Confused..alot Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Met the love of my life. But, she was married. She had been n a 14yr abusive marriage. We became close friends. Eventually falling in love. She has callwd me her soulmate, the love of her life, her knight n shining armour,the best thing thats evr happened to her besides her children. Things were really great n amazing for almost a yr. She did file for divorce n he moved out ovr 8months ago. Divorce is almost ovr. All she/we talkd n dreamed about was our life together post divorce. (her family n kids love me to death) but... Here n the last 3-4 months, shes pulled/pushed further away. Stating she jus wants to focus on the divorce, n gettin ovr it, n healing. That i need to b patient, that her feelings for me/us hvnt changed. Alot has happened, tension on both sides, hve led to us not talking/txtng for days, n this time ive bckd off n gave her space for ovr 2weeks. I txd her on valentines day, n earlier today, "good mrng... Hope u hve a great day" she responded "thanks, you too". I dont want to lose her, or drift further apart. But dont want her to feel pressured as well. What should i do? :-(
CaliBabe Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Just give her some space. Nothing worse than someone smothering you when all you want is a little space. Be positive and do your own thing, that will keep her desire to want to be around you.
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 She is doing the right thing by telling you she needs time to heal. You can't truly give yourself to another until you have taken the time to heal within yourself. I'd give her the space and go on about your life. If she comes back and is interested then good, if not then atleast you will have started living your life for you again.
coopster Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 She is doing the right thing by telling you she needs time to heal. You can't truly give yourself to another until you have taken the time to heal within yourself. I'd give her the space and go on about your life. If she comes back and is interested then good, if not then atleast you will have started living your life for you again. i`m not stalking you Philo! honest, you just get there before me But again great advice. She`s asked for time to heal...give it to her!! Divorce is not a nice thing to go through. She`s doing it her way, .. respect what she says.
Author Confused..alot Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 Thank u for all the great advice.... But, heres my dilemma. The last several days before this 2week no contact w/her, she was hateful n hurtful, like she was lashing out at me. Idk why? She was jus very confrontational. Unlike her. N she still stated her feelings hadnt changed. But they had to hve.? Bc she said also before this 2wk brk, that she didnt know what she wanted anymore. N that she jus wasnt herself , or rt n her head. That if she wants to date other ppl post divorce she will. She is very pretty, n on fb alot. N she admits to getting alot of offers for dates, but also says shes not at that place rt now. N tells me not to worry. But.. She is on her phone constantly... Txtng/msgng. She also said that she wasnt sure if what she felt for me was real or if she was jus at a vulnerable time n we were what each other needed at that time. Im supposed to b goin on a 13 week travel assignment (medical field job) 2morrow. So i told her id really like to see her n the kids before i left. Should i hve said that? Ugh... What to do??
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 She will go through a range of emotions if she allows herself to heal and not cling to someone. Don't take too much of her anger to heart as she is in a lot of pain right now and may be finally mourning the end of her marriage. She is very confused and needs to work through this.
Author Confused..alot Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 I see... So should i jus bck away totally? I dont want her to think ive left her in a time of need, bc shes said that before when i bckd off. Im n a tough situation. But shes worth it. I jus dont wanna mess things up. Or say n do the wrong things that i n so many men hve done in the past.
Author Confused..alot Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 Well... As i said im leaving 2morrow for a 13wk maybe longer travel assignment. I had txd my ex (if thats what she is) n said id really like to c her n the kids before i left. Hvnt actually seen her for almost a month, hvnt txd/spoke to her n ovr 2weeks. Besides a lil on valentines day. I had mentioned meeting her n kids at her moms wrk, which is the McDonalds house for family of patients stayin long term at our local hospital. After a few failed attempts to agree on a place, i assumed she really wasnt up for it. So i told her good bye n take care n stay n touch. When she got home she responded somewhat upset, n sayin she wanted to c me as did the kids, n began wrkn on a time n place. We met n it went very well. After wards on the way home she txd " it was good seein you! Please be careful on you trip" when i got home i replied ... " u cant make me believe it wasnt real, n that it was just a vulnerable time for u n i was jus what u needed at that moment. U heal, n get urself where u wanna b, ill b bck for u one day. I told u i was gonna marry u..... N i meant it. Good nte sleep well. Take care". She responded " good nte (my full name).... ". Which she would only use my full name when she was happy or xcited with me before. So....... Is that a good sign? Or am i jus grasping at some form of hope?? Thanx for any advice!!
Dark Phoenix Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Im very impressed with philo's posts, he's spot on but I am going to take it a step further and save you some time. For you, you need to focus on moving on. Giving her space and waiting for her is going to hurt you in the end. I see nothing but friendship from her responses to you and the entire situation in general.
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