Orla Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 So, there's a lot to say about my love life, if we'd like to go back in history. But it comes to this: What do you think of a seemingly normal 27 year-old woman who hasn't had a serious boyfriend in over 4 years? Yeah, that's right. I've been single for over 4 years. I've had several long-term relationships with men (with very active sex lives!), the last of whom I deeply loved. I left him without a "fallback guy," because I wanted to concentrate on me and get my career and social life in order. I never thought it'd take this long to find another man. I had several small, very discreet flings with a few guys that were not boyfriend material, so I don't tell people about it. I have also been extremely busy until the past 2 months getting my life in order how I want it, since I threw it all away during the last serious relationship. So, what it comes down to is, people are so used to me being single now that it seems that they have given up hope for me for my dating life. They ask me and look at me with pity about my love life. They expect me to have things going on, and I want things going on...but it's been so long that I've had dating success that I feel dating disabled. In fact, they have started to view me as dating disabled. Some no longer ask me about my love life. My answer is always the same: Nothing's going on. I sound like a broken record. I keep getting viewed as boring by my friends for not dating, and they have even insinuated to me and said behind my back that I'm a lesbian, since I've been single for so long. I'm not! I'm straight! And very feminine, at that. It's just...I guess I feel that I'm "broken" or something, because I see these other girls get snatched up by wonderful guys. And I feel that my friends and acquaintances view me as "broken" for being single for so long, too. Honestly...what is your opinion on this? How do you view young women who've been single for a long time?
Jane2011 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 (edited) I understand how you feel because I've only been single for a year and nine months (with no less than five involvements in that time -- three of them downright ridiculous, the other two very good prospects, but things didn't work out), and I feel like it's been "forever" since I've had a boyfriend. I do worry that my friends are going to start pitying me or something. But I just make sure to stay active, go on a date here and there. Usually that's enough for friends to see that you're trying, etc. If it's any consolation, when I was in my 20s, I had a six-year sex drought (lost my virginity when I was 20, but didn't have sex between ages 22 and 27) and a 4-year boyfriend drought. Things started hoppin' for me again when I turned 28. Now I'm spoiled and feel like it's a travesty if I go four months without sex. Also, my older sister had her first boyfriend in her teens (age 17-19) and didn't have a serious boyfriend again until she was 28. Then she got married to that serious boyfriend and is living happily ever after. How often do you put yourself out in public? I'm horrible at staying alone for very long. It's very un-feminist of me, but I need a man! lol. I've not had to do anything drastic thus far in my life, but I seriously think if six or seven months passed and I had not met anybody since the last guy, I'd start some crazy flirting or something. But enough about me and back to you. I actually think your friends, if they really are "pitying you" and thinking you're "broken," are prematurely judging your situation. i know tons of people who were single for that long or longer and then got with someone. I was in a relationship for five years, and lots of my then boyfriend's and my friends were single and looking (for the entire five years that we were in a relationship.) Now some of them have boyfriends/girlfriends, and we (I and my then boyfriend) are now single. Just be sure to be proactive about meeting someone.... Edited February 17, 2012 by Jane2011
Surrealist Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 If anyone, and especially so called friends, looks down on you with pity because you're single, kindly piss them off out of your life. They're likely more miserable than you are, stuck in their soul sucking relationship anyway.
KathyM Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 So, there's a lot to say about my love life, if we'd like to go back in history. But it comes to this: What do you think of a seemingly normal 27 year-old woman who hasn't had a serious boyfriend in over 4 years? Yeah, that's right. I've been single for over 4 years. I've had several long-term relationships with men (with very active sex lives!), the last of whom I deeply loved. I left him without a "fallback guy," because I wanted to concentrate on me and get my career and social life in order. I never thought it'd take this long to find another man. I had several small, very discreet flings with a few guys that were not boyfriend material, so I don't tell people about it. I have also been extremely busy until the past 2 months getting my life in order how I want it, since I threw it all away during the last serious relationship. So, what it comes down to is, people are so used to me being single now that it seems that they have given up hope for me for my dating life. They ask me and look at me with pity about my love life. They expect me to have things going on, and I want things going on...but it's been so long that I've had dating success that I feel dating disabled. In fact, they have started to view me as dating disabled. Some no longer ask me about my love life. My answer is always the same: Nothing's going on. I sound like a broken record. I keep getting viewed as boring by my friends for not dating, and they have even insinuated to me and said behind my back that I'm a lesbian, since I've been single for so long. I'm not! I'm straight! And very feminine, at that. It's just...I guess I feel that I'm "broken" or something, because I see these other girls get snatched up by wonderful guys. And I feel that my friends and acquaintances view me as "broken" for being single for so long, too. Honestly...what is your opinion on this? How do you view young women who've been single for a long time? You can't really lump all single women together like that. Some single women are interested in establishing their careers, and dating is not a priority for them. Nothing wrong with that, and I don't believe people view it negatively. Some women don't feel like they need a man in their life to be happy and are not in any hurry or feel any pressure to be a couple with anyone. Some women are extremely selective and only will date when someone really special comes along. Some women are more homebody types and not into the dating scene, so they don't get around a lot. I know women who fall into all of these categories, and there is nothing negative about them. I don't view them anyhow negatively. People have their reasons for staying single. Of course, if you're going on with these people about how much you wish you had a guy, but have had no luck in finding one, naturally, they're going to start to feel sorry for you and think that there's something wrong or some reason why you can't seem to find a date. I would suggest you not make your lovelife a topic for discussion with these people.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Personally I'd rather a woman be single longer than shorter. Women who tend to be newly single or serial relationship people, seem to carry too much baggage from their prior relationship...and at least for myself I'm not interested in merely picking up where another guy left off or righting all of his wrongs. I think it takes a stronger, and wiser person to say single for longer. Even If it wasn't intended to be that way at least you weren't dragged along in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. I don't prefer being outside of relationships myself or alone, but I've tried my best, and it seems to be the period of time I grow as a person, whereas in a relationship everything becomes centered or revolved around that relationship...or at the very least It's a big distraction. So at least for myself I really see the value, as I'm more concerned about myself than those other things. I wouldn't worry about what your friends or other people say, this is about your life and happiness. If you're tired of being single then invest your time with someone who really wants to be with you and has the right qualities you're looking for... If you're not doing what most of everyone else is doing...then you're probably doing something right In my opinion. Half of these friends will be complaining and bickering about their relationships, and those with oh so seemingly perfect relationships and wonderful men may someday reveal something different...It's never easy and simple, so I wouldn't ever look at someones relationship that way...that's just naive.
Sugarkane Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I think I like that better than people who have never been single for longer than 5 minutes. Alot of people seem to jump straight from person to person, endlessly. Really tired of those people. I kind of have reservations about dating again. I tend to lose myself in a relationship. And everyone seems to be a serial dater these days.
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