercy Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Trust that she will let you penetrate her deep in to her poop whole without a condom with lots of lube. You must be thoroughly enjoying trolling all these threads lately. LOL 1
xxoo Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I agree with many of the things said, especially vulnerability, trust, acceptance. For me, there is also a feeling of home. It is where the walls come down, and you can relax and be yourself. 1
Eve Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 For us, our intimacy is a spiritual connection beyond even if we are in the room together. Take care, Eve x
Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 -Support and challenge -Accepting and loving the whole -Sharing the totality of life -Confidence in having each other's backs -Valuing the vulnerabilities along with the strengths -Accepting and respecting each other's boundaries I know what it's like because I experience such dynamics with the very small subset of men I call true friends. Perhaps someday before I die I'll experience it with a woman, mutually, meaning mutual intimacy, from the soul, balls to bones. Same here. I have this with a precious few friends. I've had it briefly with some men, but so far, it hasn't held up.
TheFinalWord Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I don't believe you can be really intimate without vulnerability. I've put this on here a few times, but if you put yourself in a vulnerable position and the person you either want a relationship with or have a relationship with does not feel moved you know that isn't someone you should be with. So intimacy has to start with vulnerability. Only once you know you can be vulnerable with someone can they truly support you and provide authentic partnership.
anne1707 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Intimacy means warts and all - you don't put on an act, you don't pretend to be/feel something else, you don't hide. Intimacy is about showing your true self - good, bad and ugly - and it being accepted without criticism or judgement. You can have sex yet not be intimate. You can be on different sides of a crowded room and just catch each others' eye and be incredibly intimate. 1
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