He was using me for sex, now he wants me back.

[That_girl]

I didn't except "sweet whisperings" but I also didn't expect him to bail like that and pretend like I didn't even exist.

 

We did share a bed for months, I know I shouldn't have expected much...but I would have satisfied with the truth. Or at least a text to say "hey, how are you feeling after you took the morning after pill? It probably ****ed up your system, just wanted to make sure you were okay." That's IT. Human decency.

 

I'm gonna tell him to **** off.

[Ruby Slippers]

I didn't except "sweet whisperings" but I also didn't expect him to bail like that and pretend like I didn't even exist.

 

We did share a bed for months, I know I shouldn't have expected much...but I would have satisfied with the truth. Or at least a text to say "hey, how are you feeling after you took the morning after pill? It probably ****ed up your system, just wanted to make sure you were okay." That's IT. Human decency.

 

I'm gonna tell him to **** off.

Exactly. A pregnancy scare when you do not want to get pregnant can be very stressful and... scary. That's why they call it a scare.

 

No, her FWB doesn't owe her anything, but it's basic human decency to be the least bit compassionate when someone you're having sex with is undergoing a lot of stress and feeling fearful, because of activity for which you bear 50% responsibility.

 

That he disappeared when things got tough tells That_girl everything she needs to know. He doesn't care about her.

 

By the way, when a guy goes cold at that particular time, in biological and neurochemical terms, it's pretty much the worst thing he can do, and it's completely natural for the female's feelings of bonding to die as a result. Essentially, he's saying he's man enough to do the deed, but not man enough to take responsibility for his actions in case of an accident. And that is a man who isn't worth your time.

[phineas]

Curious, because I think I may have been an FWB in a past relationship and not even have known it :-/:

 

Would you introduce an FWB to your parents or family? Granted, not everyone has a great relationship with their parents, but most guys know the implications of setting up a meeting like that. Why set up that illusion in the girl's mind? To make her more accomodating? That's pretty damn low.

 

I've had attention whores bring me around their family & presented me as more than just a friend as we "took it slow" because they were "afraid of getting hurt" while they secretly slept with the looser ex nobody liked.

 

And yes, it is pretty damn low.

[soserious1]

Exactly. A pregnancy scare when you do not want to get pregnant can be very stressful and... scary. That's why they call it a scare.

 

No, her FWB doesn't owe her anything, but it's basic human decency to be the least bit compassionate when someone you're having sex with is undergoing a lot of stress and feeling fearful, because of activity for which you bear 50% responsibility.

 

That he disappeared when things got tough tells That_girl everything she needs to know. He doesn't care about her.

 

Not to put too fine a point on it but that guy told That_girl exactly what he felt for her when he proposed that she enter into a FWB relationship with him ... she agreed to those terms.

[kaylan]

FWB = A no strings, no commitment sexual relationship. Implicit in such a relationship is the understanding that babies are not a welcome development between 2 people who might not even share a meal together or even appear in a public place together lest anyone get the wrong idea that they are a couple.

A scare isnt welcome, but you DO NOT shirk your responsibilities and straight up ignore and avoid the girl you were involved with. Doesnt matter if it was a FWB situation or not. Theres a reason theres laws regarding parenting and child support...and its because you are RESPONSIBLE for your actions and expected to behave like an ADULT when these situations arise.

 

This young woman knowingly entered into an FWB situation,I'm kind of puzzled as to why she's freaked out because the guy didn't respond to her pregnancy scare with hand holding and sweet whisperings in her ear about how he was going to be there for her. Why on earth would she expect him to be happy & lovingly supportive?

The guy made himself unavailable...thats the big issue. He became flaky and hard to get a hold of. I didnt hold the hand of the girl I had my scare with, nor did I act all sweet with her, but I did behave like and man and made myself available whenever things needed to be discussed.

 

How you are criticizing the OP and sticking up for the douche bag guy is beyond me. Its hardly to take you seriously, which is very ironic

 

A guy doesnt have to be loving if he gets a hook up pregnant, but he damn sure needs to be supportive and available.

[phineas]

^^^^^

exactly!

When I was told I had a baby coming my first instinct was to run!

But then I calmed down & realized my wife & family would track me down, plus I really like my house.

 

so I sacked it up & went to work on the nursery.

[soserious1]

I'm not trying to make the OP feel badly, I'm just truly confused about how she could agree to one thing IE: A no strings purely sexual relationship, no responsibility for anything else on either side & then get mad because the guy basically stuck by that agreement? it doesn't make sense to me.

 

"no strings" means exactly that- no responsibility to provide emotional support of any sort.

 

As to the rest, until there is an actual child the ball is in the woman's court.If that Girl had decided to continue the pregnancy to term the court would have notified him of her request for child support. Till that point legally & by their mutual FWB agreement this situation wasn't his problem. You can force the payment of birth expenses and child support, you cannot legally force anyone to have a relationship.

 

 

The guy spelled out what he would agree to in a relationship & he followed through with that. he meant what he said & his actions matched his words. That_Girl got the exactly the relationship she signed up for.

 

 

 

A scare isnt welcome, but you DO NOT shirk your responsibilities and straight up ignore and avoid the girl you were involved with. Doesnt matter if it was a FWB situation or not. Theres a reason theres laws regarding parenting and child support...and its because you are RESPONSIBLE for your actions and expected to behave like an ADULT when these situations arise.

 

 

The guy made himself unavailable...thats the big issue. He became flaky and hard to get a hold of. I didnt hold the hand of the girl I had my scare with, nor did I act all sweet with her, but I did behave like and man and made myself available whenever things needed to be discussed.

 

How you are criticizing the OP and sticking up for the douche bag guy is beyond me. Its hardly to take you seriously, which is very ironic

 

A guy doesnt have to be loving if he gets a hook up pregnant, but he damn sure needs to be supportive and available.

[razz90]

Are you serious?! I don't think Kaylan is implying it should turn into a non-NSA relationship just because of the pregnancy care. It is about BASIC HUMAN DECENCY.

 

if you saw a stranger who was clearly in distress/suffering would you simply walk on by without a second thought just because you don't know that person and therefore have no emotional obligation to them? No, most people would like to think they'd actually stop and find out what was wrong or call for help if that person needed it.

 

Also, a no strings relationship is just that, and OP understood that. But when you get into a FWB you don't expect a baby to come out of it! So when there is that possibility, both parties need to be flexible about the "no emotional involvement agreement" and realize this is a big issue of which both are responsible.

 

Just my 2 cents..

[fortyninethousand322]

What should I do? Am a total idiot for even considering seeing him again?

 

Do what you want. I'm sure he's a great guy. No you're not an idiot for considering seeing him again.

[kaylan]

I'm not trying to make the OP feel badly, I'm just truly confused about how she could agree to one thing IE: A no strings purely sexual relationship, no responsibility for anything else on either side & then get mad because the guy basically stuck by that agreement? it doesn't make sense to me.

 

"no strings" means exactly that- no responsibility to provide emotional support of any sort.

What the hell are you talking about? Its one thing to not provide emotional support by not being all sweet and kissy face with a girl. Its an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT thing to just bail on her and start avoiding her like some scared brat.

 

FWB DOES NOT MEAN one isnt responsible if a child is conceived. Understand that. Let it soak into your brain. There is always responsibility for ones seed and egg when it comes to sex. Doesnt matter if its a FWB type thing, or committed relationship. Jeez.

As to the rest, until there is an actual child the ball is in the woman's court.If that Girl had decided to continue the pregnancy to term the court would have notified him of her request for child support. Till that point legally & by their mutual FWB agreement this situation wasn't his problem. You can force the payment of birth expenses and child support, you cannot legally force anyone to have a relationship.

Lmao, not his problem? Then hes an idiot...because behavior like that would get him skewered alive in court. You do realize a guys behavior has a lot of bearing on how the judge will treat their case right?

 

No one is saying OP should have a relationship with this guy. What I am saying is the guy should be a freaking adult and stay on top of his business. The idiotic attitude that you are advocating for is why dudes end up on Maury telling a national audience that they had no idea those 3 women all had kids by him.

The guy spelled out what he would agree to in a relationship & he followed through with that. he meant what he said & his actions matched his words. That_Girl got the exactly the relationship she signed up for.

Wow you really are really something...Id laugh but I actually feel kinda sorry that you are this silly.

 

FWB means sex without attachment. It does not mean "I can get girls pregnant and just bail because I dont want to be a real life adult"

 

Wow...you make my head numb.

[A O]

A scare isnt welcome, but you DO NOT shirk your responsibilities and straight up ignore and avoid the girl you were involved with. Doesnt matter if it was a FWB situation or not

Does matter that its an FWB. There are no responsibilities in an FWB. People need to get this.

 

The guy made himself unavailable...thats the big issue. He became flaky and hard to get a hold of.

That's not the issue. The issue is the type of relationship they chose to enter into. It's a no-strings set-up. If you want strings, then enter into a more meaningful relationship.

 

How you are criticizing the OP and sticking up for the douche bag guy is beyond me. Its hardly to take you seriously, which is very ironic

He is no more of a douche than she is.

 

FWB DOES NOT MEAN one isnt responsible if a child is conceived.

If she were pregnant, if she decided to have the child, then we're talking a different game. But none of that happened. The key issue here is still the set-up and not the what ifs.

 

.

[Mme. Chaucer]

People who have sex usually are taking a risk of creating a pregnancy (unless one or both are sterilized.) Because the sexual relationship is not "supposed" to have "strings" makes no difference. Both the guy and the girl engaged in procreative behavior, so if a pregnancy results, it's on the two of them. Not just the woman.

 

A pregnancy is a big "string," and all the claims in the world of "no strings attached" won't make it any different.

 

And of course there is the additional issue of basic human decency, as others have brought up. A person is good enough to regularly screw - but not good enough to warrant a phone call or a ride to a clinic or whatever? Being "decent" does not equal a relationship with "strings attached."

 

I think that is sick.

[kaylan]

Does matter that its an FWB. There are no responsibilities in an FWB. People need to get this.

Courts and the vast majority of people would disagree with you.

 

When it comes to creating life, theres always responsibility for the man and woman. Doesnt matter if its a FWB. Lets be real.

 

That's not the issue. The issue is the type of relationship they chose to enter into. It's a no-strings set-up. If you want strings, then enter into a more meaningful relationship.

Doesnt matter what type of relationship it was. When it comes to creating life, you act like an adult. He'd be getting ripped apart in court if she had ended up pregnant and gave birth. That kind of crappy behavior will reeeeaallly work against a guy.

 

 

He is no more of a douche than she is.

Actually she isnt a douche at all. She knows how to treat people with common deceny in regards to a very important matter. If a guy is willing to shirk his responsibilities when it coems to bringing a kid into this world, then hes a douche.

 

If she were pregnant, if she decided to have the child, then we're talking a different game. But none of that happened. The key issue here is still the set-up and not the what ifs.

Ifs dont change his crap behavior.

 

This is what your logic tells me I can do:

 

The next time I see an old person crossing the street when the lights about to change, I guess I shouldnt help them because of "what ifs". Theres no way Id know for sure they would get hit by a car. And if they dont get hit no one can call me a douche even though I said "meh, old bastard is fine and can walk his/her own self across." Right?

 

Even though the person ends up safe, Im still a douche bag for my attitude. And the way I was raised a Man is that you help children, the weak, the elderly, and women when you can. But I guess you werent raised with a sense of honor or taught how to be a man if you think its ok for guys to get chicks preggers and bail.

Edited February 18, 2012 by kaylan

[A O]

Actually she isnt a douche at all. She knows how to treat people with common deceny in regards to a very important matter. If a guy is willing to shirk his responsibilities when it coems to bringing a kid into this world, then hes a douche.

She decided to enter into a low-level, no-strings relationship. That makes her no better than him.

 

Ifs dont change his crap behavior.

 

So that means the next time I see an old person crossing the street when the lights about to change, I guess I shouldnt help them because of "what ifs". Theres no way Id know for sure they wouldnt get hit by a car. And if they dont get hit no one can call me a douche even though I said "meh, old bastard is fine and can walk his/her own self across." Right?

To correlate your stance here to this scenario, what you would be doing there is expressing your sentiments to the old person about what may have happened (aka, a what if) had the car actually hit him/her "after" the event. In other words, a good deal of your sentiments are based on something that hasn't actually happened. The ball game changes when certain events actually happen. But until then, the main issue here is the nature of the relationship and the expectations people have towards such a set-up.

 

 

.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Sex can make babies and transmit diseases. If people have sex with each other and these things result, they both share equal responsibility to deal with it.

 

Sure, the guy can escape from an unwanted pregnancy a lot more easily than a woman can, but that doesn't make him any less responsible for it, regardless of the nature of their relationship.

[kaylan]

She decided to enter into a low-level, no-strings relationship. That makes her no better than him.

The decision to enter into a FWB relationship is not whats being used as testing criteria for whos a douche. Theres nothing douchy about a hook up relationship between consenting adults.

 

What is douchy is acting like a scared brat and bailing on a situation where a child can be brought into this world. What is so hard to understand about that?

 

To correlate your stance here to this scenario, what you would be doing there is expressing your sentiments to the old person about what may have happened (aka, a what if) had the car actually hit him/her "after" the event. In other words, a good deal of your sentiments are based on something that hasn't actually happened. The ball game changes when certain events actually happen. But until then, the main issue here is the nature of the relationship and the expectations people have towards such a set-up.

No, you misread what I said. My sentiments come before the person makes it across the street or not. So judgment can be passed on my attitude before the conclusion. Same as the guy OP was seeing.

 

The fact that it happened or not isnt the biggest issue. The big issue is having a sh!!ty attitude towards a very serious and real situation. Its a display of immaturity. Have you had a pregnancy scare before? Hell do you even realize how easy it is to get someone preggers? If so I have no idea why youd think its ok for the guy to just bail out like that.

 

His behavior is typical of a current or future dead-beat dad.

[A O]

The decision to enter into a FWB relationship is not whats being used as testing criteria for whos a douche. Theres nothing douchy about a hook up relationship between consenting adults.

There is no definitive criteria here other than what we choose to define for ourselves. Thus, the nature of the relationship is critical to my analysis of this situation. And since I define FWB's as a low-level, no-strings type set-up, then whatever befalls anyone in such a circumstance - its on them.

 

What is douchy is acting like a scared brat and bailing on a situation where a child can be brought into this world. What is so hard to understand about that?

The no-commitment nature of the relationship. If you want to call someone a douche, then it is whomever wishes to enter into such a situation.

 

No, you misread what I said. My sentiments come before the person makes it across the street or not. So judgment can be passed on my attitude before the conclusion. Same as the guy OP was seeing.

A good deal of your sentiments here centre on what may have happened. They are what ifs. We are not talking about 'what ifs' here. We are discussing what has lead to this situation and the crux of this point is the nature of the relationship. Thus, your scenario is only applicable here if you take into account, the actual situation, that the old person walked across the street without harm - and then you applied your 'what if' scenarios thereafter. And this is what you are doing here -discussing what may have happened and not what actually happened.

 

The big issue is having a sh!!ty attitude towards a very serious and real situation. Its a display of immaturity. Have you had a pregnancy scare before? Hell do you even realize how easy it is to get someone preggers? If so I have no idea why youd think its ok for the guy to just bail out like that.

Again, the nature of the relationship allows for such shytty attitudes to exist. The real big issue here is taking both the act of sex and the nature of relationships far too lightly. And this is something they are both culpable of.

 

 

.

[kaylan]

There is no definitive criteria here other than what we choose to define for ourselves. Thus, the nature of the relationship is critical to my analysis of this situation. And since I define FWB's as a low-level, no-strings type set-up, then whatever befalls anyone in such a circumstance - its on them.

So you are ok with dead beat dads who had kids in FWB arrangements. According to what you just said you are ok with fatherless children because theres no responsibility in a FWB deal

 

The no-commitment nature of the relationship. If you want to call someone a douche, then it is whomever wishes to enter into such a situation.

FWB means no emotional commitment and no sexual exclusivity. It does not mean that if something happens regarding pregnancy that you can act immature and shirk your responsibilities. Be real.

 

A good deal of your sentiments here centre on what may have happened. They are what ifs. We are not talking about 'what ifs' here. We are discussing what has lead to this situation and the crux of this point is the nature of the relationship.

 

Thus, your scenario is only applicable here if you take into account, the actual situation, that the old person walked across the street without harm - and then you applied your 'what if' scenarios thereafter. And this is what you are doing here -discussing what may have happened and not what actually happened.

Learn to freaking read bro. Its not about what may happen. Its all about the attitude involved in a real situation. A pregnancy scare, even if someone happens to end up not pregnant, is still a pregnancy scare. Its still something thats not to be taken lightly. Unless you think procreation isnt a serious concern.

 

Whats important is the attitudes that people have in important situations. You will be judged by these attitudes because they show what kind of character you have. These judgments are not dependent on the final outcome of the situation, but dependent on the persons attitude. Do you finally follow. Tu comprendes?

 

It doesnt matter if the old person walked across the street without harm. I am still a jerk for making the statement that I dont give a crap if they walk alone despite knowing they could get hurt. This attitude exists before they make it across the street and makes me a douche before and despite the final outcome.

 

So there is no "what if". Read all of this again if you are still having trouble comprehending the main point.

 

Again, the nature of the relationship allows for such shytty attitudes to exist. The real big issue here is taking both the act of sex and the nature of relationships far too lightly. And this is something they are both culpable of.

It allows for crappy attitudes to exist in the context of a committed or emotional relationship. Not in the context of bringing kids into this world.

 

Last I checked the OP did not take the pregnancy scare lightly. The guy did.

[A O]

So you are ok with dead beat dads who had kids in FWB arrangements. According to what you just said you are ok with fatherless children because theres no responsibility in a FWB deal

Dead beat dads often need dead beat mums to exist. An FWB is a dead beat situation just waiting for irresponsible folk to walk in. Hence, the aim here, for me, is to attribute the responsibility for what has or what may have transpired to where it needs to be apportioned, and that is on the shoulders of "both" participants. Whatever judgements you may have towards a persons character is neither here nor there to me.

 

What matters is that they both understand the role they each played in all this. Otherwise, to just heap it all on the guy is as good as giving a free pass to the girl here, to go and do this all again with another guy. And no one here wants that to happen.

 

 

.

[kaylan]

Dead beat dads often need dead beat mums to exist. An FWB is a dead beat situation just waiting for irresponsible folk to walk in. Hence, the aim here, for me, is to attribute the responsibility for what has or what may have transpired to where it needs to be apportioned, and that is on the shoulders of "both" participants. Whatever judgements you may have towards a persons character is neither here nor there to me.

Youre kidding right? Dead beat dads are only dead beat because of the mom huh?

 

Wow get a grip with reality. Or maybe meet some more people out in the real world. I have met some great single mothers in my life who do their hardest to provide for their kids despite no help from the fathers. These women are far from deadbeat. But Im sure shes responsible for another human beings free will. She made him be a dead beat huh?

 

Now with the OP, yes both of them are responsible for the sex they had together...however...each of them is responsible for their own actions. Therefore his douche bag actions afterwards is his own fault and independent of the OP seeing as she did not act negatively toward him. Plus she doesnt have puppet strings in his back.

 

He chose to be a jack ass just like dudes out there chose to be dead beat dads.

 

 

What matters is that they both understand the role they each played in all this. Otherwise, to just heap it all on the guy is as good as giving a free pass to the girl here, to go and do this all again with another guy. And no one here wants that to happen.

You must be damn slow.

 

No one is absolving the OP of her responsibility in the sex that occurred. However she cannot make or not make a guy do anything. So his behavior afterwords is all on him and has nothing to do with her.

 

I will of course heap blame on him for being a jack ass. They both are responsible adults when it comes to concensual sex, but their behaviors during the pregnancy scare is whats in question.

 

If he was trying to stay in touch and ask her questions, but she just blew him off and acted cold, Id call her a douche too for taking such a thing lightly and being immature. However the guy behaved that way, not the OP.

 

Read this reply three times, because I dont think you re-read the last one since you are still having trouble following what I am saying.

Edited February 18, 2012 by kaylan

[A O]

Youre kidding right? Dead beat dads are only dead beat because of the mom huh?

Dead beats thrive in relationships where there's poorly defined boundaries and inabilities to communicate one's needs. FWB's are tailor made for dead beats.

 

Wow get a grip with reality.

Why do you think there are so many single parent families out there! Poor choices, poor communication, an inability to know and state their needs. This whole situation we are discussing here falls easily into these parameters and unless "both" parties understand their part in all this, then they are highly likely to repeat this scenario all over again.

 

Now with the OP, yes both of them are responsible for the sex they had together...however...each of them is responsible for their own actions.

Their own actions include the type of relationship they entered into.

 

He chose to be a jack ass just like dudes out there chose to be dead beat dads.

And she choose to enter into a jack-arse relationship.

 

No one is absolving the OP of her responsibility in the sex that occurred. However she cannot make or not make a guy do anything. So his behavior afterwords is all on him and has nothing to do with her.

It's not about just the sex. Again, you forget the nature of the relationship. And that, is what she needs to take responsibility for.

 

.

[Mme. Chaucer]

A O, clearly you think that casual sexual relationships are "bad," and that's just fine. But your judgement does not equal absolute truth.

 

Though you don't come out and say it, it's thinly veiled that you think that the OP (and probably any woman) who has casual sex "deserves" to be treated badly by men.

[kaylan]

A O, clearly you think that casual sexual relationships are "bad," and that's just fine. But your judgement does not equal absolute truth.

 

Though you don't come out and say it, it's thinly veiled that you think that the OP (and probably any woman) who has casual sex "deserves" to be treated badly by men.

It would seem that way.

 

 

 

Dead beats thrive in relationships where there's poorly defined boundaries and inabilities to communicate one's needs. FWB's are tailor made for dead beats.

But you said before that dead beats exist because the women are dead beats. I told you plenty of women who had kids with dead beat dads arent dead beat moms themselves...so now you say this crap just said above?

 

Plenty of these mothers define boundaries and try to communicate with the dead beat dads...and the guys just dont try and do anything responsible. The women arent in control of the guys actions. Thats all on him.

 

Why do you think there are so many single parent families out there! Poor choices, poor communication, an inability to know and state their needs. This whole situation we are discussing here falls easily into these parameters and unless "both" parties understand their part in all this, then they are highly likely to repeat this scenario all over again.

Dude...as someone whos worked with kids from broken homes, I can tell you its not the picture you are trying to paint it. The reason poor choices and communication sometimes exist is because sometimes one side doesnt even wanna try and compromise or be a responsible parent.

 

Its all about free will and being a responsible adult. Ive had FWB arrangements and will prolly have more in the future. Doesnt mean Im going to be a dead beat dad because the relationship started that way. Wanna know why? because I have a sense of morale and responsibility.

 

Hell, Ive heard stories of people getting married, starting out great, and then one of the partners going jekyl and hyde and things falling apart. You cant communicate if one side doesnt wanna talk. And you cannot simply blame both sides for one sides inability to do so. Thats reality.

 

 

Their own actions include the type of relationship they entered into.

But as I said before, each is responsible for what they do. He was a jack ass during the pregnancy scare and deserves to be labeled as so.

 

 

And she choose to enter into a jack-arse relationship.

FWB is not a jackass type relationship. Women date guys exclusively for years who end up being jack asses and dead beats. And I just told you Im a stand up guys whos not a jack ass and I would enter into a FWB relationship.

 

Theres no way to know how someone will behave in a given situation until we see their attitudes and actions. People are variable. Ive seen guys go dead beat on their FWB kid, and Ive seen guys become great dads.

 

In the case of the guy OP hooked up with, he showed himself to be a jack ass. The arrangement had nothing to do with his inherent behavior. Hed have shown himself to be a jack ass later down the line.

 

 

It's not about just the sex. Again, you forget the nature of the relationship. And that, is what she needs to take responsibility for.

The situation is sex...so how is it not about the sex? Me thinks you are running yourself in circles.

 

OP is being held accountable for getting into a bad situation. But she CANNOT control his actions during the preggers scare. Thats on him. Hes accountable for those actions. Sure they both got into a FWB arrangement, but that doesnt mean he cant be criticized for acting like a child when an important issue arises.

 

Sure shes responsible for almost getting pregnant, and I didnt say she wasnt. But hes also responsible for almost getting her pregnant. So thats one part of the story. And then hes also responsible for being an immature douche in the aftermath. Thats another part of the story and his actions are solely up to him.

 

End of story.

Edited February 18, 2012 by kaylan

[A O]

A O, clearly you think that casual sexual relationships are "bad," and that's just fine. But your judgement does not equal absolute truth.

Mme, unless I say as much then rest assured I am simply stating my opinion. Otherwise, casual relationships are the poor cousin to whatever we wish to call a 'typical' relationship. That is the bad aspect of it.

 

Though you don't come out and say it, it's thinly veiled that you think that the OP (and probably any woman) who has casual sex "deserves" to be treated badly by men.

This has nothing to do with gender. It's all about circumstance - the nature of the relationship in question and how, in this case, that no one here should be surprised that such poor behavior has arisen given the nature of the relationship it arose from - an FWB.

 

If, we were talking about a 'typical' relationship, then my views and those of many here with similar views to myself would be different. But we're not, we are talking about what's transpired within the bounds of an FWB.

 

Thus, people need to understand the nature of FWB's and whether it is an ideal situation for them. From what I have noticed, those more inclined to know what they want, to set boundaries and communicate well within relationships are far less inclined to find themselves in an FWB than those not so well inclined. The OP, I notice, fits the (uncommunicative) bill. Hence, if she doesn't want this situation befalling her again, she needs to be, as I mentioned earlier - more proactive, more vocal in expressing her desires.

 

.

[A O]

But you said before that dead beats exist because the women are dead beats. I told you plenty of women who had kids with dead beat dads arent dead beat moms themselves...so now you say this crap just said above?

I said before that dead beat dads are 'often' the result of dead beat mums. Dead beats, in general, are largely so because of their inability to know and express their desires.

 

Plenty of these mothers define boundaries and try to communicate with the dead beat dads...and the guys just dont try and do anything responsible. The women arent in control of the guys actions. Thats all on him.

Boundary setting, communication, wants, desires, for many, this is in place before they enter into a relationship. For others, it comes much later, if at all. I believe that most deadbeats are the result of poor communication and near boundary-less relationships. And that is usually the result of two people and not just one.

 

Dude...as someone whos worked with kids from broken homes, I can tell you its not the picture you are trying to paint it. The reason poor choices and communication sometimes exist is because sometimes one side doesnt even wanna try and compromise or be a responsible parent.

I highly doubt this type of behavior would have happened in a vacuum. I'm sure there would have been other instances of similar behavior that was either went unnoticed or was not addressed at the time, for whatever reason.

 

Most kids in broken homes had parents from similar backgrounds. I think you understand that. Again, everything here falls back to communication or the lack thereof. Broken homes are notorious for poor communication between adults. Thus, this is passed on from one generation to the next.

 

Hell, Ive heard stories of people getting married, starting out great, and then one of the partners going jekyl and hyde and things falling apart. You cant communicate if one side doesnt wanna talk. And you cannot simply blame both sides for one sides inability to do so. Thats reality.

Absolutely. There are few guarantees in any type of relationship. But FWB's courtesy of their no-strings nature tend to suit those with lesser ability to communicate than those who can. But also, I have little sympathy for what happens within an FWB compared to other types of relationships.

 

But as I said before, each is responsible for what they do. He was a jack ass during the pregnancy scare and deserves to be labeled as so.

As mentioned before, I don't care what judgement you heap on him. He isn't here, we cannot reason with him. What matters is that she understands her part in all this (agreeing to an FWB) and how both the nature of that type of set-up and her own inability to communicate her desires has lead to this whole shebang transpiring. And unless she understands this and takes responsibility for her part in it all, then there is every likelihood that she'll repeat the same sorry situation all over again.

 

FWB is not a jackass type relationship. Women date guys exclusively for years who end up being jack asses and dead beats. And I just told you Im a stand up guys whos not a jack ass and I would enter into a FWB relationship.

Relative to a 'typical' relationship, a no-strings, no-commitment set-up is a jack-arse situation.

 

The situation is sex...so how is it not about the sex? Me thinks you are running yourself in circles.

The situation, what both need to take responsibility for, also includes the nature of the relationship. The situation is not just about sex.

 

Sure shes responsible for almost getting pregnant, and I didnt say she wasnt. But hes also responsible for almost getting her pregnant.

Again, its an FWB, a no-strings set-up of which neither party is responsible for anything. Again, what she is responsible for is getting herself involved in this type of relationship.

 

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