johan Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I have a chemical imbalance. Doesn't matter how pretty I am. I could be a super model or a millionaire and I'd still have to deal with this horrible disease. My depression really has no root. Well when my boyfriend and I broke up I had a reason to feel down in the dumps, but every other time, I would just feel depressed. There would be no reason. That means it's a chemical imbalance. It's not something I can control unfortunately. I don't think OP has even discussed her depression with her boyfriend. From what I gather, he has no idea she feels the way she does and that she doesn't want to have sex with him. So if she explains it to him maybe he'll give her a few months to get her head back on straight. If in a few months she still feels the way she feels, and he can't handle it, then adiós!!!! It will be good for BOTH of them to break up. Also, they see each other once a month? What is the f-ing point? If I were her, I would dump HIM now and work on getting myself out of my slump. What are you talking about? I've seen your pictures. You're not depressed!
xxoo Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Talk to your bf. Let him know how bad it is for you right now. Let him know your concerns about the hotel room, and sex, before he gets here. He may surprise you. He may be grateful that you opened up, and be very reassuring. A man who really loves you will be more concerned about your health than immediate sex. But be open to letting his arms comfort you, and your body surprising you. His presence may be therapeutic for you, and you could find yourself deeply wanting to make love.
FitChick Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain. Big Pharma marketing. Google chemical imbalance myth and read the articles. 3
Cypress25 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I really don't like women who every time something bad in there life happens sex goes out the window. I'm sure they don't like it either, but they can't help it. Sometimes men lose their sex drive when they go through a period of stress too. Whether you're a man or a woman, your partner should be understanding. In the end if she wants to use being sad as some excuse to not have sex I don't agree with that kind of thing especialy when months have passed. The same way I couldn't be with a woman who doesn't believe in sex before mariage. I can't be with a woman who believes every time something bad happens you have to stop having sex. It's not an excuse to stop having sex. She wants to be in the mood for sex, but she can't force it. Her depression and grief are preventing her from enjoying anything. You make it sound like a choice, but it's not. And it's not something she believes in. This is how she feels, whether she likes it or not. You can't control your emotions. When you're depressed, it's not because you chose to become depressed or you believe in being depressed. You can't help it, and major depression affects every aspect of your life. Depressed people don't want to be depressed. They hate it, they're not using it as an excuse to stop doing things they used to enjoy. Why would anyone want an excuse for that? That's sort of the way I see it. If a guy is not having sex with me, he's just a friend. If I were a guy, and a girl was not having sex with me, she's just a friend. When you don't have sex with your partner, regardless of the reason, you're turning them into a friend instead of your boyfriend or girlfriend. You really think you can't be in a romantic relationship without sex? Then I guess people who are waiting for marriage are only friends with their fiancee, right up until the wedding night. And I guess people who wait several weeks/months/years to have sex with their SO are just friends that whole time. Even if they're engaging in every other physically intimate act together, they're just friends because there hasn't been any penis-in-vagina contact. That's ridiculous. Personally, I don't make out with my friends. I don't kiss my friends all over their body. I don't stimulate my friends' genitals manually or orally. I don't sleep naked with my friends. I don't shower with my friends. But if I do all that stuff with my boyfriend, we're still "just friends" because we haven't had sex yet. Does that sound crazy to you? It sounds crazy to me. Platonic friends don't have any physical intimacy with each other, beyond the occasional hug. You can have physical intimacy with your boyfriend/girlfriend, even if you're not having sex. I really feel bad for people who think sex is the only path to intimacy. I wouldn't want to date you if thats the way things are for you. I'd be your friend sure. Not your lover if you can't have sex. Thats not to put blame on any one. I'm just not in it to just take care of some one. I want a an equal and that include matching my level of pasion in the bedroom. Then you better not get married or have a long-term relationship. Because when a relationship lasts more than several years, chances are good that one or both partners will go through a period when they can't have sex. Whether you're sick or injured or depressed, you will temporarily be out of commission for sex. A healthy relationship can survive that, because it's not based on sex. It has a solid foundation of love, respect, and intimacy, so not having sex for awhile is not a big deal. If your wife was in a horrible car accident and couldn't have sex for 6 months because she was in the hospital recovering from surgery and then in physical therapy learning to walk again, would you divorce her? If your girlfriend of 5 years was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't have sex for a year while she went through several surgeries and rounds of chemo and was constantly sick, would you dump her? If so, how do you expect anyone to stick with you long-term when something happens to you to make sex temporarily impossible? 1
JazzyFox Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 To the OP: you are overthinking the situation. Perhaps because you are depressed, you are doing nothing but thinking and building your anxiety. You should do something. Bake a cake, go for a walk, something quick, effortless and tangible. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your SO without sex. Cuddle on the bed, tell him what is going on. Let go of the overthinking and just let your body tell you what to do. If you dont feel like doing anything, thats fine. Let him take care of you ... Making you tea, watching a dvd series, doing a puzzle, counting the cieling tiles. He just wants to be close to you, and "take you away" from your current environment. Of course he would probably like more, but if he is like most nice guys, he will be totally understanding and just happy to help. So, relax. Drop your expectations, your anxiety, and your guard. You have bigger things to deal with. Take one step forward and get off the couch. Do something.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain. Big Pharma marketing. Google chemical imbalance myth and read the articles. Claims that there is "no such thing" as a chemical / neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain are just as overboard as claiming that every difficulty can be resolved with a pill. Anyone who takes the time to google Chemical Imbalance Myth would be wise to also google for other sides to this argument. Do you refute the existence of serotonin and dopamine? How about insulin? Read and learn, FitChick, read and learn. Balance, people. It's not doing those who actually do have a chemical imbalance any favors to tell them it's not real. You are certainly free to believe all the pop psychology and simplistic political models you like, but you're off base to represent them as absolute fact and truth. 3
ShannonMI Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Claims that there is "no such thing" as a chemical / neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain are just as overboard as claiming that every difficulty can be resolved with a pill. Anyone who takes the time to google Chemical Imbalance Myth would be wise to also google for other sides to this argument. Do you refute the existence of serotonin and dopamine? How about insulin? Read and learn, FitChick, read and learn. Balance, people. It's not doing those who actually do have a chemical imbalance any favors to tell them it's not real. You are certainly free to believe all the pop psychology and simplistic political models you like, but you're off base to represent them as absolute fact and truth. Couldn't have said it better myself. There has to be some sort of chemical imbalance in a depressed person, otherwise anti-depressant drugs wouldn't be as effective as they are in treating the illness. I've been on anti-d's for many years and there have been times I've stopped taking them for whatever reason. Like if I can't get to the pharmacy right away or if I just forget to take them. If I stop taking them for a few days, I notice a definite difference in my mood. I'm irritable, more emotional and I just feel "off". If I didn't have some sort of imbalance, the drugs or lack of drugs wouldn't have the effect they have on me. Edited February 18, 2012 by ShannonMI
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