bluewolf17 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I do daily affirmations (I know that sounds lame). I tell myself each day that I deserve to be someones priority, not second choice. I tell myself that if he wanted something more, he would make it clear. What keeps you with sending that "one last" text or message? You know..the one that gets ignored anyway.
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 At the start I needed it to gain my composure and force myself to re-learn who I was and what I wanted out of this world. Less than a month later I had no desire to contact her and still don't. We will chat regarding the court and the house, but after that is done I don't expect to hear from her anymore and I'm fine with that. When I went NC I used that time to learn about me and learn to live for myself. I was able to accept that things were the way they were and have found peace and happiness within myself. I guess the true motivation was self motivation. I wasn't doing so to get a reaction from my ex nor did I have any outside motives. I decided "I want to do this for me and I'm excited to see where it takes me". The rest is history.
CaliBabe Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 This is probably the wrong answer, but my pride.
Jono85 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 This is probably the wrong answer, but my pride. this. my pride was really the only thing that kept me from contacting her for 13 months now and running. she wanted us to still be friends while she was now back in love with her ex, not 2 months after she last professed her love for me. i was disgusted. i didn't want to fight for her, even though i truly felt I could win her back. she deceived me as well, and i couldn't try to be friendly when inside i was still very upset and disappointed in the things she did.
ScienceGal Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 The realization that the situation is out of my control and that this was his choice. I have absolutely nothing to gain by contacting him. But I'm referring to an unhealthy relationship with a man consumed by his own ego. What are you referring to?
CaliBabe Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 this. my pride was really the only thing that kept me from contacting her for 13 months now and running. she wanted us to still be friends while she was now back in love with her ex, not 2 months after she last professed her love for me. i was disgusted. i didn't want to fight for her, even though i truly felt I could win her back. she deceived me as well, and i couldn't try to be friendly when inside i was still very upset and disappointed in the things she did. Right, like all we really have left is our diginity. I'm sure most of you (like I) tried to plead and work things out only to find your partner didn't want to. And after all this healing and after I have built myself up with all this new found strength, my pride is really all I have left. So screw breaking NC and looking like a weak a$$!
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 A combination of pride and dignity. It's even easier for me when a guy has rejected me. The thought of breaking NC will make me cringe.
Glove_slap Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I've been NC for over a year with my first love. I wish I was as strong as you to be honest, at first I kept NC in hopes that'll make her come back to me but instead she got with a new guy a few weeks later. That phase lasted for a good 4-6 months. Eventually I decided to keep NC for my own sanity, it wasn't easy and even some days I reminiscence about that girl but its like a tiny little scar at this point, a distant memory that I won't even remember at times. Why I keep NC now? Well it's just become a part of my life, I can live WITHOUT her. Sure its not THAT great of a life but at least I can do whatever I want with whom ever I want. I can focus on myself and I think its helped me in a lot of ways that I had to discover on my own, for example financially I'm struggling through University and it only hit me recently that if I stayed with this girl I'd be going through hell right now with her excessive needs.
coltsfan1 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Agree with geegirl, except from a male pperspective. I do it because I have personal boundaries and standards, I will only spend time friendship or relationship wise with people of high value. People that lie, cheat, or just hurt others cause they can are low value people and have no place in my life.
redhighheels Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 It's been almost 2 years NC now. A few months after the break-up, I made a commitement to myself to never contact him again. It's all about pride and dignity..why would I contact someone who rejected me, despite my best efforts in the relationship? I'm my own woman, I'm better than this.
Author bluewolf17 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 I think it's semantics here. Pride can lead to mistakes and selfishness. But YES, my dignity and self respect. That's a huge reason to go NC. I remember breaking up with someone, who didn't "get it" and kept in contact trying to get me back. I felt sorry for him. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.
Jono85 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I don't necessarily agree with 'pride' as a reason to keep NC. I once lost a great man because of my pride. I pushed him away believing he would never change. Only for him to back up his words and turn his life around. He is now happily married to a girl I really like, with kids for years and I know for a fact he is a great husband. I was just 6-9 months too early. He even told me that. He tried everything to get me back when he was single, but my pride got in the way and I lost a chance of a great life with a great man. He waited two years for me before moving on. What is annoying I listened to friends/family and not my inner voice which was certain. Years later they all admitted their advice was wrong, but it was my fault for ignorning my gut instinct..We all make mistakes. That is why I post here to stop people making similar one's. Dignity, self respect, yes but I will NEVER let pride get in the way of me being happy in the future. Pride can lead to pigheadyness and stubborness and sometimes we miss something amazing, when it is literally right in our faces. You should never let pride get in the way of a potentially good thing. Yes having pride is really beneficial sometimes I know that, but sometimes it is not... you don't know how it would have ended up so it's futile to assume it would be all roses. secondly, you don't know that him and his wife are very happy, or that he has fully changed behind closed doors. very very rarely do ppls personalities change. u most likely did the right thing imo. although i say this without knowing any details of what he did to u etc.
Cmac Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Knowing that the last time I broke it it really set me back and I gained absolutely nothing from it, just made me feel like the breakup was fresh all over again.
JohnP82 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 There's not much to be said to a woman that fell in love with another guy while we were together. She's not worth me speaking to.
madball2289 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 With No Contact, I try to take the whole "they don't give a ****, so why should I?" approach.
Melrapuo Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 A few things motivate me. A. My past. After my first break up i begged and pleaded for my ex back. For months i was miserable as every text and phone call proved fruitless, and i was eventually only strung along. Making sure i didnt repeat that with my latest break up is a definite. B. The realization that they are just people. They arent some evil beings who broke my heart. She felt it was over, and ultimately i just want us both to be happy. If that means being apart, then so be it. C. She dumped me. Its up to her to decide whether or not she made a mistake. Nothing i say or do will change that. She has texted me once, about nonsense that i didnt respond to (question about getting stuff back even though i had already gotten back all i needed.) Since then shes blocked me on fb. Actions speak louder than words.
KS11 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Its taken me ages to get to the stage where im ok with not messaging, but i think what did it for me was that crushing feeling you get everytime you try and reach out in the hope it might change something. Only to hear either something you dont want to, or nothing at all. I think you hit a stage where enough is enough, and you can't deal with opening up the wound again. I think what really helps, and although it is not always possible in a lot of situations, but to try and leave the relationship, at least from your perspective, as civil as possible. Knowing not only that you did all you could, but that you have nothing to be sorry for. At least in my experience, i've found that once i accepted that, there was nothing more that i could do. Does this make it easy? Hell no. Do i still want to break NC? Of course. But I can say that with time, its slowly becoming manageable to some degree. Thats not say i don't expect to have some more very hard days to come!
lovelylashes Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Im still trying to find my motivation . I would love to say my pride, dignity and self respect but its a little to late for that. But Im determined to keep no contact as deep down I know I deserve so much better than to be ignored and made to feel like im second best. And I also think by me texting him im inflating his already huge ego.
shayla Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 My current bf contacted my ex to confront him about an email he sent me. It was a virus and was sent to me days after my father died. He called him, told him to remove me from his list immediately and to never contact me again. I could not have said it better myself. And it came from the best possible person. I no longer have any need to say a word to him.
ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 The fact that I want to move on and be with someone who deserves all I have to offer.
Hafer Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Breaking NC means instant reset of your healing process, you cannot allow yourself to do that. It`s really hard sometimes, but you must respect yourself and have some dignity 1
Author bluewolf17 Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 Erg. Haven't been NC for long..but my ex called me at work basically to chit chat. He mentioned what time he got off at work on Friday and what I would be up to? I told him I have class early Saturdays so no. I so want him to really say how much he missed me and cared for me..but that wasn't it at all. It just got my hopes up. That's why I am back to NC. He texted later that day and I didn't respond. Crazy town.
Dragonsden Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 Realization that the person you are obsessing over is not good for you in the short or long run so what is the point.
ThatDudeXO Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I do it because I get hurt when I contact her. She doesn't feel the same. Whenever I contact her she either ignores or gives me the cold shoulder, I know I hurt her too so I'm just going to give her time, hopefully for her to realise what she's missing but I'm not holding on to that hope because I can do so much better.
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