SilentSymphony Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 (edited) Hey everyone, I'm new to this forum. Great to meet you all. Anyway, onward to the subject of this thread... I'm currently a 23 year old male undergraduate in college. After this semester I should have only one more year left of college. Sadly though this is not a comforting thought to me. I feel like I haven't made real social progress in college. I feel I've completely missed out on the "college experience" in this respect and my life hasn't progressed to where I'd like it to be, despite my endless and intense efforts. When I see other people walking or hanging out with friends or having relationships I always feel very distant from it. There's a 1000 people around me every day yet I feel entirely alone. For the past 4-6 years or so I've been very determined to fix this and have put for tons of effort to do so. I have become quite comfortable with approaching and randomly meeting new people without a context and I've even been called "very outgoing" and "very confident", in contrast to the distinctly introverted opinions of me from my earlier years. However, despite my newfound outgoing capabilities I find that I am unable to get any kind of relationship and still feel just as isolated from everyone as I did before. So the difference now is that I can approach anyone with ease, but they never reciprocate any kinds of feelings for me. In many ways it actually hurts more than it did when I was more shy, because now I get a direct feeling of extreme frustration rather than the vague blissfully-ignorant hopes of a more shy person. I've even met ultra popular types of people who have been impressed by me being so able to sit down with any random person I've never met to chat, and yet none of it has given me ANY results. I still have no friends and no relationships and it's been that way my entire college life. I've tried everything... I force myself to meet a new woman like every other day by randomly approaching and sitting down to chat. These chats can often last upwards of several hours and we seem to get along fine. I've also tried online dating sites and speed dating. I sent out hundreds of thoughtful and interested messages on websites, with no results whatsoever. I've went like 5 or so large speed dating events with 30-100 people at each one, with no results whatsoever. I've literally in effect been rejected more than 500 times over the past years (not even exaggerating) and still I try and still achieve absolutely zero results. I've very open to different perspectives and when I'm around people I'm feel like a kid in a candy store and I want to explore all the perspectives different people have and wonder what their lives are like and want to have a woman in my life who I can experience and savor in all her little contrasts and quirks and outlook. Yet everyone seems so closed off. My best theory is that people must be biased against me for some reason I am unable to discern. It seems like everybody just goes through the motions of what they're expected to do to for socialization, but when push comes to shove nobody ever is willing to make a real connection with me. I don't get it. I'm so frustrated I feel like I'm going to explode. I've spent my entire life looking for a time when I will finally feel what other people feel, and be one of those happy people with friends and a relationship but it's never come. It's all very cruel. Logic would say that I should have got at least something by now unless something is wrong. So, I spend a lot of time wondering if something is wrong. I'm so in love with all the people in the world, but they seem so not in love with me. I love contrasts. I don't even feel the need to have common interests with someone to feel great affection for them. I love to just soak in all the contrasts and similarities and experience a person, but everyone seems so much more inclined to isolating themselves into closed groups. I really need a release. I would like a woman in my life to experience and enjoy her company. Why is something of such harmless intent so hard to find? I'm not even pushy or anything. I just really ache to get to know somebody. I want to feel a social connection and mutual care with someone. I want to know that someone else out there cares for me the same way I do for them. I'm on the verge of mental collapse and losing the ability to function. I really can't stand being alone for much longer. Can you help me? What is it that makes so many of you able to find relationships when throughout my entire life I've never got that mutual attention? Could you let me in on the insider's secret? Edited February 17, 2012 by SilentSymphony
Surrealist Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Dude you're more than half way there, you can already approach and chat. Just don't appear to needy, if you're having very long chats, the other person may feel obliged to continue so as not to be rude and brush you off, but when it is over they may feel a little overwhelmed to meet and chat again as it requires a lot of effort. Be a bit more sparing if someone is showing interest in interacting, in other words cut the convo off and say be happy to talk again sometime.
KathyM Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 There's something about you that is not interesting people. It's really hard to know what it is without ever seeing or meeting you. You seem like a nice guy that is doing all the right things to meet people. Do you have interests or hobbies you can talk about? Do you have things going for you that women would be interested in? (good sense of humor, charm, attractive appearance, good conversationalist, interesting communicator). If there is nothing that would interest people and you don't have much going for you, then you need to cultivate these things in you--cultivate a good sense of humor. Some may say that's not something you can learn, but I know at least one guy that taught himself to be humorous, and he now has a great sense of humor. Cultivate your attractiveness--make the most of your appearance. Cultivate more interests and hobbies--it will make you a more interesting person. Learn about a variety of topics and current events so you can hold an interesting conversation. If you have these things going for you already, and you still are not getting results, then I would suggest consulting with a dating coach or even a trusted friend who could be convinced to give you honest feedback. There must be something about you that is preventing people from having an interest.
El Brujo Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Just get rich. Then women will start pursuing YOU.
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