TaintedHeart Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 What is wrong with me? I keep wanting to email my ex, I know it wont do any good! It will make me feel worse and he will ignore them but I just can't stop! I'm actually feeling very angry with myself right now! How do you fight the urge?
Frank13 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I have felt the same. The way I fight the urge is by asking myself what it will accomplish. When I realize it will not accomplish anything, it helps to fight the urge.
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 What is wrong with me? I keep wanting to email my ex, I know it wont do any good! It will make me feel worse and he will ignore them but I just can't stop! I'm actually feeling very angry with myself right now! How do you fight the urge? What helped me was my dire need to hold on to my pride and dignity, which was far more important than giving into an urge that made me look weak, desperate and even more unattractive to someone that already didn't want me.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 What helped me was my dire need to hold on to my pride and dignity, which was far more important than giving into an urge that made me look weak, desperate and even more unattractive to someone that already didn't want me. I know, This should be enough! My head is f***ed
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I know, This should be enough! My head is f***ed You heart is f***ed. Reacting rather than thinking. Next time you want to send a text, step back, set a rule that you will not give into your urge for an hour. When you hit that hour, and still feel the urge, extend it to another hour. Keep going and keep lengthening your time frame as you get stronger. When you want to text, use that hour to talk yourself out of it, have a friend talk you out of it, post here, go run an errand and leave your phone at home, go for a walk and leave your phone at home, call your mother and have her lambast you, take a bath or do something nice for you, go workout and leave your phone at home, etc. You get the idea. By the time that hour is up, the urge would most likely have passed. You have to be proactive. There is no such thing as can't, you just won't. You choose to continue reacting, when you can choose to actively think about your actions. There are those that need to run themselves to the ground before they finally learn. You don't want to be that person. And, chasing is unattractive to a man. If anything, you are pushing him even further away. 1
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 You heart is f***ed. Reacting rather than thinking. Next time you want to send a text, step back, set a rule that you will not give into your urge for an hour. When you hit that hour, and still feel the urge, extend it to another hour. Keep going and keep lengthening your time frame as you get stronger. When you want to text, use that hour to talk yourself out of it, have a friend talk you out of it, post here, go run an errand and leave your phone at home, go for a walk and leave your phone at home, call your mother and have her lambast you, take a bath or do something nice for you, go workout and leave your phone at home, etc. You get the idea. By the time that hour is up, the urge would most likely have passed. You have to be proactive. There is no such thing as can't, you just won't. You choose to continue reacting, when you can choose to actively think about your actions. There are those that need to run themselves to the ground before they finally learn. You don't want to be that person. And, chasing is unattractive to a man. If anything, you are pushing him even further away. I will try what you suggested. As soon as I start thinking of our memories I want to email him! They get the better of me. To be honest I think I'm that person. I haven't been eating or sleeping which has affected my health big time. I feel like death warmed up.
lovelylashes Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 What is wrong with me? I keep wanting to email my ex, I know it wont do any good! It will make me feel worse and he will ignore them but I just can't stop! I'm actually feeling very angry with myself right now! How do you fight the urge? I can completely sympathise with you. I posted a thread about this a couple of days ago. I also have no will power. I text my ex even though I know he has moved on, I email him occasionally but the main problem I have is texting. I always think its a good idea at the time and once ive sent the text I beat myself up about it (not literally lol), even though i secretly hope that he will text me back and declare his undying love for me . This has been going on for 5 months. And after getting some great advice from this site I realised im wasting my time as if he was the slightest bit remorseful or wanted me back he would just text me. And its always me texting first, so even though it kills me to think he is going to forget me and meet someone else, me texting him is not going to change that. So your not alone in how you feel :)
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I will try what you suggested. As soon as I start thinking of our memories I want to email him! They get the better of me. To be honest I think I'm that person. I haven't been eating or sleeping which has affected my health big time. I feel like death warmed up. This is the guy that you were with for 5 months, who also manipulated you, pushed and pulled you and played head games. While there maybe good memories, there were also bad. When you start to romanticize, start to grasp what was ill treatment towards you.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 This is the guy that you were with for 5 months, who also manipulated you, pushed and pulled you and played head games. While there maybe good memories, there were also bad. When you start to romanticize, start to grasp what was ill treatment towards you. Believe me, I know I don't want to think about him or contact him which is why I'm angry with myself.
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Believe me, I know I don't want to think about him or contact him which is why I'm angry with myself. Then the next time you get the urge, step back and get mad. Read this thread and psyche yourself up. Reinforce why you'd rather keep your dignity than chase this man. My god, he most likely doesn't even respond. It's been a habit, you have to break it. You break it by doing the opposite of what you have always been doing, which was, reacting.
leannesagoodman Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 What I do, as much as it might not work for anyone else, is I keep a diary of things I want to say to my ex but can't. It's been going for just over a month ... and is 170 pages long ... oops. But I often want to spam her with things begging for her back or apologising for what I did but I know that it won't help. I sent her one final letter today and while I know it won't change anything, I've left it at that. If she wants to contact me then she will. But for now this diary serves as a place where I write to her all the time. Probably too often. In reality I hope she never sees it because I've written some awful things in there, but for now I find it does help out a bit.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 What I do, as much as it might not work for anyone else, is I keep a diary of things I want to say to my ex but can't. It's been going for just over a month ... and is 170 pages long ... oops. But I often want to spam her with things begging for her back or apologising for what I did but I know that it won't help. I sent her one final letter today and while I know it won't change anything, I've left it at that. If she wants to contact me then she will. But for now this diary serves as a place where I write to her all the time. Probably too often. In reality I hope she never sees it because I've written some awful things in there, but for now I find it does help out a bit. I'm glad that your diary is working for you. But my ex doesn't even deserve a diary!
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